I was wondering if anyone could even go half way to explaining this?! Among the people I work with there are two people in particular who have made me question what it is that atracts you to people? There is a supposed very attractive man, he is around my age, single and seems to be an absolute magnet for girls! The other is 10 yrs younger, and although a very nice guy, seems to have no life experience and I have little in common with him, infact I hardly noticed him next to me for the first few weeks. All of a sudden one day, when the younger guy stood next to me, I started to behave strangely, I became so drawn to him and could not even stand in the same room as him without wanting to hug him or touch him, and I find myself staring at his hair or his face. Someone has commented on how he refuses to tell me off, and what did I have? Perhaps he can feel my awkwardness? The older man has tried a bit of flirting with me but some reason, I feel completely blank next to him. I have even been accused of being so into myself because no understands how I could NOT be into him! Please believe me when I say this is not just a case of wanting what I shouldnt have. I feel quite embarassed about it, and wouldnt dream of doing anything about it but what is it? (And can anyone tell me how to dampen it as we are having a works nite out and im not sure I can behave normally ha ha.) xx

asked 06 Jan '11, 22:35

Mile3%201's gravatar image

Mile3 1

For me first it is physical attraction then for it to go any further (long term) it's all about the vibe. Sometimes I ignore the not great vibe and stick with the looks ...then get burned ha ha.

I never wanted to get married so I have a lot of experience with this. Woo Hoo.



answered 07 Jan '11, 00:25

jim%2010's gravatar image

jim 10

amusing! But seriously, it cant be a physical attraction as he has long hair, and usually i hate long hair on men!

(07 Jan '11, 20:20) Mile3 1

Lust is not love. Infatuation is not love.

So be careful of what you wish for.

It may not be love. It may not be lust. It may not be infatuation. But, it may very well be a downer.

So be careful Now!


answered 07 Jan '11, 02:59

Inactive%20User's gravatar image

Inactive User ♦♦

Well Miles3, Back2Basics gives a very good answer for normal female to male attraction. But for some reason this does not seem normal to me. Men that radiate charisma, power, sexual appeal, not necessarily handsomeness, but body communication, total complete confidence in themselves and their capabilities are some how able to send all of this to every and anyone who sees or pays attention to them. So, it seems you would have felt this at the beginning if this is what this is all about not several weeks later.

I think you are old enough to know about your self if it was just lust you would know this your self and you would understand this but you don't seem to know this nor understand what is going on at all. So it seems like something else is at play.

First of all you said you were around him for several weeks and there was absolutely nothing than all of a certain there was something there and it was so powerful that you did not trust your self to be in the same room with him for wanting to touch or hug him.

Don't that in it self just seem a little odd to you especially when he is not coming up to you with his come on lines and body language. I have heard of a few people having the power, mental power I guess, to bend you to their will. I have also heard of people being able to manipulate your energies to have you to forcible against your will to like them without you wanting to.

It sounds like you might need to put up a psychic shield at least for the time being until you fully understand what is really going on. Plus I would stay as much as possible away from this person until you better understand your self and what is really happening. You also need to put up a mental block so if he is also entering your mind to stop the invasion of your privacy and him laying some lusted thoughts within your mind so you are thinking and feeling them as though you were the one thinking them instead of it being planted in there by maybe him. This is just hypothetical of what could be going on. I honestly don't know but it does sound very odd to me.

Does he seem to like you at all and trying to get your attention? Does he even know that you exist, does he stare at you and try to hold your eye contact or he just go around handling his business?

There are a lot of wonderful ideas on this site one of them will be able to help you resolve this issue I hope.


answered 07 Jan '11, 06:03

flowingwater's gravatar image


very good answer flowingwater! thank you.

(07 Jan '11, 08:50) daniele

Thank you for taking the time to explain your ideas, ive taken a few things on board to see happens in the next couple of weeks.

(07 Jan '11, 20:26) Mile3 1

I just finished watching this movie and it feels it may have something to do with this http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1179794/


answered 06 Jan '11, 22:41

wildlife's gravatar image


Notice animals or dogs. Right away one is dominant and one submissive, the are going to get along right away or not. This usually has little to do with size and other obvious factors. It's about the energy that one puts out. My wife and I say that rocks in my head fit the wholes in hers or vice versa. Also I believe there is a certain amount of mind reading that goes at a subliminal level. As far a containing yourself, I can't say. I would be somewhat careful about getting involved with a fellow worker. Usually someone has to leave, that may be part of the plan if it's worth it. Again be careful.


answered 06 Jan '11, 23:24

Tom's gravatar image


very good point, it is not worth dating a co-worker, if something goes wrong then you will dread going to work everyday in an uncomfortable work environment, I have been there, NOT worth it!

(06 Jan '11, 23:32) Back2Basics

he is leaving to work at another branch vey shortly. I can honestly say I cant wait, in the nicest way!

(07 Jan '11, 20:21) Mile3 1

GOOD FOR YOU.........

(07 Jan '11, 20:30) Tom
showing 2 of 3 show 1 more comments

I have actually studied attraction in females for years! I do not have a enough details to address your exact situation but here are some things you may find helpful.

One thing to know is the difference between someone being attractive and someone who creates attraction in you.

Attraction has to do with the way he makes you feel and the chain of thoughts, emotions and chemicals that you create based on his attraction level.

This is why many times "nice" guys are over looked. They don't have that element of mystery or slight danger. Many times women will stay in abusive relationships with bad boys, just for this reason. Hence, why bad boys usually get more girls. Now I know nothing about how this guy you like is or how you perceive him but he must have something that pushes your "I like him button".

Going for the sensible thing is not the most fun in the now, although it could be regretted in the future if passes over.

So the man who is very handsome with lots of experience man be dull to you, presents a lack of excitement and may even be a nice guy!

There is a lot more to it but I have seen similar situations over and over and over...etc.

Attraction is what females are actually geared closer to where men are geared closer to attractiveness, looks - genetically.

You may also want something he has or that is a part of him, for yourself. I have seen that one many times too.

Just remember, you probably do not know as much as you think, about either person. Get to know both of them on a much deeper level, then see where it goes.

Also, it is important to know exactly what you are looking for. A fling, long term relationship, friend, kids, etc.


answered 06 Jan '11, 23:31

Back2Basics's gravatar image


@Back2Basics, very insightful. So that's the whole bad boy thing it isn't attraction it's that it creates attraction in some. WOW! Also, funny while I'm not trying to figure you out, I can tell I really don't know you to well.

(06 Jan '11, 23:58) Tom

haha yeah, learned many things I never wanted to!

(07 Jan '11, 00:59) Back2Basics
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