I read someone describe unconditional love as, "I love myself exactly as I am, and exactly as I am not".
I whole heartedly agree with this affirmation and believe this is key to self acceptance.

So my question is, what are the ways that you love yourself? Especially during those moments when it is not exactly super easy to love your self.

Thank you!

asked 11 Mar '11, 15:37

Nikki777's gravatar image


edited 15 Aug '12, 02:59

Barry%20Allen's gravatar image

Barry Allen ♦♦


At the moment if the old 'bounty' feature was available I'd put all my points towards answers for this question. Unfortunantly, commenting on it is the only was I can 'resurect' this question, if people could further contribute that would be great. And an add on to this question, the answers from Stingray and Benjamin are really good, http://www.inwardquest.com/questions/48413/could-you-please-send-me-some-energy-again

(11 Mar '12, 07:11) Nikulas

@Nikulas bounty still exist here it is even easier! Now all you need to do is go to award points after the answers you want to award points for.

(11 Mar '12, 18:18) Wade Casaldi

resurecting this again.

(18 Sep '12, 13:13) Fairy Princess

if one does not truly know him self how can he truly know other. to solve that duality one most seek the truth wash the inside of the cup to get rid of all those deadly poison lie, doubt, fear, insecurity etc.. align your mind and heart with the truth so both can be clean align with spirit, it takes more then 40 days once born of water and spirit when both becomes one he can ascend above and he shall know the truth and the truth will set him free. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbBmpaDBizA

(20 Jan '15, 16:55) white tiger
showing 1 of 4 show 3 more comments


(in response to Nikulas' question)

This is definitely one of the most important subjects in deliberate creation. If you look at all the areas you want to improve in your life, look at all your desires, there is always one thing in common - and that is YOU! YOUR money, YOUR relationships, YOUR health, YOUR life, YOUR dreams. Your success is never about the money itself, or the people around you, or all kinds of jerms and plagues in your area - it's always and ONLY about you. And If you don't like you, then how could anyone else like you? How could you live your life fully, joyfully and abundantly? It is impossible to dislike yourself and be healthy. Absolutely impossible.

There are many different ways to start loving yourself - the most important thing to remember is that loving yourself is not something you have to learn from zero, or bring it to you from somewhere. YOU ARE LOVE! Our soul is love! and we only have to Allow that love to shine out. It's always about allowing it, because love is our natural state. The only reason we don't experience it all the time, is because we believe in concepts that are so far away from love (such as "I'm not worthy", "I'm not good enough" and so on). So the mission is really to just practice the art of allowing, and love will flow to us. Just stop blocking it.

What I recommend :

  1. Get into the vortex, and once you are there, take a notebook, and start writing about your positive aspects. Only write those that you feel are really true and that you really like about yourself, do not force this process. Focus on those aspects in your mind. Feel the emotion that this focusing is causing. And allow more positive aspects to pop up in your head, things you didn't think about before. Do this as many times as possible.

  2. Again, get into the vortex (basically, if you just stay in the vortex long enough and consistently enough, you will inevitably begin to love yourself unconditionally). Write ten things you appreciate in your life. Focus only on what's comfortable and easy to appreciate - do not go for the big issues yet. Feel how it feels to appreciate fully. And then write ten things you love. Notice that love is a different vibration than appreciation, also very sweet and warm. Then write what you appreciate about other people, again, only things that are easy and people that you already like. And finally, write what you appreciate and love about yourself. Again, repeat as many times as you can.

  3. This step is specifically for you Nikulas - get up every morning 40 minutes earlier (unless you don't need to go to work in the morning, and you have some free time). Do everything you need to do (brushing your teeth and so on), then sit somewhere quiet and meditate for 15 minutes. I can't recommend the Abraham meditations enough. Then do one of the processes mentioned above. It is CRITICAL you do this in the morning, because if you wake up pissed off, you will start beating yourself and getting caught up in negativity all day. Start the day powerfully, and make yourself a goal for the rest of the day - getting into the vortex, and appreciating.

Like I said, all you really need to do is get into the vortex and stay there. The state of appreciation is one that is so powerful, that in a very short time it can change your life completely, if you manage to maintain it right from the morning. So make a decision that all of your willpower for the next 30 days, will be directed to this. If you feel down, sit down and meditate. Listen to your music. Listen to Abraham. Take a nap, play a computer game, just always aim higher on the emotional scale, always shoot for relief. You will probably have some hard moments after a few days (what Bashar calls "The Echo" - this is a final "test" that after you successfuly go through it, physical reality REALLY starts shifting), get back to this post, and keep on. You can do this. We are all here to support you in your journey. You have the universe at your side. You can do this.

Good luck friend.


answered 11 Mar '12, 15:07

Benjamin's gravatar image


edited 11 Mar '12, 15:08

Great Teacher Benjamin http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4CNutWhmlqM

I'll report back, somehow, in 2 weeks. I greatly like the personal note here, thankyou :)

(11 Mar '12, 19:53) Nikulas

The initial step is to get into the vortex...Is it ok if I just meditate for 15 min and then do the positive aspects?

(11 Mar '12, 19:55) Nikulas

yes. It doesn't matter how you do it, and when you are down meditation is an excellent way.

(12 Mar '12, 01:28) Benjamin

Amazing answer, and exactly what I needed to hear. It's good to see that I'm on the right track plus other processes that I could implement. Thanks @Benjamin

(15 Jan '15, 20:02) Kriegerd
showing 1 of 4 show 3 more comments

(This is in response to Nikulas' comment under the main question)

I think Benjamin's answer says just about everything that needs to be said here as far as strategic methods are concerned.

I'll just add one more thing based upon my own experiences with my own "dark" times.

The thing I've found is that when you're in a state of deep, deep, chronic depression, you just don't want to do anything even if it's in your own best interests.

Even if you know it's what you should do, you just can't bring yourself to do it. You're just so trapped in the horrible hypnotic reality of your life situation that you feel unable to do anything to drag yourself out of it. Trying to motivate yourself even to get out of bed in the morning saps all your energy for the day.

And because you're not doing what you think you should do and what other people tell you that you should do, it gives you more and more reasons to hate yourself even more...and that just causes you to spiral into even deeper depression.

And the vicious cycle of self-hatred and depression goes on and on, getting deeper and darker until you really wonder why you should bother staying alive at all because you feel like there is no way out. You feel alone, desperate and ready to end it all.

I normally don't relate exact methods/products - I usually stick to principles because I think everyone is in a different vibrational place and what might work for one might not work for another - but for this unique situation where you can't even motivate yourself to get started, I'll tell you the exact method I used to break out of the cycle permanently.

Taking the first step, or even finding the energy to take the step, is the hardest thing to do when you are stuck in the darkness.

  1. Get hold of a copy of The Self-Esteem Supercharger Paraliminal. I've written previously about Paraliminals here: How do paraliminals work and have they improved anything in your life?

  2. Keep an mp3/CD player next to your bed ready to go with the recording as you go to sleep.

  3. In the few moments of will power you will have immediately after awakening the next morning (you have it even when in deep depression), force yourself to put on your headphones and hit play on the recording.

  4. Just lie in bed and let the recording wash over you - promise yourself you can do what you like after it's over but just lie there and listen to it. You don't even need to listen to the actual words of the recording at all while it is playing...in fact, it's quite difficult to do so because of the way Paraliminals work. Ignore it completely if you want. Go back to sleep if you want, it doesn't matter - things will still start to change. Just the fact that it is playing and some part of you can hear it will start to make a difference - that's why I like Paraliminals.

  5. Do this every morning and, within a few days of starting, you'll start to find yourself with more and more inner energy to start to implement the processes that Benjamin is talking about.

  6. Keep going with the daily morning listening in bed even while you are implementing the processes. And as your self-love and self-esteem grow and grow, you'll soon find yourself going through some form of anger either targeted at yourself, your situation or other people. Allow yourself to go with the angry feeling...it's your key to permanently breaking free of the depression into self-empowerment. I've explained why anger is so important here: Why are people mean to each other?

  7. Once you've safely broken through the anger barrier and have stabilized at a higher emotional setpoint, there will come a time when you feel it's safe to let go of the morning "self-esteem" boost. Feel free to let it go but if at any time you start to feel inner instability coming back, use that same trick of using the few moments of "awakening will power" to start playing that recording again.

  8. If you find other people don't like the new self-loving, self-confident "You", don't worry about it - just let them be and keep going. It's their problem, not yours. Many will try to tell you that you are being selfish and self-centered but the subtext of what they are really saying is that they would rather you followed their own selfish and self-centered whims than your own :)

  9. Make anger your friend. Never be afraid to become angry if it suits you. Anger will keep you out of self-hatred and depression and, when you learn to channel the energy from it, it can transform your life.

  10. Again, like with the morning listenings, there will come a time when you will feel that you no longer need to resort to anger because you are way beyond it... Now you're free, self-directed and self-loving and there is nothing anyone will ever be able to do to take those qualities away from you again :)

Good luck :)


answered 11 Mar '12, 16:37

Stingray's gravatar image


edited 11 Mar '12, 16:52

Stingray, fascinating stuff about the state of anger. When I started with Abraham's material, I was above that on the emotional scale (somewhere around doubt), so I never found anger relevant enough to explore. Thank you.

(11 Mar '12, 17:37) Benjamin

@Benjamin - It's interesting to me that anger is one of the most powerful vibrational allies we have - that's why we gravitate to it so naturally - and yet society condemns those who choose to experience it. So we end up with the depressed masses who are told they are "wrong" because they are depressed and are then condemned when they naturally attempt to ascend to anger to break out of it, and so they drop back into depression again...it's a good old "Catch 22" situation :)

(11 Mar '12, 17:45) Stingray

@Stingray- Im not sure why it seems this way, but for some reason I seem to 'know' these answers and have them intact in my head only just one or two days before I get an actual physical answer from you. I was just explaining to my friend about the entire concept about "not wanting to even help yourself" when you're that down and out....Whilst he replied (fair words) "When you're ready you'll get yourself out of the tunnel.".......

(12 Mar '12, 11:03) Nikulas

........But I do resonate with your honest and helpful 'advertisment' of the paralminal, I will defiantly obtain it as soon as possible and use that as my 'safety net.' I agree with you about the whole sleep/awakening phenomena....It's like when you wake up, just for a moment, you're sort of into a brand new, clean mind set, even if just for half an hour. So yes, the mornings is best to seize the moment.......

(12 Mar '12, 11:05) Nikulas

......Stingray (and Benjamin) I cannot thank you two enough, you two seriously are at least giving me advice that is suiting with the vibration Im dwelling in at the moment. Im not sure what the exact circumstances were with your life Stingray, but from where I see you know you're enough inspiration to 'push through' (paradoxically, at an authentic pace) and get to my feet again. I've no more questions for now......

(12 Mar '12, 11:07) Nikulas

.......I understand and am so greatful for the hard, long work you had to have put in to specifically write out and think through this answer. I'll make sure to do the same for others (on the website and in real life if necessary) once I get myself together and totally 300% better again. Thankyou again :)

(12 Mar '12, 11:09) Nikulas

@Nikulas - You're welcome, as usual :) And I'm not surprised that you 'know' the answers already. As the ancient Greek philosopher Socrates once said (through the writings of Plato): "Learning is remembering" :)

(12 Mar '12, 14:09) Stingray

@Stingray and @Benjamin- I just clicked on the 'random' button at the top on IQ, and read these answers again. It touches me quite deeply both of you went so far to write these things for me (even if it's to gain clarity or insights for yourself), I want to thank you again.

(28 Mar '13, 07:00) Nikulas

Great post, @Stingray! I'm glad this question has been resurrected... again. I am on a similar path, as I'm sure many people are. I didn't know about Paraliminals or IQ until recently but a few years ago, I took to exploring my depression and found the anger behind it. I spent a month or two having a daily imaginary Hulk-out; I'd get into a meditative trance then visualize a superhuman tantrum. I still have difficulties with motivation and energy but that's just the next challenge to tackle.

(18 Jan '15, 13:20) Concolitanos
showing 2 of 9 show 7 more comments

One of the key words you've already used Nikki and that is acceptance.

Unconditional love is complete and full acceptance without any conditions attached. If I truly love myself or someone else, I don't need them to change to suit my expectations because that's not true love. With that same thought in mind, I can love myself.... even with those flaws or misperceptions that we humans tend to beat ourself up for.

The other key to unconditional love is complete forgiveness with no strings attached - harbouring resentments is not natural to who we really are. Forgiveness frees up so much trapped energy and liberates the self to be expressed in the authentic, loving manner that is part of it's natural state. Hence the greatest gift we can give another is to love ourself fully because we can only truly love someone else from that state.


answered 11 Mar '11, 21:23

Michaela's gravatar image


You should write a book. I would buy it! ;)

(12 Mar '11, 08:28) ursixx

Thanks Michaela, so would I ! :)

(12 Mar '11, 14:25) Nikki777

Thank you both :)

(13 Mar '11, 13:44) Michaela

A beautiful and true answer.

(06 Jun '12, 02:54) Paulina 1

@Michaela-Love this answer:)

(15 Jul '12, 10:49) Satori

awesome answer

(15 Jul '12, 12:08) insilentpain

@Michaela, Happy reply! Felt happy reading it! Thanks! :)

(18 Sep '12, 15:21) figure8shape
showing 2 of 7 show 5 more comments

Your whole life is basically a mirror of the relationship you have with yourself.

Once you get it right everything else will fall into place.

Stop criticising and start approving and accepting yourself exactly as you are and see what happens...

alt text


answered 11 Mar '12, 12:46

Satori's gravatar image


edited 18 Sep '12, 13:31


Short and sweet.

(06 Jun '12, 02:56) Paulina 1

As Michaela said forgiveness. forgive yourself .. and then move on. Others might bring up your side steps from the past that you have already forgave yourself.Know that you have "done the work" and move on don't get trapped in the past.
Smile and wave good-bye to the past,cuz it ain't comin back again Super easy! ;)


answered 12 Mar '11, 08:32

ursixx's gravatar image


To love ourselves seems hard but what we are not loving is our idea of ourselves. We are not the idea we have of ourselves. If you had just met yourself as another person and knew absolutely nothing about yourself and you shook your hand as this other person would you like that person?

Most likely yes, we don't often just meet and shake a strangers hand and not like him. The reason is we have no idea of anything about this person to judge other than is he a nice guy right now? He is shaking my hand and smiling saying, "Nice to meet you." He seems like a good guy, I think I like him maybe even get to be friends with him.

We have an idea of what we feel we should be and don't like it that we are not what we feel we should be. Now imagine again you meet someone you never met before and have expectations of how this guy should be that you meet. You again shake his hand, he says, "Nice to meet you." You think to yourself or out loud, "You are not what I expected! You don't even look like what I expect you to look like!" "Look at you! I'll bet you are not even a millionaire are you!?" "Look at you! You are too tall!" "Can you do my taxes while juggling these flares and singing Old McDonald?" "No!!!!! Then what good are you?"

That would be pretty harsh don't you think so? Having all of these judgements of how this man should be instead of who he is. That man is our selves we do not need to be so harsh on ourselves for what we wish we were or what we believe we should be. But instead just meet ourselves as we are. That stranger that just wants a chance to be your friend, if you let him in with no judgement but acceptance.

Strip away everything about your self start by making a list of who you are. Each time notice that the things on the list are not who you are but things like what you like or what you do but are not who you are. When you finally get to the point of "blank-nothing" you have found yourself, source, existence, I Am, IS. That is the real you, but you need to find it. You can not just read my words and think you know it. It must be experience. When you get there to that place you will find total acceptance and love.

Check out my answer here for more.


answered 12 Mar '12, 11:01

Wade%20Casaldi's gravatar image

Wade Casaldi

edited 12 Mar '12, 13:12

A great answer, Wade. I liked how you used the analogy of meeting yourself- it made me think. Love, Jai

(16 Jul '12, 10:38) Jaianniah

This piece is from the Higher Frequencies website and seemed to fit this question perfectly:

"What does it mean to love yourself? How is that done?

Loving yourself means expressing your full divine nature and allowing Source energy to flow through you. Most often you perceive yourselves from the perspective of ego: small, separate, not enough. Experiences are conditional. Source, Universe, God, by whatever name you wish to call All That Is, is in the simplest terms LOVE. When you close to Source energy you close to love. When you operate from the level of ego or from the perspective of victim/perpetrator, you create resistance and limit the flow of love through you and experienced by you. You choose many ways to do this, but most common for you all is the habitual pattern of negative self talk. I am not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, wealthy enough, deserving, lovable... You get the idea. The list of ways to self berate is infinite.

The first step to creating more self love is to change this ego-driven inner dialogue. All life seeks love as all life seeks at its core to commune with Source. While it may feel foreign or disingenuous, begin to address yourself with kindness, compassion and care. Imagine speaking to yourself as you would a sweet, innocent child for at the core you are the embodiment of those qualities. Children have not yet created programs or beliefs of resistance thus they flow more love.

In many ways what you all seek requires you to become more childlike. Be curious. Explore. Every experience is a new one as no two experiences are identical. You all assume you've "been there" and "done that", but if you open there are always new things to discover.

The second step to experiencing greater self love is taking time for yourself to connect within, to connect with Source. Foster this relationship and all others will reflect your deepened connection. For all of your external life is a reflection of your internal vibration.

As you create a deeper connection within, you may be guided to take action for self nurturing. You may wish to spend more time in nature, laugh, dance or be creative for the sake of being creative. Too often in today's world you seek to place higher value on the results of your creative process than on the journey of creation. You write to have a best-seller. You paint to create a masterpiece. Each creative act has intrinsic value that cannot be measured by external means. The creative act is about the odyssey of self discovery and the observance of a vibrational expression or experience. As you begin to once again create for expression as you did as a child you will find more joy in life, more passion, more energy and more love.

Saying no can be a potent form of self care and self love. Acknowledge your needs physically and emotionally. In your accelerated reality, it becomes easy to fall into habitual patterns without being present to see if an action is in alignment with your highest good. The frequency of obligation is fear based and conditional. I must do "A" in order to have "B". In most cases, obligation is undertaken to receive acceptance or out of a fear of not being safe. Check in with yourself. Is this something at your core you wish to do? If not, say no. If it is, you must shift your perspective so that the action is taken out of love rather than fear.

Lastly, to embody more self love we would encourage you to forgive; Forgive yourself and all others for all perceived "wrong-doings". In truth, those that you refuse to forgive are a mirror for you, showing you where you are lacking in self love and care. They are not truly punished by your withholding of forgiveness. Your unwillingness to forgive creates resistance in YOUR field and limits the amount of love YOU flow. Forgive yourself, for in order to have the need of forgiveness, you first must create a judgment about an experience. You have polarized your thoughts or emotions. You are attached, and because of it you do not allow yourself access to full Source energy. You resist (or create resistance to) the opposite polarity. All things are Source energy thus you resist half of Source. In some way the original experience reflects to you how you deny your own divine light, your own divine power, your own divine love. You attracted the experience into your field of perception to show you these unseen, unconscious beliefs, and as you acknowledge the service of the experience you release your polarity attachment. As you forgive yourself, you allow more light and love to flow through you.

Play, dear ones, as life is a journey of exploration. It has always been and ever will be about the journey, not the destination."


answered 23 Feb '15, 09:45

Catherine's gravatar image



Wow that is a great answer! As I read it Bob Marley's "One Love" played in my head

(23 Feb '15, 15:37) ursixx

@Catherine - Love this answer. Spot on.

(07 Mar '15, 00:51) Grace

grace, the acceptance of responsibility of your thirdness

(10 Mar '15, 18:34) fred
showing 2 of 3 show 1 more comments

In other words, ''when ego is lost, limit is lost. You become infinite, kind, beautiful.'' Understanding this opens all the doors of the universe for you.


answered 12 Mar '12, 05:59

CalonLan's gravatar image


i would not say ego is lost. it is just that you do not have to let it control you. it is like a false center that you can understand for what it is but you do not cling to that center anny more you know your true self. and your true self work with the ego. before your true self though it was the ego.

(12 Mar '12, 08:36) white tiger

The concept is similar to the one I'm using myself. Where ego is lens through which you see the world. Once you recognize that lens, you can drop it and see the world for what it is, not for what you are. But on conceptual level I agree with you.

(12 Mar '12, 10:52) CalonLan

You have to love, and respect yourself first in order, for other people to love and respect you: and of course you do have to practice and apply the golden rule, “do unto others, as you would want them to do unto you!”

Self love is to love your self without comparison, to accept your strength and weakness, and to learn to accept the things you cannot change, and the courage to carry on!


answered 12 Mar '11, 23:24

Inactive%20User's gravatar image

Inactive User ♦♦

in truth by knowing your self and accepting your self totally for who you are the duality in you and the proper balence that you can apply to stay in truth. experience and enjoy


answered 11 Mar '12, 16:47

white%20tiger's gravatar image

white tiger

What does it mean to love anybody? It means allowing them to be their authentic self without imposing our own beliefs and limitations and conditions on them. It is seeing them as God sees them and nothing less. Now turn that around on to yourself. Allow yourself to be your authentic self without imposing what you think other people think about you. Don't let other people, or what you think other people think, limit you and your reality.

Do your best in everything you do, but if you fail, give yourself a break. Don't beat yourself up about it. Fix anything that needs to be fixed and move on. Realize that you are human and make mistakes and then allow yourself to try again. Don't sell yourself short. Expect greatness.


answered 22 Jun '12, 16:59

Fairy%20Princess's gravatar image

Fairy Princess

It's easy. First, you learn to love God with your all then everything will fall into place including self-love. :)


answered 15 Aug '12, 15:25

amur's gravatar image


True self-love is knowing that you deserve to be happy. True self-love is allowing yourself to be happy instead of staying in pain and negative emotions.

A person who loves themselves sees pain and negative emotions as warning signs so they can guide themselves to stay in the happiness they deserve.


answered 18 Jan '15, 22:43

arpgme's gravatar image


edited 18 Jan '15, 22:52

Mainly I have vowed to never give up hope and faith.

Just today I was exhausted and still moving around doing what I intended to get done and this is exactly what I realized.

So it doesn't matter as much if I'm in a bit of a struggle with physical or other circumstances as long as I remind myself that I have vowed to myself to never give up hope and faith.


answered 25 Dec '12, 10:12

clearheart's gravatar image


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