As a kid growing up, I was taught how to hate everything about myself. My skin color. My smile. My accomplishments. All from someone I called mother. I am overweight and I am not comfortable in my body or having anyone see it. For my weight and for my scars that were caused from self harm. I am 27 and have only been with 2 partners sexually. My current partner is beyond amazing and is so patient with me. I feel like I am not enough for her because I am scared to let her see all of me. We are long distance and I don't even like sending nude photos. I am so uncomfortable with my body that when we have sex I am always in my head. Idk how to be confident in something I was taught to hate. Something I was taught to hide. How do you learn how to love yourself when the person who birthed you is giving you all the tools not to? I fear of being rejected because of the way I look. Inside and out. It's different when someone tells you you're beautiful, but how do you believe it when you've been hearing how ugly you are for so long?

asked 11 Oct '21, 14:19

cancer1206's gravatar image



Try learning to appreciate yourself. Liking yourself may be an easier way to start.

If you are looking for a mantra when feeling down, you are loved is very soothing - comforting. Keep repeating it. It's true :))

(12 Oct '21, 21:50) ele

Check out the tags marked self-love and read the answers.

Being timid in regards to sending nude photos is a good thing. Don't do that.

(13 Oct '21, 13:29) ele

Don't forget to check out the answers with the tag you chose also; self cofidence.

The fastest way I know to build confidence is to work out, both aerobic and anaerobic exercise.

Lift weights or use bands. It will change the way you carry yourself. It changes your posture, builds muscles & self-esteem. You will feel stronger in just a few weeks. Incorporate some cardio and you will lose both inches and pounds. Exercise is addictive because it makes you feel better. Give it a shot :)

(13 Oct '21, 18:00) ele

You should check out Brene Brown. She is a shame researcher.

My body is not an apology may be helpful also.

(03 Dec '22, 21:03) ele

To @cancer1206.

I have produced a podcast on this topic. Would you like to hear it? Nikulasz

(20 Dec '22, 22:48) Nikulas
showing 0 of 5 show 5 more comments

hi, you can start with: can start by forgiving your mother, with compassion (she must have learned it some place...)

2.listen to YOU\YOU ARE affirmations of self love (in apposed to I AM affirmations) and you can imagine that an mother angel or your real mother from the sky is speaking.

  1. exercise, eat healthy, do things to take care of yourself. commit to yourself before anyone else

4.get knowledge about mirrors, they are just reflections of what inside. feel bad - mirror show you ugly. feel good - you look hot. so just avoid as mush as you can interactions with mirror until you feel better.

  1. do things you love.

  2. if you fear of being rejected it just means you've rejected yourself for long period of time. so commit to yourself as i was saying and the fear will die out.

  3. say 1 thousand times a day to yourself - "i am enough. i am more than enough". im sure you look beautiful. much love


answered 11 Oct '21, 15:55

myself's gravatar image


"compassion" ... did you mean to say self-compassion ?

"she must have learned it someplace" ? and by that you mean?

It is said children come into this life knowing exactly what they want.

Thank you

(09 Dec '21, 13:11) ele

compassion - i meant compassion, but you can sertainly add to that sel-compassion. and i also explained that the easy way to forgive is to understand the level of consciousness of the mother, meaning that she has learned it from her parents and they learned it from their parents and so on...the blame cycle never ends.

(17 Dec '21, 11:26) myself

but once you understand that its just a consciousness level and there's nothing you can or could do about it you can let go and forgive and understand (with being compassionate ) the story better, and therefore being compassionate with yourself without judging or victimize yourself, and easier to move to the next level.

(17 Dec '21, 11:26) myself

maybe children do know what they want but it also said that the forget it.

(17 Dec '21, 11:34) myself

"learned it .. generations"

Unless @cancer1206 is one of your alter acounts, you can't possibly know that.

After reading her new question where she blamed both her ex's, I think the answer I gave you to your last question could be helpful but she can't hear us. Additionally she can't take responsibility either. Always someone else's fault and just another excuse to continuing the abuse . Reminds me of another member here.

(17 Dec '21, 21:52) ele

Yes her mother acted unconsciously. I doubt if anything was premeditated.

The thing I've noticed with many ppl like her who remain victims is how they can't recall even one good thing about the abusive parent.

(17 Dec '21, 22:00) ele

By responsibility, I also mean creating her own reality. In fact, that is first and foremost.

What you give your attention to expands, right?

(17 Dec '21, 23:15) ele

"Unless @cancer1206 is one of your alter acounts, you can't possibly know that" what????????? beacuse cancer is the smartest person in this univers??? omg... that is so funny...cant 2 people have the same thought? energy moves.... also, what i said is a known thing in the law of attraction teachings. i didnt made it up. nothing is new here.omg..i didnt expect that. yeah..

(18 Dec '21, 10:21) myself

I think @cancer is highly intelligent.

(18 Dec '21, 21:14) ele

Our thoughts create our realties. She left her mom's house years ago. As for childhood abuse, I would never say any child created it.

(19 Dec '21, 14:08) ele

While abuse is often repeated, it does not mean it can't be created via events or circumstances.

(19 Dec '21, 14:10) ele

Your last question - you mentioned how you tried compassion w/your family. You also mentioned shame. Childhood abuse does create shame but you are no longer a child. You are the thinker of your thoughts. Is it possible you are not interpreting their reactions correctly? Are they skewed with your fears?

(19 Dec '21, 14:34) ele

I'm sure you know there is a difference between sympathy, pity and true compassion or empathy. Cancer needs to feel self compassion for herself FIRST. Right now she is still having a pity-party. Pity is not empowering.

(19 Dec '21, 14:41) ele
  1. i never said cancer wasn't smart.
  2. that's right, an environment in which the child grows up shapes him. then the child grows...(which reinforce the forgetfulness of the child that knows exactly what he wants). cancer chose to mention her mother. not anybody else. thats her memory.
(19 Dec '21, 15:14) myself
  1. i dont think 2 questions should be on the same post, but i will answer: i read my post again an honestly i remember i felt that but i dont remember why or the subject i wrote about when i did. i did so much work on myself since then....that is why i dont reply there...
(19 Dec '21, 15:14) myself

so actually it is very true to say that "im the thinker of my thoughts", but it took me time to move from the logic knowledge to the practical in a full way. but when i did it was in a split second, and since then i just dont care or even deal anymore with those emotions. i listen to ekhart tolle, and in one of his videos i finally understood the difference between me and my ego, and since that single video my life has changed.

(19 Dec '21, 15:14) myself

so yes, you can go with compassion, but it really depends on your energy levels. if it is low, like mine was, it will cause you to feel being used, but with higher levels you will feel amazing anyways. so it really depends. answering in this platform without knowing the person and getting a respond is not the best help, but i can say that the best practice is to learn how to be in the moment.

(19 Dec '21, 15:14) myself

but there is a gap between advising and being that. i dont know cancer enough to know if she's having a pity-party, i mean...she feels what she feels..and that is serving her for now, and she will find her way out if she want to.

(19 Dec '21, 15:15) myself

soon i will get a new video on my new youtube channel exactly about that, maybe tomorrow. here is a link:

(19 Dec '21, 15:16) myself

and i will of course appreciate any subscription ;)

(19 Dec '21, 15:24) myself

I wasn't thinking pity party till I read her 3rd question. As for " serving her now " ... she sounds like she is in a lot of pain. This question is a good example of someone wanting to feel better as mentioned by boo. Perhaps she is only venting but I thought she was genuinely asking for help at first. Now I'm not so sure.

She is 27, I don't see how feeling miserable is serving her. Care to explain?

(07 Feb '22, 17:30) ele
showing 2 of 21 show 19 more comments


I am assuming you are a male. If I am wrong correct me.

There is a reference I can link you of a man who is super attractive to me, despite that I am a straight man. Attractive or, magnetising.

He is so to speak, 'conventionally not handsome.' I find him to be one of the coolest dudes ever.

We got Tom Cruise, who, I have never found to be remotely attractive.

.....The more you learn of yourself, the faster you will see you are actually more handsome than you think.

I will await a few days to see if I am allowed to post a video going into detail. I have gotten into Tiktok recently and I find the speaking and visual format useful. I love writing, but in this phase of life I am on the bias for audio.....Whatever....

I give one idea.

When you wake up. Go into mirror. Stand up straight, and say, "I am here. I am alive. I am the man. Let's go."

Existence doesn't make mistakes (Bashar and Osho).

Go and be you. Go and do you. You are here, let's rumble.

God bless. Narizrovye. Nikulasz x


answered 11 Dec '22, 01:32

Nikulas's gravatar image


This answer will only help if you fully accept the idea of reincarnation.

The following is a quoted response by psychic medium and reiki master Bonnie Page when asked if she believed in reincarnation:

 We reincarnate many times. Our soul keeps returning to learn many lessons that we ourselves and our team of guides have chosen for us. When a soul decides it is ready to return to the earth plain, it meets with these guides, some of whom have been with them for many lifetimes and some new guides as well. The other group is a council of our elders or master teachers, who help with the process of achieving what our new lessons will be in this earthly time, and how to assist the soul with its return to the earth plain.

We go through the process of looking where our soul could grow and the experiences necessary for our soul’s growth. Your soul wants to experience many different scenarios with families, economic conditions from poor to rich or vice versa, social status, spiritual and individuals’ beliefs. You go through many lifetimes in the hope of spiritual and soul growth.

Your soul’s evolution is looked at, and the planning starts. Figuring out the needs for growth, your guides, teachers and you will look at many scenarios and choose the one that will fit you best. It’s like watching many movies and choosing the one you want to be in.

It’s hard to imagine that we choose the life we are currently in, but that’s the way it works. You chose your parents, siblings, and the circumstances that create your world now. If you look at each adventure or mishap that has happened in your life, you can take on a new outlook. Ask yourself how you can handle each situation, knowing there is a lesson to be learned and you did indeed choose to learn it.

[Wether you want to believe it or not] you choose your body, including what type of body – male or female, handicapped, gorgeous, not-soattractive? All with lessons to learn.

Imagine being a model or actress who is judged by appearance, constantly having to submit to this judgment of onlookers. Maybe the lessons they came with include finding the beauty within themselves and not to be burdened with what others think or say about them.

Imagine wanting to be born with a disability so that you might teach others compassion.

When it’s time to reincarnate is totally up to you. You might wait until your soul family is ready to reincarnate with you. Your soul family can include your parents, siblings, co-workers, family and friends. I know my husband and myself have been together in many lifetimes and in many different scenarios, even one time as my red-headed brother. After my father passed last year, I kept asking the question of why this is the hardest experience I have gone through. My dad was my dad, but we had such an understanding of each other that there was not one moment of unrest with us. Never was I once mad at my father for anything. Hard to believe but we had an all-knowing with each other that never ended. After his passing, I started to ask questions to spirit, and received the answer that we had been through many lifetimes together and would be again. I was certainly here this time to show him the meaning of unconditional love as he was for me.

When we reincarnate, we forget all the other lives we have lived and what lessons we choose for this lifetime, but that’s only so we can have a fresh start this time around and experience all the joy and sorrows that we may encounter for the purpose of our soul’s growth.

Enjoy life and find the joy that is ours. Let go of hurts, anger slowly, and laugh a lot. Earth is just our schoolroom, not where we will live forever.

That pretty much sums it up. Only you can figure out why you chose this life and the body that came with it. All of your past experiences have molded you into the person you are right here right now. If you truly want to love your self, you must begin by accepting yourself as you are. Letting go of the past will go a long way in helping you to that.

For more in depth information about life between lives:

And/or any other books by Micheal Newton


answered 14 Dec '22, 20:06

i4cim2b's gravatar image


edited 14 Dec '22, 20:09

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