Dear InwardQuest,

I hope this question and the answers help other people as well, so here it goes: I have been stuck in a certain situation for around 4 years now, and it has been bothering me more and more lately, yes yes I know, I should change my thoughts about the subject but that isn't very easy. The situation I'm in (but this should apply to other situations as well.) is that I havn't been able to find a romance for a long time.

In the last 4 years I have come across quite a few potential partners and I pretty much fell in love with them, but as I come closer to them in a romantic point of view, I get refused and thrown away basically. I hope you lovely folks understand my situation, I'm sure almost everyone has been in a situation like this before.

So, how do I get out of this and find "her"?

Thanks and much love,


asked 15 Nov '10, 19:34

Milanz's gravatar image


edited 16 Nov '10, 20:51

Vesuvius's gravatar image


Some good answers here.

Realize that there's nothing wrong. The fact that you've been alone, without consciously wanting to be indicates there's something in it for you to learn or remember. If you don't fully love yourself there will be an element of neediness within your vibration and women will pick up on it and be turned off by it. Or maybe you'll attract a needy woman and that will not serve to enhance your life.

Realize that the love you feel for any particular woman is love that originated from within you. Contemplate this fact - loves comes from inside.

I suggest:

  • Learn to consciously love yourself.
  • Believe/Know that you can have any kind of relationship because you create your own reality.
  • Realize that you can have anything you want as long as you don’t need it.
  • Get clear by making it a point to really think about what kind of partner you want and why and write all the details down.
  • Create a screensaver to remind you of your preferences and to help you to believe in your imagined end result.
  • Check out Google images and download 20 photos of women with the kind of ethnicity/age/faces/body types, etcetera that you prefer and include these in your screensaver folder.
  • Set the screensaver to 5 minutes, so you'll see the photos often.
  • As you notice that more of the kind of women you prefer enter your experience, rather than immediately showing a lot of interest; show some interest then relax and hold back.
  • Be the receiver and allow women to come to you. This is an attitude of confident indifference and women are attracted to it. Are you not attracted to confident women?

Sometimes you'll notice a kind of brightness or shining as well as the feeling of love while observing a lovely lady. I feel that this combination potentially represents a very compatible match for you.

Again, I believe that being alone is an opportunity to fully contemplate and fully real-ize the love within. So loving yourself is the first step. Do It :)


answered 16 Nov '10, 04:03

Eddie's gravatar image


edited 13 Feb '12, 22:10


Just 4 years? I seem to have had this situation most of my life, with one difference I "get" the person I feel I'm currently in love with and then things fizzle out. I realized that I was in love with love and even though I would like to have a partner at some point in my life I'm actually quite OK with being alone.

When we are desperate for something to happen - it doesn't. I should know that more than anyone here and most people at inwardquest are a witness to it:-) But honestly just ask yourself why you want a romantic partner? If it is just to make you feel good and happy about yourself then the Universe is trying to teach you to be first happy about yourself on a take-it-or-leave it terms.

Get to know yourself first. I used to try and change myself for others, but it is only recently that I have discovered who the real me is and, despite my depressions and problems, I really do love myself. Knowing myself has helped me to identify the kind of person I would be able to live the rest of my life with if he comes my way - if not what's the big deal? Although you should compromise in a relationship you should never live your entire life as a compromise.


answered 16 Nov '10, 09:57

I%20Think%20Therefore%20I%20Am's gravatar image

I Think Therefore I Am

edited 23 Nov '10, 15:53

Vesuvius's gravatar image


Just as it is with money, it is the great paradox of romance that you will find the "real thing" once you realize you don't really need it to be happy.

Consequently, your best approach is to focus on the things that will make you a better person. By doing so, you will eventually attract someone who is consistent with these ideals.

I am going to recommend a movie to you. It's called "Waitress." I saw it over the weekend with low expectations, but it surprised me by being one of the best films I've seen in a long time. It is an extraordinary movie about happiness, and the choices we make to achieve it.


answered 15 Nov '10, 20:38

Vesuvius's gravatar image



once you realize you don't really need it to be happy. - Well said, and not only with romance and money, but everything. When you realize within yourself that you don't need anything outside of yourself to make you happy, you put yourself in the perfect vibrational stance to receive all of those things you originally wanted to make yourself feel better

(15 Nov '10, 21:38) Stingray

good points guys...

(16 Nov '10, 20:41) Back2Basics

Hi milanz, Both Vesuvius and Stingray are absolutely right. The important thing is to focus on the feeling. Visualize yourself in whatever you consider to be a perfect relationship and hold onto that feeling. Whenever you loose the feeling bring the picture back. At the very least you will feel good but you will also be creating the vibrational match that you so desire.

The interesting thing about the law of attraction is that we tend to focus on what we dont want instead of what we want. It is a bad habit that most of us have. I am making a conscious effort to change this in my life. Whenever you find yourself thinking that you do not have romance in your life you will attract more of the same. It is easy or it can be hard to do depending on your attitude. Good Luck.


answered 16 Nov '10, 00:13

Drham's gravatar image


Milan, here is an advise from a person who always had a special someone in her life. It is nice to have another sharing your path; however, for me, having been a teen bride twice, I feel the most growth I've had was the 3 years in which my husband worked at a separate continent. I got to decide even the simple things like what to have for dinner, how to wear my hair...I think you should truly take advantage of this time alone and make the most of it! I mean savor it! Because once you get that special someone, you'll be too busy with them to fully realize all your potential. Have fun and never mind the rest, it'll happen when you least expect it for you'll be ready by then.

Thank you, namaste


answered 16 Nov '10, 12:28

daniele's gravatar image


Like Vesuvius has said, you will have to reach a state where you do not 'need' the relationship to be happy to actually manifest the relationship in your physical reality.

Your 'need' for the relationship is introducing the feeling of 'lack' of a relationship and all the negative emotions that comes with this feeling of 'lack'.

These negative emotions which I refer to as 'resistance' is what is stopping the relationship from manifesting in your physical reality.

We are all non-physical beings at the core although we have decided to manifest in these physical bodies on earth to experience physical reality. And whenever we have a desire (like your desire for a relationship), the universe automatically manifests this desire in your non-physical reality. This is the way the universe is designed to work.

It is then up to us to release all resistance (negative emotions) in relation to that desire and the desire will then manifest in the physical reality. The universe manifests in physical reality the exact match of what we are giving our attention to. If you are giving your attention to the lack of relationship, then the universe has to manifest exactly that in your physical reality even though the relationship you want has already been created in the non-physical and is waiting for you to align with it.

You need to be happy and make peace with your current reality before the relationship manifests in your life. Attain that happy state by always trying to feel good about every little thing in life. Even when looking at the 'issue' we are having, we can always find something good about it (Maybe something you have learned and as a result grown as a person which made you so much better and more confident as a person). As long as you hold negative emotions with regards to the desire, it cannot manifest.


answered 16 Nov '10, 12:46

Pink%20Diamond's gravatar image

Pink Diamond

Milanz, I was just reading the master Key Part 9, came across this paragraph and thought of you:

  1. If you require Love try to realize that the only way to get love is by giving it, that the more you give the more you will get, and the only way in which you can give it, is to fill yourself with it, until you become a magnet. The method was explained in another lesson.


answered 18 Nov '10, 02:08

Back2Basics's gravatar image


Write out your Wish List, and do not leave out any details of your ideal partner, and the life style you want to share, and remember to put it into your Wish Box! Now that you have created your Wish List, allow the LOA to manifest your desire in the correct order of time for you.

Believe it, and you will see it! Good Luck.


answered 23 Nov '10, 08:32

Inactive%20User's gravatar image

Inactive User ♦♦


answered 11 Oct '12, 12:07

Kanda's gravatar image


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