i.e. - someone thinks I am super nice......now I feel so much pressure to always be that or at least around that person. Why is it so hard to break out of this mind set? Its like I so badly don't want to disappoint them? Is this fear? Insecurity? No back bone?

asked 07 Jan '11, 18:25

Back2Basics's gravatar image


You are not comfortable with who you are. To compensate for this lack, you try to please others by performing how you think they perceive you. You have given all your power of choice away. This will lead to a very chaotic life and sap all your energy. Be yourself no matter what. You will be in touch with yourself better and You decide what is acceptable or not. Bring the power of your choices back to you, and you will be able to manage your life better.


answered 07 Jan '11, 20:07

The%20Knights%20Alchemy's gravatar image

The Knights Alchemy

This sounds like me....

(10 Jan '11, 19:32) Back2Basics

It's actually very easy to be our authentic self and it uses a lot less energy than putting on that mask and playing the role that we think everyone else expects of us.We think it's hard because that's what we've been conditioned to believe.

As Michael so rightly pointed out you get what you expect. Because we've been conditioned over time to please everyone else, we move further away from our own centre and have to expend more energy upholding the role of that false self.

We've become so adept at playing that role, that we've merely forgotten how to be real.Just by making the decision to drop that mask, we begin to move back to centre and start remembering who we really are.

"Rome wasn't built in a day" - Do yourself a huge favour B2B by not cutting up on yourself when you do forget. For most of us it's a process ( Although I've heard it doesn't have to be, but I think most of us humans like to make it hard for ourselves) so applaud yourself when you are making progress and forgive yourself when you think you aren't - just begin again because you are always making progress. When we begin to wake up, I really don't think we can go backwards :)


answered 07 Jan '11, 19:16

Michaela's gravatar image


Michaela your answers always resonate so much with me. :)

(07 Jan '11, 19:18) aquamarine

Glad to hear that aquamarine - I love resonance :)

(07 Jan '11, 19:28) Michaela

@Mickaela much wisdow

(07 Jan '11, 20:38) Tom

Thank you Tom :)

(07 Jan '11, 21:07) Michaela
showing 2 of 4 show 2 more comments

GREAT question. I have tested this theory so many times and I have come to the conclusion that it is our nature (for some and me included) not to disappoint. Treat me like a baby and I will probably meet your expectations. Trust me and I will be trustworthy.

The first time this theory entered into my thought was when I was 17. I had a great girlfriend who loved me. I became insecure (as guys often do) and for some reason started not to trust her. I had no reason to though. I kept checking up on her. Then as if I pushed her to, she was unfaithful. Many years later we talked about it and she admitted that she never thought about it but since I started to distrust her she felt compelled to meet my expectations of her.

As I got older I realized that bosses that had faith in me, liked me and trusted me, I did the best for.

You get what you expect and many times we are on the other end of that expectation.



answered 07 Jan '11, 18:39

jim%2010's gravatar image

jim 10

Thank you so much. You are so right.But people expect so much from you to, so for me that brings a lot of fear .


answered 08 Jan '11, 12:46

Esserique's gravatar image


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