Yesterday I posted a question about my body acne and making peace with it: http://www.inwardquest.com/questions/75149/can-i-manifest-clear-skin-without-making-peace-with-acne-i-have-right-now
Today I've been thinking a lot about it and came to a conclusion that I want to clear my skin so I would feel attractive and I want to feel attractive because I want to flirt with girls, have fun (if you know what I mean :D)... So my question is: How can I feel attractive and attract girls just as I am now? I feel like I'm never gonna clear my skin if I so desperately need it in order to feel attractive. So do you guys have any practical suggestions how can I feel attractive right now (even with a little bit of acne on my back)?
P.S.: Some of you may say something like "it's not a big deal" or "don't worry so much about it" which I completely agree with (intellectually) but emotionally I still deeply believe I'm something less, I'm ugly if I have this acne, no girl will want to touch me as long as I have it etc.
I have a lot of strong emotions regarding this subject (it's been bugging me for a long time) and I think this is a major reason for my depression so as always I'm grateful for any help. :)
asked 31 Mar '13, 15:54
showing 1 of 22 show 21 more comments
My advice is to stop focusing on your looks and focus on other things that makes you happy.
It may not get rid of "acne" or whatever, but at least you'll have more smiles, more laughter, less stress (which COULD reduce acne) and you'll have a more attractive energy.
answered 01 Apr '13, 18:03
This is excellent advise
(01 Apr '13, 19:39) Nikulas
@abrahamloa "find something else that gives you joy" You should convert your comment into an answer. Your advice is most excellent. I love to dance. It's confidence building activity too.
(03 Apr '13, 23:44) ele
thx ele, i did that!
(04 Apr '13, 04:46) abrahamloa
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I was once told by a very plain, but charismatic woman that the best cosmetic anyone can wear is a smile and a confident attitude.
I think she was right. You have to stop concentrating on your bad qualities, or they will multiply like mushrooms. Instead, smile more! Lots more!
Quit worrying. It will get better with time and lots of water, as Nik has said.
answered 01 Apr '13, 04:11
yes a warm smile works wonders :) laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone
(01 Apr '13, 05:33) ru bis
I wrote out nearly word for word what you wrote - than didn't post it. Too many tears..... feelings.........
(01 Apr '13, 06:13) ele
@ele- I am so sorry- Is this a problem for you??? You have such a beautiful soul, ele...What more can anyone ask for??? You have helped me start a new career...That it HUGE! You are wonderful, IMHO! <3<3<3 Jai
(02 Apr '13, 11:14) Jaianniah
@Jai (Sorry, didn't open this earlier) That is so sweet - Thank You. (BTW, I'm ordering 30 - SERIOUSLY) No, I love your answer & I've said the same several times on this site. I don't think I've met anyone who doesn't return a genuine warm smile. A smile is magic in action. If they are a bit grumpy, it may take a few seconds longer & possibly a touch; but it's been my experience, it always works. My tears had to do with another thought & not your great answer.
(03 Apr '13, 02:06) ele
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yes this is excellent advise by @arpgme ... i can totally relate to this... i had an issue but instead started dancing as a hobby... i sort immersed myself in that... and that issue faded out and life changed and i had a new exciting path... this is what Abraham says too... when you have something you cant seem to resolve, and if its too much to reverse that belief at this point in time.. then find something else that gives you joy and just go with that... then everything you need will fall into place...
To answer CalonLan's comments... You say being happy is easy. Yes it is quite simple steps and definitely i agree it is supposed to be very easy and natural. So congrats that its been easy for you.
But i can tell for me i had to learn it. When i was young i was quite happy and even later in life for the most part i was mostly pretty happy but i did not know the right way to get back in at times. I did not have a formula or tools. it was more like by accident since obviously i wanted to be happy it worked on and off.. But i would try to get things from outside to be happy.
But when i hit a low and i found spiritual stuff and law of attraction and was open to it, i experimented and used the techniques and found those worked for me. I also hit couple of lows much earlier in my life and somehow those times i did not find the spiritual way or LOA or the right balance even non-spiritually to deal with it. Why? i dont know. I tried just use my willpower and action to go after it which is totally great but worked only to some extent since i missed certain elements like letting go, being easy etc. So to answer your comment its not because they want to sit around intentionally but its just part of growth and everyone do it in their timeline. And sometimes life will force you to get it right!!
When you are pinched off from a situation and are in deep sorrow at that moment you cant get from that deep sorrow to happiness. It takes some time. What helps during this time which i found is a big piece is not just read things alone - reading is great since it keeps re-enforcing principles of Truth but also to apply the knowledge. I did meditations, did gratitude/magic lists eveyday, found hobbies to give me joy, took it easy and relaxed instead of worrying, etc and then found all this made sense. We all are very unique beings and thats why usually they are various tools and techniques. What works for one may not for the other or they resonate better with some other technique. So this is just a forum to help each other out. and learn things from.
answered 03 Apr '13, 14:50
k, I wanted to be the first one to vote you up. I see I already have! hmmm . . . very strange. Perhaps my upvote on your comment transferred. I think it's the best answer here.
(04 Apr '13, 04:59) ele
you hit the nail on the head. But from a different perspective than you perhaps imagined. You understand the essence of why people never move forward and keep running in circles.
E.g. why so many people search for happiness, but never seem to find it, yet take great pleasure indulging in trying to find it. Testing various techniques, steps, always asking and talking about it. They don't want to be happy, they want to sit in their sadness and talk, fantasize, imagine how it would be...
(04 Apr '13, 05:05) CalonLan
...They want to hear how to be happy. Because they don't want to be happy. They just want to circle around it like sharks do around their prey. Perhaps afraid that once happy, it would lose its glitter it once had.
Like that screwed mentality - I WANT this new thing, and when I have it, meh...I want something else. They want the wanting, not the thing.
Being happy is easy, read a joke, have a candy, jump into bubbly bath, hug someone, sing, dance. Rinse and repeat till the end of your days.
(04 Apr '13, 05:11) CalonLan
They fantasize, because their fantasy offers more than reality could or at least they tell themselves that. While in fact it's opposite.
Searching for happiness is a big deal apparently. Only because if people let themselves enjoy life and be happy, they would no longer had anything to talk about. When you're happy, you don't need to nor want to talk about it. And then they'd had to searching for something else to keep them busy. Maybe they should do just that, find something else.
(04 Apr '13, 05:14) CalonLan
"Searching for happiness is a big deal apparently' so true @CalonLan, many books have been written about how to find it & it's certainly a money generating industry. Have you considered writing a book?
(04 Apr '13, 19:33) ele
I appreciate your ETA @abrahamloa Many Good Suggestions..
(04 Apr '13, 20:08) ele
@ele, no I haven't. It wouldn't be genuine of me, since I don't care for other people's happiness AND it would be exact opposite of what I'm doing myself. Shying away from other people's advices, suggestions and steps on how to do this or that. Everyone is so righteous about their ways, it sorts of gives me sick, unhealthy feeling listening to that. Generally, I don't talk to people much anymore, I guess that's what happen when you drop all the gossip, talk of the past and the future, and...
(05 Apr '13, 01:48) CalonLan
...only care for the present moment. I take pleasure in focusing on the very moment that I'm living. And if we can talk about what we're doing right now, that's great. It sorts of amplifies the experience and makes you more aware of it, thus you enjoy it more usually. But when talking about delusions I keep silent. I've been to pubs with groups of people where I didn't say a single word. And when I was about to leave, someone asked me "do you ever speak?"..I nodded, smiled and left. ;)
(05 Apr '13, 01:51) CalonLan
@CalonLan "someone asked me "do you ever speak?" OMG, that reminds me of someone I absolutely love. Funny... He says the same thing as you did; only nicer. I don't believe you don't care.. Seriously now, you say "it wouldn't be genuine of me" - actually aren't you being disingenuous by NOT doing so?
(05 Apr '13, 02:06) ele
@ele, Thousand people may have thousand different opinions on the same thing. They will all be right, but in the essence of their opinions is the need to prove they're right and others are wrong, to clarify/strengthen "their" version of truth. Things are what they are and we don't need opinions of them to persuade ourselves of what these things are. Read: Things already are, they don't need us or our views - how absurd.
Thus, who would ever need me writing a book on subject of happiness...
(05 Apr '13, 02:56) CalonLan
...or telling them what to do, step by step. There would be some who wouldn't understand, and others who would. Perhaps someone who would be grateful and thank me for "helping them understand". But there is nothing to "help" anyone with, there's nothing to "understand". People who want to force their ideas on the world see problems. People who see the world, can't find any.
It's because of what people THINK happiness should be they can't find and see problem. People who see the world...
(05 Apr '13, 03:02) CalonLan
...can recognize the happiness easily. How many times you see someone sad or depressed whining about how they can't find happiness in their lives walking by a shelf full candies. And they are so stuck in their idea of happiness they don't pick up those sweet little things. Well, candy makes you happy only for a while one might say. But what is now?? Only a while. People want prolonged happiness. That implies there is some time apart from the NOW. But since there isn't, they will struggle...
(05 Apr '13, 03:05) CalonLan
And all of this, people can't be told. They wouldn't understand. On an intellectual level yes, but that's not understanding that's just knowing. So my opinion doesn't matter, with or without it the world will be somehow. It's not important how, it's just a show. Comedy or tragedy, it's a great show either way.
So I guess it's genuine of me to keep silent, not to confuse people more with one more point of view. To teach without words and do without doing...
(05 Apr '13, 03:11) CalonLan
...which may appear as contrary to what I'm doing here. Sharing my opinion, being on this site and taking part in commenting on various questions. Well just as opinions, they're all absurd. If people looked at the world and the life they would have no questions, there would be no answers. No discussions, and we all would live in the moment, occupied with what we're doing right NOW.
That's what I'm doing here, taking pleasure in absurdity of it all. Happiness is everywhere and in everything.
(05 Apr '13, 03:14) CalonLan
@ursixx haha. =) I like the hardness of the ground, I like the softness of a bed. I wouldn't mind the park bench either. And maybe, it would be even more quiet at nights in the park than it is at the apartments I live in.
(05 Apr '13, 03:44) CalonLan
http://alexlod.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/forrest-gump.jpeg A park bench is a good place to attain enlightenment" - Eckhart Tolle.
(05 Apr '13, 06:52) ursixx
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Hi what strikes me timmyy is that you say "i still deeply believe i'm something less, i'm ugly ..." Remember that the law of attraction is always at work, this deep belief is certainly making worse, if not actually creating the acne, so i suggest that you use those strong emotions of yours to inverse the current so to speak. Replace the ugly image by a good looking attractive image. Be reassured no one is really duped by physical beauty, what really counts in relationships is how we feel, and feeling is given by the inner vibration, the inner emotion, beauty is just skin deep. Sure we can be temporarily bowled over by a beautiful person but that's just animal attraction and the ego talking, ego has no place in real love.
Here's a text and image that allows your inner glow to shine through, whenever you doubt say these words and imagine the picture;
Everytime i think of you i feel the intensity of loving, like you never could imagine. What i want more than anything is to hold you in my arms and tell you how much i love you and how much i want you in my life.
answered 01 Apr '13, 03:05
"Everytime i think of you i feel the intensity of loving, like you never could imagine. What i want more than anything is to hold you in my arms and tell you how much i love you and how much i want you in my life"
Now that brought me to tears. I have to stop reading your posts.
(01 Apr '13, 04:42) ele
@ru bis The Universe reflects what you need to see, not only what you want to see. I deleted it cause I wanted to make it go away.
(01 Apr '13, 06:54) ele
"the universe reflects what you need to see"@ele, in other words the universe shows the way to enlightenment ... thus the importance of noting dreams, synchronicites, intuitions and acting upon them.
(02 Apr '13, 02:44) ru bis
@ursixx do over - I was in a funk of my own making (nothing a M red wouldn't fix ) I'll take mine in the closet; shush ..... @ursixx (((((((hugs))))))) So what's going on? You don't pick the habit back up after all those years w/o a reason. Anything I (we) can help you with? You need endurance for your fav sport - so if you are goin' smoke you have to start working out.
(03 Apr '13, 02:07) ele
@ru bis When I put my comment back up; I left off the thank you. I was trying to figure out if it was a good thing or a bad thing. It's a very good thing. Thank you.
(03 Apr '13, 02:08) ele
@ele thanks for your concern. It all started with a real good cigar this summer. I missed smoking ..It was something I desired, so for the moment I am a practicing smoker... fav sport hmmm cup of coffee?
(05 Apr '13, 03:35) ursixx
@ursixx IDK, some story . . . fav sport? haha, easy . . . making love to your wife. I guess if you keep smokin' there are always ED drugs.
(06 Apr '13, 04:41) ele
@ele someone asked me if I smoked after sex I said "I don't know I never looked"
(06 Apr '13, 04:51) ursixx
showing 2 of 14 show 12 more comments
From your question, it seems that you already understand that it is all about how you feel because your physical reality will just change to match how you feel. But, I would also like to give you my perspective on things below.
First of all, I think looks are overrated a bit because ultimately, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. The nature of my job is such that I work at different clients with different new colleagues all the time. And, I often work with young men who at first sight, I would say are quite handsome. But, in most cases, as soon as I start to talk to them, their physical beauty just suddently vanishes because I realise that they have no personality at all whatsoever and no depth of character, basically, nothing else really going for them apart from physical beauty and that is not attractive at all. So, my personal opinion is that the person you are counts a lot more than you think in terms of appealing to women.
You have this insecurity about your looks at the moment in relation to attracting women. It seems to me that this just comes from a general feeling of not being good enough. My point being that even if you manage to get rid of your acne and feel attractive, it is likely you will then manifest something else to feel insecure about in relation to attracting women.
So, you really need to make peace with who you are as a person and be more accepting of yourself as I am sure you have a lot going for yourself that you don't even realise.
answered 03 Apr '13, 09:16
I like your answer. Good advice. I really hate it when a guy spends more time in front of the mirror than me. It's a real turn off.
(03 Apr '13, 23:05) ele
I indeed have a low self esteem... Do you have any advice how can I do that?
(06 Apr '13, 18:38) timmyy
Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are: Amy Cuddy. In an emotional part of this talk she stresses that you "Fake till you make it ".about 15 minutes into the video
and coming from a former pizza face myself ..If someone really likes you .It will be the YOU that's inside not the gift wrapping of the exterior you. Spinning a little more on @Jai answer, confidence is a very unrelenting force. and the more you fake it the easier it will be to make it.
answered 02 Apr '13, 03:10
"if someone really likes you it will be you that's inside not the gift wrapping" love it :)
(02 Apr '13, 04:31) ru bis
Time to embrace his inner beauty...
(02 Apr '13, 05:07) ele
It is all about knowing that you are perfect. I wish to have you hear this one vid that I made that has helped allot of people. It is all about self love.
Hope this helps.
love n light
answered 02 Apr '13, 10:19
TReb Bor yit-NE
Love the video & love you Rob. I'm sure Timmyy will find this helpful.
(03 Apr '13, 23:03) ele
I once met a teacher, and she wasn't good looking or fine. She told the class that so many people were surprised when she acted so confident and chirpy because they would expect a person like her to be all shy. I didn't think much at first impression, but as soon as I got to know her better, I realized she was a funny person and cool to listen to. People were attracted to her because of her way of being. I used to think I was ugly (and I still do) but I got closer to the All mighty, and I realized that "But the Lord said to Samuel, 'Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”' 1 Samuel 16:7. (He was talking about choosing a king over Israel in ancient times.) Think about it this way, if a girl thinks you have to please her because she has a nice butt or a cute face, do you think she's right?. Do you want your confidence to come from your looks? Or from your heart without needing anything external? "5 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? 26 Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?" Luke 12:25-26. Brother believe me, get closer to the All Mighty and the Lord Jesus and He'll change you inside out.
answered 05 Apr '13, 01:21
yes what counts is the energy of the person, their personal vibration and when it's in harmony with our vibration, we feel good :)
(05 Apr '13, 02:01) ru bis
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Despite having worked as a model, I never found myself attractive/good looking until I first decided I was going to love myself unconditionally. That may annoy you, or others may find that a total lie, but I have learned that only your perception, choice or decision has merit, and others opinions only bring out emotional reactions in you based upon your initial decision first.
Women don't "evaluate" men in the same way as men "evaluate" women. Just because you don't think you're attractive doesn't mean for a moment that a woman wouldn't. If you were to just take a chance on being yourself (regardless of how you think you appear), you'll be surprised how far that authenticity and self-congruence can take you with women
Create, find and cultivate attractive qualities in yourself. How bad is this acne?
Stingray is absolutely correct. "Women don't "evaluate" men in the same way as men "evaluate" women." Most women aren't looking for a pretty face or a hot body. Haven't you noticed how many gorgeous stunning women are with guys who are not that physically attractive. 1st & foremost, I'm attracted to a man's eyes & then his smile. If there is a specific body part I check out, it would be hands. I'm attracted to a guy who makes me laugh & is kind & who has a great personality & sense of humor.
... It really doesn't matter if he's a gorgeous hunk on the outside; it matters that he's a beautiful person on the inside. Like I said, embrace your inner beauty @timmyy PS . . Most women find the mind to be the sexiest body part by far.
@timmyy Just a small piece of practical advice. Sometimes acne is exacerbated by the harsh products teenagers and young people use to get rid of it - it sort of dries out he skin and makes it more susceptible to break outs. If you have the funds, it might be worth discussing it with a couple of beauticians to get a couple of views. If you can improve the appearance a little by physical means, it makes the metaphysical approach a little easier.
@ele, damn! they do? I should put down the weights and pick up some books instead. haha.
@CalonLan tis true. It really is. I on the other hand have to work out a couple hrs every damn day so men look at my ass & to keep boobs perky. You are lucky you are a dude!
@CalonLan Actually the main reason I work out is for my peace of mind; followed by health benefits & to keep me movin'. I love sweating & getting toxins out & I meditate while working out. I like to eat too. I appreciate looking at a man's hard body; but I prefer cuddling up with a guy who has a few soft spots. FWIW
@ele, I work out cause it looks good in the mirror. And I like to look at myself. I could stare at myself for hours, especially right after the workout. haha. I don't care for health benefits so much, I care for good times. I drink a lot, I work out a lot, although those two don't go well together, if you ever try to achieve anything.
@Cal Did you notice no one is looking at you except you?
@ele, yes, all that beauty, for my eyes only.
For what if some other eyes, with magical stare, stole some my beauty and it would have never returned. =)
@CalonLan You are a nut, so very funny. You go from one extreme to another. Thanks & I love ya - so stick around.
@ele, isn't that how you stay balanced in the middle, after all? =))
@CalonLan Absolutely! You surprised me as I laughed loudly. I didn't think you read ele.
And btw - How to feel attractive despite your physical flaws? - you don't, you can't. It's paradox. You cannot feel attractive when you recognize how unattractive you are. Unless ofcourse, you feel that ugly is the new cool. Or, recognize what's unattractive for at you, then fix it or become attractive in another area to compensate for delusions of your mind which you entangle yourself in from whatever insecurity you believe you have.
@flowsurfer it's not even that bad but i worry about it a lot...
Thanks guys I'm gonna use faster eft to try and neutralize the negative feelings I have around the subject...it should help.
@timmyy Did you go through some kind of traumatic experience involving it?
@timmyy I have some body acne, and used to have more. Mild body acne is very low on the list of things women care about in the appearance of a man, especially since most of the time you should be wearing clothes that cover that acne. It is also one of those things that make you seem more human/approachable, so it could actually be a plus. Focus on those parts of yourself that are attractive and that matter a lot more, such as personality traits and other physical attributes.
@timmyy But, I am sure you can get rid of the acne. Don't think of it as part of your identity but as something you can wash away.
@Nikulas I'm curious about your modeling "career". Do you still work? How much did you work? In what area? At what age?
@Stingray - Could you clarify that by ,'Women don't "evaluate" men in the same way as men "evaluate" women, you mean you think generally women do not focus on looks as much as men do?
But, from your experience, surely, men are put off by a beautiful woman with not much intellect or character.