This question is marked "community wiki".

I was taking out my contact lenses tonight, and caught a glimpse of my hand in the mirror. Because it was reversed, it, just for a second, looked like someone's else's hand...and it looked old! What a shock. My insides feel like they will always be 25, but the shell I am inhabiting this time around is....well, half-cooked, shall we say- and that does not please me a bit.

My Grandmother just passed on last week...she was two months shy of her 103rd birthday. So I hope to have many more years, but perhaps not as many as she...her last years were not so great. We never did get that five-generation picture we sad....

I guess this is a bit of a ramble, but we are all on the conveyer belt, so-to-speak, and whether you are 25 or 85, aging affects us all. Just recently, for no particular reason, I have lost my ability to see in certain conditions, but they don't know why. This really bothers me, because it means that I am getting older, and the body parts are starting to show a teeny bit of wear. But how does aging affect you? Do you care? I know some do not. I am somewhere in the middle, I think.

How can i cope with my own aging in a better way/ How do you cope?



alt text

This is my Grandma at 102. I am sad she is gone, but am glad her suffering is over. Emma Gorr Hartley May 27, 1910-March 4, 2013

asked 16 Mar '13, 02:11

Jaianniah's gravatar image


edited 16 Mar '13, 04:47

Barry%20Allen's gravatar image

Barry Allen ♦♦

@Jai Sorry your Grandma had to suffer; I'm sure she was a source of wise counsel. My Grandma lived to be that age also. She had her mind & spoke her mind also. She wasn't in a nursing home. A friend of my Grandma suggested I channel her when I had a question I could not answer. What would she say? I did. I got my answer. You should try it.

(16 Mar '13, 03:33) ele

@ele- I will. Thanks for the advice. I think i will wait a bit first, though. <3

(16 Mar '13, 06:26) Jaianniah

@Jai You know, you favor her. By all means take your time. I bet she's pretty busy talking to all her family & friends after a hundred years have passed. You'd prob only get voice mail. Truly sorry about mucking up your nice thread.

(16 Mar '13, 07:44) ele
showing 0 of 3 show 3 more comments

Hello Jaianniah,

I am sorry to hear of your sadness at your grandmother's passing. Like you, I too like to think more of the end of suffering and the commencement of happy reunions than I do of loss, but it hurts when someone near and dear to us transitions to another state of being than we are used to sharing with them, even if it is only temporary. :)

This awareness of bodily aging and the feeling of dismay that you have somehow "lost" God looks like it has all been triggered in you by this event.(?) Maybe I assume too much, but to me, nothing could be more natural and understandable - and thankfully, also temporary. You want loving, comforting, and reassurance that all is well. Or it may be better to say, I do, when I am in a place such as yours at the moment.

Jai, you are handling it all just fine. We neither of us had enviable childhoods, so no sense in looking back there with any longing! I'm kidding with you :p (sort of), but seriously, being young is about being healthy and resilient in mind and spirit, more so even than in body, I think.

That "conveyor belt" (LOL!) we are all on - we may all arrive at the same destination, but there's no reason to decide you can't enjoy the ride. Pick an age that you like, and stick to it in your mind. :)

I like @ele's suggestion to channel Grandma (thanks @ele, I want to give that a try). Somehow, for me anyway, the term "channeling" seems easier than "contacting the dead". :) I think your first reaction to the idea to "wait a bit" is interesting and intuitive. I don't know a whole lot about the hereafter, but that reminded me of a experience I had when my mom died.

She had been suffering and was very negative, confused, and angry. She had ended up by refusing to speak to me anymore. I dreamed soon after she died of her coming to me and saying angrily and sarcastically that she would not be available to me for a while. (I had been speaking to her out loud since her passing.) A few months later, I had another dream in which she came to me full of nothing but love, in what felt like her full personality somehow - completely free now of all anger, blame, worry, strife, or sadness. She was all joy - she felt whole and completely Mom. It was wonderful, and did seem to go along with some of the things I have heard of people going through something of a cleansing and healing, restorative period after physical death. The dreams were also much more than dreams; more real than reality. As I said, I don't know a lot about these things, but this was my experience.

Hmmm, quite a bit of rambling here... :) Hope something in there was useful for you. I've probably told you that story before, huh? Haha ah well, I felt strongly about sharing it here, so I will let it be. Maybe someone out there needed it.

I hope things feel better to you soon, Jai. All is indeed well. ;)

Love, Grace :)


answered 16 Mar '13, 15:35

Grace's gravatar image


@Grace I think my Grandmother would be very disappointed if her granddaughters didn't try to contact her. After all, it was she who introduced us to the Ouija board, ghosts, table up & levitation. Her old house was alive with spirits & I reside in an area of the country with higher than usual paranormal activity .

(20 Mar '13, 03:22) ele

@Grace Or you could just say to yourself, before you go to bed "I wonder what Grandma (or other loved one or higher self) would say about that or do?" Works for me; I usually always get an answer - usually right before I wake.

(20 Mar '13, 03:23) ele

like it or not our body
is finite, with each stage
a wealth of self awareness
true spirit forever young


answered 20 Mar '13, 20:22

fred's gravatar image


I think I am handling it pretty well, and I am about to turn 54. I see some of my friends and family get physically sick at the mere thought of their next milestone birthdays, such as 40 or 50, and thankfully I do not have that mindset. These birthdays didn't bother me at all. Would I prefer to always look like I am 30? Sure. But we all know being 30 forever would get tiresome in time....say in about 300 years! LOL! OK, it is pretty much a given that we would all prefer to not age in appearance and only in wisdom and knowledge.

But when I see the struggles that many of those younger than me are going through: trying to raise their children in this century, trying to get ahead at work, worrying about income, kid's college funds, mortgages, promotions, divorce, emptiness, being forced to pursue advanced degrees and too many pressures to even recount....well then I am glad I am in my 50's and past much of that. I am in a comfortable place now where I am not in a constant struggle to achieve what society expects. It is so much more relaxed in this place and that offers a peace and beauty all its own. I have time for gardening, pets, travel and self development. I do still work a bit, but definitely on my own terms; it is much different than climbing the corporate ladder when I was younger. I am comfortable in my own skin now. It's aging skin, but that's OK. The gray hairs I am finding are OK too and even pretty. I never again have to worry about getting pregnant or about any monthly inconveniences so sex is better than ever. I am still learning and growing...and enjoying life more than ever. And that is a beautiful thing. I like this place I am in. I would prefer to not age, but I am accepting it well. And when I move on to the next plane, fearlessly, that will be an exciting new start.

Sadly, I have no advice for you since we all see it differently and I do see so many struggling against it. But it's all in the attitude! If you can learn to accept it in peace, keep your sense of humor about it, and see it's beauty you will be OK.

Best Wishes!


answered 20 Mar '13, 23:25

LeeAnn%201's gravatar image

LeeAnn 1


Beautiful, @LeeAnn 1. Love this answer. I was just thinking when I got home from work today - Wow life used to be so much harder than it is now, for many of the same types of reasons you mentioned. I'm not thrilled about some aspects of getting older, but there is so much more good than people usually talk about. I truly would not wish myself back. It feels so good to be right here, right now. :) I guess, I would only wish some people back...

(21 Mar '13, 00:22) Grace

The older i get the less i look in the mirror lol, having said that, age is what i feel inside,

sometimes i feel like i'm on death's door

alt text

other days i feel sprite as a child

alt text

most of the time i feel like i'm 20 years old(i'm a lot more than that)


answered 16 Mar '13, 03:09

ru%20bis's gravatar image

ru bis

I sure hope you are over 25; cause Cal is the last boy I'm talking to on this site! Funny, last yr when I first read your posts; I thought you were past retirement age. I quickly started deducting years. With each post I read; the younger you became. Now, I think you might be in your 20's or maybe ageless.

(16 Mar '13, 03:37) ele

promise to keep this secret @ele, i'm 63 :)

(16 Mar '13, 04:41) ru bis

Delete it! I honestly thought you were a retired professor. (laughing) I should go with my first thought.

(16 Mar '13, 05:14) ele

@ru bis As for the mirror. IMNSOHO, Both you & @flow would benefit immensely by doing the mirror exercise for 20 to 30 min's everyday. It would rapidly build both your self confidence, self image & happiness. Your self confidence & happiness levels are preventing both of you from soaring to new heights.. Again, self confidence, self image & HAPPINESS.

(20 Mar '13, 03:47) ele

Just the act of smiling is a mini face lift. Laughing improves flow.

(20 Mar '13, 03:48) ele

@ele thanks for the advice :)

(20 Mar '13, 04:01) ru bis

Have you ever read or listened to Robert Holden's book "Be happy'? I think it was a BBC documentary a few years ago. Thinkin' about ordering the audio book again; all my books & cd's seem to find other homes. If I recall correctly; it's one of the best books I've read on happiness or the science behind it. Worth a look IMO.

(20 Mar '13, 04:20) ele

I left out self love. Of course, if you are genuinely happy; you'll possess it all.

(20 Mar '13, 04:50) ele

@ele What is the mirror exercise?

(21 Mar '13, 03:49) Catherine
showing 2 of 9 show 7 more comments

I used to be scared...until the day I got to know this guy.

Now aging is a laughing matter to me. And no you don't have to suffer like majority of old folks do.

This answer is marked "community wiki".

answered 16 Mar '13, 03:10

CalonLan's gravatar image


edited 16 Mar '13, 03:11

just going to go with the flow & laugh...

(16 Mar '13, 03:40) ele

I cannot handle the aging process at all and the idea terrifies me to the point where I find comfort in the notion that I am not forced to age because I always have the option of checking out. Actually terror is not the right word, it is sad more than it is scary. I think the aging process is the most cruel thing there is in life and it casts a shadow on it larger than death itself and I wish I could free people from it. At 27 I feel disturbingly old. I will never be an old man and I have no intention of ever learning to handle the aging process. I think for many of these reasons, the death penalty is more humane than any prison sentence lasting more than a decade.


answered 16 Mar '13, 02:59

flowsurfer's gravatar image


edited 16 Mar '13, 04:43

That is one of the reasons I'm against capital punishment.

(16 Mar '13, 03:39) ele

That is one of the reasons I'm against capital punishment.

Just a thought; perhaps you should meditate on reverence (for life) & gratitude. May change your life.

(16 Mar '13, 04:04) ele

Just to be clear @ele, you are against capital punishment because you think it is too soft a punishment and you want criminals to suffer more?

(16 Mar '13, 04:41) flowsurfer

Only death row inmates. Otherwise, I can think of more cost effective ideas in lieu of PRISON, PERIOD. I have an acquaintance whose nephew is doing a life sentence. He was 17. He received his HS diploma, Bachelors & is now working on his 2nd Masters while incarcerated. He didn't receive life w/o parole like his friend did who only watched the brutal murder cause his family has money. I'm fairly sure he will be out in the next year. Um - ONLY, is bad too & I'm ALL for this education; NTP.

(16 Mar '13, 05:12) ele

To clarify - yes, I'm against capital punishment for death row inmates & all prisoners.

(16 Mar '13, 05:12) ele

I am confused. Do you want to torture criminals through long and hard prison sentences or not? I find that cruel. I don't want to live with a murderer but I don't want to torture him either. And in case the person is innocent, I would feel extra guilty about the torture. That is why I think the death penalty is more humane. You are delivering the person into the hands of God, so to speak, which is the ultimate destiny of everyone so it's not really such a big deal.

(16 Mar '13, 05:36) flowsurfer

I didn't say anything about torture or long & hard sentences. I have other ideas. Yes, I believe capital punishment would be the easy way out & like you said, maybe the person is innocent. I am not responsible for a person convicted of murder self torment.

(16 Mar '13, 05:44) ele

i've experienced prison first hand ... most of the people i got to know were simple delinquents; there were a few rapists, murderers, sectarian leaders who abused women ... to my great surprise after my fear of them dissappeared, the fear that i had created fed by what i imagined them to be, i realized they were exactly like anyone, no better no worse.

(16 Mar '13, 05:55) ru bis

@ru bis Yes, for the most part (w/ obvious exceptions to the rule) they/we are all the same. No better/no worse. You/we create/ed your/our own fear. Going to go all bible speak - "there but for the grace of the universe (my U) goes me" & that has multiple meanings.

(16 Mar '13, 07:47) ele

@ru bis I was thinking about how many people I personally know who either are or have been in prison. I stopped counting after 25. All human beings. I realize there is a huge difference between being in prison & knowing someone who has. You seem to have a lived a sheltered life or you've always lived in the city & never in an economically distressed area of the country. (Your shock sort of surprised me) Of course there is a work camp a few miles from me in a forest & another one an hr away.

(20 Mar '13, 03:28) ele
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