I am asking this question for a friend who is suffering badly with this situation. In fact, I know of three people who are hopelessly in love with people they cannot have. I relate to this situation so much because I used to love a man who never loved me back- it went on from High School until I was forty-one! He never knew; it was so painful that I cried a lot of private tears, questioning why God would fashion me to love someone who would not care for me at all.

So- how do you get over that person? What do all of you suggest? I hope you will answer- I am sure my friend here in IQ will really appreciate the support.

Thanks! Love and Blessings, Jai

asked 28 Jun '11, 11:57

Jaianniah's gravatar image


I have noticed that I actually asked my own question an an answer, lol :)

(28 Jun '11, 12:55) Asklepios
showing 0 of 1 show 1 more comments

Thank you Jai! I really appreciate that.

I would like to share with you my thoughts about relationships. Over the course of years, after one of the failures in my love life, I decided to do something about it. That was when I became interested in so called "Pick Up Artists" techniques, PUA in short. Resources available on this in the internet are bottomless, you could spend literally hundreds of hours reading and watching various materials.

At first I thought it is not actually fair to use those techniques, but nonetheless stuck to them. I did not really value them, but felt so desperate that I used them anyway. But in the end they brought no effects.

After some time I discovered that apart from that cheap stuff there was also a current in PUA that encouraged self-transformation, i.e. character development: overcoming shyness, becoming more confident and so on. And this resonated well with me, because I am an enthusiast of character development.

Now I have this dilemma. For me the most important is spiritual development, namely completing Franz Bardon "IIH" (the book I am quoting so often) and progressing as a Yogi. If I asked a Yogi the question I am going to ask you, I know what he would answer me. But instead I will ask you.

Feeling so weak and hopeless with my social life and my relationships with girls, should I focus on honing this area of my life, or instead focus entirely on what I know is most important (spiritual development)? Yogi would say to me "focus on God, for this is the most important". But how can I focus on something so high when I do not have any successes with something as simple as having a girlfriend? When I achieve high states of spiritual development without any successes in love, wouldn't it feel like I lost something? Of course my thinking will be different when I am spiritually developed, but now it is like it is and I cannot help it.


answered 28 Jun '11, 12:52

Asklepios's gravatar image


The PUA that encourages the inner development is very helpful like David Ds stuff. However, I think you need to work on both the spiritual and the "other stuff" equally. Then you can find a happy medium and center yourself better. This is a very good answer/question, perhaps one of our flaws is that we think just one philosophy will work for all situations and it appears that is not the case....

(28 Jun '11, 22:23) Back2Basics

Thanks! I am a person that has a strong need to follow an authority. Also, when I feel that one philosophy resonates well with me, I lose my own reasoning and blindly follow. You could say I would be easy to manipulate.

(29 Jun '11, 00:38) Asklepios

If you are looking for reciprocation then it is surely not love


answered 28 Jun '11, 22:27

you's gravatar image


Great point! It is not the higher form of love, which seeks reciprocation and therefore is egoistical. But the lower form of love, the biblical eros/amor always is egoistic.

(29 Jun '11, 00:40) Asklepios

What a great point, Michael.

(29 Jun '11, 01:08) LeeAnn 1

Actually, I stopped longing for reciprocation. I won't stop loving her. I will just switch from eros (lowest form of love - physical, sexual love) to agape (highest form of love, unconditional love). I don't care if she reciprocates, I just want her to be happy. Now I am crying the tears of happiness instead of sorrow.

(29 Jun '11, 13:51) Asklepios

*eyes watered :)

(29 Jun '11, 15:16) you
showing 2 of 4 show 2 more comments

EFT should help with the obsessive thoughts. Before they tap, have them write down, or tell you so you can write down, all the feelings and where they feel it, and all the emotions surrounding this person. Like, "I feel in my . On the KCP, say, "Even though I have these obsessive thoughts about _, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. Even though I have these obsessive thoughts about ___, and I can't get him out of my head, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. Even though I have these obsessive thoughts about _, and I can't get him out of my heart, I deeply and completely love and accept myself." 3x on kcp. Then, "These obsessive thoughts," for 2-4 rounds, I don't use the gammut. While they are tapping, they should write down any more thoughts and feelings that come up or just push them aside for now, but remember them. After a few rounds on obsessive thoughts, do tapping on the feelings and emotions. Some limiting beliefs to consider: Nobody will ever be as good as . ____ is the only man for me, etc...


answered 28 Jun '11, 13:26

Fairy%20Princess's gravatar image

Fairy Princess

At some point you have to do all the work and change your thoughts every time you think of the person. You have to go out and meet someone else. You have to learn to become better at increasing your self confidence, in other words it is work. it may be a long time until you are completely over the person but you must work to minimize it in the mean time.


answered 28 Jun '11, 22:25

Back2Basics's gravatar image


Seems like I have an answer to my own problem! I knew it for a long time but it was not until today that I put it into practice.

You have to let go first. You have to became detached from the result of your pursuit. You should feel the same whether you are succn and you do everything to make it happen, you will be DEVASTATED if you are not successful. So yes, let it go. When you let go, you can even get better results because you will not be focusing on the possibility of failure.

And it applies to everything. The more you are attached to something, the more painful the loss.

EDIT: Seems like I know how to get a hold of yourself after parting! It is simply to perceive your ex-lover as someone you should still care about and protect. When I think of myself as an "guardian angel" of the girl that it did not work out with, I feel so much better and happier. It does not hurt anymore. I cannot stop the images of us together from appearing, but I can change the perspective I look at them. Simply thinking of us as "friends" ceases all my problems.


answered 29 Jun '11, 00:49

Asklepios's gravatar image


edited 12 Jul '11, 08:08

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