How can I protect myself of wasting my feeling towards ones who would eventually hurt me? Why I am always the one left with broken heart?
asked 27 Feb '11, 15:54
Barry Allen ♦♦
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Perhaps you are looking for someone to fill in what you might perceive as 'gaps' in yourself. A friend of mine describes a healthy relationship as both bringing your own cake to the party. Looking for someone else to give you the ingredients for yours is not going to work for either of you. Work on perfecting your own cake first and then when you meet the right person you will both be able to just love each other without neediness or dependence or expectations for them to 'fix' you.
I've had my heart broken many times and I can say now without a shadow of a doubt it was because I wasn't able to provide mySELF FIRST with what I needed. A partner (I believe) should be a happy bonus in your life, not someone to fix the problems in it.
Also, each relationship that doesn't work out can teach you something about yourself, and about yourself in relationships. You can then use that to work out what you need to do to help yourself so that you can be happy with or without someone.
I've rewritten this twice and I'm still not sure I'm being clear! I hope it makes some sense to you. :)
answered 27 Feb '11, 20:00
Loud & clear ! Good advice :)
(27 Feb '11, 21:23) Michaela
I agree that a partner should be a happy bonus and I never wanted from anybody to fill any gaps in my life. I am pretty independent and have enough to things to do. I just want something so natural and and something that every normal person has... However I doubt that only people who are in total harmony within themselves are in a relationship. There are so many women and men who are far more unfulfilled than me and still married or at least have a partner who loves them. Let me ask you something Aquamarine. How would you feel if your partner leaves you now? If he is really just a bonus...
(27 Feb '11, 22:41) marki
I take your point marki and I hope you didn't feel I was in some way criticising you. I am single right now having recently ended a difficult relationship, which actually did teach me a lot about myself and myself in relationships which is why I said what I did. I agree that a lot of people are in relationships without being completely fulfilled; all I can say is that I would rather be alone than with the wrong person.
(28 Feb '11, 20:37) aquamarine
There are all kinds of reasons why people stay with the wrong person. I don't think I would want what every 'normal' person has if it means settling for something less than the happy bonus! I have also wondered why people who work less hard on themselves than I do (or ask less questions perhaps) seem to find happy relationships while I have had so many failed relationships. I don't pretend to have the answer but I know that by asking the questions and doing the work I am more likely to be happy whatever happens.
(28 Feb '11, 20:38) aquamarine
This is all there is to it.... " I just want something so natural and and something that every normal person has..." ... In my country we have proverbs that translate like this "Those who are drowning desperately reach for any straw" and "The wish becomes the father of an idea". It fits perfectly and should provide you with a clue on what to change and where the root of the issue resides.
(22 Aug '12, 05:40) CalonLan
yh true,,its like..,if ur desperate in gettng smethng.."law of repulsion" works there instead of LOA.
(23 Aug '12, 13:40) supergirl
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Perhaps you believe somehow that this will always happen to you and then reinforce that thought by choosing men who will fulfill that plan for you....the wrong type and so forth. It might be helpful to decide what traits you want in a mate, and not date anyone who doesn't meet your criteria. Meanwhile, change your thoughts to positive ones, like "I am worthy of a mutually loving relationship" and envision yourself as happy with another. Change your habits of thought. Best wishes!
answered 27 Feb '11, 18:51
You sound as though you do not have a choice in this matter, but in essence you do! You decide and control who you want to start a relationship with, and if for any reason you used poor judgment in forming your relationships, you can always correct it immediately. You are a free person, and you have the last say in whatever is best for you. You have to first love and respect yourself, to obtain love and respect from others.
Do not be deceived people will treat you the way you expect them to treat you, and in some cases you will have to demand the respect that is due to you. Here is some exercises to try: start each day by sending out a ray of love to everyone you come into contact with, do not be judgmental. Say I love myself, and everyone loves me back. Say I expect the best, and the best will come to me. Do not sell your self short, raise your vibration to a higher level to attract your heart's desire!
Finally, do the count down, or the process of elimination, until you find your ideal partner. Love yourself first, and remember you control your destiny, so the ultimate decision is your, you decide what you want in a relationship!
answered 28 Feb '11, 02:05
Inactive User ♦♦
quite agree with you Vee! thank you
(28 Feb '11, 08:38) daniele
awesome answer..., its absolutely true...
(22 Aug '12, 05:16) supergirl
"Why am i always the one left with the broken heart?" I think Marki that the question points very heavily towards the answer.
I know this is a repeat of the answer i gave to a previous question but i would still say read "ask and it is given"
Why? because it contains within its pages a lot of answers and more importantly remedies to your questions and problems.
Then i would put what youve learned into practise.And practise this often.
Not a very compassionate answer,not full of sympathy.
But its my answer.
answered 28 Feb '11, 10:12
I would agree with aquamarine, after having a slew of failed relationships (that i can finally appreciate now). The expectation- a man will not love me and will leave me eventually, is what causes that event to occur.
The more you monitor and confirm this expectation, by reading into your partner's behavior, the quicker it happens.
I have also noticed in my experience that I started to believe I lacked something and had several isnecurities and as a result attracted men who had insecurities as well.
It is true that there are many people out there in relationships, happy or not. We do not know how happy those people are, since we can never see another person's reality.
These days, I have decided to have a relationship with myself. I pamper myself, soothe myself, tell myself all the reassurances I want to hear from others, and listen to my fears and give love and attention to myself. And now I can finally believe that the person I will attract or rather align myself with, will be someone to enjoy life with even more.
The realization that one acted in a way to attract their current circumstance doesnt have to be painful, I try to breathe relief into it. Having this experience will not only allow you to attract a better relationship but other positive things as well.
answered 02 Mar '11, 14:29
Marki, you have so much love within you that is bursting out to be shared. My dating experience is very limited (wasn't allowed to date before the age of 16. Got married at 17. Divorced and remarried at 19 and have been ever since) but I can feel your heartbreak and loss. Don't let this deterr you from falling in love. You will find the suitable one for you when you are ready and can show as much love for yourself as you do your partner.
thank you, namaste
answered 05 Mar '11, 16:20
did you try to be friend with the person first? to get to know him! or did you jump at the first one? is the person there when you need him in the good and bad? where you your self with him from the start? did you love him for him or for what he could give you? answer those question and you will find where it is not working!
answered 05 May '11, 00:54
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I have learned it has something to do with wanting for our self what that person has and the relationship with our self. ...
Marki, I'm praying you meet your dream man darl....xx Every human being on this earth deserves absolutely nothing less than pure love- and romance being (in my opinion) the best experience a human can induldge in, I really am cheering for you :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7upB0THO6EA