To all my the amazing friends,

Overtime people have told me that I don't know how to talk properly and that I talk roughly.I take at most care with each person in my life or a stranger not to hurt them in any manner because I know that hurtful words cause more bleed to anyone's heart than action(also,because I too feel the same)its even more painful to know that you are the reason for that when actually you never meant that.

Though I never mean/meant any harm/hurt to anyone by any way/means under any circumstances I still end up with people saying that I hurt them. And this very thing that "I hurted them" ..shakes me to the core and I cry silently as why people get me wrong.

Please do help with any solutions/remedies/fixes/alternatives that can help me with this.

I don't want to hurt anyone as I know I have to pay for every hurt to other person by words/actions or any deeds and reply to almighty one day.I wish to take this moment to change the way you people suggest to change the things for the betterment of fellow humans and myself.

Awaiting your answers.

Its a serious bug with me..

Thanks in advance,

God bless you all...

asked 17 Jul '12, 13:35

insilentpain's gravatar image


edited 18 Jul '12, 09:39

Kathleen%20Kelly's gravatar image

Kathleen Kelly ♦♦

This is what happens even in normal day to day speaking with people in my life apart from arguments(which is quite true as per answers below) while professionally people appreciate the way I work and address their mails and have received lots of applauds for the same but unfortunately this isn't true with my personal life I fail here.

(17 Jul '12, 15:14) insilentpain

do not be to quick to speak listen to the truth with a pure heart. make every effort to think speak and act in the truth with a pure heart. do not judge or you will be judge to the same mesure. be at peace with your self and with other because i tell you even that little darkness in you can make it impossible to enter the narrow door.

(17 Jul '12, 17:07) white tiger
showing 0 of 2 show 2 more comments

Your way of speaking is direct reflection of your way of living your life. If your days should be bright and gay all the time, you would speak uplifting talks, it would be easy to talk, because the source of it would be your happy inner-self and you wouldn't worry about the way you speak at all.

You can't go the other way. You can't try to change your talk without changing your inner self. It's like, when there are rainy clouds, it's always gonna be wet around. You may try to dry the wet, but it's gonna get wet again over and over, because of the clouds. Don't address the wet, address the clouds that block the sun who naturally dries the wet.

To stop hurting others, you gotta stop being hurt yourself. Don't focus on your talk, focus on yourself. Find the ways, things and people you desire to be, and surround yourself with those ways, things and people.

If someone you meet does not act in a way you want to act, or acts in an opposite manner, cut them loose. Let polluting, toxic people go from your life. Switch the channel. It might be tough to erase people you knew from childhood from your life. But if you come to conclusion they influence you in a way you don't want to be influenced, you have to do it, or they'll negate your efforts and drag you down all the time.

And same goes for many other things, not just people. If you're watching soup operas, then stop it. What good does it do to you, to watch someone's else life, instead of living yours? What good is watching news - no good, they build them around SHOCK value, to take your attentions away from your own life - News:"this and that person died today". Wow flash news, as if dying was some sort of rare thing...who cares.

In life, there's junk food and healthy food. Food for your body, food for your brain, food for your soul. You are what you eat. You eat junk food, then junk food gonna come out.

Be selective. Now, if you are interested in this topic, I may suggest you listen to Joel Osteen sermon about negative influence


answered 18 Jul '12, 07:04

CalonLan's gravatar image


edited 18 Jul '12, 07:16

CalonLan -Thanks a lot ,I liked your answer a lot.Especially the point relating to not being hurt ourselves",Its such a boost.

Absolutely, incredible ,loved your insightful answer.. :)

(18 Jul '12, 08:29) insilentpain

@insilentpain you are welcome. And I just want to add, be aware of the environment around you. Everything is energy (metaphysically speaking) and energy vibrates. Your body is an energy which has a specific vibrational rate. If you collide with an object of higher vibrational rate, it may transform yours and you'll be more happy. (like e.g. a happy song) but also if you read something sad, it can affect you and you'll be sad and depressed. It's so important to know what we expose ourselves to...

(18 Jul '12, 08:52) CalonLan

...because it is going to affect our state of being. And we cannot completely block effect of external things on us. But we may be aware and selective in what we allow into our lives.

External things will change our inner-self, which will in return display the vibe we were displayed to, back to the world. So listen to great music, go to beautiful places, find people who don't judge. Might sound like an attempt to live a fairytale, but who's to say your life can't be one? Nobody. ;)

(18 Jul '12, 08:56) CalonLan

@CalonLan-I must admit there is some kind of strong energy I feel from your answer,something that makes me read again and feel the vibe.Honestly,while reading I was relating every bit/word to everything in my life right now.You are right what we attract and allow in our life willingly or unwillingly has profound affect on us which can be positive or negative at times without our knowledge.

I feel lack of words/speechless for your beautiful answer.. :)

(18 Jul '12, 09:21) insilentpain

@insilentpain, as a matter of fact,it's your own answer to your own question. You already had it within you, you might have felt its sensation at times,but you have never really clarified it to yourself. Which is often hard, because our beliefs and fears might hold us back from making such clarification.

If you didn't have it within you, the post I made would not resonate with you. Sometimes, we need to see reflection of our picture through others, because we are not able to see the picture.:)

(18 Jul '12, 10:00) CalonLan
showing 2 of 5 show 3 more comments

AA has a saying that works well for me: ALWAYS PRACTICE RESTRAINT OF PEN AND TONGUE.

If you find yourself about to put your foot into your mouth, think of that restraint. Say nothing. LISTEN TO THE OTHER PERSON EVEN IF IT KILLS YOU TO DO SO!!!

This takes self discipline and practice...I encourage you to start small, and work your way up to total silence when in a confrontational situation.

I have also found that it is a wonderful thing to say to some blow-hard after he/she has ranted at you (with a small smile, of course), "Gee! Thanks for your opinion!" Then walk away.

Learn that you do NOT always have to have the last word.


Good Luck!



answered 17 Jul '12, 14:25

Jaianniah's gravatar image


Good answer Jaiannaiah and I agree too..but its not with arguments..even it normal way of talking.People say so.. :(

(17 Jul '12, 15:09) insilentpain

Try listening to a well mannered lecturer/public speaker(a guru on a subject). Pay attention to what shows you watch,people you converse with and the conversation subjects. Also saying "I'm sorry , forget about what i said" at the right time helps. If you consume alcohol(don't, and that one is obvious)


answered 18 Jul '12, 06:27

2manyQs's gravatar image


Pray to God before you answer someone if you know that it will be a confrontational thing. Pray that God gives you the right words guided with love and compassion.

This works even for a business meeting or anything you may get nervous over talking at, you pray to God beforehand and he gives you the peace of your heart to be able to talk with confidence.

This lets you talk with love and compassion even while someone may make you angry it is good because "In the presence of your enemies God has a table prepared for you, your cup overflows." This lets you stay calm and respond with love and compassion.


answered 17 Jul '12, 14:17

Wade%20Casaldi's gravatar image

Wade Casaldi

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