(Before you ask, yes, I'm medicated for it. Alas, Concerta is just helpful, not a miracle worker.)

I've had ADHD all my life, and it makes me act in ways I don't like. It took me ages to realize I was actually an introvert, because besides being naturally somewhat people-oriented I tended to not think before speaking and talking a lot and generally ADHDing all over the place. In general it's made it very difficult for me to understand myself, and even harder to control myself.

I want to talk less. I want to know how to be reserved, because I always end up saying stupid things and getting hurt. I want to not wear my emotions on my sleeve, because then I get hurt. Heck, I'd go as far as to say I want to appear detached, at least at first glance. I'm not trying to change myself for other people, because I know I'll genuinely be happier this way. I feel like it is naturally what my personality would gravitate towards if not for ADHD.

My problem? I get excited. Or I forget. Or in the heat of the moment, I decide it's better to just say what I'm thinking and regret it 0.2 seconds later. I can't seem to motivate myself to change myself. I'm a naturally somewhat socially conscious person, but sometimes I ramble and don't stop. Or just say stupid things.

I already spend plenty of time alone and enjoy it, it's being around people I have trouble with. I've tried everything, I just can't seem to control my own personality and actions.

If it were socially acceptable to walk around with duct tape over my mouth and have to take it off when I actually did want to speak, I would. If I could lock myself away in a tower for a month completely alone and get used to not talking, I would. I couldn't give less of a heck about other people's opinions about me, this is about me and who I want to be.

Any advice? It doesn't have to be ADHD specific, just general self-control and personality shifting advice is fine. Thanks!

asked 13 May '15, 00:28

nyx's gravatar image


edited 13 May '15, 01:51

IQ%20Moderator's gravatar image

IQ Moderator ♦♦

I was told I was one of those "Hyper kids" back in the 70ies. The doctors gave me Ritalin to clam me down. My mom said that I was not the same person when I took the meds . She took me off them I don't know if that was a good thing or not because I never did well in school because I was so distracted and couldn't concentrate ,school was boring. teaching methods were at that time very repetitive. And whats the worse thing for ADHD same thing over and over...
Fast forward to 2015
A few Life lessons that have helped me are:
You are a better listener than most, whether you know it or not.Use that inner voice that wants to speak and apply that to listening instead. When you truly listen your fantastic mind will have more information to process and make you very wise.And from that the strength of your ability communicate more precisely.
See this as a strength. See it as positive. That link lists 151 positive things about people with ADHD .... how many do you recognize in yourself?
Love yourself as you are
Accept that fact that you are who you are and you are PERFECT! That's right PERFECT When you love yourself as you are you will attract others that will love you as you are...



answered 15 May '15, 03:32

ursixx's gravatar image


well how could you be the same being drug so that you will not bother the other kids. and most of all the teacher of the class. do not distract them they will not hear them self talking. and will loose the little attention they add. the strange thing about school is that it affect the life you will have or where you will work and how much money you will make. but the thing is they discover new thing each days and some time what they teach you and what is is not he same any more.

(15 May '15, 21:11) white tiger

so was it that important? also in a class of 33 student 30 of them cheat. and the lowest score are the 3 not teaching. does it change the math about who is doing well in Scholl or the average score of the class? they could better help people with adhd by teaching them how to meditate and get in control of their focus and attention and all the rest of their though and emotion. at the place of just drugging them so that they are not a bother.

(15 May '15, 21:16) white tiger
showing 2 of 3 show 1 more comments

you want to know what I think about this? ADHD before there was no drug for this in school and after the Scholl forced the student that add ADHD to take drugs so they would not disturb them or the class. every one know that drug is not a solution to a problem, at best it is a band aid. what did people that where hyper active do before that they learned to control them self. yes it took more time and yes they might have disturb teacher and class. no one know what effect and dependency this drug will have on long term. you say: I couldn't give less of a heck about other people's opinions about me, this is about me and who I want to be. maybe that is the problem at the place of talking you should try to listen see if you have grasped and understand every thing that was said. or if you missed some attention and awareness. that could very well be the problem that you have and the solution to do it. you know that your problem is that you have attention deficit disorder and that you are hyper active. that is your weakness so use that hyper activity to watch your self and control your self. you said that also: I just can't seem to control my own personality and actions. I want to talk less. I want to know how to be reserved, because I always end up saying stupid things and getting hurt. I want to not wear my emotions on my sleeve, because then I get hurt. Heck, I'd go as far as to say I want to appear detached, at least at first glance. I'm not trying to change myself for other people, because I know I'll genuinely be happier this way. I feel like it is naturally what my personality would gravitate towards if not for ADHD. yes first it is for your self what other people think about this is so so because you are not the only one that have problem and they are not walking in your shoe and facing the same issue.

here is what is said about it: Medications are only recommended as a first-line treatment in children who have severe symptoms and may be considered for those with moderate symptoms who either refuse or fail to improve with counseling.[18] Stimulant therapy is not recommended in preschool-aged children.[18] Treatment with stimulants is effective for up to 14 months; however, its long term effectiveness is unclear.[18][19][20][21] Adolescents and adults tend to develop coping skills which make up for some or all of their impairments.[22]

ADHD, its diagnosis, and its treatment have been considered controversial since the 1970s.[23] The controversies have involved clinicians, teachers, policymakers, parents, and the media. Topics include ADHD's causes and the use of stimulant medications in its treatment.[24][25] Most healthcare providers accept ADHD as a genuine disorder, and the debate in the scientific community mainly centers on how it is diagnosed and treated


so you need to cope with it develop some skill to better control your self and your attention deficit.

I would recommend meditation for you sit down fix a point in front of you and just be aware and get to know your self. what are you thinking how do you feel about what your thinking what are your though about this. don't force it let it come to you slow it down if it goes to fast for you. and do this alone in a quit place. with lots of time ahead of you because if you are trying to rush any of it you are doing it wrong. also by getting to know your though and emotion better you will be able to see if their is problem to solve in those though or emotion.

also I have found this page with coping skill for people with ADHD, just follow the link:


if you are forgetting stuff or doing things 2 time because you are having attention deficit get organize write it down or make a check list it could be on paper or a computer or cell phone.

this is your fight you know your weakness there is some stuff you can do to cope with it. and if it does not solve it all out you still can improve your self and find other coping skill to fix what is not working.

how do you become more reserved simple be aware everything comes from the inside and go out according to your choice it makes result and comes back to you. for other outside it is the same they make choice it goes out and comes back in to them self and other same as you. so it is important to watch what is in what goes out and what comes back in. and if something is not working it is a problem and each problem have a solution you just need to find it.

so according to you what is the person more reserved doing that some other people less reserved do not? they focus, keep aware, observe and find solution to problem and try to apply it. they are the truth seeker. the inventor and creator the problem solver in this world.

that you look at Jesus meditating in the desert, Buddha meditating under a tree, Einstein looking at principle of science, Isaac newton reflecting under a tree when a apple fall on is head. are they not all focusing, keeping aware, observing and finding solution to problem and trying to apply it.

alt text

or the thinker.

The word meditation comes from the Latin word meditari, which means to concentrate.

so what is it that you want to be aware about is it something on the outside or on the inside? if you focus on something physical outside of you your awareness is on it for something inside it needs to be inside so focus on the point in front of you where the eyes meet. not to loose and not to strong.

it is easy to focus on outside things using the physical sense. but not so easy focusing on inside things. like someone that learn to do bicycle for the first time you need to practice and get better at it. in the 2 to 3 first days of focusing on the spot in front of you that is not there you should find the perfect spot for you the right balance. where you can start to see and observe your though and emotion on the inside. and you should start to be able to slow down your though and emotion to observe them until you fully understand them once fully understand they will not hinder you any more and will settle down then a next one will come up. most often what bother you the most or hinder or is the lest understand for you the most will come up first. that is the beginning of the inner journey.

you will ask what does that have to do with the outside journey in the physical world. well every thing comes from the inside going to the outside it affect your outside world and other people inside. so it is important to get to know and understand your self so you can know and understand other people better also. also practicing concentration and awareness control you can use it inside and outside. if you do not understand the person that you are how can you understand someone else on the outside? it will be very superficial indeed.

some will say to you that you cannot always meditate in this world by your self. and yes it is true. but who said that you always add to meditate alone. I could give you the example of someone learning to ride a bicycle of course at the beginning he will not learn to go ride it on the high road with a lot of traffic since is balance and control is very poor. well it is the same with someone that first start to meditate.

also put this about mindfulness meditation:

Therefore, mindfulness meditation could potentially be a method for treating attention related disorders such as ADHD and bipolar disorder.


Let there be light, be the light that you can be, experience and enjoy.



even if you have a shorter cortex and different chemical balance.

even if the machine is different it is the user that can use it to the best of is ability and practice makes perfect.

also by recent study it seams that human attention span is 8 second. so anything more then 8 second long there is interruption in the though processes and the attention is diverted else where. the good news is that we now are getting to multitask better meaning doing more then one thing at the same time. attention can be practice. you are the driver of the machine after all. look at car on the road there is small car big car and truck. each have their advantage and disadvantage. example small car are easy to park but cannot carry as much in one travel as a big car or a truck but for a truck it can carry a lot of stuff but when trying to park it can take more time if there is little space. and the big car is in between the 2. well for someone that as small attention span it means that he need to make more travel to get the same information but he as less information to park so it is more easy to park that small load or to work with it. then having huge load but it require more travel of the attention in and out, in and out.


answered 13 May '15, 08:12

white%20tiger's gravatar image

white tiger

edited 20 May '15, 04:08

you are the one in control
if you seize the day, breathe
deeply and wait before you speak,
unless you don't want to


answered 14 May '15, 15:27

fred's gravatar image


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