I have a friend who brings out the best in me. We laugh like nothing else. I love being around her, but lately things have been different. We still have fun and she makes me laugh hysterically, but she is an extremely negative energy.

She downs everyone and everything that seems to be in a better position than her. It could be the smallest thing that I will praise someone for, even people we don't know personally. She will knock it right away.

There is always a "yeah but" from her immediately after someone is praised. Although she is extremely egotistic, she is obviously so insecure for no reason. It has gotten to the point that if I text her about her, or someone, or something she is interested in.... it is immediately answered and conversation goes forever.

If it's something good that happened in my life or to someone else she will ignore it completely. Lately she has been insisting that we are exactly alike, when that couldn't be further from reality. I find myself pulling away because it's just so stressful. We have so much fun, but then afterwards i'm always thinking ...."what the hell just happened." I love her dearly, but I can't stand it!!! Any advice is appreciated!!

asked 21 Jun '13, 11:12

believer1's gravatar image


edited 21 Jun '13, 12:52

Barry%20Allen's gravatar image

Barry Allen ♦♦


It's ok to change the relationship if it's no longer fun or good for you.

(22 Jun '13, 06:55) clearheart

Very true! Not only OK, but sometimes necessary. If you can help someone grow in the time when they're ready then that's a blessing, but you have to also be able to distance yourself in the interest of preserving your own health and wellness, because if you let their weight pull you down then we need two lifesavers to rescue others before they drown.

It can be hard at times and seem selfish, but we have to be able to help and secure ourselves first to be able to most effectively support others.

(22 Jun '13, 07:04) Snow

Very often I become aware that I am not taking care of myself in some way when another, or other things are starting to bug me too much. Then it's time for me to pay attention to what I am not liking so I can help myself feel better.

(22 Jun '13, 21:25) clearheart

Often when we persist in behaviors which are thought to be unhealthy to us physically, mentally, or spiritually we will start to make bad things happen in an attempt to ward us away from the perceived negative behaviors. Bad cycle to get into because you end up punishing yourself for not accepting yourself, which makes you dislike yourself further for punishing yourself. [Pirate flag: "Beatings will continue until morale improves!"] This idea doesn't actually work sometimes. =) ^_^y

(22 Jun '13, 21:37) Snow

"The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them." When the same approach doesn't work after the umpteenth time, it becomes time to consider new ideas, even ones previously ruled out as being untenable or never considered to begin with.

And when all else fails.. just keep moving forward. =)

(22 Jun '13, 21:40) Snow

Snow, I'm actually laughing about the pirate morale idea, how true that has been in my life. Yes I get sick when I'm hiding things from myself. I guess that is punishing myself even when I no longer have the negative self talk to go along with it.

(23 Jun '13, 05:28) clearheart
showing 0 of 6 show 6 more comments

You already know the problem. "Although she is extremely egotistic, she is obviously so insecure for no reason." Egotism is a mask to cover insecurity.

People lash out at others when they feel weak or vulnerable or exposed themselves. Any time she is attacking someone else it's likely because she is threatened or insecure in whatever area she is attacking. If she is just attacking everything about everybody without hesitation, then it's very likely she has some deep buried trauma in her past she isn't willing to come to terms with.

Excellent quote by @Satori I saw in this answer. "In my experience all addictions no matter what they are, are all just ways of sedating the emotional charges we pick up, usually in childhood. Its just a way of masking the pain instead of feeling it fully and therefore releasing it. This sedation never works in the long run. The only way out is through."

Attacking and lashing out at others is an addiction like any other. The question is then to find out if her insecurity is from a current detail about her which you can make her feel more accepting about or work on fixing or a past trauma which she'd need to work through in her own time. Unfortunately you can't force someone into working through things until they're ready, the best you can hope to do is try to make her feel more comfortable, happy, and confident with herself and be there and available for her if she decides to try to work through whatever trauma is at the root of her insecurity.


answered 21 Jun '13, 19:05

Snow's gravatar image


If she is your friend but always puts you down then you have a right to tell her off.

I know you maybe be like me and hold everything in that hurts you. I do that myself.

I feel it is not worth the fight. If I feel lousy, then fighting will not make me feel better only vindicated. But that vindication lasts only a moment before the other comes back at you with worse.

You could walk away when you feel hurt, you don't have to stand there and take it.


answered 22 Jun '13, 14:10

Wade%20Casaldi's gravatar image

Wade Casaldi

edited 22 Jun '13, 14:12


I have gotten bolder in my freedom to express myself in an easier manner since I've been studying abe and bashar's teachings. I used to blurt stuff out and it was a big scene. Now though I'm reaping the rewards of this new me, my relationships have got better and the others are now doing things that are scary for them- it has def been a wonderful snowball effect even if it was stressfull and scary at the time, and the time after that.

(23 Jun '13, 05:40) clearheart

my dad behaves in same way as ur frnd does,, but the problem is i even cannot leave him.., or ignore him.., so what to do.., do u have any remedies for this ?

(23 Jun '13, 10:39) supergirl

my dad is negative, judgemental and supercritical.., the thing is tht if i try to tell this..he strts argueing n fighting with me so, i avoid this..

(23 Jun '13, 10:41) supergirl

@supergirl Yes I know how this could be. I avoid confrontation by listening to my Dad then let it go unless it helps me.

You need my how to deal with blamers book.


(23 Jun '13, 19:54) Wade Casaldi
showing 2 of 4 show 2 more comments

"I have a friend"

According to the LOA, she would NOT be your friend if you weren't a vibrational match.

"she is extremely negative energy"

> "Lately she has been insisting that were exactly alike, when that couldn't be further from reality"

If nothing else, you friend is your mirror & is a reflection of you. If you doubt this - I suggest you read this question over again & then read the question you posted only minutes before this one.


The first 3 words which popped into my mind were negative, judgmental & critical. Someone who seems to be very unhappy.

If you would like to salvage this friendship, I suggest talking to her & being honest..


answered 22 Jun '13, 22:49

ele's gravatar image


edited 22 Jun '13, 22:52

It's so true that we mirror, the thing to realize it's can be be a trait that attracts it or the same exact trait...like victim,bully. Or two people who can't communicate their needs. I've had blow ups with people and we had a rough time even looking at each other at times, and now everything seems to be coming up roses. I guess there was enough manure and turning over of the soil :) .

(23 Jun '13, 05:43) clearheart

@clearheart I prefer harmony & peace. I rarely stay upset more than a couple minutes & soon forget ... As for your friend - you "clattered" away & now you seem to be vibrational match once again. EDIT - seems there was no 'clattering'; you were always a vibrational match, otherwise you would have left quietly & you prob wouldn't be friends again..

(23 Jun '13, 13:01) ele

I think you can shift her behavior by shifting your attitude surrounding her. We all have off days, you may have seen that behavior activated a vibration within her that gained momentum and just continued to grow and amplify (in your reality). If that doesn't make sense, study a bit of abraham hicks stuff when it comes to activating something in someone, you can by using the law of attraction choose to only interact with her when she is at her best and not behaving in that negative manner. My suggestion, either do what I just said, or use the logical and more earthly approach and flat out ask her why it is she does that, point these things out to her, be blunt with her, be understanding, etc. You might be surprised. I have been in similar situations with other people and have helped them gain understanding and even grow as a person by acknowledging and pointing out what others or even the person didn't see. Enoch Tan also discusses a variety of topics concerning these particular situations.


answered 28 Sep '13, 21:57

lex's gravatar image


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