I have had this issue since I was 13 or so (28 now) whenever I see my own picture or image: 99% of the time, it brings me down, to the very complete bottom (or even negative, if that is possible) level on the emotional guidance scale. It hurts... and it hurts hard, in so many different ways - I won't even try to express that here. When I was younger, this was very hard for me. it dictated many life choices, experiences and options. However, as I have gotten older, I learned to be numb to it and avoid mirrors/pictures altogether... and just carry my cross.

Some things I noticed;

My facial appearance is not anywhere close to my preference, like not even in the same ball park. it does not portray anything that I am on the inside, what I am capable of, the amazing things I have achieved over my life, does me no justice, does not seem to create attraction in the opposite sex (I'm male), just doesn't match the insides in a non-preferable way. (If I wrote a book about me and my life and then put random pictures of people and one of myself, no one would pick my picture to match it - this has been confirmed to me in many ways.)

I have pondered all sorts of explanations thorough the years, maybe this is some lesson for my soul, or that it is some karmic punishment, my moms issue when I was a fetus, or it is just completely random and has NO meaning at all, or I am completely manifesting it - despite what I am...

I have visualized a completely different face and really lived from there vibrationally and in real ways, actually experiencing that visualization and it is great - but then I catch the glimpse in the mirror or see a picture, and it kicks me off the scale even harder!

Sure, culture shapes what we perceive, but in a vacuum and solitude, I beleive I still have this problem - just in my own feed back loop... regardless of any other humans and their vibrations, etc.

I also know about BDD but that doesn't really help... and pondering physical plastic surgery does not seem to help either, because it would not be just changing 1 or 2 things, it would need to be a complete transplant to feel good about it! haha how sad, o well.

So, I feel I have covered all sorts of ideas, concepts, feelings over many years. Is there anything that can help, when I feel it is a done deal and there is nothing I can do about it? Thanks.

asked 22 Nov '15, 23:52

EightWeeks's gravatar image


edited 23 Nov '15, 14:14

IQ%20Moderator's gravatar image

IQ Moderator ♦♦

Hi EightWeeks to coin the phrase, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, or in other words the perception of beauty is subjective. Having said that here's an article you may find useful


(23 Nov '15, 11:08) jaz

@EightWeeks Does the cup or exterior appearance of the cup gives meaning to the water that it carry? or is it the water that the cup carry that gives meaning to the cup what ever appearance that it has? of course you will say that in this world of appearance where every one judge by what they see (even if they are often blind) it matters. but know this eventually all those cup will return to the dust where they came from so at the end it does not matter at all does it?-

(24 Nov '15, 13:24) white tiger

@EightWeeks then why torture the living one that is inside and darken that water? Will it help your self or any one else? Clean the inside of the cup and the outside will also be clean. if you clean only the outside of the cup you still drink dirty water and it does not solve your problem. Still not convince? Do you really want to be love by the world? know this there is iniquity in this world and scoffers and you will never be able to please every one. every one as free will in this world.

(24 Nov '15, 13:34) white tiger

@EightWeeks If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. Did I speak the truth to you? if I have been your helper so be it and let it be. Let there be light, be the light that you can be,experience and enjoy.

(24 Nov '15, 13:36) white tiger
showing 1 of 4 show 3 more comments

That's the very reason I never suggest any sort of "manifestation technique" to anyone. We think that using these techniques will help us get what we want but let me tell you this- they will NOT. Don't depend on them to manifest your desires. Their sole purpose is to make you feel good, not manifest what you want. If they feel like work, they're not going to work and definitely not going to change a thing. Also, if you're feeling good in the hopes of "getting there", well that won't work either because you're not really truly feeling good to feel good. Never "force" happiness. Yes, if there is a way in which you can feel better about something, well then great, but if it's not happening and you're trying to get to the feeling place but ughh its so hard to... then stop, just stop. Just feel what you feel and accept it. The problem with a lot of loa savvy people is that they make it sound like "work". Trust me, I know. I guess that explains why getting to the good feeling place didn't work.

Now to your physical appearance, you asked if there is anything that can help to make you feel like it's a done deal. Here's the thing- You can avoid mirrors, pictures, visualize a better you and all that but ultimately, you will HAVE to face reality. I'm not going to use loa language like "there's too much resistance, try balancing your chakras, try meditation, try blah blah" (lol) because it's NOT work, its just a deeper understanding of the problem and your knowing it won't make a difference unless you know what you have to do. So here's what you have to do :- 1. Do NOT obsess over your physical appearance or other people's physical appearance. Obsession with your desire is the worst thing. If you find yourself thinking about it 90% of the time, well you need to stop. To start with, don't resist those thoughts. Don't go all- Oh gosh darn it, I'm not supposed to think about this, um...look at that flower, ugh the thoughts are coming again. That's not how it works. Let them come, let them go. It will be tempting to believe them and listen to them but soon, with your ignorance, the momentum of these thoughts will slow down. 2. Don't make it a priority. Don't let ANY of your life decisions be based on your physical appearance. NEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Never, ever, ever, ever. 3. Appreciate and love your physical self NOW. Imagine a boss who never appreciates anyone's work and keeps wanting the best? The employees will eventually give up trying hard because they know they'll never be good enough for the boss anyway. That's the case here. You technically hate the way you look NOW. It doesn't matter how much you visualize your perfect appearance, if you don't love where you are NOW, well guess what, nothing is going to change. The real "magic" happens when you love yourself just as you are. 4. Since you were trying to guess the explanation for this, let me tell you. This issue comes with a good intention, to teach you to love yourself unconditionally. Your so called "imperfections" have the same purpose, to teach you to love yourself in every way. THAT is the time things will really start to happen. BUT don't love yourself to change yourself, love yourself to really truly love yourself.

Also, LOOK IN THE MIRROR, SEE YOURSELF. It may be hard to feel good but just look at yourself, your imperfections, your perfections...everything. Accept that THIS is where you are NOW. Don't try to deny it. First accept it and overtime, you'll start loving it. Also, why do want to keep living this way? For how long? Feeling dissatisfied with the way you look, how long? Do you want to be lying on your death bed years from now regretting that you couldn't live the life you wanted to live because you didn't feel you were attractive? YOLO BABY. You've got ONE life as this human that you are. In fact, you're just a beautiful soul looking at the world through the eyes of this gorgeous, extremely different, hard working, capable human being. LOVE YOURSELF MAN, WHO CARES WHAT OTHERS THINK, WHO CARES IF I'M ATTRACTIVE TO THEM OR NOT, WHO CARES IF I LOOK A CERTAIN WAY? People will love you just the same as they do now even if your physical appearance changes and those who will love you more WHEN it changes are shallow perverts who aren't worth your time. Come on, love yourself now, just as you are. That's your ONLY work. LOVE YOURSELF NOW.

This answer is marked "community wiki".

answered 23 Nov '15, 09:17

Happyunicorn17's gravatar image


edited 23 Nov '15, 09:23

love your answer

(23 Nov '15, 20:00) Inner Beauty

@inner beauty thanks :D

(24 Nov '15, 04:46) Happyunicorn17

I think you need to get off of the focus of it. Try to find at least one thing in your appearance that you like, or don't mind as much as the other stuff. When you see yourself in the mirror, purposely look for this one good (or less bad) thing, and ignore the rest.

Find whatever ways you can to feel better about this. Ask yourself exactly what is so wrong about the image? Don't go off of what other people think: they are just a reflection of your own insecurities.

Maybe try seeing it in an objective way. A lot of what we think is "attractive" is so subjective and based on our own culture. Pretend you're God, seeing this face for the first time, never having seen one before, with no expectations. If you could even feel neutral about it, that would be a huge step in the right direction.

You say you've visualized the face you want and feel good, but did you do this just to feel good, or to get your manifestation? There's a huge difference vibrationally-speaking. Just working on feeling better, not worrying about your physical appearance changing. Tell yourself it's not such a big deal; people have lots of different appearances, and just about anyone is able to find a romantic partner. Let yourself off the hook a bit.

I'm not telling you you have to love your appearance, but find ways not to dislike it so much. Any way you can do this, on a consistent basis, will help significantly.


answered 23 Nov '15, 08:49

The%20Magician's gravatar image

The Magician

@themagician ON POINT! :D

(23 Nov '15, 09:18) Happyunicorn17

I wonder if you might find some peace by asking yourself over and over (until you get very real with yourself) what the idea of a perfect face represents to you emotionally. Because sometimes if you can identify the emotion you want, you can focus purely on that emotion - without giving in to the practiced habit of starting to tell a story about what that emotion "means" or "is" - you can shift some stuff for yourself.

Example, say you ask yourself "what do I think I would experience if I had my ideal face?" and after a couple of rounds you realize that face-handsomeness is the best physical representation your brain can come up with of the emotional state of "feeling 100% sure that I am awesome", then you can sometimes meditate on that and start to shift the emotion that's keeping you stuck.

I personally do think that you can shift how you look or how you feel about how you look (to me this is the same thing if you make a genuine shift) buuuuuut the magic trick is that if you focus on needing to look different to feel different, you can't feel different. You have the cart before the horse. Figure out how you want to feel and see if you can generate that feeling in yourself for even a split second, and slowly let it grow, just because that feeling feels good.


answered 24 Nov '15, 00:38

corduroypower's gravatar image


Hello EightWeeks

Let me start out by saying I somewhat understand what you are going through because I have felt the same way about my appearance, I especially resonated with the part you said there seems to be a disconnect between who you know yourself to be inside and your outward appearance.

I have been practicing something that has helped me immensely but let me give you some context first. I have always been eager to know how things/nature/the universe works and I came across the work of Michael J. Cohen, specifically this book http://www.amazon.com/Reconnecting-With-Nature-Michael-Cohen/dp/1893272079 . He addresses the way nature works and how we, humans, oftentimes think in ways that go counter to it. The fundamental idea in his work is that nature and all the elements in it connect and grow by following 'natural attractions'.

So to give a more tangible explanation, wherever you find yourself in, or whatever situation, there will be things/thoughts/people/aspects of nature that are more attractive than others. By following these natural attractions, you gain access to more attractions and more attractive ways of thinking and this becomes a path in itself. Now regarding physical appearance, if the idea of being physically attractive is so attractive to you, that means something, it's your natural self pointing out to you how attractive that idea is to you.

But how to go about creating that? You have to find out 'natural attractions' in your body, in your physicality that are already there, and from then on, new attractions will become apparent and this becomes your path towards a new appreciation of yourself (in IQ terms, that's how you create your ideal version, by following the attractions that are already there). So I can't stress this point enough, be patient to work with yourself in small steps and the process will grow from there.

What I suggest to you and what has worked for me in the past in to set aside half an hour where you won't be bothered and first, just sit withyourself, gently noticing your body and finding at least 3 things that interest you or are attractive to you. Write them down. You will notice that you will be feeling more calm regarding your appearance as you do this. If you feel ready to do so, proceed to get a good look of your body and face in the mirror, likewise looking for elements that attract you in the moment (examples could be the colour of your skin, the shape of your eyes), just try to have an attitute of discovering it for the first time. Again find 3 things that attract you and maybe repeat the words "I am attracted to [this aspect] of my looks" and after you've done this, write these 3 things down. As you do this daily, you will find yourself relaxing more and more about your appearance and you will begin finding newer things to appreciate.

By the very nature of how things work, you should be able to one day find your looks holistically attractive, be able to appreciate your looks full-on in a natural way. Remember, further attractions always follow from following existing attractions.

Hope this helps, buddy ;)


answered 24 Nov '15, 13:39

Surfgrass's gravatar image


edited 24 Nov '15, 13:46

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