I know this is quite uneasy question to answer directly, but I think this is really important issue for us to understand deeply to accumulate your soul essence. What is main hindrance against our concentration to our goal? If you start to follow the right path and try to heal yourself, then your body will get refreshed and gain energy and then, you will definitely face every kinds of human desires which try to hinder your maturity or goal achievement. And I believe the one of most powerful desire among human desires is sexual desire. So, how can we overcome or transcend this sexual desire?
asked 12 Oct '09, 10:08
showing 1 of 12 show 11 more comments
Since you appear to want a practical answer for controlling your sexual impulses...
Use this Sixth Rite when you feel out of control with your sexual urges.
answered 13 Oct '09, 05:36
@Stingray - Sixth Rite ... useful and interesting, thanks
(29 Jan '12, 06:04) blubird two
Comparing the sex desire to hunger or thirst is ridiculous, because food and drink are both critically necessary to personal survival, and therefore manifest naturally with regular occurrence. If sex were comparable, then abstaining for more than a week would cause extreme sickness and death. But people can go for decades without sex and live purposeful, meaningful lives. While sex is not necessary for our personal survival, the survival of our species is dependant on it. But while animals have 'seasons' of 'heat' when they mate, humans can control the time and place and conditions of mating. This is the higher form of intelligence working in us.
Therefore, in humans, sex desire has to be stimulated in order to be present. Most people would dispute this, but the simple reason it seems like it's ever-present is because in this modern age we are constantly being stimulated by the things we see, read and hear - at home, at work and in the marketplace. Sex is 'sexy', so everyone has jumped on the bandwagon to get attention with it, in business and personal settings. From advertising, movies, TV shows, magazines, books and web sites - to clothing styles, sexual humour and innuendo, and just a general preoccupation with sex, we have enough stimulation in a day to keep us feeling like sex is similar to hunger and thirst, to be sure.
Yet we can mitigate the world’s influence of over-stimulation by exercising discretion in the things we choose for entertainment, the friendships we nurture, the places we go and the images and thoughts we allow to enter our minds. While we can't control all information entering our senses, we can still choose whether or not to entertain those thoughts and feelings stimulated thereby. We can "change the channel", so to speak, if we determine to do so. We do have the power. It is a godlike power to choose response over stimulus, a power which the animals lack. In today’s world sexual stimulation is a wonderful grindstone to hone our disciplinary skills on. It is a life-affirming and soul building accomplishment to overcome the pull of sex desire and transmute the saved energy into spiritual endeavors.
This is not to say that sexual gratification cannot be enjoyed in the situation and circumstances that you have determined to be the most agreeable to your soul. I, for one, have decided to release my sexual energy only with my partner with whom I have made a lifelong commitment to (yes, even a public vow … i.e. marriage), and only under those circumstances where it is mutually agreeable to us both. We have both made a commitment to keep our thoughts of sex confined to each other when the time and place are conducive to our fulfilling the act. Some may laugh at this, and believe me, it is something my wife and I have had to work on over the years. But I can tell you that, 34 years of progress has seen us validate the principles I’m describing here. When we make love, sex is wonderful. When we’re not making love, we are not bothered by the lure of selfish sexual stimulation of the world, but are focused on serving others and our spirituality increases daily.
answered 17 Oct '09, 17:57
I could not agree more!
(12 Dec '09, 16:53) Asklepios
I agree 100% that is so great.
(31 Jan '10, 11:12) flowingwater
Sexual desire is one of the 9 Gates test and the most difficult one , the only person known to mankind in general that pass the test was Christ.Sexual energy is one of the most powerfull energies the human body have , using it in the right way can transcend your sense of reality , character ,etc
You can still have sex but the difference is actually ejaculating ( if you are a man) , there was a investigation a few years back about this subject and the conclusion is that the Sperm itself contains a spiritual hormone for human spiritual growth.. why do you think its not easy to reach enlightment? :) When keeping these fluids inside and realeasing the Tension of the energy by other means like Meditation , Tantric Sex , etc your brain start to use it and activating the parts of the brain that use them and are asleep and the rewars are behind imaginable.
You can start by meditating on Love , if you do that you will see the results.
answered 12 Oct '09, 20:04
Semen and blood actually contain a particle of Akasha, the divine element. Therefore the human is an image of God.
(12 Dec '09, 16:41) Asklepios
The denial of any of our senses is a form of wrong thinking to me. Our sexuality is as important as any other aspect of our lives. These restrictions are imposed by religions and cultures which started in countries with high birthrates and high poverty levels. They are the restrictions of man, NOT God.
In a truly fulfilled loving relationship the sexual act help create a closer bond of and through such an act of loving intimacy.
There are, as always mixed thinking about abstinence as a way of life and, in the face of so many people saying how good it is, I am suggesting there is another side to that too:
Quote: Possible physical effects See also: Sexual intercourse#Health benefits Sexual abstinence diminishes the risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases. On the other hand, it may necessitate relinquishment of potential health benefits of sex. Queens University in Belfast tracked the mortality of about 1,000 middle-aged men over the course of a decade. The study, published in 1997 in the British Medical Journal found that "men who reported the highest frequency of orgasm enjoyed a death rate half that of the laggards". The report also cited other studies to show that having sex even a few times a week may be associated with: improved sense of smell; reduced risk of heart disease; weight loss and overall fitness; reduced depression (in women); the relief or lessening of pain; less frequent colds and flu; better bladder control; better teeth; and improved prostate function. The report cited a study published by the British Journal of Urology International which indicated that men in their 20s can reduce by a third their chance of getting prostate cancer by ejaculating more than five times a week.
End of quote.
And I would like to know where it has been stated categorically that Jesus abstained from sex at all times in his life.
answered 16 Oct '09, 21:24
In my opinion, sexual desires are as important as all our other basic desires such as being thirsty or hungry. You should feel the same way about quenching your thirst and fulfilling your sexual desires.
I have come across people who believe that sexual experiences with the right person who you feel very strongly for can be one of the most spiritual experiences ever and that can only mean that it adds to your expansion and well-being as opposed to hindering it.
Lets also consider the fact that we have been created in such a way that the only way we can keep this world going(in other words reproduce) is though sex. This is another reason why I think that sexual desires should not really be suppressed.
answered 12 Oct '09, 20:53
Thanks for your answers above and especially, Stingray,,, I agree on that the detoxification process will help this problem out a lot. Eating food moderately and properly and trying to clean up our mind and body well will reduce all kinds of human desires and lead us to the enlightenment. We need sex with ejaculation when we need our off-springs only. Otherwise, we don’t need to abuse or waste that energy. This energy is our life force and fundamental assets for spiritual brightness or enlightenment. When people drink wine a lot and smoke, usually they feel that sexual desire more strongly. So now, the reason is more clear why they usually advertize wines and cigarettes with sexy man and woman. Thanks,,,,
This answer is marked "community wiki".
answered 13 Oct '09, 13:46
Thanks for this psychological aspect ("the reason is more clear why they usually advertize wines and cigarettes with sexy man and woman"). Interesting.
(12 Dec '09, 16:47) Asklepios
I also believe that sexual desire is a normal part of being a human. However, the mind should control the body and not the other way around. What I am saying is that we should not be enslaved by our sexual desires. Also, I find that when you are spiritually centered you start attracting the right people and experiences so you should be having better relationships and better sex. That has been my experience at least.
answered 14 Oct '09, 22:16
Now, Now..... Why screw with such a beautiful thing? (Don’t read too deeply into that statement if you have already transcended your desires).
If all of us overcome our sexual desire our species will be extinct.
So be thankful for your horny parents.
answered 30 Jan '10, 17:30
@The Traveller - "Horny" and "your parents" should never be in the same sentence ever again - LOL!
(30 Sep '12, 13:01) Catherine
@Catherine - LOL! I was soo interested to see what you would have to say on this subject.... hahahahaha! Damn.
(30 Sep '12, 13:14) Grace
showing 2 of 3 show 1 more comments
I think we were put here to enjoy all of our senses.Enjoying the senses also means us understanding ourselves on all levels of our being. Sexual desires is a portion of us being here. It can be greatly enhanced by being with the person who has similar understanding to yourself, it then lifts the experience to a purer level not only sexually but also on all other levels, which in turn helps our growth in being here.
answered 12 Oct '09, 15:10
The Sixth Rite referred to by Stingray includes this statement: "The Tibetan alternative is to transmute it [sexual energy] to higher use, to accelerate your spiritual development and rejuvenate the physical body. Instead of dissipating the reproductive energy you may choose to use it to regenerate cells in your entire physical body."
It's interesting to me that Napoleon Hill, in "Think and Grow Rich", also talks about "transmuting sexual energy" as a very effective way of both controlling our appetite and at the same time, using that creative energy to work more effectively at achieving our goals.
answered 13 Oct '09, 09:18
Barry Allen ♦♦
i think so its quite difficult for any human to get rid of sexual desires when it come in to our mind.its better to avoid ourself watching stuff which arouse sexual feeling. and its better to divert mind into anything we enjoy more than sex or make ourself busy with our daily routines
answered 16 Oct '09, 11:04
Sex was created by us when we fell from our Divine state into a state of illusion; when we gave our attention to the senses instead of our Self. To dissipate the glamor of the ego's world in order to be free from the mass mind and those darkened minds who manipulate it, is a process indeed. I do not think sex is evil or sin. It can be a very beautiful thing between pure minds striving for higher realities. It is the glamor and lust associated and programmed into the mass consciousness of sex which is an evil thing. I am by no means free of this influence, and i struggle daily against it. Yet, I am beginning to realize, that the less I struggle, the easier it becomes, as new thoughts and feelings not generated by "me" emerge. This i think is the most important thing : to at all times strive to realize the Higher Power working through us; to ask and pray to be guided by That Power; and to dedicate all our actions to That benevolent Force, no matter what they are.
answered 05 May '10, 21:16
Sex is part of our fundamental desires, like longing, touch, love… It depends upon us as how we perceive these feelings and emotions. It is like word association, we associate these feelings and emotions with things that make us feel good or bad, for many people sexual desire is a beautiful experience and for others it is used as a procreating tool and for others it is a veil to express frustration, guilt and other negative emotions, it is all an illusion and it is in our mind, when you are in a positive frame of mind everything is so good, and when we step out of that realm we start asking questions because we stop living with the flow and want answers.
Learn to re-associate (rewire you’re thought processes) with these amazing feelings and emotions with the beautiful things in life and then you would not feel the need to alter anything because everything will be perfect, and you will learn to love and grow within yourself, it is a feeling like no other. Love and appreciate yourself for who you truly are and don’t associate past feelings with your new happiness, and make an attempt to go with the flow. Just chill and let the world go past and enjoy the ride, you will never look back because your Now will always be perfect.
I hope that this helps?
answered 17 Oct '09, 00:16
Earth and humans are in a process of ascension.
Ascension means incorporating ALL parts of your being as your own.
Sacred sex is made when you do it with an attitude of growth, gift to another, being with him and enhancing theirs and your energy.
It was created for a reason, you know ;)
answered 17 Oct '09, 12:32
In the BBC tv programme The Monastery, one of the Fathers at Worth Abbey was asked about sexual feelings and masturbation. He said- and he was talking about the monastic conext- that the desire to do so is symptomatic of some spiritual disquiet and trouble. There is of course nothing wrong with sex, it's one of the most beautiful things God has given us and is not impure or improper. However, it can be abused, in the way that food and drink can be abused. I think the Devil can use sex as his answer to prayer -the desire to enter the other dimension. Hence with all the unhappiness of our materialistic and godless western society, people turn to sexual gratification as a menas of combating spiritual emptiness and unhapiness. The answer is simple; prayer.
answered 20 Oct '10, 21:22
Have sex - that transcends sexual desire...for a few hours or so :)
Seriously though, I don't think you have to get rid of sexual desire, unless you want to become a monk. The full human experience includes sex. Really, having enough loving sex is the best way to overcome the need for it.
Another thing that helps is meditation. Meditations helps us get a few steps away from all emotions and see them for what they really are - insubstantial waves in our consciousness that will readily disappear into space if we don't give them our attention.
answered 12 Oct '09, 10:55
A monk? Have you heard of the temptation of Saint Anthony? (Okay, maybe not technically a monk.) I agree with your comments on meditation.
(13 Oct '09, 09:03) John
Hey, no I hadn't heard of the temptation of Saint Anthony. I did I quick search but I couldn't understand how it relates to the question or my answer.
(13 Oct '09, 11:29) Toshiro
I must disagree with you. Sexual desire must be controlled by one. It cannot rule one's action. Sex must be a choice, not a desire.
(12 Dec '09, 16:38) Asklepios
And why is that? ;)
(02 Feb '10, 07:37) Toshiro
Toshiro, in order to have loving sex, one must be in a loving relationship. That is not always everybody's goal. Some of us have higher goals than to satisfy sexual desires or even to have a loving relationship right now in their lives and the healthiest thing for them is to be abstinate.
(05 Aug '11, 14:59) Fairy Princess
showing 2 of 5 show 3 more comments
Hatha Yoga helps in fighting lustful desires. Sirshasana, Sarvangasana - those are asanas that are helpful. In these postures "moon takes place of the sun", which means that your head takes place of your feet. This way the energy from lower chakras flows to the higher centers, transforming the sexual energy into mental energy. Spent 5-10 minutes a day doing a set of asanas (don't change a set that you've picked up).
Second method is meditation and autosuggestion. In the first one you simply sit down and close your eyes. Recall every moment of the day in which your sexual desire has manifested, and mentally affirm that it won't happen anymore. Spent a few minutes in that manner. Afterwards start contemplating the opposite of this vice, which is celibacy. Think about it benefits, imagine yourself not having the urge to do sex. This should also take few minutes. If you consider the law of attraction, in this manner you are attracting sexual abstinence on mental level, for it to be soon manifested on physical level.
I wrote about autosuggestion before. You simply repeat "I am a celibate/I am pure" etc. 40 times before sleep. Your subconsciousness should catch it. This method is even more important than the meditation part.
Good luck dealing with your vices.
answered 16 Oct '09, 17:46
Repression. That is the only answer that is being true to real life. Yeah, it sounds great to say just divert it to spiritual matters, or limit your "stimulation" to what is going on around you. Great advice, except for 99% of people, it is not a realistic answer. And so, we are back to square one. How do 99% of people deal with an issue like this? Repress the feeling. I know, I know, "experts" will say not to repress feelings and such, but again, let's look at realistically what happens. Ok, so you are minding your own business, when a sexualluy stimulating thought enters your mind. Well, it's now too late to try to divert, so that answer is already thown out, because of the simple fact that it doesn't work, or correspond to reality. So you are having this sexually stimulating thought, you could try to divert it to spiritual practice. Again, let's be honest with ourselves for once! If you are feeling horny, you ain't gonna be meditating! In fact, you would not really be able to, because your mind is distracted by the sexually stimulating thought. So, we have to, in the interests of what is really happening, we have to throw that out as well. I will admit, my knowledge in this may be lacking. It is possible that someone has been able to do the divert to spiritual matters method, and actually make it work. However, most of us are not gurus who have studied yoga for 20 years, and so this solution is not a realistic answer for, again about 99% of the world. What is left? Well, the same thing that people have been doing for thousands of years...Repress the feeling. No, it's not 100% effective. Yes, there are going to be "side-effects" of doing this. And agreed, it is not an ideal solution. But, it is the ONLY solution there truly is, that is if we are being honest with ourselves.
answered 05 Jan '12, 18:17
i don't think any one truly knows that answer but if you apply the middle way to sex then it wouldn't be about repressing our sex drive and it wouldn't be about allowing it to take over our lives and become an obsession either. sex is a completely natural part of our being and can be very fulfilling if practiced in a natural way. if we distort it into something it was never meant to be then it can be extremely destructive to our soul and to others around us. the traditional way is marriage. if you cannot find a mate you still cannot repress this force of nature, you may as well be trying to stop the wind or keep the sun from shining. when we try to repress our sexual nature it becomes distorted and will eventually come out in some negative way. the key is to find what is the proper and natural way to express it. when you live in harmony with the natural order everything feels right and good. sex is designed to be an expression of love when we see people through the eyes of love and find that someone that we can share that level of intimacy with sex becomes the glue that binds. when it is misused, not being an expression of love but rather that of lust then you will feel bad about it. it isn't a matter of stopping that flow of energy that we all have but rather the proper way to channel it.
answered 07 Dec '12, 09:01
I am 33 years old male. I have had problems with this 'sexual' issue since childhood. I was taught to masturbate. I was taught to see women as sexual objects, who are used for love-making, flirting, etc. However, inside me there was always a voice saying "avoid it". And I have been trying to avoid sexual urges. I am good looking with good physique. Women get attracted toward me quite easily. Their thinking about me make my sexual desires rise... I am a sensitive to others feelings.
For past 15+ years, I had tried many things to avoid immoral sexual practices/thinking. I worked hard to stop masturbation, which took many years, and I finally gave it up. I am trying to not get attracted toward sexy women (with big ass, big thighs, thin waist). For this reason, I stopped going to public places, avoiding people as much as possible. Sometimes when I go to public places, even 1 sexy woman can ruin my mind, imbalance for many days. (I am unmarried, which makes even more difficult).
TO OVERCOME SEXUAL DESIRES.... I visualize woman's body... wide hips or small hips... small waist or big waist... beautiful face does not give me sexual feelings (rather loving feelings) unless if she has big lips/cheeks (but, faces are more difficult to see compared to rest of the body, which women these days show-off very happily). After a sexual 'attack' from a sexy woman passing by,... I try to figure out how to calm my mind. I visualize that the large hips are only for child-bearing... that her private part is same as any other woman.... that large hips work as attraction, yet they cannot be enjoyed. What can a man do with large hips or small hips? Sex is only conducted through sexual organs.... Other thing I do is, call on God... I question God why he made our mind like this? I start crying, blaming God for all these evil traits in man. It should had been made 'seasonal' only, like majority of other animals. I also try to meditate if I am able to, or just stare at something for some time. It takes some time. After few hours or few days, I am back to normal.
I have never stared at or flirted a woman who is with a man (doesn't matter if man is stronger than me or weaker than me, her father, relatives, whoever he may be). I highly respect women who are naturally happy, with balanced mind, who don't think sexual about other men. In fact, I enjoy their company whenever sometimes it happens. And I wished that if I was married, or if I had a girlfriend, things would had been much easy for me to control my sexual desires.
I denied women asking me out. I done my best in ignoring women who appear sexy or those who try to flirt with me. I work on my own spirituality, in order to realize WHO I AM! My goal in my life is to REALIZE my SELF.
This is my side of story. :)
answered 21 Mar '13, 14:43
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I want to know your frank and practical answer not just text book style of answer from teacher.
This is our reality which we should understand deeply to know and utilize other conceptual ideas very well. Life is always like Yin and Yang; Two faces of one reality. We should know two faces of the reality So, we could really understand the holistic truth.
Really good question!
21 answers, and I still don't have my answer as to how to deal with this one. Sexual desire messes with my intentional manifestation attempts, and I would like to know how to get around the problem.
@Grace What if you take away the word sexual ? What is left ? Desire. Isn't that what drives manifestations? And are your actually labeling your emotional desires with the sexual? to quote A-H Let your desire for pleasure and your desire for feeling good be your only guiding light.
@ursixx, thank you :). I know this isn't the easiest subject. What you said makes good sense to me, but my problem is in trying to forget what's in my "Manifestation Box". I have had some success controlling thoughts of the desires of my mind and heart, but not those of my body. I think the Sixth Rite would be effective, but it feels too extreme for me personally, and I'm not really comfortable with removing such precious part of who I am. I have always had difficulty understanding...
... how to intgrate the lack of a sex life with manifestating a relationship, but haven't had the guts to ask for help :). Obviously not focusing on lack is where I start, but because it's a physical need that I haven't been able to ignore, attempts at forgetting about it and allowing have been futile. Sex is certainly available to me, but not in the way that I want it. I won't settle for sex without love, so struggle with this.
@Grace I'm no sexpert so this is off topic! According to the Ninth Density Plaedian Collective we are all working through stuff at present which boils down to about half a dozen categories including TRUST, SELF WORTH, ABANDONMENT, SAFETY etc. They mentioned that some people are struggling to manifest relationships because they have a belief running that relationships aren't safe (you have mentioned about your ex) - it might be worth a session with Treb or Wendy?
@Catherine, considering that your comment brings unexplained tears to my eyes each time I've read it, I would say you've hit the nail on the head again. I guess maybe I can't think straight about this because I don't feel safe. You keep seeing that. Time I dealt with it, somehow. :/ I'll get in touch with Rob and Treb. Thank you my friend.
@Grace listen to ursixx. The Sixth Rite would be ludicrous. Not having sex is one of the main causes of premature aging. Lack of sex also ages the mind & the spirit. Love is as essential as food & water. If you want to manifest a loving relationship & happiness, be loving & your vibes will change.
Totally agree ele. I know Octaganerians who have active sex lives who look years younger than they are. They seem to have more " life" about them too in many other ways.
@Monty thanks for bumping this question. Seems some on this forum think I'm against sex. How you did you predict this? I'm in full agreement with your comment too..