When I get really mad, I usually end up behind a closed door, crying. I have a temper, and it has taken many hard lessons to learn what to do with my anger. What kinds of things help dissolve anger? (I will share what I have learned later.)

Blessings, Jai

asked 19 Mar '10, 13:22

Jaianniah's gravatar image


Anxiety was more my dysfunctional behaviour of choice rather than anger. However I don't think it matters what the behaviour is but rather HOW we deal with it. AS LeeAnn pointed out doing something physical can be a great way of dissipating that built up energy.

However you do have to be careful that you don't use that physical activity as a way of avoiding the anger because then you are really only dealing with the symptom and not the cause, and in actual fact are only putting a bandaid on it.

One of the most effective (and sometimes the hardest) ways of dealing with it is to go somewhere alone and just be with the feeling - feel it fully rather than trying to escape from it. When a feeling is felt fully like this, it tends to lose a lot of it's power and the more you can do this and try to just witness those angry feelings within, the quicker the feelings will subside and they will arise less frequently.

Treat the anger like an errant child because that's really all it is - it's probably due to some learned behaviour or resentment from something that happened in childhood and as a result that part of your psyche did not get a chance to mature properly and the resentment was tucked into your subconscious. The more you can just witness the feeling without feeding it negativity or blaming it, the quicker it will dissipate.

Another clue to finding the root cause is to watch what triggers the behaviour as this will usually have some kind of connection to why the dysfunctional behaviour originated.


answered 19 Mar '10, 22:31

Michaela's gravatar image


edited 20 Mar '10, 01:06

I dissipate the energy with immediate activity like shoveling snow if it is winter, garden work if it's summer, housework, taking a walk, play ball with the dogs, or whatever I can do to get that energy I have created by being angry, out of my body. Usually my head clears within a short time, and I am no longer carrying the anger in my body either. Usually after a little while of being active, I have also decided what to do about the problem and have a plan.

I used to stew.....run the problem over and over in my mind and allow the anger to be held in my stomach. It would burn all the way up my throat, and I would feel not only angry then, but physically sick. I noticed one time after some snow-shoveling, how much better I felt by having some activity right away. I think it allows some of that energy that is created to diffuse.

Of course, though, it is better to not get angry in the first place, but I'm recognizing that it will occasionally happen to most of us!


answered 19 Mar '10, 14:32

LeeAnn%201's gravatar image

LeeAnn 1

I do something constructive that needs my full attention and work ethic. I use my anger to my advantage whenever it shows its face. The main things I do when I am angry is I work on improving myself and my life


answered 20 Mar '10, 00:46

Michael%201's gravatar image

Michael 1

I agree with Michaela. Just want to add one more thing to it. Only two days ago I tried this, which actually worked. Rather throwing my anger on others, I shared with my family that I am feeling angry. Thats it. Being authentic about my angerness, opened up space with my family and they all supported me in letting it go, rather than me alone trying to deal with it.


answered 20 Mar '10, 02:31

Anita's gravatar image


I try to see the triviality of the situation, for example: if you notice, things that really made you angry are nothing more than a memory maybe even a few seconds later, minutes or hours maybe a day but after a while are forgotten.

The only way they are remembered is to say "wow that made me so mad!!!" but if you think of it that word "made" is the key, it is saying I "was" angry "then" but now I am not.

This holds the key that this thing that makes you so mad is a passing thing and will shortly be nothing but a memory like a bad dream you woke up from. So with this understanding it seems pointless to get angry over something, it achieves nothing but self harm. The only way anger does something is constructive anger, the bible talks of that.

Constructive anger is like being angry over people being mistreated such as human rights being grossly violated, so you do something like organize a petition or hold a peaceful protest and get the news involved.


answered 20 Mar '10, 09:07

Wade%20Casaldi's gravatar image

Wade Casaldi

edited 20 Mar '10, 22:26

When I get angry I throw myself into physical work. I steam inside as I try to grasp all the feelings and figure out the reason behind the anger (usually it is hurt feelings.) But this doesn't last very long, for I soon run to whomever is the perpetrator for a big hug and a kiss and a I am sorry for whatever it is I've done to make you do this, and let's not argue, I love you. The response has always been, I am sorry too, and I love you too, and let's not do this again.

thank you, namaste


answered 08 Mar '11, 15:57

daniele's gravatar image


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