My mother used to repeat to me, over and over, that I was "too sensitive" and "too touchy", etc., etc. Maybe she was right. I do not know. But I would very much like to learn how to overcome this sensitivity just enough that I stop obsessing when people do not agree with me. I believe that my sensitivity is a curse, but also, a blessing, though. If I was the opposite of what I am right now, I do not think I would have developed my spirituality as much as I have.

So...How does a person "grow" thick skin???

Love and Blessings to All, Jaianniah

asked 28 Jun '11, 10:52

Jaianniah's gravatar image


I don't think it's an issue of sensitivity - that's a gift, you don't want to get rid of that :)

Abraham have this great analogy about sensitivity...if you place your hands on a burning stove and your skin is starting to smolder and burn before your eyes, the key is not to make yourself less sensitive so you won't feel the pain, the key is to remove your hands from the stove!

I used to suffer from this too and, for me, it came down to caring too much what others thought of me and needing the approval of others...that was the real stove-burning issue for me, not my sensitivity.

It's a really fine line to walk though for someone such as yourself who genuinely wants to be of service to others. If you ignore others completely then you're out of touch with where they are and you can't help them.

But if you get too involved with what they're thinking (and that includes what they think about you), you can get drawn into their personal dramas and that's not good for you either.

So what's the answer?

Practice :)

It's a bit like the way firefighters enter burning buildings. If a building is on fire and you need to enter it, you keep your weight on your back foot as you gradually move forwards into the building. And when you take your next step, you then transfer your weight onto your back foot again (which was previously your front foot).


Why do firefighters do this?

It's because if the floor collapses in front of them, perhaps because of a weak floorboard, they won't fall in with it...they are always keeping themselves stable (with their weight on the back foot) and only edging forwards when it feels stable to do so. As soon as the next step feels unstable, they don't go any further forwards and might immediately step backwards to avoid trouble.

I think that's a useful analogy to apply with this idea of sensitivity.

Use the gift of your sensitivity to tell you quickly that you're about to step onto something unstable and allow yourself to pull back straightaway when it feels uncomfortable.

After a while, you should naturally find yourself building more and more confidence regarding "dipping" into unstable areas and still being able to withdraw quickly to prevent yourself getting drawn in.

Sure, sometimes you'll fall into that "burning building" issue with other people but, from that, you'll learn how to stabilize yourself better the next time. You'll start to feel within yourself how safe it is to proceed further.

And, in time, I believe you'll end up developing that rare social skill of being someone who is still sensitive and caring but is still also sure-footed enough within themselves to remain stable whatever the circumstances.

Hope that's clear.


answered 28 Jun '11, 12:41

Stingray's gravatar image


edited 03 Jul '11, 22:34


amazing answer,gr8 write a book and Iam gonna buy it for sure :)

(15 Jul '12, 14:12) insilentpain

@Stingray - I've been thinking for a while that you should write a book actually - your gift is in the clarity of your answers and of course a broad and deep understanding of manifesting. One day though I think we'll read about the guy who built a castle or something using sound (like the link you mentioned in one of your answers) - don't forget your IQ friends when you're famous!

(15 Jul '12, 15:52) Catherine

I think I have posted it before. I am sorry it is a quote, but you will have to wait for my own words until my website about character transformation is completed. Wish me luck!

  1. Autosuggestion or the Secret of Subconscious

Before proceeding to describe the exercises of the second step, let me explain the secret of the subconscious and its practical consequences. In the same way as normal consciousness has its seat in the soul, and is activated by the cerebrum in the body, consequently the head, subconsciousness is a property of the soul, residing in the cerebellum, i.e., the back part of the head. With respect to the magical practice, let us deal with the study of the psychological function of the cerebellum, consequently the subconscious.

In every individual that is in his right senses, the normal sphere of consciousness is intact, i.e., he always and at any time is capable of making use of the functions of normal consciousness. As it results from our investigations, there is no power in the universe nor in man that does not vary between opposites. Hence we may consider subconsciousness as the opposite to normal consciousness. That which in normal consciousness we subsume by the concepts of thinking, feeling, willing, memory, reason, and intellect is reflected in our subconsciousness in a contrary way. Practically speaking, we can regard our subconsciousness as our opponent. The incentive or the impulse to all that is undesirable, such as our passions, our failures, our weaknesses, originates just in this very sphere of consciousness. To the pupil now falls the task of introspection to disclose the work of this subconsciousness, according to the key of the elements or the tetrapolar magnet. This is a satisfactory task in as much as the pupil will acquire self-reliance by his own reflection or meditation.

Hence, subconsciousness is the incentive of all we do not wish for. Let us learn how to transmute this, so to speak, antagonistic aspect of our ego, so that it not only does no harm, but on the contrary will help to realize our desires. Subconsciousness needs time and space in the material world for its realization, two basic principles valid for all things that have to be transmuted into reality from the causal world. Withdrawing time and space from the subconscious, the opposite polarity will cease to bring its influence to bear upon us, and we shall be able to realize our wishes through the subconscious. This sudden elimination of the subconscious offers the key for the practical use of autosuggestion. If, e.g., we inculcate in the subconsciousness the wish of not giving in tomorrow or any other time, to any of our passions, say smoking or drinking alcohol, subconsciousness will have time enough to put some hindrance, directly or indirectly, in our way. In most of these cases, mainly, in the presence of feeble or underdeveloped willpower, subconsciousness will nearly always succeed in taking us by surprise or causing failures. On the other hand, of we exclude the concepts of time and space from subconsciousness while impregnating it with a desire, only the positive pole of subconsciousness will affect us, normal consciousness being equated, and our impregnate desire must have the success we are expecting. This knowledge and the possibilities related to it, are of the greatest importance for the magical development and have, therefore, to be considered as far as self-suggestion is concerned.

The phrasing to choose for autosuggestion must always be expressed in the present or imperative form. You should not say: “I shall stop drinking or smoking or whatever”. The correct form is: “I do not smoke, I do not drink”, or else, “I do not like smoking or drinking” and so on, according to whatever you wish to suggest in a positive or negative sense. The key or clue to self-suggestion is to be found in the form of the phrasing. It is that which, always and in every respect, has to be considered if you wish to do autosuggestion through subconsciousness.

Subconsciousness is acting in the most effective and penetrating way during the night, when man is asleep. In the sate of sleep, the activity of normal consciousness is suspended, subconsciousness working in its place. The most appropriate time for autosuggestion receptivity, therefore, is the moment when the body is resting drowsily in bed, i.e., immediately before falling asleep as well as immediately after waking up, when we remain still half-awake. That does not mean that a different time would be quite unsuitable for self-suggestion, but these tow moments are most promising, subconsciousness being most responsive then. That is why the magician will never go to sleep in an emotional attitude such as anger or depression, worries which would have an unfavorable influence in his subconsciousness, going on in the same train of thoughts with which he had fallen asleep. Always go to sleep with peaceful and harmonious thoughts or ideas about success, health and pleasant feelings.

Before you practice autosuggestion, make up a small chain of 40 beads. A knotted piece of string also will do fine. This expedient is only meant to avoid counting when you are reiterating the suggestive formula over and over, so as not to divert your attention. This little gadget also will serve to make sure how many disturbances happened when you were practicing concentration and meditation exercises. All you have to do is move a bead or a know at every interruption.

The practical use of autosuggestion is very simple. If you have worded that which you want to achieve in a precise sentence in the present and imperative form, such as: “I feel better and better every day”, or “I do not like smoking [or: drinking, &c]”, or “I am healthy, content, happy”, then you may proceed to the real practice. Immediately before falling asleep, take your string of beads or knots and, whether in an undertone, softly, or in your mind, according to your surroundings, repeat the phrase you have chosen and move one bead or knot at every repetition until you arrive at the end of the string. Now you know for sure that you repeated the formula 40 times. The main point is that you imagine your wish as being realized already and having actual existence. If you do not yet feel sleepy after the 40 repetitions, engage yourself for a while longer with the idea that your wish has been accomplished, and keep doing so until at last you fall asleep with your desire still in mind. You must try to transfer your desire to the sleep. Should you fall asleep while reiterating the formula, the purpose will be achieved.

In the morning, when you are not quite up and have some time to spare, you ought to reach for the string of beads and repeat the exercise once more. Some people get up several times during the night to urinate or for some other reasons. If so, they can repeat this exercise as well, and they will attain their desires all the sooner [Editor’s note: A more modern practice is to use a repeating tape cassette deck to accomplish this automatically].

Now the question arises: what kind of wishes can be accomplished by self-suggestion? Principally, every wish can be fulfilled as far as mind, soul and body are concerned, for example: refining of the character, repression of ugly qualities, weaknesses, disorders, recovery of health, removal and promotion of various aptitudes, development of faculties, and so on. Certainly, desires having nothing to do with the personality as lottery numbers and such can never be fulfilled.


answered 28 Jun '11, 11:05

Asklepios's gravatar image


So, what affirmation can I say to myself? "Please make me more callous"? I don't think that is what I want to become! Can you suggest something really positive that will take the sting out of normal disagreements I may have throughout my days? Thanks so much for your hard work, and the quote!>>>>>>>>>>>

(28 Jun '11, 11:28) Jaianniah

Some phrases you could use: I am secure in my faith; I seek the truth; I love who I am; I respond appropriately to others, etc...

(28 Jun '11, 15:16) Fairy Princess

Jai did you notice my second post? Make sure you read it before making an affirmation.

(29 Jun '11, 00:34) Asklepios
showing 2 of 3 show 1 more comments

EFT on being too sensitive and on some examples of when you were too sensitive. It can be good to be sensitive, but when it causes you emotional distress, tap on that. The Single Handed or One Hand Tapping will be helpful in those situations when you are confronted with opposing views and you feel discomfort, tap with your thumb on the side of the nailbed of the fingers of the same hand. I go from one finger to the next around and around or back and forth through each finger until I feel better. Then I just stop without really thinking about it. I am just feeling better about the situation. You don't have to say anything like when you do rounds of tapping. Also, consider if these are limiting beliefs that your mom innocently put on you. You can tap on that to with the EFT rounds.

EDIT Another thought is to allow yourself to hear what other people are saying without judging it. Don't agree or disagree, just listen. Don't take offense that the other person is rejecting you, they just have a different perspective than you. Like the elephant story. Instead of seeing their version of truth to be wrong or different, when you do reflecto on what they said, see how what they said fits with what you said. Like putting the body with the legs of the elephant and then the trunk and the tail, etc... They could be wrong, they could be right and they could be partly wrong and partly right. But their perspective is not about you, but them. If you don't take it personal, you won't be overly sensitive.


answered 28 Jun '11, 15:12

Fairy%20Princess's gravatar image

Fairy Princess

edited 03 Jul '11, 14:54

I was accused of the same thing as a kid, Jai, and all this served to do was make me feel more different from everyone else. I thought that surely something was really wrong with me, that I wasn't like everyone else. And this just triggered more super-sensitivity to what was said to me, or done.

I now know that there are a lot of people like us, and but that not everyone is. So when I am hurt, I try to remember that....that not everyone is as sensitive as I am, and that not everyone has the same perspective as I do, and I try to let it go. In other words, I don't fight or resist my sensitivity and I don't think those without it are less than I am. I just let it flow past me.

I know this is easier said than done, and it takes some practice, but it does work for me.

Best wishes.


answered 04 Jul '11, 01:17

LeeAnn%201's gravatar image

LeeAnn 1

I am the same way. Too sensitive, peace lover, tender hearted.

Someone told a friend of mine, when she was worrying about a situation at work with a person who didn't seem to have a very high opinion of her,

"You know, if you think about it, it really isn't any of our business what is going on in someone else's mind."

This made me stop and look at it in an entirely different light. She was right, and it has helped me a lot.

I just try to express my true self honestly and kindly, as I want to do no one any harm, but I do it for myself rather than with the intent to make people like and approve of me. I've found that they either will or they won't, and any attempts I make to try to influence their opinion of me tend to fail spectacularly.


answered 07 Jul '12, 12:23

Grace's gravatar image


edited 08 Jul '12, 11:05

Thank you Grace! Great answer, and t0 the point. <3 Jai

(07 Jul '12, 14:07) Jaianniah

Welcome, Jai. Glad to have you back! :)

(08 Jul '12, 00:17) Grace

you may try less focusing on yourself, instead looking for where the others are coming from,
and actually in doing more for others.
it is not so much the protective coating that one needs to develop, but the awareness of our purpose here.


answered 28 Jun '11, 11:10

fred's gravatar image


I am a little confused here. Can you show me in a linear fashion, how knowing my purpose here will develop my "thick skin"? Thank you so much. Love,>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

(28 Jun '11, 11:32) Jaianniah

it is not the thick skin that is most desirable, put the the development of the skill to not let what others say get your goat, something like from what source is what they say of what is being said. linear thinking is at best one third of a decision that is needed/expected to be objectively weighed.

(29 Jun '11, 00:34) fred

The point in using autosuggestion is to choose the correct affirmation. There was a time when I was stuck for a few months using the wrong wish. I knew what I wanted to get rid of, but I was not sure what I wanted to achieve instead. Often you see the problem but you do not hit the core with your affirmation. It works like that because you want to change the problem without destroying the fundaments first, the little things that are the basement of your character vice. For example, if one is overly shy, the wish “I am daring” or “I am bold” will not work. One has to became aware that there are several smaller vices that add up to the shyness, like not being confident, obsessing about what others say or think, being non-assertive, being ashamed of your interests etc. Those were actually my own problems. I noticed that when I hit the very specific aspect of my problem, I made good progress.

Now, let’s look at your problem and try to become more concise. You feel you are too sensitive and want to develop a thick skin. But your real problem underneath this is “obssesing when people do not agree with you”. You have to elaborate on that. What exactly do you feel when someone does not agree with you? Does it hurt you, make you sad, or angry? And why does it have this kind of effect on you? Is it because you do not have confidence in your words, or rather because you have this need of people to agree with you to boost your ego? Your answer will show us the direction you should choose with the affirmation.


answered 28 Jun '11, 12:30

Asklepios's gravatar image


Here is a simple antidote to your problem: Both of my parents made a pledge to each not to go bed with bitterness in their hearts for each, if there were a disagreement, or conflict, but to go bed as best friends, and to start a fresh new day without bitterness for each other. And I can assure you it worked for all of their 49 years of marriage.

So, my point is: for you to accept the things you cannot change, to develop a thick skin to deal with the cultural diversity here at Inward Quest, and to learn not to take any person, or their ideas personally. Especially since, we spend 99% of our time assuming the wrong thing. Be proactive to treat everyone with respect, and you will get back respect, and continue to be the best person you can be! Bear no malice in your heart for anyone, allow God to be the judge, and allow peace and harmony to be your best friend in life.

But most important, love everyone, and cast no stones, for there is no point to prove, for the truth comes from within, and without, from the one Universal Mind alike.

All is Good!


answered 04 Jul '11, 00:42

Inactive%20User's gravatar image

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