My husband seems ashamed to show his love for me when he's with his relatives. This makes me feels like he's less of a man and it makes me say things to him along those lines. I can't imagine what his problem is even though I know that I might be manifesting this myself -- I don't know what else I'm supposed to do.

asked 21 Feb '12, 18:19

MoonWillow's gravatar image


edited 22 Feb '12, 02:53

Barry%20Allen's gravatar image

Barry Allen ♦♦

what do you mean by "show his love"?

(21 Feb '12, 19:44) ursixx

@Moonwillow-Being focused on the negatives in a relationship will only amplify them. I know its not easy but you could start a list of all the positives in your relationship and add to it everyday.trying to change someones behaviour so you will feel better never really works because you cannot really control anothers behaviour.

(22 Feb '12, 14:25) Satori

@moonwillow-as Abraham says,If you hold a consistent positive vibration of anyone or anything in time only their positives can be shown to you.:)

(22 Feb '12, 14:29) Satori

Moon Willow, Did you ASK your husband to talk with you?

Did you ASK your husband to talk with you -- with a counselor?

If he says yes, you have a start.

If he says no, you have a big decision to make.

(23 Feb '12, 06:54) The Prophet

The Prophet,

We spoke yesterday morning, I expressed everything I felt - then I got off because I needed to get to work. By evening he said he wanted to talk, basically he apologized and said he realises that his actions are inappropriate sometimes. The things I brought to his attention were that we've been together for a long long time and maybe he thinks of me more like a sister/best friend than a wife. He claimed his love for me and no one else - I'm happy with this-observing for now!!!

(23 Feb '12, 09:42) MoonWillow

That will last for awhile... and then you'll be back at each other again.... What you need is a Complete Step-by-Step Program, that will prevent you BOTH from getting scared and falling back into old habits... You need a program that will enable you both to accept and operate on a New & Higher Standard... You need a much more compelling reason to have more positive dialogues...

(23 Feb '12, 10:07) The Prophet

@ The Prophet - what do you suggest??

(23 Feb '12, 10:50) MoonWillow

@The Prophet, you appear to be using your answers as a method of promoting the services you offer. This is not permitted on IQ. Please refer to our FAQ: . I have deleted your comment to remove the reference. Please do not do this again.

(25 Feb '12, 09:45) Barry Allen ♦♦
showing 1 of 8 show 7 more comments

MoonWillow, you and your husband need to communicate with each other.

Start by sharing your feelings with him about what it felt like when you were growing up: what your environment was like... what your parents were like... how you both felt about yourselves while you were with them.

One or both of you didn't feel loved when you were growing up.

One or both of you was rejected and/or humilitated when you were growing up.

One or both of you still feels that you will never get the love you want, or deserve to get in your marriage.

Talk a lot... tell the truth about how you feel and why you feel that way.

Anger is a very destructive emotion...

If either of you uses anger in this process, you will NOT be able to create a solution to your problem, and you will precipitate a tragedy.


answered 22 Feb '12, 09:22

The%20Prophet's gravatar image

The Prophet

Could it be he is self conscious in the presence of his family and embarassed to show his feelings for you openly? Some men are that way and it in no way reflects on them badly. Maybe affection was never shown openly in his family. My husband was always quick to show his love, regardless of where we were. I, on the other hand, did not even like to hold hands or even a quick kiss in public. He always complained about this and we were married almost 20 years. But I am shy by nature and very reserved on the outside and never show my feelings. Like a kind of protection for some reason and I feel safe like this. But your husband may be afraid of ridicule or remarks from his side of the family if he shows his feelings. I think the most important thing is how he acts when and where it really counts. If he is dependable and truly loves you I would not push him. And I would not say anything to him to make him feel like he is not living up to your expectation. And he may loosen up on his own some. Also, you can try and do some visualization exercises and see him in your mind being and acting the way you want him to be in front of others.


answered 21 Feb '12, 19:45

PurpleRose's gravatar image


Understand that even though your husband is afraid to show his love to you in front of others, you know deep down inside your heart that he still loves you. Some people are born naturally shy and they feel uncomfortable letting other people they are not close with to know about their feelings.

Think about what good would it do to you if your husband is not afraid to proclaim his love for you in public? Would it really change anything? Or why is that you want him to show his love in front of your relatives? Is it really just something you want for the sake of wanting?

If you would observe some of the people around you, you can usually find the same things happening - you don't usually see couples hugging or kissing around on the train or in public right?


answered 21 Feb '12, 20:55

kakaboo's gravatar image


well moonwillow what affect you and your husband when you go see those relative? is it the social atmosphere? is it what those relative think of you and your husband? is it the judgement that they will pass on you and your husband if you do not act a certain way? or is it your own judgement of the situation? answer those question and ask them to your husband? then you will have all the answer that you seek and will know in truth what to do for your self and your husband. experience and enjoy.


answered 21 Feb '12, 18:52

white%20tiger's gravatar image

white tiger

Thanks White Tiger - I don't think that I deserve this - plain and simple!!!

(21 Feb '12, 18:57) MoonWillow

you just have told what the root of the problem is. you don't think that you deserve this. but in fact you do deserve this other wise you will not know where the problem is and will not be able to understand and fix it. at lest for your self that is the first step. then for your husband that is step 2 if he see it the same has you but that you will need to find out. step 3 is the relative what do they think about this? do they see it the same has you and your husband?

(21 Feb '12, 20:02) white tiger

You didn't really give enough to go on so I have to make up hypothetical situations for this, please do not be offended by these. There are different levels of showing your love in front of relatives. It could be simply sitting next to you, or if it is at a table cross from you. Then it can go up a level to holding your hand or having his arm around you. Then it can go up a level to kissing you and telling you he loves you. Next it can go up a level to passionately kissing you holding you grabbing you on the couch can't keep his hands off you showing his love for you.

This all depends on how you mean show his love for you in front of relatives, the politest way is sitting next to you or across from you if seated at a table. Next is the hand holding or arm around you. Kissing in front of relatives is more like showing off and could be considered rude, passionate kissing could get you two yelled at to get out!

So it all depends on what you mean by showing his love.

With that said. I imagine it could be self conscious, or feelings of consideration. After all how much do the relatives show their love in front of you when you are there?

I will tell you one thing that may make you happy. I have known couples that openly expressed their love for each other around friends and relatives, can't get enough of each other always say my honey did this and my darling did that. Snuggling together while talking with me and guess what happened every time... Those marriages somewhere down the stream ended in divorce! Isn't that a kick in the head? They worked so hard to prove their love for everyone else because they didn't have it together alone... When you feel like you need to prove something to anyone then you need to believe it in yourself.


answered 21 Feb '12, 21:05

Wade%20Casaldi's gravatar image

Wade Casaldi

edited 21 Feb '12, 21:26

Excellent answer...I especially liked this line: "They worked so hard to prove their love for everyone else because they didn't have it together alone... " How true...I would be MORE concerned with how he treats me alone. +1 for this..Now, if YOU treat me like that in front of your family, you are dead meat, Casaldi!

(21 Feb '12, 21:36) Jaianniah

I don't feel like I'm trying to prove anything - it's simple things. He would say things around people that make me uncomfortable, he would move away if I touched him - it hurts when he does these things, I don't know why he feels he needs to. I'm not the lovey type in public either but it has come to a point where I don't feel respected by him. I feel like we're the weird ones everytime we're around people now, as if he has to prove that he's in control. I was never a controlling person.

(22 Feb '12, 06:33) MoonWillow

@Moonwillow I now see more clear what the situation is. This should be added to the original posted question for clarification. I recommend counseling. Counseling is not a bad thing, but I would also recommend you get the books Only For Men & Only For Women. These books help immensely in relationships and understanding each other. Also watch the movie Fireproof together. I hope this advice will be of help. Blessings... Wade.

(25 Feb '12, 14:56) Wade Casaldi
showing 2 of 3 show 1 more comments

A warning flag went up when I read your question.

I do not agree with everything said here; his inability to show he is proud of you tells me that in front of his family, he feels uncomfortable with his choice of spouse (maybe); or actually puts his family over you in his affections.

Then you asked the million dollar question: "Did I manifest this for myself?"

OMG, NO! A thousand times no! You may have chosen him for a thousand different reasons, but if he is abusive sweetie, the standard male-dominated line is that you must have done something to deserve it...


I feel like "Dear Abby"; maybe I am channeling her, I don't know. All I know is that I smell a rat, and baby, it isn't you!




answered 21 Feb '12, 21:49

Jaianniah's gravatar image


I feel like we're growing apart - infact I feel like I'm growing and he's not. He denies all of it which doesn't make sense, if I feel hurt then something must be wrong right?? After all I'm not deciding to hurt myself. He says he's not insecure, he doesn't have a problem that men look at me and are interested - I have never given him a reason to feel otherwise, just not my thing, but this is certainly coming from somewhere....

(22 Feb '12, 06:36) MoonWillow

Yes, it is...I am worried about his jealousy. I am worried about his lack of emotional suport for you. The reason I see it is because this happened to my ex and me...we grew apart because I was growing spiritually, and he was spiritually DEAD. I just moved past him, and started to notice things I did not see before...You must be, as the Bible so aptly puts it, "equally yoked", growing together. I am praying for you both. Feel free to reply...sorry it took me so long to reply...Jai

(23 Feb '12, 01:08) Jaianniah

I think it's best you talk to him directly.... Maybe it's manifesting because you need to talk to him and find out other issues that could also be arising. Better cut the problem down while it's down. INFACT in the chatroom today, I saw a quote someone posted by LaoTzu, something like, "attack a big problem when it's weak, and stop a weak problem before it grows to a big one"


answered 22 Feb '12, 02:22

Ali00's gravatar image


Good answer! I agree, and like the quote...very pertinent to this situation...

(22 Feb '12, 03:10) Jaianniah
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