It seems quite difficult to tell a negative ego-self that it’s a negative ego-self, as long as it’s blinded by its own sense of righteousness. And being firmly rooted within that mind structure, it’s unwilling or perhaps unable to choose something different, to choose a higher perspective point of view.

Can you see the dilemma?

  • A negative ego-self by its very nature, gets defensive when others do not share its point of view.

  • A negative ego-self always knows better than another; even when those others have helped millions of people through their work; be it a book, a movie or a self help course or program etcetera.

  • A negative ego-self must have its say on any and every subject.

  • A negative ego-self rather than simply stating anything, it must always be right about all things, even things it knows very little or nothing about.

  • A negative ego-self believes and states that because it is right, then another must be wrong, and it has no issue about stating they’re wrong or mistaken.

  • A negative ego-self absolutely must have the final word. It cannot bear to let another have the final word, because in its eyes it will then be somehow diminished or less important than another.

  • A negative ego-self thinks there is only one truth (it hasn't realized that truth is always relative to one's perspective) and thus, if another doesn't see it that way, then they must be wrong.

Is it even possible to help someone trapped in their ego to understand that they’re trapped? Or is it a lost cause or an unworthy challenge, something not worth spending our time upon? What do you think?

What’s the best way to get a helpful message across to someone who’s trapped within the egotistical thinking of their own mind?

asked 11 Apr '12, 00:21

Eddie's gravatar image



Great question Eddie.

(11 Apr '12, 03:06) Paulina 1

Magnificent. This whole page is awe-inspiring ... Good grief, I have a lot to learn.

(19 Jun '12, 11:45) Grace
showing 0 of 2 show 2 more comments


I've found that helping someone that doesn't want to be helped is a painful experience for all concerned.

Better to let people be whatever they want to be and you concentrate on being who you want to be. If you're not a vibrational match to them, you won't notice them in your reality anyway - even if they're right in front of your face - so the "problem" fixes itself :)

And, in any case, who is the ultimate judge of what's negative and what's positive? ...the "bad" see the "good" as "bad" also :)

Finally, isn't anyone who we encounter in our reality just a reflection of a part of ourselves anyway?

So, really, it's never about the other person - or trying to "help" them - but about what aspect of our self we are projecting onto them and feel uncomfortable about...and therefore think needs "fixing" :)

When we stop judging ourselves, we'll stop judging others.

I know you know all this anyway, Eddie, and are just providing an opportunity for this issue to be aired :)


answered 11 Apr '12, 02:39

Stingray's gravatar image



Another wonderful answer.

(11 Apr '12, 03:21) Paulina 1

Ahh, the reflections, thanks for being one of mine who sees all of this Stingray :)

(11 Apr '12, 03:41) Eddie

this is very true stingray helping other is a full time job. and it is very long when they do not accept the truth.

(11 Apr '12, 03:49) white tiger

Stingray, its amazing how you can cover such a wide span with just a few sentences, and each of your points was a delight to read. I loved your "the "bad" see the "good" as "bad" also:” that's bloody brilliant! Thanks’ for this great answer!

(11 Apr '12, 19:13) The Traveller

You're welcome, everyone. @The Traveller, I can't really take credit for the "good/bad" line...I read it in one of Rob's answers (TReb Bor yit-NE) some months back and decided it was good enough to steal :)

(13 Apr '12, 14:57) Stingray

@Stingray-amazing,your ability to explain ordinary life at a meta-psychical level with such clarity and simplicity is remarkable:)

(13 Apr '12, 15:26) Satori
showing 2 of 6 show 4 more comments

You can offer to share the key, but the individual in question must decide to use it and open up the door. They will always have the choice or final say if they think the door has a usefulness to even be opened.

It really is their own experience, and they must decide what is worth changing and what is not. You can offer help, but as soon as you notice that your assistance is being ignored or rejected, then it is time to just let it go and let the other person be who they decide to be.

Is it even possible to help someone trapped in their ego to understand that they’re trapped? Or is it a lost cause or an unworthy challenge, something not worth spending our time upon?

Maybe this particular life path for them is to experience the illusion of being trapped or deeply rooted in the ego. This may very well be the biggest challenge to try and overcome on planet earth in all of their incarnations. So if you look at it from that perspective instead of our own personal perspective, then yes, it is a lost cause because the individual is on their own path to personal growth and that particular path may be on a completely different level than our own.

What’s the best way to get a helpful message across to someone who’s trapped within the egotistical thinking of their own mind?

The best way is to just let them be who they are. If they are "trapped" as you stated, then they are right where they need to be.

There was a time that I was trapped in my ego and my narrow minded way of thinking. I would curse the negative things that happened in my life back then, and point fingers at others, and think that what I said was the only truth that mattered. It took all of that contrast to put me where I am today and I did it all on my own. I had many different directions where help was waiting, and decided with my own free will which rabbit holes I wanted to explore.

A person who is willing to work through their own issues and really wants to change is a very powerful thing. I saw it happen in my life but it took certain events and circumstances to get me in the right place and time to get rolling in the proper direction.

When help is offered and then rejected because of certain long held beliefs, then continuing the offer for help becomes resistance for both parties. It's best then to send them unlimited love and abundance and know that they will work it out when the time is right.


answered 11 Apr '12, 02:31

Cory's gravatar image



I would give you 100% if I could. This is a wonderful answer from a wise person that all should read and take note.

(11 Apr '12, 03:19) Paulina 1

Thanks Cory, nicely laid out and explained. I was also trapped in my ego mind. J. Krishnamurti was the first person to help me see it, but it still took me about 10 years to realize what he was saying :)

(11 Apr '12, 03:37) Eddie

i agree cory eventually the truth will set them free.

(11 Apr '12, 03:51) white tiger

Your answer resonates for me very much, especially sending them unlimited love and abundance. I feel if I continue to send them "Unconitional love" and then set a good example through my own behaviour, it will then indirectly help them and they may not even know it.

(18 Jun '12, 22:30) stylin
showing 2 of 4 show 2 more comments

Dear Eddie, I know the person you have in mind and would like to help because yes it is true they seem to be fixed in their way and don't want to see others point of view. However it is not for us to judge their way or their truth for it is right for them. The iritation one sometimes feels when dealing with them is our own problem and must be fixed within ourselves.

Yes I know its a bit difficult to deal with this sometimes but we must ask ourselves what is is within me that this person has the power to irritate? What is it within me that wants to change this persons point of view and make it more flexible. If it is love for a fellow human being and your helping them is sincere than good and if it is the irritation they caused you than your own ego has a play in this.

Acepting the person as they are with falts warts and all is the only way and learning to like/love them anyway is the best way to avoid them from having the power to provoke your ego. If you can get this right than in time their comments won't irritate but will bring a smile to your face and you will think to yourself this is pure.....(add name) and lovingly shake your head.


answered 11 Apr '12, 03:41

Paulina%201's gravatar image

Paulina 1

edited 11 Apr '12, 03:45


Thanks Paulina, I may never like <name> in this particular life experience, but because I know who each person is at their core - I love them anyway, unconditionally ♥

(13 Apr '12, 22:00) Eddie

If There is a psychical body then there will always be an Ego there to some extent.knowing this,means we will never be totally at peace all the time.Accepting what Is again, and again in whatever way we can is key.As for helping people who don't want it or seek it is futile but I think we can Influence others into helping themselves by being the best we can be.


answered 13 Apr '12, 14:19

Satori's gravatar image


edited 13 Apr '12, 14:32

Thanks Satori.

(13 Apr '12, 21:56) Eddie

Love your answer Satori, well done.

(20 Apr '12, 02:51) Paulina 1

If their ego is goading yours into playing the quickest way to diffuse it is by non-reaction. And if we witness the ego in another and feel the need to point it out to them then I think it may be the ego in ourselves wanting to respond.

If we truly want to be helpful I think the greatest gift we can give them is just realizing that they are believing in the illusion they're creating and the willingness on our part to see beyond it offers them the space to step into that awareness.

If they choose not to do so that's fine too...they're just not ready to realize their true identity and if we're genuinely coming from a place of love and compassion we'll be okay with that because we'll know they're just buying into the illusion and can step out of it,as easily as You or I, when they choose to do so :)


answered 13 Apr '12, 18:57

Michaela's gravatar image


Thanks Michaela.

(13 Apr '12, 21:56) Eddie

You're very welcome Eddie:)

(14 Apr '12, 20:20) Michaela

Please take the following remarks in the context that I am writing these words for mySelf! These are private remarks I make to myself in public. This helps me by tapping into the Group Mind.

Intriguing question, @Eddie! I think that you are writing about @White Tiger(?)

But, not really, you - I - are talking about the negative aspects of your/my/OUR ego! Perhaps I need to call the negative aspects, the aspects that I consider contradictory to my Path as being presently personified by the entity who calls himself/herself/itself, white tiger. For simplicity I will call WT by the personal masculine pronoun.

Personally I think that the entity is a construct, an alter ego created by someone. WT's grammar, syntax, spelling, presentations are sometimes sublime and sometimes childlike. Vastly different in style. But whether this is so or not is moot.

Sometimes the links are trite and silly, sometimes articulate, concise and to the point. Links can be beautifully peaceful or can be violently ugly. His remarks seem to be written by at least three or more different people. I suspect this is the case. Though he maintains a Christian stance, some of this seems Buddhist. Again a moot point.

Are the spelling errors, grammar, syntax the result of a poor understanding of our English? Or are they intentional - an intentional part of his "lessons" in trying to goad us with "answers"? To goad us into looking at negative aspects of ourselves by being such a blatant example of "negative ego"?

He writes "i am one of the fee [should be 'few'] [that] have found the narrow gate." He writes further. "took me about two months."

Well, I found the Narrow Gate in two days! So there! Must be I am smarter, know the Father better, know the Truth better, at least I capitalize God! (very big grin, Bill's ego talking) "But I did!", Bill's ego talking again. <another big="" grin="">

Some people here confront him, some try to placate and others are downright sarcastic, seeming to agree, but with underlying nuances that point to his 'transparent behavior'. We are almost afraid to use the word "judgement" because we know how he will respond!

On many other "forums" he would be banned for a variety of reasons, flaming antagonistic rudeness being a major one!

But my feelings are influenced by my taking his remarks into myself and letting them fight with my ego. Disconnecting me from my Source, and therefore making myself feel bad and ready to do personal battle. "Personal battle" in that this silly stance of mine is a direct result of my disconnected-from-Source negative ego arising. The negative ego moves on it sown, disconnected from Source,

When I first arrived in IQ, I thought he was a troll.

I made the remark, "Never wrestle with a pig, you both get dirty and the pig enjoys it"! Then, ignoring my own advice, I wrestled with the pig! He wrestled back, and he did it well. I became a "dirty little pig".

So I took another direction, I found software with which I can block him. I did not see his posts, his name, I had an "Ignore Button." No more WT in my world! But, like a bad penny, he kept cropping up in other posts made by other people, dragging me back in again.

So I took a look and decided I had learned something about myself. That the aspects I saw in wt, were there because they were within me. Fine, thought I, I will work on these, and I have, but this lesson is nowhere near finished.

As @stingray said, unless you are of a similar vibration, you can not see the things you dislike.

I found myself in a peculiar state of mind, recently, wt seemed to take a few hours off from his usual constant remarks, having to have the last word - no posts, and strangely enough I missed him! (It cost me to admit that!)

So, do I still find him to have a host of irritating and abrasive behaviors? I Sure do! When I look in a mirror and see my body has fat where I wish it was muscle, do I blame the MIRROR??

Do I blame WT for his irritating behavior and resolve to find some way to zap him into CHANGING, pointing out his errors, inconsistencies and mistakes? Or do I look within, use the techniques, breathe, get in the Now, connect with my Source and live from that perspective?

If/when I do, I do not see white tigers anymore. I do not even see other people responding to white tigers. I will have integrated the white tiger aspects of mySelf.

Do I like white tiger? No. Do I like the parts of me that he represents? A very much bigger No!

Is he a necessary part of my reality? Until I find a way to lovingly deal with these aspects of myself/ourself, you bet your sweet life he is!

EDITED: And I am growing to like him. But I am not there yet! <grin>

**EDITED AGAIN 4/20/2012 Today's quote from Abaraham

If you've got somebody's aspects in your experience that you don't like, there's only one reason they're there. You keep evoking them with your attention to them. Without knowing about Law of Attraction, you have — through your old habit of observation — achieved vibrational harmony with the parts of them that you do not like, and you keep summoning those parts from them by your constant vibrational offering of them.


answered 15 Apr '12, 09:16

Dollar%20Bill's gravatar image

Dollar Bill

edited 20 Apr '12, 09:18

Interesting Dollar Bill, I might comment tomorrow...

(15 Apr '12, 11:27) Eddie

So what is the narrow gate that you guys found?

(15 Apr '12, 13:29) Fairy Princess

Matthew 7:13-14 The Narrow and Wide Gates

13 “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14 But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.
(15 Apr '12, 13:33) Dollar Bill

So what does that mean to you that you found it?

(15 Apr '12, 13:36) Fairy Princess

My saying I had found that Narrow Gate was directly linked to that I could only see MY negative ego saying this, not my integrated Self. I have never heard any theologian or anyone else with any credibility say, "I am one of the few who has found the narrow gate to God." Other than Christ. I don't think my ego, nor WT is Christ.

What I wrote is directly related to MY EGO in a negative sense. I see WT as a reflective surface in which the negative qualities of my ego are blatantly displayed.

(15 Apr '12, 14:36) Dollar Bill

There is a strong possibility in my mind that this construct is how WT teaches. He goes over the top and sees who will respond, and how. Then he may add fuel to the fire. This can be a very, very effective way of making a point!

How many of us feel we have really progressed on the Spiritual Path, and then someone rubs our noses in the smelly ego that we would like to believe is HIS problem?

I am trying to recognize that it is MY problem, or I would not get sucked into this STUFF!

(15 Apr '12, 14:40) Dollar Bill

I too feel that your last analyst of WT's intensions are correct, and that WT's behaviour in deliberate to insight a reaction, and this is WT's way of teaching us to look at ourselves.
On the other hand, WT did ask this question
Which is a slight departure from that intent.
But then again, Look at what I am doing right now! I am discussing someone else instead of looking within myself!

(15 Apr '12, 15:07) The Traveller

well sharing the truth was not a lost after all. i like you also Dollar Bill i do not judge you i tell you the truth. the truth is my fuel. but you are in the perception range. seing things as good and bad. those duality are not all solved yet. so the traveller am- i-hard-to-fathom? o and Dollar Bill Christ kristo anointed is someone that know the light in spirit. and i do not believe jesus was the only one. he said to nicodemus we speak of what we know,but none of you can accept our message.

(15 Apr '12, 17:58) white tiger

I tell you the truth, we speak of what we know, and we testify to what we have seen, but still you people do not accept our testimony.

(we) is many people not just one. i am not a divider am i?

(15 Apr '12, 18:04) white tiger

<large smile=""> No white tiger, you are not a divider. You are a uniter, an integrator. Very interesting person(s), "(we) is many people, not just one."

(15 Apr '12, 20:58) Dollar Bill

@Dollar Bill, interesting personal thoughts you have. Here are my private remarks I make to myself in public. I think you are reading too much into the mirror analogy, it’s not always, not purely, about what’s contained within you, it also contains things for you to transcend, as clarified in my answer.

(16 Apr '12, 02:06) Eddie

I use discernment and know by how I feel whether the negativity is mine or coming from another. If another present’s negativity, then I have no issue making some form of remark or comment because it's intuitive. There are still many people in the world who do promote negativity. And by pointing this out in a general way, without name calling, then others who are reading have an opportunity to use their own discernment.

(16 Apr '12, 02:06) Eddie

The use and presentation of language from the source you mention does not resonate with me. I guess that’s because the teachings and language of Abraham, Bashar, Pleaidian Collective, Kryon, Neale Donald Walsh, Eckhart Tolle and several others does resonate with me. Consider someone, whose vocabulary does not contain the word believe or the concept implied by that word, then you’ll see through the limited perspective that they offer as the only truth.

(16 Apr '12, 02:07) Eddie

Their goal and MO seems to lie in confusing and blaming people and keeping them tied to past knowledge; and through that action, offering ways in which those people will somehow remain in a negative (non-self-empowered) state. Don’t go down those roads my friend. If we remember nothing else, remember that: no amount of paying attention to negativity will lead to a positive experience. When someone’s every other word is judgment, one has to wonder what’s primarily on their mind.

(16 Apr '12, 02:07) Eddie

Thus, the source you mention is not a helpful teacher for me, although it may be something which rhymes with teacher, again not helpful. Now I predict, no I expect a barrage of verbiage, but that’s OK. I no longer have anything to defend, because me remains absent and the connection to my higher source is now more solid and stronger than ever; in part due to this interaction. Thanks to all of you ♥

(16 Apr '12, 02:07) Eddie

the fool believe and the wise know. the fool not knowing the past commit the same error in the future and think that the past as nothing to bring him. the poor fool would have not commit the same mistake if he would have learned from the past. but because he limit him self he think that other people are limited. one day he will defeat him self and will know the truth.

(17 Apr '12, 02:05) white tiger

the wise will make a deal with the fool. here is the deal do not tell lie about me and i will not tell the truth about you.

(17 Apr '12, 02:41) white tiger

To me, when I see "negativity," I have to ask myself how did I attract this? For me, there is no chance encounter. So whether the negativity is mine or coming from another, I caused it at some level. I was at a certain vibration that corresponded. It is me that I must work on, change my vibration and the negativity can no longer affect me. It becomes invisible to me.

I felt extreme frustration and anger toward white tiger when I first came to this site. I read his posts and they all seemed very wrong to me. But I realized that he was/is but a reflecting surface to me. I think the mirror analogy is correct. If I want to know what my inner is like, all I have to do is to look at what is going on in my universe!

While I was in that angry state, I read his other posts. They also seemed full of negativity, but something kept nudging me. So I worked on myself. I first needed to admit that I was off my path to allow such anger and judgement to possess me. That above all I recognized that my relationship with Source was suffering! And my relationship with Source, with God is the most important relationship in my life.

So I did this,

And the very weirdest thing happened! When I looked at his posts afterwards, they made sense! They have meaning to me. At first I thought the posts had been edited, but it was my perspective that had been edited. ME!

Not only do white tiger's posts have meaning to me, I see a lot more depth in many other posts. Weird, but I like it very much!

Perhaps I should re-state my first sentence. It is not that negativity must become invisible at a certain vibration. It can become positivity.

Perhaps that is what he means when He (God) says, "Know the Truth and the Truth will set you free." I cannot say that I really know the Truth, but I feel I am getting there. I am listening.

Peace, Love, Harmony Bill

(17 Apr '12, 20:08) Dollar Bill

I voted you up because I enjoyed your internal dialog as you analyzed yourself.
Isn’t it great that this question, seemingly intended to help another, has swung back a full circle to help the self?
I think it is brilliant!

(17 Apr '12, 21:46) The Traveller

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

(17 Apr '12, 23:17) white tiger

@Eddie - I have been thinking about this situation, this relationship, between myself and @white tiger. I am not saying situation has parallels with your situation.

I feel what is best for me is to see the best in others. When I see the best in others, my perspective shifts and magnifies their good qualities. @stingray made a beautiful observation that if we want to better connect with Source, try to do what Source - God does. See the best in others, Source does! Seek Joy. Try to love them as Source loves them.

Then we connect with Source even better, reciprocal Joy. Everyone and everything has an element of Source.

I have a relationship with White Tiger on IQ. When I see the best in his posts, I connect with God. Sometimes it may be difficult to see the best in someone, but God honors the trying. We are not going to get it perfect, there will always be some contrast, but we can be better.

I value relatioships. I have been in bad relationships and turned my back and walked away. I realize that I can not walk away. The reasons I walked away do not stay with the person I left, the reasons I walked away FOLLOW me to the next relationship! And contaminate that relationship!

Then the next relationship has the same problems as the one I left behind. Do I just walk away, muttering, "This ALWAYS happens!"? Self-fulfilling prophecy? You bet!

Hopefully, as I resolve issues between myself and others, I resolve the issues between me and God. Likely they are the same issues that cloud my mind and disconnect me from Source.

When I try to do this alone, using that conscious part of me that prefers reactive action, I am disconnecting from Source. I am pinching off my most powerful resources. Back off God, I got this one! No, it does not work like that (for me).

But I am, metaphorically, going to put my shoulder to the boulder and ignore God, who has a crane standing by. If I listen, just stop and listen, God shows me the seat and controls of the crane. Poof, the boulder is moved with almost no effort from me.

All my life I have met apparent obstacles with two objectives, 1. How do I remove this obstacle? and 2. How do I resolve the situation where the obstacle does not reappear?

By seeing the best in others and being sure that I am listening to God. As a CEO I am more used to looking down than looking up, now I am spending more time looking up. My powerful partner!

I have a twofold gain in my relationship with @white tiger. Though it may be not the most popular opinion, I see beauty and sense in his posts, mostly. There are a few things with which I am not yet in sync. Secondly I see more beauty and sense in other peoples' posts.

The bottom line is that my life is more joyful, and that, Eddie, works for me.

(19 Apr '12, 07:05) Dollar Bill

who cares about popularity? look at popular people they have paparazie that follow them they have people making gossip about them. they are not at peace and have trouble having a normal life. they have people wanting what they have some would even kill them.

(19 Apr '12, 10:21) white tiger

@Dollar Bill, too much to post in comments, see my new answer...

(20 Apr '12, 02:25) Eddie

@Dollar Bill,

  • Thanks for introducing a more personalized way of answering questions on IQ
  • Thanks for your disarming/non-confrontational way of writing
  • Thanks for sharing your perspective

I’m pleased that this question was helpful and has caused many observations, issues, insights and realizations to be raised within this community. I’d finished with this question and wasn’t going to comment on it further. However, I’m replying because you addressed your post to me :)

Although you assume there’s some kind of situation, it’s obvious to me that there’s no way or need to resolve the gap in understanding between certain other sources, both within IQ and in the offline world and myself. Even though it’s been assumed that this question was directed at a particular person, although it does include that person, it applies to people in general.

To offer a bit of background information: part of my work in the offline world consists of meeting with many individuals from a variety of backgrounds, in many lines of work; they visit me. I listen to what they say and from that I have insights into their thoughts and beliefs.

After listening, because I’m aware that all pain and suffering is only possible due to our perception of it, I’m able to ask them questions like:

“Are you willing to allow for the possibility that you can redefine your belief and in so doing you’ll have a different perspective, and through that process you’ll feel better?”

If they answer yes, then we can talk further. If not, then I know there’s no point in talking further about their issues. I cannot assist someone if they’re not willing to assist themselves. I have compassion for them, but because I know that life on earth is a game of remembering and that upon death, everyone wakes up and returns to heaven, I do not pity them.

For me, when I see negativity and ego action within another, because I know that: a) it is a reflection brought about by my own attention to it and b) by continuing to pay attention to it, it will not dissipate, but will grow in intensity. The best solution I’ve found is to end the interaction by simply ignoring it and to focus upon things that make me feel good. I don’t believe I have to reconcile any particular relationship; to me it’s all about how I feel.

Although I didn’t consciously plan it to be this way; this question together with my answers and comments, have allowed me an opportunity to see if I’ve changed through my response. If I resort to anger and name calling, then obviously I haven’t changed. It would be so easy to say one word and know that it would cause another to react in a negative way, but what’s the point in that? At this stage in my life I’m heading towards zero drama and 100% joy :)

When you say “The bottom line is that my life is more joyful, and that, Eddie, works for me.” IMHO that’s the best and most self-empowering sentence in your post. Whatever works for you, is best for you, but that doesn’t mean it’s best for everyone or even best for one other person, it may be, but it might not be, we just don’t know.

For instance: you and I have a completely different idea and definition of God. When I see this in your posts, although it doesn’t resonate with me, I don’t see arrogance within your presentation, so I simply choose to ignore it. You offer your perspective and I offer mine, there’s no fear, coercion, anger or blame implied by our posts, we’re simply offering our point of view.

Let’s keep it that way my friend :)

(20 Apr '12, 02:25) Eddie

@Dollar Bill, please do not use answers as a way of commenting on other answers, use the comments instead. Also, please only answer once per question and edit your existing answer. By cluttering up question threads with comments and multiple answers, it makes it more difficult for other IQ users to read through the threads and find the answers they are looking for. Thanks

(20 Apr '12, 02:38) Barry Allen ♦♦

@Dollar Bill, I am turning your multiple answers into comments to clean up this thread

(20 Apr '12, 02:39) Barry Allen ♦♦

@Eddie, @Dollar Bill has not introduced a new way of using answers. It is a misuse of answers to be using them for commenting and makes it more difficult for other users to find the answers they are looking for. I am turning this answer into a comment to @Dollar Bill's first answer

(20 Apr '12, 02:42) Barry Allen ♦♦

Loved your answer Dollar Bill it takes a brave person to do what you did.

(20 Apr '12, 03:02) Paulina 1
showing 5 of 28 show 23 more comments

it is a process for each of us to learn,
not unlike the so called terrible twos
that gets handled with firm and gentleness
so as not to choke off the individuality
while realigning the self-centered personality


answered 11 Apr '12, 06:43

fred's gravatar image


it is a dilemma that you will have to work on no one can make it except you. but try to stay in the truth. then your ego will not take hold of you. and you will be at peace with your self and other. it is always about you not about someone else. remove your fear and ignorance. so open your eyes to the truth. i will also add that a truth that is relative is incomplete truth. a perfect truth can be seen under all angle or perception side of view. ego is not negative it is just doing its job the problem is the owner of the house that do not control is ego. i told you before if you cannot be in peace with your self and other you cannot enter the kingdom of light. the darkness does not enter the light.

The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.

each time you drop in judgement you are not in truth anny more.

Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God.

we are all equal so if you think that you are better then someone else where does that come from?

if you help someone it is not about the quantity but the quality. if you think that you are better then other people because of the quantity where does that come from ?


answered 11 Apr '12, 00:55

white%20tiger's gravatar image

white tiger

edited 11 Apr '12, 17:52


It is not always that I agree with White Tiger; however, I do agree with White Tiger's response from this perspective. I believe that the answer lies within ourselves. If we believe that, we have to help someone else with his or her ego problem, what does that tell us about our own ego?

(11 Apr '12, 01:13) The Traveller

Speaking for myself, I am very much aware of the fact that my ego is the portion within me that enjoys participating here, and I do not like admitting that out aloud. For me to think otherwise would be self-delusion.

(11 Apr '12, 01:20) The Traveller

A good answer White Tiger for that which bothers us in others is also within us.

(11 Apr '12, 03:15) Paulina 1

you speak the truth traveller. you still have some work to do if you act from ego but you stay in the truth. and i appreciate you. in fact i appreciate all of you here i might be to honest. but at lest i do not lie to you.

(11 Apr '12, 03:17) white tiger

well Paulina 1 nothings bother me every one as free will and are responsible of it. if something bother me i will tell you because i have free will also.

(11 Apr '12, 03:28) white tiger

if it help you i will not help you anny more. then you will not have to think that i judge you when i am telling you the truth.

(11 Apr '12, 03:34) white tiger
showing 2 of 6 show 4 more comments

To quote


"In the cases on which my work is based there has been what I call a true self hidden, proteceted by a false self. This false self is no doubt an aspect of the true self. It hides and protects it, and it reacts to the adaptation failures and develops a pattern corresponding to the pattern of environmental failure. In this way the true self is not involved in the reacting, and so preserves a continuity of being. However, this hidden true self suffers an impoverishment that derives from lack of experience." (from "Clinical Varieties of Transference," 1955-56)

So under every no there is a yes ,a what if. But after repeated failure/lose the negative ego/ false self seems to have control.(beliefs)
Is it worth helping this person? Yes. Is it your responsibity ? Maybe, you could be one step on the way for this person.
Do what feels right for you. Learn from the responses you get.
We all need someone to play devils advocate sometimes to see the holes in our arguments and that negative is really a positive


answered 14 Apr '12, 06:02

ursixx's gravatar image


Thanks ursixx.

(14 Apr '12, 20:56) Eddie

ursixx, to have them think of other than believed but limited awareness of the reality of the situation

(17 Apr '12, 21:14) fred

Loved this answer it is different and inteligent.

(20 Apr '12, 03:16) Paulina 1

@fred 1 so true! @Paulina1 smiles

(27 Apr '12, 14:58) ursixx
showing 2 of 4 show 2 more comments

Please know that I stand by all that I wrote in this question and what I said in the subsequent question, because both questions are related and both came from inspiration.

Thanks for all of your answers. I particularly appreciate the Uni-verse and mirror/reflection analogies and reminders, because they prompted me to go even deeper down the rabbit hole to reconcile the apparent dilemma or paradox :)

Several other points were raised: what is a negative action, who says it’s negative and if I’m seeing negativity in another, then negativity must also exist within me, because it’s a Universal reflection.

I didn’t randomly decide to ask these questions, I felt inspired to ask them after seeing what I perceived to be negative (unhelpful) actions of others, so there was intention. This answer came through after contemplating the reflection/mirror analogy idea…

Consider a person, who, due to 20 years or so of inquiring into, understanding and reconciling the idea of ego within themselves, and who now feels that they can definitely see negativity in someone else. If we only look to the surface understanding of the mirror analogy, then we say, well, it’s a reflection, so the same negativity must exist within me also.

However, if we realize because we see that our own beliefs, emotions, thoughts, words and actions do not generally contain negativity, while at the same time we understand the mirror analogy; we’re left with a dilemma or paradox, in the form of: can it be possible that it's purely a reflection of my own negativity? And that dilemma or paradox leads us to inquire even more deeply...

Let’s say that we’re aware that we’re evolving, through the understanding of our life experience. We believe or know that in addition to our physical self, we are also a higher self. And we know that it’s our higher self which goes forth and creates our desired future experience; it brings it to us based upon our own asking, right?

The thing to remember and see here is that the Universal reflection is not only, not purely, based upon what’s currently contained within us; it also contains that which will help us to move forward, as a response to our own asking. That’s how we move from our current state to a higher frequency vibrational state.

Thus, due to our asking for more clarity and our desire to step up on the vibrational ladder, in order to be a purer light. Our higher self says, right, let’s see how you handle this and it sends inspiration to ask questions, because it knows that negativity will be reflected back to us, and it knows that that's what we need to transcend in order to step up vibrationally.

So in a sense, it was primarily a setup by me for me. Because the negativity that was reflected back to me gave me an opportunity to see if I'd really moved beyond my own negative ego-self or not. And even though it was by me for me; it also has the potential to assist others, if they’re willing to allow themselves to see the underlying intention of these questions. So those questions can serve double duty.

If we react to the apparent negativity before us, then we have more work to do in the area of our negative ego-self. If we respond to the negativity in ways that are inspired by our higher self, then we know we’ve moved beyond our own negativity and thus we’re ready to step up a vibrational rung.

What’s the best way to get a helpful message across to someone who’s trapped within the egotistical thinking of their own mind?

Asking the question in the way I did was the best way that I could get a helpful message across. Because if you reacted in the form of negative answers and/or comments, you know that you’re experiencing negativity within yourself. And so, at some level of your being, you know you have more work to do,

And as a bonus, by seeing the questions in this way, anyone who responded in a positive way will know and will be reassured or have confirmation that, indeed, they’ve moved beyond their own negative ego-self and are moving up the vibrational ladder towards more clarity :)


To observe negative ego-self action within another is not judgment; because there’s no label attached to the observation in the form of bad or dark. When seen from a higher perspective, the labels of good or bad and dark or light are not seen in the same way that a negative ego-self sees them.

The evolution I refer to is the evolution of human consciousness on planet earth, the idea of our consciousness evolving to a higher state, a higher perspective that’s closer to that of God.

Remember that, yes, while the question came through my consciousness; because there’s only you in your Universe and because you, as consciousness are reading it right now, obviously, it logically follows that it is your reflection. And as such, it’s always your choice of whether you will react or respond to it.

Don’t take it personally as some kind of affront to who you are. I don’t know anyone physically here on IQ; we’re interacting and communicating on the level of consciousness. And as our consciousness expands into newer and higher versions of itself, the end result can only be positive for everyone here and indeed for our world ♥


The Game of Life has some interesting bible references and contains ideas about God, imagination, higher self, positive and negative states and how to feel our reality into existence...


answered 14 Apr '12, 21:59

Eddie's gravatar image


edited 17 Apr '12, 22:20

if there is darkness with in you, you need to work on it. to not see it as judgement when it makes you take action against someone from the darkness in you is not helping you. open your eyes and ears. and you will know the truth. and the truth will set you free. that is the water level of the thougs in you. the duality not solve in the windows of perception.

(14 Apr '12, 23:20) white tiger

According to Gregg Braden there are different mirrors that reflect different things. He said that if you attract someone that is not a reflection of you, there are steps to take from there. I think the next one is what we judge. So we attract people who reflect what we judge.

(15 Apr '12, 10:15) Fairy Princess

Vid not working :(

(15 Apr '12, 22:31) Eddie

Good video Fairy princess. i have enjoy it. Eddie just make a search with those words (Greeg Braden essene miroir) and you should find it easy. and Fairy princess the narrow gate is (truth) over the duality of the windows of perception. you could say that those are the things that you need to solve you find the truth about them you will see those though and emotion under all the different aspect. once learned it does not bother you it is drop from your windows of perception.

(17 Apr '12, 04:35) white tiger

once all clean. you are at peace with your self and other(no more darkness the futility as been seen and understood). you will reach what is called dhyana in meditation a mind with no mind or a frozen mind. focus and awareness is boosted. after your physical sense go away. the spirit disconnect from the body. then you see this world with out the body. and the light comes to you and you go in the light to the kingdom of light.

(17 Apr '12, 04:46) white tiger

white tiger I am glad you like the video. I don't understand what you are saying about truth over duality though.

(17 Apr '12, 08:55) Fairy Princess

look at duality lets say you do not understand white it is troubling you it is in your windows of perception you might not even be aware of it. then you will see that though appear and analyse it. you cannot stop a though. but if you analyse it you will see it under all the facet duality is black mix of those 2 is gray. all colors come from the white light. all contrast come from the shades between black and white.

(17 Apr '12, 22:46) white tiger

once all those duality are solved and you know everything to know about this the though will drop in its place like a solved puzzle. then you will have a clear image (the truth). once all those duality in your windows of perception are solved you are at peace with your self and other you have seen the futility of it. heart and mind are at peace(pure heart and pure mind). what is the difference between a child not touch by the darkness of the ego and you? no duality in the window of perception.

(17 Apr '12, 22:58) white tiger

the child learn and do not judge. And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.Brothers, stop thinking like children. In regard to evil be infants, but in your thinking be adults.

(17 Apr '12, 23:04) white tiger

Liked your new answer Eddie, yes it is true what you said.

(20 Apr '12, 03:13) Paulina 1

@Eddie - I DO understand that you are offering help. Your remarks show that. I like!

(20 Apr '12, 09:21) Dollar Bill
showing 1 of 11 show 10 more comments

this is an audio selection from my source that will help u in these ideas.

if you are not big on listening to sessions then here is a nut shell. When u are imbalanced ( bad emotions ) there is a reason. Don't hide or suppress them, only use them as a guide. When it is negative ( or positive ) it's because the thoughts, actions, or experiences that you are having doesn't ( or does with positive emotions ) go along with ur deep beliefs. The emotion is a flag. See what it is specifically that causes this imbalance or feelings. When u find it, it will or should be easier to do because u will feel the emotion when u think about what it is that is causing the issue. after u see it is this that is causing it then you will have to reflect, why does this thought action or experiences make me feel that way,. what exactly is it that makes this so faulted. 99.999% of the time it will be because ur mind (ego) will tell u one thing and ur heart will say another. You should always listen to the heart. As most of you who have heard or seen my posting u know one of my favorite quotes from Treb is this, "[…] if you follow your heart, your heart is connected directly to your higher self and soul. And your soul knows better than anyone, for you. It knows better than the wisest, or longest living entity in this universe. Because it IS you, it is part of you and it is what you need. So follow the heart and you will never be lead wrong. "

now when u hear this some will ask, how can you distinguish what is which ? What is from my heart what is from my ego. The ego is self serving the heart is not. Even if it is a heart that is you will be able to know because you will only feel joy from the heart. No hesitation no desire to question it. If it is from the ego there is usually questions of a nagging nature and no way to see it all through. Hope this helped.

love n light ( wisdom)



answered 19 Apr '12, 08:21

TReb%20Bor%20yit-NE's gravatar image

TReb Bor yit-NE

edited 19 Apr '12, 08:34

Love your answer TReb my sentiments exactly. Live from the heart and your life will become like magic. No one will upset you and you will love all. (Yes the ego is still there and ready to do whatever it can for one can never lose an ego in this dual world.)

(20 Apr '12, 03:23) Paulina 1

@Paulina 1 thank u very much. love n light

(15 Jan '13, 12:52) TReb Bor yit-NE

You can't.

And luckily, it doesn't have to be a problem to you unless you let it! For me, I stay out of the way until that person actually realizes his/her situation and THEN ask me if there's a solution. Until then, I'm just talking to a wall. Good luck Eddie, don't think too hard about this. Even if it's a close relative or friend of yours, some things just aren't meant to be sometimes. The best help you can give is to NOT force yourself into a situation thinking you're helping, but really you're not.


answered 15 Apr '12, 19:07

Ali00's gravatar image


Thanks Ali00, a very wise perspective. It's very good for me to gauge how I think, how I feel and how I respond, a kind of self test :)

(17 Apr '12, 21:18) Eddie

A short and sweet answer and to the point. Loved it.

(20 Apr '12, 03:17) Paulina 1

Well Eddie, you have said it yourself. You only experience people you are a vibrational match to. Read your answer here and here and here and hereto other questions. I just thought you put it so well, why reinvent the wheel, right?

And now my thought on it: When we decide where a person is coming from with their words, etc... we are judging them. If I decide that Someone needs To See That Their Ego Has Control Of Their Mind, that is my ego judging them, and judging myself. I have realized that, but am still working on, when I feel this way about someone else, I can just accept the fact that we are not a vibrational match. If it is on IQ, I can just ignore the posts that I don't resonate with. Sometimes when I come back later, I do understand what they are saying, but often I don't. I don't let it get under my skin, I just ignore it. I understand that if it isn't a match to my vibration, it is a match to something else. According to Gregg Braden in his video about the 7 essene mirrors, the next reflection, if it isn't reflecting our own self, it reflects what we judge. Then there are more mirrors, but my point is judging other people and ourselves.

So, the only way to know if someone's ego is in control of their mind, is to judge it that way.


answered 11 Apr '12, 10:46

Fairy%20Princess's gravatar image

Fairy Princess

edited 26 Apr '12, 10:35

Thanks for the reminder Fairy Princess :)

(11 Apr '12, 11:55) Eddie

You're welcome Eddie. Thanks for those great answers I used.

(11 Apr '12, 12:43) Fairy Princess

Be your best self and act courageously- tackle your own fears and your own mind and live as an example. By you living as an example- that will lead them to their own questions regarding how their mind or ego is causing havoc in their own life. Many people are lost and hurting. Be someone who isn't- lead as an example and your light will show others the way as a result. You don't have to force it upon them- they will be lead to see those answers themselves.

We ultimately cannot separate from the ego as it is there to serve us in survival- but we can be aware of our fears and how the mind acts up and train it towards a more relaxed, prosperous, abundant, non-competitive, grateful and open minded thoughts and feelings and responses. We can choose our own responses and train the mind and exercise courage in response to fearful thoughts. Its a habit just like any other but its not out of your reach.


answered 31 Oct '12, 00:21

Kanda's gravatar image


In regard to your tag ~

To quote John Mark Green ~ "The self-righteous scream judgments against others to hide the noise of skeletons dancing in their own closets."

This answer is marked "community wiki".

answered 26 Mar, 21:49

ele's gravatar image


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