Regarding this topic there are two major groups of people that I encounter regularly:

the first are people who are severely concerned with what others think and feeling accepted by as many people as possible.

the second are people who claim to not care what others think (the "I don't give a damn about anything" stereotype) when in reality they are even more insecure than the people who are openly seeking acceptance.

I'm of the mind to not be bothered by trivial events, and there is an extremely short list of things I don't qualify as "trivial". Whether or not people who will likely play a very short role in my existence approve of my decisions or opinions is definitely not high on the importance list.

Of course because I live by the third option I feel it is the most suitable for me and my life, and it works quite well for me I think. But I wonder, does it/would it work for everyone?

Is a powerful selective indifference a useful trait I should encourage in people who seek guidance from me, or should I leave it entirely up to them to decide, like I did?

To explain a bit further: Being the mildly arrogant person that I am, I automatically assume that the way I do everything is better than any other options. [This is a joke, partially rooted in truth.] However I know very well rounded people who operate very differently from myself, so obviously my way can't be the only way.

That is why I am asking for feedback from people I consider to be wise [you guys! ^.^] to see where your stances lie. The other points of view help me build objectivity and assist people who may not be equipped to approach life in the same manner I do.

[This question is specifically aimed from a cultural point of view, such as being accepted by social groups, friends, family, etc. Even searching for acceptance from members here would be an example.]

asked 08 Feb '12, 16:18

Snow's gravatar image


edited 06 Jan '13, 16:30

Barry%20Allen's gravatar image

Barry Allen ♦♦

in what group will you put me snow? why do you want to divide me and label me?

(09 Feb '12, 02:52) white tiger

@white tiger: I do not know you, or anything about you. Also you're communicating outside of your native language. Include the fact that I have no idea what you look like nor seen you in a social situation, and I can positively say that I have no idea what group you would fall into.

The "labels" aren't absolutes, nor exclusive, nor anything but a general assessment. Generalities aren't meant to be taken as explicits. I said "major" groups implying that many people fall into them, not that all-

(17 Feb '12, 18:47) Snow
  • people must fall into a group, nor that the groups were necessarily 100% accurate. Just trying to paint a picture, so my question can be understood in exactly the perspective I am asking. ^_^
(17 Feb '12, 18:48) Snow
showing 1 of 3 show 2 more comments

Just for now: look at life from the perspective that there's only you in your Universe. And see everyone in your Universe as an aspect of you. And realize therefore, that everyone in your Universe is a mirror who's showing you, by reflecting back to you, who you are being in every moment.

Understand: that the Universe, your personal reality, has no way of lying because it's merely a reflection of who you're being.

Realize: therefore, that in order to change the reflection you're getting in your life in every moment, you must first change.

You made a good observation: about the people in the two groups you mention; both groups are seeking for something outside of themselves due to insecurity.

However: in a Universe which contains only you and reflections or aspects of you, what does that tell you about the people within your Universe?

Obviously: it tells you, by showing you, that these ideas and expressions are contained within you, within your way of thinking.

Is a powerful selective indifference a useful trait I should encourage in people who seek guidance from me, or should I leave it entirely up to them to decide, like I did?

Knowing: that there’s only you in your world, you know that holding the above attitude and viewpoint, will serve to net you the experience of seeing and meeting people with the same or similar attitudes and viewpoints. Do you want to live in a world of indifference?

Rather: than advise you on what to think or how to feel, I’ll offer you a quote that’s helped me to cut through a lot of the chaff inherent in interacting with others:

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” Dr. Seuss – 1904 - 1991

Yes indeed: and over time, your world will be full of people who resonate with you and all others will fall away and will no longer materialize in your world, they’ll be invisible to you.

Remember: that ultimately, your world, your reality, your Uni-Verse consists of you and aspects of you and you get to choose which kinds of aspects show up within it. Do you prefer a lot of noise or do you prefer the sound of a harmonious One-Song? 8-)


answered 08 Feb '12, 23:49

Eddie's gravatar image



I'm a fan of that quote as well, and like to quote it myself.

And regarding the rest of your post.. It is a very interesting concept, but for me personally it doesn't seem to play through. For example, what exactly am I to you? What reflection of you do you see in me?

It seems to me that the entire concept is paradoxical to the point of impossibility, but maybe I'm just oblivious to the bits of myself I'm supposed to be seeing in the people I encounter, as I find discovering like minds rare.

(09 Feb '12, 00:41) Snow

And between the two of us, since we are talking must we not exist in the same universe? This raises the question: which of us is responsible for dictating the reflection from the other? Predispositions and circumstance will always cause different responses from strangers.

Regarding the last statement: So.. if I am content with myself and life here but I strongly desire something different, wouldn't the universe have delivered something different quite a long time ago?

(09 Feb '12, 00:49) Snow

As an aside: My questions aren't meant to be from a challenging point of view, but rather the things you say are what I've been being taught since I was a child from mentors of all walks of life and I can't grasp them. I have a very deep desire to understand how everything works, and this particular topic I've never been able to find someone who could explain it or answer questions about it. =(

(09 Feb '12, 00:54) Snow

Thanks for being open-minded Snow. That's how we move forward with our understanding of the nature of reality.

IQ is a really good playground to express the things which are coming into our awareness and to see what reflections we get back.

For me, everyone participating on IQ, including you, is an expression of consciousness. I only know everyone here by what they say. And I know that they say the things they believe to be true. I also know that they are not wrong from their perspective...

(09 Feb '12, 01:13) Eddie

When you say ‘me’ – the way I see it is that me is also you, in other words we are the one and the same consciousness and not really separate, although we’re playing out the idea of separation.

Yes it is paradoxical, but as I’ve said several times before, the nature of reality is paradox. When I reach paradox, I see it as an indicator that tells me that I can go no further in that direction, from my current, limited, perspective and leave it at that...

(09 Feb '12, 01:14) Eddie

And I trust that as my perspective shifts; then my understanding will also shift.

Words will always be words. In my view it’s always best to observe the things that happen in your own life and compare that to what’s been on your mind. Then you’ll know, first hand, if the truths imparted by others hold up or not :)

(09 Feb '12, 01:14) Eddie

stick to the truth. observe other people truth. and know what his and what his not. and if it is not discover why? why his it not his it from the person or from you. could the person have experience that you did not have? and that his why you have problem accepting it. or did you experience the same thing but the person does not see it like you if it his so find out why?

(09 Feb '12, 02:42) white tiger

we are all individual that share together that his the oneness that we have. we are one in that sense but we are not all the same being. even if we are all very similar there his huge difference between us.

(09 Feb '12, 02:48) white tiger

@wt, why are you trolling on my answer? Who are you taking to? I guess there's an element of troll within me, lol

(09 Feb '12, 02:54) Eddie

the first one was for snow the second one for you Eddie. why do you see that has trolling? are we not all sharing. or is it that you cannot accept the truth that i am saying to you?

(09 Feb '12, 04:28) white tiger

@Eddie: This is quite possibly the best thing I've ever heard: Yes it is paradoxical, but as I’ve said several times before, the nature of reality is paradox. When I reach paradox, I see it as an indicator that tells me that I can go no further in that direction, from my current, limited, perspective and leave it at that...

I kept coming to a similar conclusion myself and then 'talking myself out of it', but the way you explained it is amazing. Thanks as always for sharing. ^_^

(17 Feb '12, 18:56) Snow

@Snow, thanks for serving, sharing and confirming as well. No (Wo)man is an island :)

(17 Feb '12, 21:10) Eddie

Thanks Eddie, I've always loved Dr Seuss... I think if the world lived by that quote 'what a wonderful world it would be'.

(17 Feb '12, 22:40) Michaela
showing 2 of 13 show 11 more comments

I can sense when people do not really care about me or my opinion. I know it by their body language and eye contact. I find these people hard to understand and hard to really engage. No one likes to feel that they are being dismissed as not being of great, long-term importance to anyone they encounter, whether it be a cashier at a drug store, or my own dear Mother.

Part of being truly caring is to go out of the door with the attitude that everyone we encounter matters in some way, whether great or small. All people should and do matter. "No man (or woman) is an island". We are an interconnected community world-wide, and now we are seeing just how much the attitude that one person has can affect a community, small or large.

Perhaps you are taking how people care about you personally, and have been hurt. This is a separate issue. Even being hurt by others, or risking being hurt, is part of being human. It is part of being a loving being. I guess I would want people to consider me to be a loving person. It is not that I care so much about their opinion as that I care about my community, and the positive role I may play there. That is what counts!

We are all "imperfectly perfect". I would have to say that perhaps you should consider whether your feelings about others matter as much as your impact on the world.

With Peace and Love,



answered 08 Feb '12, 17:34

Jaianniah's gravatar image


Acceptance is important, example you are applying for a college and this could impact your whole life. Your entire future rides on if you are accepted or not into that college.

You have to get on a list for a kidney transplant your condition is evaluated along with your ability to pay these determine if you are accepted or rejected. Of course you are not told you are rejected, you are just told not yet.

You are applying for a loan to build a business, it really matters whether you are accepted or rejected.

You want to join the Army and have to pass the exams this determines if you are cut out for the Army so you are either accepted or rejected.

Now the bad news, if we go into the situation worrying about whether we will be accepted or rejected, we are expecting rejection. As we expect rejection we are setting ourselves up in essence preparing to be rejected. So we experience the worry then the disappointment afterwards then we experience the reward of knowing we were right, "I knew they would reject me!"

Now if we just know we will be accepted, we have met all the requirements jumped through all of the hoops and just know we were really ready for this it is ours! Then afterwards we experience the joy of acceptance! After that the joy of knowing we were right, "I knew I would make it!"

The acceptance or rejection that starts in what we are expecting to experience. Do we believe in ourselves? Are we self conscious and feel inadequate? This influences what we are expecting.

There is a story in Spiritual Marketing that Joe Vitale says about himself. One day he got a letter saying that basically the guy was unsatisfied and wanted to find someone else to handle his contract. Joe was very upset and went to his friend Johnathan, Johnathan said to Joe how do you feel about your ability to handle this contract. Joe said, "Well to tell the truth this is a much bigger contract than I ever had. I am not sure I can deliver on it." Johnathan said, "Ahhaa there it is!" Joe said, "There what is?" Johnathan said, "When we don't believe in ourselves, others pick up on that and mirror that back to us." Joe understood than was cleared to believe in himself. Right after that he received a phone call that said, "Joe you are the right one for this job, I am sorry I was too hasty I trust you to do a great job!" Once Joe realized what he was expecting because he was expecting little of himself that belief fell away clearing the way for him to expect better.


answered 08 Feb '12, 17:04

Wade%20Casaldi's gravatar image

Wade Casaldi

edited 08 Feb '12, 17:16


Yes, of course. I meant to refer to acceptance in a social way, such as being accepted by a group of people because of your actions or beliefs.

Though the lesson came through regardless, through your explanation of the importance of mindset when entering a situation. I would take it even further and say that one should not think of it as success/acceptance vs failure/rejection, but instead success vs learning experience. Still, the point is the same. ^_^

Thanks for sharing. =)

(08 Feb '12, 17:37) Snow

Acceptance vs learning experience!!!!!!! YES that is it wonderful. That is what my pastor talks about all the time, plus many success books talked about that. Learn from "failures" and they turn into successess! :-)

(08 Feb '12, 17:44) Wade Casaldi

if you are true to your self you do not need acceptance from the society. the society need acceptance from you. you do not accept this? if you do not accept this look at society right( ) now do you see things that are wrong? do you want to be part of this? you have free will be true to your self.


answered 08 Feb '12, 23:56

white%20tiger's gravatar image

white tiger


To thine own self be true. - William Shakespeare

(09 Feb '12, 01:34) ele
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