It's frustrating when accused of being a "B" word because I am focused on what I want & refuse to settle for anything less than my focus.

Periodically am accused of this in dating & professional life.

asked 19 Dec '10, 04:53

figure8shape's gravatar image


edited 11 Jan '11, 06:56

Barry%20Allen's gravatar image

Barry Allen ♦♦

Surround yourself at work and socially with people who would never say such a thing.


answered 19 Dec '10, 05:25

LeeAnn%201's gravatar image

LeeAnn 1

Are you being called that to your face or do you assume you are being called that?

It depends on what you mean by you refuse to settle for anything less? Taking it to the extreme does this mean, for instance, if you wanted a relationship with a man who was already in a relationship that you would intentionally focus and act on ending the existing relationship to get the man you want? Does it mean that in order to get the job promotion you have set your mind on, that you would be willing to backstab or stand over the next person in line to get it?

I am not making a judgement call if this attitude is right or wrong because I do not believe there is right or wrong outside of our perspective. Even at the conscious creation level this attitude cannot be judged as wrong unless you say it is. Nor am I saying that this is what you do, but rather this is potentially what you could do - since you "refuse to settle for anything less" it has to be within your possibilities.

My next question is this: If say you were in a relationship with someone you really loved and cared for and things were going well, and along comes another woman who has set her eyes on the man you are with and intentionally acts and thinks in such a way that she "takes him away from you" such that you are devastated by the break-up. Would you call her a b*tch or say good on her, the best man(woman) won?

Everyone is your mirror. The answer to why other's are calling you that means either that part of YOU believes you are OR that that is what you would call someone if they did to you, what you do to get what you want i.e. settles for nothing less.

I believe the easiest way to get OVER this name-calling and resistance is to include the most wonderful version of the golden rule in your intentions that "what I want for myself, I want for everyone else". So it would look something like this "I refuse to settle for anything less and what I want for myself, I want for everybody else".

Remember, that at the energetic level we are all ONE, so what you are willing to do to ANOTHER to achieve your relationship and professional goals, you are really doing to YOURSELF.

You can read more about relationships and everyone being your mirror in the linked article. Although it is about initmate relationships it can be applied to anyone.

Everyone is Your Mirror - The Greatest Relationship Secret

One last thing, I have not intended to offend you with this response in any way. Your original question was very open so I have taken it to the extreme of what your question suggests. It would be good to hear an example of why or when you have been called a b*tch. Of course, it may be that you are being called a b*tch for far "milder" actions but still it is your mirror.

Author of Mind Your Reality


answered 19 Dec '10, 10:42

Tania%20K's gravatar image

Tania K

edited 19 Dec '10, 14:00

Men have called me this because I am not interested in them or because I am focused on getting things done @ work & not playing around. I see myself as a loving & caring person & don't understand how I attract such words to myself when I am loving & appreciating myself. The answers lie within, just wanted some feedback...

(19 Dec '10, 14:36) figure8shape

Thanks for comment & the link, headed there now.

(19 Dec '10, 14:37) figure8shape

Yeah, tell us more, give example. We don't really know you there is no info on your profile.

(19 Dec '10, 14:40) Tom

Thanks for responding figure8shape. You are very right that the answers lie within and my original response appears to be off the mark then. Out of interest, does it bother you if a man wants to play and can't understand you wanting to work? Or put another way, does it perhaps annoy you when others do not want to do what you want to do? Just throwing it in there given your answer.

(19 Dec '10, 15:10) Tania K

To be specific: Last night, while ending a date with someone I've been seeing for 4 months, he said I was a b*tch because I want & expect too much from the relationship. I've treated him with respect. He's (very) intimidated by my level of ambition & comments that he's waiting for me to make a million right away. I recognize & understand that I attracted him & the situation into my life. Thinking through things & exactly "how" I attracted someone who feels this way about me (yet apologizes)--especially when feeling good (mostly) about myself & life & general. It just jarred me a bit.

(20 Dec '10, 01:19) figure8shape

I'd rather move on & be open to meeting someone new in the new year. Going to do a Focus Block around this.

(20 Dec '10, 01:20) figure8shape
showing 2 of 6 show 4 more comments

Some men do not like powerful women. Women can be very jealous of each other.


answered 19 Dec '10, 17:21

Tom's gravatar image


Depends on why they are calling you that. I know exactly whom I am and words do not affect me. I could care less because I know whom I am and what I want to do. But and this is an important But, that what the Bosses says is Important and that is whom we work for. If the boss is calling you that word then you have a problem, and maybe not directly but something has to change. The truth is harsh but the Politics of the truth is harsher. I know some people are Full of their own selves and would not know the Truth if it ran them over, and some of those people get ahead fast and wind up as bosses. So what I learned is you have to become a good actor and change the Narrative of the Topic. Soon the words that they have used in the past will change in accordance to how well you play the part the script calls for. Fake it until you make It.


answered 19 Dec '10, 22:27

deonclintmoore's gravatar image


Words generally don't hurt me either, I cared about this person & it came from left field. Professionally I like to get things done & done right. I am personable however in a work-related way, I don't discuss my personal life @ work & have been seen as being a "B" or being/acting better than my co-workers (from co-workers). No longer in that type of professional environment, but when he said that last night I correlated the separate instances.

(20 Dec '10, 01:24) figure8shape

Powerful reminder I came across: "Everything in your experience begins with you, not someone else." - Tom Johnson

(20 Dec '10, 03:59) figure8shape

Tom Johnson? I said that first in my reply?! haha

(21 Dec '10, 23:56) Back2Basics
showing 2 of 3 show 1 more comments

It doesn't matter what others think at all. What matters is what you think about others and how you feel at the moment. You cannot control the behavior or opinion of others but you can control your way of thinking. You can say to yourself "some people have a different perspective and they only can see things through their own beliefs", "It is their lack of love and it is their responsibility to feel good in their awareness", "they can do better than that", "in time they will find their own peaceful place where they don't accuse/blame others", "I can look in a different way at people and feel good". Whatever you are doing you do what you think and believe is right and what you think it will make you happy. Can you tell actually how many there are who appreciate you? Probably much much more than who don't. You can control your frustration by improving your thoughts and thereby your emotions by focusing on better feeling thought patterns. There is no right or wrong. Just leave the need to be right behind. It won't make you happy ever (even if you are right). Focus on your happiness. Think of yourself as you are all powerful and invincible. No one can harm you ever. How would you respond now to others opinion? If you can't feel good by looking at people who blame you, try to oversee them, cause if you blame them you are in no different vibration than theirs "accusing someone for being responsible the way they feel" (move up the emotional scale as described in "Ask and it is given" (Esther & Jerry Hicks).

And in no time you will only see and attract those who see value in others. You will see things more clearly and most of all, you will see the real value in yourself.

Have great time and let it go!


answered 11 Jan '11, 10:07

Bubu's gravatar image


OK, something is off within yourself if independent people in different circles are telling you the same thing.

I have been accused of the same exact thing. Looking back it was me that was the issue, not the other people (of course there are exceptions but they are not the majority.) We all can work on not being vain, judgmental, etc. in a day when most people believe they will be loved proportional to how they look.

However, if your focus is for the greater good, is healthy, helpful to yourself and those around you, or any other positive intention, then I think you are OK and need to keep going. (I have experienced this too, where people are just hating for no reason.)

Anyways, sounds like a good opportunity to make yourself better either way. Win Win.


answered 20 Dec '10, 16:47

Back2Basics's gravatar image


I used to often hear "When I first met you I thought you were a complete jerk". What?! Me?! I had no idea the impression I was putting off for I know that I am a warm and kind loving person. As it turned out they were all right. My ego always put up a stick in the mud, know better jerk as a defense when I met people. Then after knowing them I (soul) put down the ego and the "real" me come out.

You can NEVER EVER see yourself as others see you. EVER.

(20 Dec '10, 17:01) jim 10

yup i still do it too but working on it.

(20 Dec '10, 19:05) Back2Basics

Thanks for the constructive feedback.

(20 Dec '10, 22:47) figure8shape
showing 2 of 3 show 1 more comments

Hello Figure 8 Shape:

I know you personally and I would say you were the best woman I have ever met. You taught me more about myself than any circumstance or person has done. I meshed up, I wish I could replay that moment and change it. But life is such as that, we learn and we move on. I have not nor will I ever consider you as a "B" if I use the "B" word, it would be the "Best Ever." I hope one day we can reunite because you made me better. I worked harder and played harder because of you. All I can say is "Thank You!!" I miss you dearly. Since meeting you, no one can compare nor has anyone been more interesting. You are a genius!!


Cool Nerd


answered 11 Jan '11, 06:49

Cool%20Nerd's gravatar image

Cool Nerd

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