I have been extremely shy and socially awkward for as long as I can remember... and I don't know how to overcome this. I feel my life is so dull and boring without being able to really connect with other people. I even have trouble connecting with my family in many ways.

I just have this vision of me being funny and happy and comfortable in all social situations... being able to make friends wherever I go and coming off as fun and likable.... but I seem to just come off as dull and boring. I can't make eye contact or express myself. If someone I don't really know is around, I end up becoming very quiet and end up forgotten in the conversation. I feel like I am the complete opposite of the person who I want to be... but I don't know how to be that person. I don't have the confidence to go anywhere new or talk to people whom I don't know. Almost any conversation I find myself in, I feel awkward and even further discouraged about myself. I become so afraid of just talking itself, it's hard for me to express what I want to say, and even then, I draw a lot of blanks and don't know what to do or what to talk about.

If I had one wish, this would be it. To overcome this fear and be able to be that person I want to be. To be able to surround myself with love and friendships. But I am truly lost on how to get from here to there... I've been this way ever since I was little, never saying a word throughout my school years. This is the first time, even, I've ever truly asked for help with this, but I'm tired of the inner battles I've been having for so many years over it... so I hope there is someone who can help or relate in some way... Thank you.

asked 30 Jun '13, 20:14

-Mo-'s gravatar image



Keep living your vision,feel it ,breathe it,live it,so it is.

(30 Jun '13, 20:53) Roy

This is a great question. You'll get your wish, and to top it off, you'll also have the master skill of helping out other shy people once you've become the friendly social party animal.

How to become it? Decide you are it now. Bashar has a ton of help on doing this, you're doing fine, just keep utilising your imagination bro!!


(30 Jun '13, 22:52) Nikulas

mo, perhaps we are (become) what we believe ourselves to be inside. do not be so authoritative with yourself and give notice to what is different. a step at a time, if not comfortable it may not proceed

(02 Jul '13, 21:22) fred
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There are two ways, one is little by little through effort. The other is modeling after someone else.

The modeling is similar to channeling that person. It is shifting your frequency in effect changing you into a frequency similar to that person. The cool thing is because this is a tuning technique, you could even make up the ideal you and turn into him.

I many times do this myself playing my guitar.

You imagine that you are that person. You feel it within and around you. As you do this you could imagine this person merging in consciousness, like your souls are one.

Now when you go out it is not you, you can have fun. You don't go over board and get lost in this persona even telling people your name is his. But you feel his confidence, his understanding, his knowing.

It is like a real life Dr. Jeckel and Mr Hyde, the only difference being who you are choosing to be is in your control.

Some could say this is just delusional play acting. You only believe that you change. Maybe... But if it works who cares why it works. :-)


answered 30 Jun '13, 20:38

Wade%20Casaldi's gravatar image

Wade Casaldi


"delusional play acting"- @releaser99 and his idea of taking 'method acting' to the next level I believe will score points here.

(30 Jun '13, 22:48) Nikulas

Thank you, would you say its normal to struggle a little with this at first? I've always just seen that other person in my mind, but this is the first time I've ever tried to really get into the skin of that person. I've found it a little tough to really imagine being that person, since I'm not entirely sure how that person would behave in specific situations. I appreciate the help, I really like this idea

(01 Jul '13, 21:06) -Mo-

You have to affirm, this person and I are one. I have his qualities. It is about belief, imagine it then believe it. Imagination wins over will power. If you imagine you can not do something but push with your will to do it anyway, you fail. This is the same in reverse. Imagine you can!

(02 Jul '13, 21:44) Wade Casaldi
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You can work on it like some other are saying... visualizing, feeling better etc. But there is another way that works for me.

That is to forget about thinking that this will define your life. I used to think like this too. I am not that talkative and little introverted. I used long time back think i need to talk a lot and smile and laugh together with everyone etc etc.. but it does not matter. WHat's most important is to just be who you are.

I will translate what this means. Since lot of people say - be who you are. But its not easy to be that when the picture you have of yourself is disrtorted or coming from wanting to be something etc.

Basically this means that you have some noises in your mind that needs to stilled. There are judgements that YOU HAVE TO BE LAUGHING and ConNECTING with people. There is nothing wrong in wanting that but the problem is the JUDGEMENTS you have about it. Since you observe that connection is not there and that observation bring you back to Zero in your mind. Meaning you think are not making progress.

Instead flip the switch and focus on what you like in life. For 6 months forget about connecting with people. You know the Universe will bring what you really want so dont worry that its not gonna happen just because you are not directly working on it.

Work on what gives you real joy and fun just for yourself. If no one exists and you live in life what are activities you do. Example - i wanted to sort of dance but was never a good dancer or never did that for 38 yrs of my life. but once i learnt about Law of Allowing etc... i started doing it - JUST FOR FUN , SINCE I LIKE IT. not because i can dance and connect to some girl. this is important not to again do something for someone else.

You think you are boring becuase maybe you are truly not following the things you LOVE to do. this does not mean something you will die for. It can be simple things that you love doing. my dancing is just hobby - its not to become dancer. It need not be your life purpose right away. Just go with small thing that you always wanted to do. etc. maybe you want to sing, play instrument , play sports??

Meditate everyday for some time. Silence is the answer to everything - great great Masters have said that. When you silently meditate for some time everyday - choose 15-20 mins or more whatever you are comfortable. Do it with intention that its connecting you to the Divine. Divine will is the greatest will. If you put that behind your will anything can happen. If God or spirit energy decides you will get amazing relationships in heartbeat. You dont need to all that work on it. But to get in touch you need to meditate. When you meditate you become calm and still and in that calmness you will know what to do. It will be more clear so it will be the REAL YOU. You will stop doing things that are due to external factors.

I can give some exmaples... before i wanted to connect to people. So then i read book. The book said go out and mingle in groups and i did that. Then i read being fit was important. so i worked out and look good. I even hired a fashion consultant. Then someone said you should be able to talk and connect more freely by developing conversational skills so i took some lessons on that too. the list goes on. Instead later i switched to what i really like doing... i did meditation and silenced myself. For some time i said there is no need to connect right away. It will happen when it happens. Then my mind got more still. Then i decided i always wanted to dance so took some lessons. I did NOT go there to connect to people. I liked to move to music. when i focussed only dancing then i met a girl. We just connected. we had a great time. I never thought about how can i connect with her. What should i do so she does not get bored etc. I was in flow. And if not her someone else i would connect. But things worked out great. we went on some great vacations together, great dinners, movies etc... She adored me. And through her i learnt how WORTHY i was. but in the back of my mind i knew its because i stilled my mind and then followed my joy and i was being more of you i really am - and that as the Greatest Spiritual Masters have said was the real answer.

i had couple of most amazing relationships like never before in my life. And i never tried to connect. It just happened because my mind was still and i was also following what i love - dancing.

---- EDIT... I actually also wanted to add that the above method is more to bring ourselves in alignment with who we are. the action to visualize and meet people to connect is something i am not discouraging at all.

on the contrary once you are aligned and then take action - that combination of being aligned with who you are and then taking massive action is very potent method to get your manifestation. Its lethal power.

but reason i said to take it easy 6 months, is when i did something like for myself that i could separate myself from my attachment to connect to people and stepping away like that gave me the opportunity to see how my thinking was clouded and how earlier i was trying to arrange outside experiences but getting away from my core of who i am. i was chasing things by doing things that i really did not like at the core of my heart but was doing instead analytically thinking that would give me the outside result.


answered 01 Jul '13, 14:14

abrahamloa's gravatar image


edited 01 Jul '13, 16:33


This is a really helpful response... I can relate to a lot of what you said. At times I've had people lecturing me on all the things I need to do in order to be likable and have a social life... just like you said, exercising, smiling more, etc... but that awkwardness would remain. But this is really inspiring to me, especially considering I've always wanted to dance, but have never had to the courage to do it, even when I'm alone. Thank you, it's great to hear from someone who can relate :)

(01 Jul '13, 21:20) -Mo-

yes i can relate to what you wrote since i was that before... also its not like external advice is not right or wrong. Its more like has to be natural to you and you dont want to do things to get you somewhere else... Like i workout a lot and am crazy over it, but now its because only i love that.. i love to emulate other athletes for my own self... not that if i look in shape someone else would like it... so once you sort out the things you ACTUALLY want to do for yourself things change...

(01 Jul '13, 21:24) abrahamloa

also be patient... in the sense sometimes we look for results over our shoulders too often.. instead if we just STOP that and just enjoy the things we really like then before you know you will be pleasantly surprised things start happening... universwe delivers wonderufl things...... do your gratitude / appreciation everyday just few small things while you also move to who you are! best of luck!

(01 Jul '13, 21:26) abrahamloa

“If a man doesn't know how to dance he doesn't know how to make love, there I said it!” ― Craig Ferguson

me thinks this is a great reason to learn how to dance...

(02 Jul '13, 22:51) ele

Everyone gave great advice/tips on building confidence. You won't have the life you desire until you learn to love yourself, 'warts' & all. It's starts with showing compassion towards yourself. Do you treat yourself the way you do others? Do you feel or show as much kindness & love to yourself as you do others? Your Beautiful @Mo Believe it!

(02 Jul '13, 23:31) ele
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