It's a bit difficult to ask this question because I've already learned so much from all of you here, my life has improved so much and most of the time I am a really happy person, but there's one thing that is making my life really hard. And that is my son. I am ready to be responsible about what happens in my life, with this issue as well. Most of the time, I know exactly where the cause of the problem is, but I'm kind of lost with that one.
My son has been challenging from day one. He didn't sleep and cried a lot, too. I was always with him and never left him alone because I wanted him to feel save and loved every minute of the day. I really wanted (and still want) to be a loving and patient mother. But he cried a lot and this wasn't because he was hungry, thirsty, tired or feeling alone. Whenever he had to lie on his back, he immediately began to cry. First I thought that he is in pain somewhere and I visited several doctors but all of them told me that he's perfectly healthy. After a few weeks, it suddenly hit me: He was bored! I couldn't believe it first because, I mean, he's a little baby and probably had all he could want, but no, he really was bored! I was relieved to know that but at the same time, the crying didn't stop. I could go on here, but I want to keep this as short as possible. So, I just made sure that he always had something to play (even when I had to undress him, etc.). He was quiet immediately when he was "satisfied"... He got older but the "complaining" didn't stop. He always needed and still needs something exciting to watch or play with, otherwise he will cry and grouch for hours. When he is fascinated by something, he plays really quiet and concentrated. Of course, he is really smart but it was and is very tiring for me. When he was eleven months old, he had his first temper tantrum because I didn't do something the way he liked it. And from then on, things got worse. Of course I know that it is perfectly normal for toddlers to see "how far they can go" and stuff like this, but the dimensions got quite extreme.
My son is two and a half years old now and he talks like a four year old. He basically talks all the time. Not just some kind of chit chat, but really logical things. You can really discuss things with him! He talks in 8-10 words sentences most of the time. He remembers things that happened six months ago in great detail. He SEES everything, a little spider for example or when a object is not on the same place anymore, etc. I am happy that he is so smart but there are some downsides that are difficult for me to handle.
He gets upset very fast. He wants to dictate EVERYTHING. If he is really thirsty/hungry and I give him something to drink or eat, he won't take it, no matter what. Until HE decides that he wants it. This may sound harmless and normal for a toddler but if it happens all day every day, it gets so tiring. He never wants to sleep. Even if he is tired like a dog, no chance. He tries to provoke me ALL THE TIME. Again, it's kind of normal for a toddler, but it happens all day every day. With everything. I really try to be patient but at the end of the day I am so tired and frustrated that I sometimes lose my temper. I am very strict and loving at the same time and sometimes it seems like he is kind of "glad" that I know where I stand and that I show him "who the boss is", if that makes sense. Also, I am very consistent but I give him as many decisions to make as possible.
He probably is very bored and frustrated too, because he is so smart and "can't live it", he is with me 6 days a week. I am in the process of manifesting a daycare plan for him because I hope it gives us more air to breathe. I just really really wonder how I manifest this chaos every day... Is it really possible that he is just a mirror of ME?
asked 14 Aug '15, 12:56
Some core ideas worth bearing in mind:
There's a concept I really like...
It's the concept of being Unhurtable...
If you remain in a place of connection regardless of any behavior you observe from another, you are Unhurtable.
If that other person is in a place of disconnection, you are then the dominant influence because their power to influence you from their disconnection is miniscule (unless you consciously allow it). The other must either conform to your vibrational dominance or clatter out of your reality.
Because of the toddler's original choice to project their consciousness into your sphere of influence ("be born into your family"), it seems fairly unlikely that they will go down the clattering route...so they will have no choice but to be swept up by your vibrational influence if you retain your Unhurtable status.
So, fine in theory, but what about the practical application?
Here's what I do (yes, I'm the parent of a toddler)...
After a period of time, your toddler will become "trained" into the idea that you are Unhurtable. There won't be any buttons for them to push. You will never be close enough to any edge that they can push you over...so they won't even try.
In their company, You are always connected, always good feeling...and that will rub off on them. You start to train them into understanding for themselves that the idea of "connection" is natural, and is something they can copy for themselves if they have already happened to learn "patterns of disconnection" instead.
If at any time you start to feel instability in your Unhurtable status, it's time to get out of their vicinity for a while so they don't sense it.
I've heard Abraham say in the past that it can be useful to your children to watch you regain your alignment in their presence because it acts as a demonstration to them that it is something that they can do also. But I presume they are referring to older children here, with more understanding, rather than toddlers.
Keep being Unhurtable in their presence and your relationship with your toddler becomes one of a joyful co-creative dance, rather than one of constantly teetering on the brink of war :)
Oh, and just in case it's not clear, all these ideas apply to any human relationship, not just "Parent vs Toddler" :)
Hope that helps.
There is a lot of wisdom here in some of these responses - especially the suggestion that what we think we see in our children is really in us - including boredom. Along those lines I think I heard in your post that you have some expectations that you may not have examined: 1 - that crying and boredom and other apparently unfavorable conditions are things to be changed and avoided and 2 - that you are the one who can and should alleviate those things in your child.
It sounds absolutely exhausting to be in the position of trying to find a toy or an amusement for a cranky child moment after moment - and to be constantly trying to avoid or cope with outbursts and temper. It seems as if it is your belief that you must do this is what is shaking your alignment.
In my experience (and I have 4 children and 3 grandchildren and have decades of experience as a parent coach) busy parents who strive to do a great job of providing a loving and nurturing environment for their children, all too often write themselves out of the equation. In other words, they put the needs they imagine their child has (which are probably projections anyway) above their own needs, including the very legitimate need to not be "on call" 24/7. This sets up a dynamic where the child is calling the shots, manipulating with temper or whining. Children DO NOT want this. They are very uncomfortable in this position, though once it is established, they may resist any changes. AND, parents who create this dynamic are not modeling self-love or self-care.
You are part of this family, and it has to work for you too. Your inner alignment, your emotional state is the barometer. When you feel off, the whole family is off and your child will benefit by observing you re-align over and over again and by observing you asking for what you need and asking for cooperation and teamwork in the family.
Hope this helps.
answered 15 Aug '15, 15:00
This is not teaching him to be in control of his own vibration. It is not your job to make sure he is never bored, it is his job to keep himself entertained. Trying to keep him entertained all the time is ruining his ability to do that for himself.
You say that he's very smart, so he knows there are toys there, tv there, etc. He can use his creativity to stay entertained. You already provide for him as a parent, now it's his job to keep his energy/vibration happy.
answered 17 Aug '15, 07:50
I feel much the same as @corduroypower. I can offer a little perspective, because my own brilliant son is all grown up now. I just wanted to pop by and encourage you a little as a mom, and I think this works with the principles of The Law of Attraction as well:
Teaching my boy to read, and to love to read (by letting him see me love and indulge in reading) was the best thing I ever did for him.
When he was little, I read him good, interesting stories every night before bed.
I insisted on my own quiet time to read, allowed him time to read as a reward, so he'd learn to treasure it, and treated his books as precious gifts. In your time spent reading, your son (and the Universe) will pick up on your peaceful, satisfied, self-respecting vibe, and mirror it back to you. He will never be able to exhaust the possibilities of reading.
It is also a blessedly quiet pursuit! :D
My grown son now works exclusively at doing what he loves, and is very happy.
Good luck! It's all worth it, I promise you!
Love, Grace :)
"Is it really possible that he is just a mirror of ME?", the answer is in the question my friend @spacemetalfantasy.
Children naturally mirror our own problems, and toddlers mirror back our own emotions.
It's like looking in the mirror, what can I see? If I see a smile then I'm showing happiness, if I perceive boredom then I'm showing boredom. If I'm not conscious of being bored my boredom will be transfered into thinking that my toddler is bored. If boredom goes unrecognized then boredom will deepen and become frustration, frustration will change into anger, crazy, etc.
Emotions influence thoughts and thoughts influence emotions, they are interactive and form a dynamic couple. What are thoughts, what are emotions? They're both different ways of expressing the same characteristic inner movement of energy, whether that movement of energy be labeled "happy", "bored", "frustrated" "angry", "challenging"(defiant, resistant).
So the question can now be twofold;
"Are toddlers naturally challenging?", I think the answer has to be yes.
"Is it possible to remain in perfect alignment whatever is going on around me?" again I think that the answer is yes.
answered 15 Aug '15, 03:14
The mental state of children is a direct reflection of the mental state of their parents. Always, without exception.
All tantrums, lack of sleep and childhood illnesses are caused by stresses in parents, not the other way around.
Children simply soak up the stress and react.
the mind of a child is not
answered 15 Aug '15, 06:02
I agree with @Stingray.. and disagree :)
I agree about doing the processes that align you, and I myself have the whole book about that "Unhurtable" ..even process, rather than notion.
I disagree about "giving buttons" and "becoming unhurtable forever". Same as I disagree about looking for reasons of your situation. Because all that moves your focus away from just aligning and finding Your answers using Your inner GPS, Your inner guidance.
How about - this is just a stream, one of those you consist of (as each your desire forms one), and you're just in the stage of it being expanded (by itself, for life's and your sake) and not yet harmonized (by you).
(In projection to what AH teach, similar to step one and step three.)
So all you need to (want to) do is just seeking relief in every moment you feel not in harmony. Seeking relief by looking for a thought that lets you feel better in the situation you're in.
As AH say, "Don't seek improvement, don't seek solution, just seek relief."
What will happen, it will change your state in the stream, you might be even able to enjoy that same situation! And then the whole situation will change, as the every-moment-updated expression of your energy, of the ratio of harmonization in this your stream of this specific desire.
And you will be able to live in the current moment, not trying to solve the situation forever, just harmonizing in your every moment in the stream you find the most touching you then, or at all.
Why I disagree with looking for reasons - as AH say, "it's a bottomless pit". In every situation you will look for the "reasons" in that situation, when actually the "reason" is one: the pre-harmony (I prefer this title) in a great, exciting, satisfying stream of one of your deliciousest desires, found this way to express itself. That's it. When you harmonize, it will find the way to express the harmony.
Why I disagree with "giving buttons" - because it looks blaming you and, more important, making you try to solve this "weakness". Instead of harmonizing and praising your sensitivity in Feedback about your Emotional stance and your beliefs. When you align, it will become observable and rather simple.
And why I disagree with "seeking becoming unhurtable forever" - because you have a life to live, many lives to live, and your streams will expand, yielding for you new heights of happiness, - but in the beginning, when they expand, the pre-harmony will be finding its way to express itself, and you may spend a life in trying to "wrestle it to the ground and kill it, forever", or you may just seek relief - the simplest, surest way to harmonize, and live currently, presently, enjoyingly, in every newly coming moment.
Be happy. :) You have all the reasons to.
By the way, you could take "Where am I going wrong?" as the first thought you will find a thought that feel better, from. I would probably recommend you not to go for big processes, at least at first, as they may too resemble "wrestling it to the ground and killing it forever", trying to fix the situation in order to feel better, I would recommend simple small steps, like here. Good feeling to you. :)
answered 15 Aug '15, 06:35
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