Is there a way to assist ones we love without absorbing their energy due to the energy of "taking care of" them?

asked 28 Jul '10, 19:24

Assister's gravatar image


edited 29 Jul '10, 05:13

Barry%20Allen's gravatar image

Barry Allen ♦♦

What is the nature of your caretaking? What is it about this care that is draining your energy?

(28 Jul '10, 19:37) Vesuvius

I seem to be absorbing the energy of loved ones whom I am trying to assist in their healing. To sort of heal them... for them, which we all know is of one's own doing. No one can heal another. It must be their own healing. I seem to be doing it indirectly. Example: My mother in law is suffering from pleurisy and I can feel my husband's fear of losing her so I go to assist her and take on her energy, thus experiencing pleurisy myself, then having to work on healing myself. The indirect "taking care of" comes in where I take on my husband's fear of loss of his mother. Help!

(28 Jul '10, 20:22) Assister
showing 1 of 2 show 1 more comments

The best way to take care of anyone is to firstly ensure that you are taking care of yourself.

If the other person is ill and you're worried that you may absorb some of their negative energy, I would suggest firstly that you are physically and mentally at a good place yourself so you are not as susceptible to absorbing that negative energy.

You can surround yourself with a protective light or affirm that your intention is to stay happy and well while taking care of your loved one. It will help too if you can try and envision your loved one as being happy and well, even though appearances may show otherwise.


answered 28 Jul '10, 19:38

Michaela's gravatar image


@Michaela: Very nicely put. We can't help others until we take care of ourselves. ( i.e. - Oxygen mask must go on the parent first so they can take care of the kids.)

(29 Jul '10, 00:27) Back2Basics

I'm currently in the process of letting go of the energy of taking care of. It got to the point where taking care of that person really effected my health in a negative way.

I recently bought the book Boundaries and am learning we have to let people feel pain for them to get even a little bit stronger and better.

I am still on this journey of learning the best way to live with it.

Good luck. Let me know if i can be of any help considering it sounds like we are in the same boat.


answered 29 Jul '10, 16:51

Back2Basics's gravatar image


Thanks! I will check out the book. I think the biggest thing you said for me was to let ones experience their pain so that they can learn from it & grow & become strong.

(01 Aug '10, 21:00) Assister

Caretaking can take many forms. Some of us are raising children. Others are providing living assistance to an elderly person. Still others are working with an autistic person.

It helps if this care is viewed as a privilege, and not a chore. If you love the people you take care of, that caregiving should be a pleasure, not a burden.

As with all things that require energy, you should do the things that give you more of it:

  • Get an adequate amount of sleep each night.
  • Exercise daily.
  • Eat well.
  • Meditate.

Make sure you devote some personal time to pursuing your own interests that inspire you.


answered 28 Jul '10, 19:36

Vesuvius's gravatar image


I think even when you" take care of" out of love, sometimes it becomes overwhelming.Mostly we am happy do do the "taking care of" but then something happens and we begin to feel put upon.I think generally we are so entrenched in " taking care of" that we forget "me" who sometimes feels like being "taken care of " ourselves.Because we have taken on the role of "carer" we do not feel able to take the care of others if it is offered,it seems like a sign of weakness.Myself I feel like I am the one to take care of myself,and others. Not a very clear answer ,but a jumble of thoughts.


answered 29 Jul '10, 07:19

evelyn's gravatar image


The book Back2Basics suggested is a really good one and will help you a lot if you are having a hard time drawing lines.

When we feel inspired to help others, that can be a great exchange of energy and love, for both the giver and receiver. But the line can easily be crossed, and one can quickly find themselves feeling like a doormat, and that isn't how it should be. You definitely need to keep yourself healthy, and the person you are caring for needs to do as much for himself or herself as possible and not be "babied" in any way. Guilt should not be a factor in the exchange either.

Tony Robbins, one of the world's best motivational speakers, has a new TV show, which started this week. It's called "Breakthrough" and if you get the chance to catch it, on TV or on-line, I recommend it. There was a young couple featured this week, where the husband is paralyzed from a diving accident and the wife is caring for him 24/7. Tony encouraged the wife to get out sometimes alone, to not think of her husband as being fragile, and to see him as more capable of taking care of some of his own needs. He encouraged the husband to see himself as stronger, and encouraged him to sky-dive, learn to drive again with special controls, and to play some wheel-chair ball games. Previously this couple had stayed home and cried a lot, feeling sorry about their lives. It was about love, guilt, and caring for oneself, and about balancing life out with some fun as frequently as possible.

Best wishes for staying balanced!


answered 29 Jul '10, 17:08

LeeAnn%201's gravatar image

LeeAnn 1

Inspired answer LeeAnn, but I would find the guilt of telling the "cared for" one to do more for themself .Iwould feel like I was letting them down,even when I know it would be enpowering for them. How do you suggest I get over this ?

(30 Jul '10, 10:14) evelyn

If it was me, I would not even mention the shift in things, I would encourage the other person to do more for themselves, and although it might feel difficult, to keep telling myself it is more healthy for everyone involved that way. I know this can be easier said, than done, but I hope you can work it out where you are not putting your own need for space and good health to the wayside. Good luck. The book that was suggested to Assister would be a big help. GS514's comments are also so nice and appropriate.

(30 Jul '10, 18:36) LeeAnn 1

Very interesting and worthy question. This has been a repeated theme in my life. I am currently coming out of a situation with my elderly mother and disabled sister which has presented me with financial and emotional challenges, based on taking on this type of energy. As a nurse, I know many healthcare professionals who also have challenges with this issue. My suggestion....

  1. Maintain balance. If you give too much to someone or something, you will have little or nothing for yourself.

  2. Set Boundaries. This might seem cold but it is necessary in maintaining healthy relationships. Being loving does not mean giving up your life...slavery is an unhealthy mindset.

  3. Continue to set goal....never put your life on hold for anyone or anything. You can never reclaim that time. If you can be supportive great, if not don't feel guilty.

  4. I am also aware of people who take on physical symptoms as well. Professional energy workers can assist with techniques that keep physical and emotional in check.

My best to you...Love & Blessings


answered 30 Jul '10, 17:07

GS415's gravatar image


edited 30 Jul '10, 20:22

Michaela's gravatar image


Good points GS415 :)

(30 Jul '10, 20:23) Michaela
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