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In my own life, I’ve been told that hard work with dedication can go hand-in-hand to achieve anything worthwhile in life, and that all things will be fulfilled by doing so. Days upon days I would ponder about what that profession would be, how wonderful I would feel about myself doing it, and how relaxed I would be at the end of a hard day completing it. But in my days growing-up, I found out the jobs I had dreamed of wouldn’t be in this ideal vision that I foresaw. Later in life, I would soon realize that the truth of it all was more about being used, and never receiving the proper currency to sustain my own personal life. One occupation that comes into mind was a steady job of forty-hours or more a week at the local retail store; a place of fullness in my own perception. This place of security would be my castle of solitude for some time and within it I had everything of need and comfort. I would stock the shelves aimlessly night after night preparing the store for the next day—alongside this I would also prepare the shelves carefully and with diligence paying special care to the alignment of the rows of stocked goods. This all was a tiring task, but a task that needed to be done, for the good, and well-being of the people within this place of solace.

As the day progressed, lights of the silent dark streets would be graced by the light of the new day—the chaotic world would soon shadow my place of comfort. The people would slowly trickle in early morning, just as a creek comes to a fall—I would soon be surrounded by patrons. “Hello Ma’am, how are you doing today? Anything I may be of service to you with?” I would ask the costumer before me, with ambition of fulfilling their needs with as much effort as I could muster. The costumer would react with a slight smile, but of disordered nature and would present me her question of requirement that had been previously asked. As the many faces would fill these aisles—the same inquisitiveness conversations would fill the void of space within the store from every passing customer seeking their objective—As I helped this woman with her needs I saw behind her all the work I had done with care, come to crumble, by the many passing customers; seeing all the hard work that I had done be carelessly thrown away.

Every day it seems that this type of scenario would engulf my life—over and over—in this world of questioning about the “Meaning of it all?” At the end of my week I would come to a close: relishing in what I have accomplished and tired because of it. Soon I found myself standing at my front door, waiting for an envelope that would be carrying the greater part of my deeds. What I found was a less than expected check, that didn’t add-up to what I believed was “just-dues” of the deeds I had performed—for the individuals that I had worked with, and within the many good moments of my life.

This lack in harmony would slowly sink into my ambiance of perception, questions would arise within me: about what really is, and what this world really wants of me. For a while, I thought that this world didn’t need me, didn’t want what I could give it, because it didn’t grant me the necessities to live within it. As the days past in my occupation—I soon sought out the meaning of this question and it became a constant question within my life—the world itself was against me and anything I did within it was wasted—thus I would be a penny wasted and never a penny sustained.

After long deliberation and conjunction of the many thoughts that came to be, I came to an awakening of sorts. “I need to get out of this unfavorable life! Why do I give, but never really live?” I would constantly question myself this during the duties that took place within my day. This train of thought would plague my thoughts, behavior, and existence. Furthermore, during my stretch spent working within my profession—I started to look elsewhere: for a place of existence, a place of suitable desire, and a place of self-sustenance. Amazingly enough, I would discover that this place wasn’t made of simple and aplastic rules, in a world that thinks it's truly developed, but I was shown another world that was in a state of security. This place I found was the military itself—a place of discipline, a place of reassurance, a place of solace, and never faltering in what they promised; where I would truly never be a penny wasted, but a penny truly sustained.

asked 14 Apr '13, 23:56

Mr.%20Smith's gravatar image

Mr. Smith

edited 17 Apr '13, 20:22


Congratz. You saw the life in its raw essence, although you shied away from it again.

(15 Apr '13, 04:17) CalonLan

yes a good in depth text ... is not the shield of which CalonLan speaks, unconscious beliefs ? :)

(15 Apr '13, 04:25) ru bis

@ru bis, what "shield" ? lol..I meant "shied" as in past tense of shy. Or where you making a point including "shield"? =)

(15 Apr '13, 04:37) CalonLan

is not shyness a shield of protection based on belief, on past embedded and forgotten disenabling experiences?

(15 Apr '13, 04:47) ru bis

@ru bis, true :)

(15 Apr '13, 05:15) CalonLan

mr smith, self awareness is knowing your role in Creation

(15 Apr '13, 06:33) fred
showing 1 of 6 show 5 more comments

Hello Mr. Smith, thanks for the detailed description, i think that many people can identify themselves within it.

Where ever we focus our attention, emotions, reactions, personality and behavior determines where we go in life. Self awareness is the recognition of what our thoughts and emotions are, where we are placing our attention and where all this is taking us. Unless we are aware, in the moment that it is happening, of what our thoughts, emotions, words and behaviors are and of the consequences, we have difficulty in making definite changes in our life.

Here is an article "Pathway to Happiness - Self Awareness" that i feel sure you will find beneficial;

We have to experience in order to understand. If we hear(read) a text we may find it interesting, if we see an object we may consider it beautiful, it's only in doing that we can we really understand ... "I hear and i forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand"-Confucious :)


answered 15 Apr '13, 04:15

ru%20bis's gravatar image

ru bis

damn, I don't understand what you want? I understand simple things but what you said sound's depressing bro... This awareness thing is just one of the many gifts of God. It's your power, use it when you want to. But God's wise commandment says "Love YHWH, your God, with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength" and "love your neighbor as yourself"-Jesus Christ. I used to be an asshole and used to fight all the time. This commandment changed my life, it can do the same for you cause you're already seeking a deep understanding. This practice gives an understanding that's deep like the ocean. This wisdom of love brings an awareness thats wonderful and awesome, well it's from God. 'To love is to be vulnerable'- C.S Lewis. And '...It's not self seeking' 1 Corinthians 13:5.


answered 15 Apr '13, 20:21

Dodova1990's gravatar image


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