I suffer from PTSD. I was tortured and given drugs (LSD) while being tortured.

I am beginning to believe that the damage is pretty much permanent. I have tried EFT and other techniques. But my flashbacks are pretty bad. Any suggestions?



asked 01 Feb '12, 02:25

Jaianniah's gravatar image


Hi Jai. Hopefully the therapist that is counseling you is trained in working with those who have MPD and ritual abuse (as you have mentioned about it in the past). I am reluctant to go too deep into this subject because your therapist has to gently take you there (to deal with your memories & assimilate the different personalities). Apparently the element of faith (Jesus) will help you where the therapist cannot reach.

(02 Feb '12, 17:52) The Traveller

If you really want to unlock some of the mystery, ask Jesus to show you how to heal yourself, and lead you to the truth of what actually happened. There is a lot of information out there regarding your particular situation, but I feel much better if you get to that information through divine guidance, because God knows how to help you better than any one of us.

(02 Feb '12, 17:57) The Traveller
showing 1 of 2 show 1 more comments

I apologize in advance for this answer because I know you're not going to like it (because it doesn't justify your beliefs about yourself) and I also know you're going to ignore it as a result :)

...but this answer is offered with sincerity and a willingness to help, so it may at least be of value to others who see this and may be more open to seeing the point being made.

Here is a list of self-talk affirmations from your question...

  • I suffer from PTSD
  • I was tortured and given drugs (LSD) while being tortured
  • I am beginning to believe that the damage is pretty much permanent
  • my flashbacks are pretty bad

Those are absolute statements of belief about yourself. I can feel from your words, you completely believe them. And so your life naturally brings you more experiences that align with those beliefs.

The events you are talking about that happened to you happened a long time ago. They are over and done with.

The only person who is keeping those experiences alive for you right now is you with your self-talk, affirmations and regular focusing of your attention on those events.

If you read through many of your other questions on IQ, you'll see many other similar affirmations from you about what you absolutely believe is true for you. You might find it quite enlightening to read through those "I" statements and see how they directly correlate with what has happened and is happening in your life.

It's those constant affirmations that you make about your life that make it what it is right now, not the experiences that gave rise to them.

When you're ready to let go of your "self-justification" about why you are where you are in your life, you'll naturally attract the people, processes and events that will help you move on.


answered 01 Feb '12, 07:32

Stingray's gravatar image



@Stingray - i appreciate the feed back that your reply instigates and admire your courage my friend :)

(01 Feb '12, 07:42) blubird two

Very good post Stingray. Only a couple of weeks ago, I dealt with some deep beliefs I had about myself and relationships. I absolutely believed them,and had believed them for a long long time and they were causing me great pain. Only when I realised that it didn't necessarily have to be true, was I ready to let them go, and I did - what an amazing transformation in just a few weeks.

(01 Feb '12, 14:07) cassiopeia

@Jaianniah This was nowhere near as traumatic as what you went through, and I'm truly sorry to hear about it. But what can be done on a smaller scale, can be done on a larger scale. You just have to be ready to stop telling the same story about yourself - which isn't as easy as it sounds, because there's still great comfort in that familiarity, no matter how painful the story may be.

(01 Feb '12, 14:08) cassiopeia

Stingray, what makes you think I would ignore you? I am desperate to get rid of this condition, and am in counseling right now to change these deep beliefs about myself. I have always read your answers, and have taken your advice more than you would believe. I do have to say that my childhood was very, very bad- very bad things happened to me- and I have been at work rebuilding my mind since 1990. I used to have MPD, but am nearly cured! Thank you so much. <3

(02 Feb '12, 06:53) Jaianniah

@Stingray- UPDATE Nearly 6 years later Although you and I have some fundamental differences, I wanted you to know that my respect for you has not wavered, despite the fact that you ignore me. I would like you to know that over all the time I have been here, I have struggled, and am winning, the battle of the mind. I am clearer on who I am. Wade has had much to do with this. I gave all my power to my ex, and was unaware that I did. He enjoyed this, even though he was practicing bigamy....

(17 Nov '17, 04:59) Jaianniah

@Stingray- he clearly liked keeping me on edge all the time. I did not see my choices, but I read your writing, and try to apply it as I can. When I left my ex, and left that bad situation, I took my power back. It was a real start for me- I have had to remake myself; hard to do when you are moving between 29 selves...but I am shifting less, and still trying to move towards my bliss. I have been in considerable pain; I had a bad car accident in 2007 and the damage has never really been fixed...

(17 Nov '17, 05:04) Jaianniah

@Stingray- . Being in bed gives me much time to meditate. I am asking myself how I created this situation; I am not sure, but I am now trying to move into complete wellness of mind. "Bring the body and the mind will follow" was a statement I heard over and over in AA, but now I see it is the reverse. I need to make a huge change in my mind, and recreate what i am experiencing. So, you see, as i bask in Ward's unconditional love, I have come to believe what is taught here. One exception is ...

(17 Nov '17, 05:10) Jaianniah

@Stingray- the idea that we agree before incarnating to experience "bad" events. We are just going to have to let that evolve(agree to disagree for now). But I wanted you to know that I am feeling much bliss despite the pain in my back, and have learned to pull my mind "up" and out of everything. Yes, it is a choice! Thank you for your teachings, and please help me where you can. I need you to comment, even if you are going to say I am wrong. The answer you wrote above was correct. Thank you.

(17 Nov '17, 05:18) Jaianniah
showing 2 of 8 show 6 more comments

PTSD is the result of a brain - information processing attempt "gone awry".

When you encounter an "event" (external to you or internal - in your mind & emotions) which you initially perceive as a possible threat to your survival, your amygdala puts you on "high alert", body, mind & emotions. So you get the initial fight or flight reaction.

Immediately you begin scanning your environment very rapidly with all your senses, trying to detect the cause of the triggering event (This is all automatic within your mind-brain - body system & happens so fast most people who don't experience PTSD just experience a slight bump on their path so-to speak if the threat turns out to be nothing).

So information shuttles rapidly between midbrain (emotional control centres), frontal cortices (information processing & integration) your senses (rechecking for more "data"), reticular activating system (RAS - in brainstem, & which is the initiator of the first alert as it detects change in your environment - external &/or internal).

For people who do not suffer from PTSD or panic - anxiety attacks, the amygdala shuts down your high alert status (ie your fight or flight reaction as soon as it is determined there is no threat.

Or it gets you to fight or flee if the danger is real. Important for people who suffer from PTSD - If fight or flight are not possible & the danger is real, a person will freeze until the threat has ended. (like an animal "playing dead" under similar circumstances).

At this time if you are okay you would continue on in your life. If possible you might release the built up energy (say by getting very angry & striking out, or by crying & shaking "uncontrollably" - to whatever extent. This is the body's way of letting the blocked energy go so your energy can flow normally.

Animals do this naturally, unless they are prevented somehow (which can be due to different things, including physical restraint, previous traumatic experiences, or "social & cultural expectations" - you can probably think of other reasons for this).

People are often conditioned by social & cultural expectations not to "let it go", "be a man", "don't let them know you're afraid" etc.

When this happens the energy gets "stuck" in your body - mind system & causes blockages. (Acupuncture is one way to attempt to get the stagnant energy to "release" so the energy can flow freely again). This "stuck" energy can cause physical, mental, emotional & psychological symptoms of "dis-ease" on the person. The severity can be related the severity of the triggering event but will be more likely associated with with your success or failure to "release " the original energy block.

In your case, you were tortured & you were unable to resist (fight), unable to escape (flight), & you most likely had no way to release this blocked energy.

PTSD appears to be a result of a "glitch" in the amygdala such that it keeps the sufferer on "high alert" even after the feared event has passed or been understood by the mind to be harmless. It's like the "switch is stuck on". You may notice that your anxiety lowers due to exhaustion.

This dysfunction in the amygdala seems to be a chemical imbalance caused by the original traumatizing event(s). It appears to mimic minimal brain dysfunction & used to be thought to be untreatable ("brain damage" or so it was believed).

However, it can be alleviated, by "letting go" of the blocked energies in your system. EFT is one way this can be achieved, however you may have a lot of blockages due to the nature of your traumatic experiences.

There is a book by Eugene Gendlin called "Focusing", Which you may want to check out. It describes a method of "digging into" these feelings & subsequently releasing the blockages often slowly, however it will work. There are also "focusing "groups throughout the world.

Brainwave entrainment can also be helpful, however it can dig really deep & cause you to feel extremely overwhelmed. If you do try this, use focusing with it to give direction to your energy work. Brainwave entrainment can dig deeply but without focus or direction.

Peter Levine talks of this in "Waking The Tiger: Healing Trauma".

Last, but very important, you need to have the intention to get control of your anxiety, even while you don't yet know how to go about it. Without your intention (I don't mean faith or belief, although these might help) you will be "swimming against the current"

May you find your resolution... I know it can seem hopeless at times.

Best regards, Michael


answered 01 Feb '12, 13:57

Fred%20Basset's gravatar image

Fred Basset

That's a very good explanation of PTSD and a very good answer to the question, Michael.

(02 Feb '12, 03:20) ele

I agree! Excellent answer and explanation of PTSD. I am sure that many people will benefit (including me) from your post! Blessings!

(02 Feb '12, 06:57) Jaianniah

The extent to which you believe those illness is the degree to which they will cloud your life is the degree to which they will.

In our society those labels are often given terms with permanency, and terms of self-limitation, and destructiveness, but rest assured that these are just symptoms of believing it is so and not coherently stuck empirically within the physical misalignments themselves.

Firstly, remove the insistency of labelling those items as "illnesses."

Secondly, learn whatever it required from those states of being the misalignments put you in. They put you in misalignment for a reason; uncover how and why with curiosity.

Thirdly, give yourself the new term to heal and never had been affected by any such stuff ever.


answered 01 Oct '17, 11:10

Nikulas's gravatar image


Oh my, I had no idea that someone would even conceive of this. Wow.

Now that I think about it, this is what the Aztecs did, who were known far and wide as the darkest culture on the continent. That's how far I have to go to find any kind of analogy.

I sympathize very much, because some of my first challenges in life were a (by comparison) very very very mild version of the same, so here's the best I have to offer in the hopes that it will helpful.

A process that immediately comes to mind is soul retrieval. It is practiced in various forms of shamanism, and you can do it yourself. It can be even more impressive (and hence healing) when someone performs it for you. It is the most heavy-duty healing tool I am aware of.

When experiencing something really, really painful the body's natural response is to compartmentalize, resulting in chronic muscle tension that can lead to chronic malnutrition of the affected body areas, which leads to all sorts of ailments.

It is the shamanic point of view that everything happening on the physical level, in this case, severe compartmentalization, is also happening as a dream. So if you make a change to your body, your dream changes- and when you make a change to your dream, your body changes. Huna in particular uses many forms of dream changing to achieve a change to your emotional state, which results in a change of your body. The simplest is symbol healing, where you ask yourself for a symbol of a pain, change it to your liking, and send it into your body as an instruction with a lot of imaginary fanfare.

Soul retrieval ups the ante by personifying the pain as a part of yourself that just couldn't take it anymore and left. You can see the similarity between the physical chronic-tension-compartmentilization and the dream of a soul that had to go.

So you imagine that your soul part has gone, and you set out on a quest to find it, and persuade it to return.

If you are willing to train yourself as a shaman in the process, you can use any technique of shamanic journeying to do it- go to your inner garden and bring a power animal, find the entrance to the underworld and descend. If you would prefer a more metaphysical approach, you could just have a gentle talk with that part of you, and if you are more witchcrafty, you could set up a ritual using herbs to represent yourself and the lost part.

You dialog, and you listen, and you keep having the dialog, and you find all kinds of pleasurable reasons for that part of yourself. Take your time, get to know that part of yourself, and do use creative denial a lot- when that part of you says the world is dangerous, tell it no, it's not, that is over now. Keep repeating that as long as the claim comes up, be gently, persistently persuasive.

Once your soul part has your trust, gently ask it to take a ride in an imaginary bag, and place it into your naval, and make a gesture of completion.

You may well have to repeat this process many times for different compartments- I still have some, but I seem to have gotten to many, many others and healed them, and my aches and pains have gone away in proportion. Your body knows how to heal itself, but your spirit needs to be whole so it can- and you can make it so, little step, by litle step, by little step, and they really add up.

Finally, in addition to admitting and using a process to heal negative things directly, I find it quite helpful to have a particular positive circumstance to think about a lot, something exciting to give energy to for a little while a couple times a day- a positive seed to plant, so to speak, and to water and watch grow, a place where all that liberated energy from your return soul parts to express themselves positively.


answered 17 Nov '17, 08:42

cmc's gravatar image


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