I received this text message from an acquaintance of mine in the middle of the night. She has been having a very difficult time lately with finances, family and personal relationship and I had helped her to get a job. I see her text message as a means of crying out for help and saying that even though she has money now, she is still not doing well.

She is not spiritual or religious but she really wants to start feeling good about herself and her life. I have been trying to get her to connect with her innerself by sharing the "Manifestation Experiement" and I also gave her a copy of the "The Law of Attraction" but she still does not get it. I have even referred her for professional counseling but nothing seems to be working.

I am not sure what else I can do for her. What advise would you give her or me?

asked 12 Apr '10, 15:17

Drham's gravatar image


She has probably realized by now that the root of her problems are not the finances or the relationships. She has to be willing to take a good look at herself and begin to develop the awareness she needs to realize and accept that what is happening in her life is being created by the internal representations she makes and reflects to the outer world. This is not a means of blaming herself but rather accepting responsibility for the part she has played in creating her life because only when she is willing to do this will she be able to put into motion the wheels of change for the better.

Sometimes it gets to the point where we have to be tough with those we love and not continually enable them to be the victim. Everything you've done so far seems to be in a positve direction to help her take responsibility for herself but unless she is willing to go within and create the self awareness, that is needed to realize contentment, there is really not too much more you can do.


answered 12 Apr '10, 18:26

Michaela's gravatar image


"What's money? A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do." - Bob Dylan

"The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money." – Johnny Carson

When I was growing up in my household there was always more money to go around. Me and my brother had the best toys, the first computer, the first VCR from all of our friends. We lived in a communist country where eating fruits and chocolate was a luxury, and still our father used to bring us a bucket of oranges every now and then.

As I look at it now we had all the material things we needed, but still money was an issue in our household. Why? Because it all could end one day.

That was a belief that my parents adopted from their parents saying "There is not enough to go around". It all started with my grandmother, whose parents were killed during the World War II and she and her two sisters basically grew up on their own.

They were so poor that often they didn't have nothing to eat, so as my grandmother became older, became a teacher, had three sons, but she never dropped that belief. She dedicated her life to accumulate as much food as she could during her lifetime, so nothing can surprise her.

So right now she keeps in her basement 40 pounds of sugar that is 20 years old and she says that it might come in handy one day. But that sugar in unusable now and what she is doing she is living like she was a little girl with a belief "There is not enough food to go around"; circumstances of her life have changed, but she still lives like this little girl, who can loose everything in one day, just like she lost her parents.

So my father adopted a similar belief, but he couldn't say that about food, because my grandmother took care of that; in their house there was always more food than necessary. So my father changed the belief to "There's not enough money to go around" and living accordingly to that belief, he has auto-destructed every chance to be financially stable today.

So I grew up with the belief too, but I have added something "extra" to it. I added a belief to it "There is not enough love to go around". So I was always jealous of the attention my brother got from the whole family and I never was satisfied with what I got; not enough kisses, attention, recognition and so forth. I write extensively about it in my book which you can download for free from here http://www.warriorinyou.com/products3.htm

So why am I writing this? Because my whole life was being organised by those beliefs and only when I changed them I could feel the freedom and joy of life.

You see I still "worry" about money, but not in the way I used too. Because what most people associate with money is abundance; they think that having money means having abundance, but they're wrong. My definition of abundance is.

Abundance - the ability to do what you need to do when you need to do it. Period.

So every time I find myself in a situation when I want to do something very much, but in the back of my head I hear this voice, this nagging of "you won't make it" or "you can't afford it", I bring this definition of Abundance to mind and ask myself "Can I do what I want or not?" And you know what the answer is most of the time? Yes, I can, but I have got to overcome the belief "There is not enough to go around."

You see, if you believe that "there is enough for everybody to go around" what does that imply? That there are enough jobs, enough money, enough passion, enough love, enough life partners to go around for everybody. The thing is you've got to believe it first before you can see it, because "believing is seeing" and not the other way around.

So how can you help your friend? Show her that "there is enough to go around". Research and find examples of people that have "made it"; you can also show her the people that have much less than she does and they are happy, because money doesn't give happiness.

You can tell her a story about a Chinese guy who few years ago, when the big crash market occurred in the US, lost 3 billion dollars in one day and committed suicide the same night. Sure, it's a lot of money, but he still had 3 billion dollars left, so why did he do it? Because the sense of loss was so great that he couldn't cope with it, even though he had enough money to feed all the starving kids of the world for a year.

And another suggestion for you, Drham. I don't know what your relationship with that person is, but your role in this life in not to safe her. You are NOT here to save ANYONE! You are here to be the best self you can be, and by that showing other people that they can do it too.

You are responsible "to them"; not "for them". You have to focus on your own life and show people that if you can change they can change too.

My cousin is a good example of that. She studied psychology, does coaching in companies and so forth and she is highly empathic, but sha also "plays it safe" many times with people.

So she had a friend whom for two years was Bit** and moaning to her of how her life is not working. She gave birth to a child and now she wanted to go back to school but she felt she couldn't. So what she did she picked my cousin to be a shoulder to cry on.

So my cousin, as a very empathic person as she is, felt in her heart that what her friend was doing was feeling pity for herself. She wanted to tell her to stop, to finally go out and do something to change her life, but her head had other opinions. In her mind she has thought that it is better not to say nothing so she won't offend her or hurt her feelings.

So two years have passed like this. Finally, when my cousin couldn't take it anymore, she told her friend "Enough is enough. You have been asking me for advice for two years and you did nothing yourself to change your life. My advice is - start doing something and stop feeling pity for yourself." The next week the friend called my cousin up saying that she enrolled back to school and it was all thanks to her.

So do I encourage you to yell at your friend? I encourage you to do what your heart tells you, not your mind. Help her in anyway you can, but don't be a slave to her; don't let her drag you with her into her depression.

You see, not everyone is going to be in this "new world" we are creating right now. Some people, who will not want to change, will either one day disappear or die out, but still it will be THEIR choice.

So don't worry.. relax and know that it is alright. Be the love, be the light and show, on your own example, that you can change and everything else will follow.


answered 12 Apr '10, 18:20

wildlife's gravatar image


Money is a way to buy things. Money doesn't make you happy because, ultimately, things don't make you happy.

Money is associated by some with security. That's understandable, because money can buy the things that can make people feel secure, like a roof over your head and food to eat. But I would imagine your friend already has those things. And true security comes not from having more money, but from your ability to provide value to other people.

Money is associated by some with freedom. That's understandable, because money can buy the things that can make people feel more free, like gas for your car. But money can also tie you down. If you have a lot of money, you need accountants to take care of it and tax people to manage the taxes associated with it. You have to be there to make sure your business is running properly and your investments are working properly.

Not a bad life, to be sure. But isn't having friends more important? Isn't feeling good about yourself more important? That feeling has to be about more than money, because if feeling good is about money, there's never enough.


answered 12 Apr '10, 16:27

Vesuvius's gravatar image


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