"How was your weekend?"

"Very good, thank you. Quiet. I slept a lot of Saturday, been running a fever - must have needed it. I feel so much better today! How was yours?" (I didn't say, I also made sure I meditated, did Focus Blocks, reached out to someone who needed some love, and happily handed my heavy stuff over to the Universe...)

"Well, I'm glad SOMEBODY gets to lay around and rest when they feel like it. I was busy all weekend, never stopped, every thing sucks for ME, must be nice to be YOU."

Ok so that last quote may be slightly exaggerated, :) but the sarcasm, the accusation, and the insult were clear. I hear it a lot. This comes from an extremely miserable person at work, whom I feel compassion for, and try to assist when I can, at least by example. They tend to want to prove me wrong - to show me how hard their life really is, like "Oh, yeah, Miss Mary Fairy Goddamned Sunshine, well... how about THAT!" :)

I can usually shake off the negativity (BTW, this is a multi-millionaire, who prayed for and got the home, money, and family they'd always wanted...money here did not buy happiness), but these stabs at me can sometimes get to me, I admit it. What should I do?

I have heard this sort of message repeatedly since I started trying to care for myself first - You are bad; self-indulgent, selfish, pampered, lazy, worthless, and ridiculously lucky to have such an easy life. You don't deserve it.

I know I should not take this to heart. I have just heard it again, like a set point for my week at work. I reject it entirely, but I still feel like crap now, having come in rested and hopeful, cheerful, helpful and happy. Tapping didn't help today, I did try.

I believe there are people here at IQ who instantly know what to do/think/feel in this situation. Please share your wisdom with me. I don't want to spend my day in this condition, and I feel suddenly helpless - a feeling I detest.

Thank you! Any advice is much appreciated!


asked 29 Oct '12, 12:26

Grace's gravatar image


edited 02 Feb '13, 22:52


Sorry about that everybody. Bit wobbly on my pins...

(29 Oct '12, 14:22) Grace

@Grace- I'm so glad you put this question back up now. Great answers here from @Fairy Princess & @Cory:)

(29 Oct '12, 16:57) Satori

@Satori - Thanks to you. I am very glad I did, you were right. Your own answer, don't forget, is a wonderful help. I feel so much better. Thanks again to all for the answers here. It's kind of amazing to have such support and great advice, right here when and where I need it. I am so grateful for you all.

(29 Oct '12, 17:31) Grace

@Grace- Hmm...Not sure exactly what the issue is, but, in all honesty, I think you are a beautiful and perfect person and I know you'll get through this. You support everyone on this website so wonderfully and thoughtfully. While I cannot give any wisdom for this situation (because I myself would feel crushed and ruined if this continually happened to me as well/heartbroken), alas, I can prove you are quite the opposite of what these people think of you. @Grace you exercise altruism to the max.

(30 Oct '12, 02:46) Nikulas

@Grace - One of my favorite Abraham quotes: "We would get in a place where our feelings would be unhurtable" - http://tinyurl.com/9b782dr

(30 Oct '12, 09:30) Stingray

@Nikulas - You are so kind. You have given me something to live up to - I want to be the Grace you believe I am. Thank you. :)

(30 Oct '12, 12:48) Grace

@Stingray - Thank you, your link hit me in a lot of areas, in just a few minutes. I've always wanted to be what Abraham are pointing to. Now I think I'm beginning to understand what that really means. Not tough, it turns out, which is good, lol! I've never been a tough guy, don't know, but you may have noticed :) so I've despaired of ever being like other people. But now I'm seeing, it may look "tough", but it's actually connected that I'm after. I think I can do connected....

(30 Oct '12, 12:56) Grace

Thankyou for this thread, it's helping me to see so much. I am expecting a great shift in my growth now :)

(18 Dec '12, 22:00) clearheart

@clearheart - I can see the answers here really hit home for you, as they do for me. I'm very glad. I love this thread, it one of my all-time favorites - and to think I deleted it almost as soon as I posted it... IQ is facinating; sometimes the simplest, honest question can become a catalyst, and bring forth this explosion of fantastic insight, encouragment, and advice. Just shows me, all of us - if you have a sincere question, ask! ;)

(18 Dec '12, 23:53) Grace

@Grace, did you ever get a xmas present box that was empty? That's what I feel when people talk to me in 99% of time. They words are those presents they wanna give me, and they are empty.

So it kinds of handles itself.

(19 Dec '12, 06:01) CalonLan

@CalonLan - The fact that people are wanting to give to you, is in itself the gift. :)

(19 Dec '12, 11:16) Grace

@Grace, u must have xmas all the time with such attitude lol

(19 Dec '12, 12:46) CalonLan

If those people judge,blame,complain does that not show that they are on the wide gate,are they not doing that of their own free will? they will be judge to the same mesure.Find some Good people to have around you. If you do not find anny you still have yourself and God that is what is important.Help them if you can if you can't let them be.

(02 Feb '13, 23:01) white tiger
showing 1 of 13 show 12 more comments

If you are feeling bad about these comments then there is a belief or a number of beliefs that you consider to be true about yourself. If you didn't believe in any of those statements that other people say to you, then you would feel no upset, sadness, or pain.

Everything in life really and truly comes from you and the vibration that you are fluctuating at. @Fairy Princess summed it up pretty well in mentioning the reflection of yourself and your beliefs in others and the idea of the Echo since the circumstances in your life don't create physical matter.

You are a physical being creating the physical circumstances that occur in your life. You also create the emotions, the pain, and the reactions to other peoples words.

alt text

When you can truly understand that every second of your life is a hall of mirrors, and you are basically talking to yourself at every turn, you then can accept the true power that you actually are. You are the master of your story, the creator of your life, and the power that runs the love battery that is you.

Showering others with love no matter what the situation entails, is simply showering yourself with love.

"Well, I'm glad SOMEBODY gets to lay around and rest when they feel like it. I was busy all weekend, never stopped, every thing sucks for ME, must be nice to be YOU."

So instead of hearing something like this, having the instant reaction of negative emotion and the belief that it is true, take a second and a breathe, and Stop, Drop, and Roll your way to lightening up your life a little bit. You don't have to take anything to heart unless you choose to.

Don't let yourself feel like crap by allowing yourself to "quit giving a crap" about other peoples problems. Their problems are their own unique problems that having nothing to do with you. When you have a subconscious belief (which you may not even know you have) that you are lazy, worthless, selfish, and pampered, these other people will sure enough manifest in your life and let you know where your vibration is residing. It is your job to become aware of that reflection so you can change it instead of letting those words pull you into a negative frequency.

This is why you need to make a habit of saying the things about yourself that you prefer. See these people the way that you prefer to see them. You will then trigger the parallel reality vibration (that exists right now) to go in the warehouse and replace the unwanted item of life you don't prefer, with a brand spanking new model that you do prefer. You are in 100% total control. Make your choice and feel every bit of the goodness as much as you can.

Start using these reflections as a signpost. Remember, in the end these are just words. They really have no built in meaning until you assign a meaning.

If one of these people said similar things to a person who spoke a different language, there would be no emotional reaction in that moment or later in the day. That's because to them, those words were just noise and didn't mean anything at all.

When you change your beliefs, the emotional trigger mechanism disappears and you can then assign whatever meaning you prefer to whatever else someone has to say.

"If you assign a positive meaning to an event, this will produce a positive experience for you."

"If you assign a negative meaning to an event, this will produce a negative experience for you."

I prefer the first one myself. Try the positive experience next time you come across something like this and see where it leads. You may end up seeing exactly what the reflection has been trying to tell you for some time.


answered 29 Oct '12, 16:41

Cory's gravatar image


edited 07 Nov '12, 01:25


@Cory- This is excellent, thanks:)

(29 Oct '12, 16:57) Satori

there is so much wisdom in your words. thank you! the bashar video is also very valuable!

(29 Oct '12, 17:01) releaser99

You are both very welcome. Appreciation all around:-)

(29 Oct '12, 17:13) Cory

@Cory - Wonderful answer. I feel very encouraged, and very empowered. Exactly the opposite of how I felt when I posted the question. As you can see, I'm a little shakey on applying these ideas to myself, but I'm ready to try, right now, to change things. Inside, there is still someone screaming that I'm just not good enough. I am so tired of her, she has just got to go. Thank you for your help.

(29 Oct '12, 17:27) Grace

@Grace Helping to encourage and empower people is kind of a goal with a lot of my answers. I don't use that style in an empty way either because I truly believe that we all have the power to change the way we feel anytime we choose. It takes a powerful and brave soul to incarnate on this earth at this time. I'm just sharing what I know and I know we are abundant beings. You are good enough. Just tell that other part of you to "quiet down because now I am in control."

You are most welcome

(30 Oct '12, 02:51) Cory

@Corey - Excellent answer! I can't add anything to this!

(30 Oct '12, 08:55) Dollar Bill

@Cory - A very thoughtful answer. Truly appreciated and well received. Thank you! :)

(31 Oct '12, 14:27) figure8shape

@cory, I'm thinking the same thing...we are an awesome lot who are here learning and growing. and it's because we had a taste of feeling good, feeling joy and appreciation...feeling trust and knowing instead of pain, grief, and negativity. It is a wonderful motivator.

(19 Dec '12, 09:22) clearheart
showing 2 of 8 show 6 more comments

"Well, I'm glad SOMEBODY gets to lay around and rest when they feel like it. I was busy all weekend, never stopped, every thing sucks for ME, must be nice to be YOU."

My answer would be "You know it, MY life is gooood" and smile :D
Being positive and felling it to is your best defense. We say affirmations to improve our beliefs don't we?

You are bad; =You are baaad
self-indulgent = another peice of candy? yes!
selfish = sure if you don't take care of yourself who will?
pampered= smiles
lazy= you are frugal with wasting your energy on nonproductive thoughts
worthless= at listening to negativity
and ridiculously lucky to have such an easy life. = Time to buy a lotto ticket?
You don't deserve it.= de-serve:well you cant send it back you might as well enjoy your great life and smile



answered 05 Nov '12, 04:10

ursixx's gravatar image


edited 05 Nov '12, 17:09


I THINK there may be people who don't like me or my lifestyle, but I don't acknowledge them and they have faded away.

(05 Nov '12, 05:26) Dollar Bill

@Dollar Bill: birds of a feather....

(05 Nov '12, 05:28) ursixx

@ursixx, I love this. Thank you. :) Now, I don't know if I will be able to keep a straight face if I ever hear this again!

(05 Nov '12, 16:20) Grace

OMG. Love the links. LOL!!!

(05 Nov '12, 17:14) Grace

@ursixx Nice way to flip the negativity that someone else wants to pull you into as well. I enjoyed this answer!

(07 Nov '12, 01:30) Cory

Wonderful and refreshing spin.

(18 Dec '12, 21:27) clearheart

@Dollar Bill, I am desiring that in my life, let them fade away. @Grace, I like that idea of not being able to keep a straight face, from now on I can laugh at the person and imagine them as having a hissy fit instead of taking to heart the sarcasm.

(18 Dec '12, 21:45) clearheart
showing 2 of 7 show 5 more comments

So whenever you feel negativity arising within you, whether caused by an external factor, a thought, or even nothing in particular that you are aware of, look on it as a voice saying `Attention. Here and Now. Wake up."

Even the slightest irritation is significant and needs to be acknowledged and looked at; otherwise, there will be a cumulative build-up of unobserved reactions. As I said before, you may be able to just drop it once you realize that you don't want to have this energy field inside you and that it serves no purpose.

But then make sure that you drop it completely. If you cannot drop it, just accept that it is there and take your attention into the feeling, as I pointed out earlier.As an alternative to dropping a negative reaction, you can make it disappear by imagining yourself becoming transparent to the external cause of the reaction. I recommend that you practice it with little, even trivial, things first.

Let's say that you are sitting quietly at home. Suddenly, there is the penetrating sound of a car alarm from across the street. Irritation arises. What is the purpose of the irritation? None whatsoever. Why did you create it? You didn't. The mind did. It was totally automatic, totally unconscious.

Why did the mind create it? Because it holds the unconscious belief that its resistance, which you experience as negativity or unhappiness in some form, will somehow dissolve the undesirable condition. This, of course, is a delusion. The resistance that it creates, the irritation or anger in this case, is far more disturbing than the original cause that it is attempting to dissolve.

All this can be transformed into spiritual practice. Feel yourself becoming transparent, as it were, without the solidity of a material body. Now allow the noise, or whatever causes a negative reaction, to pass right through you. It is no longer hitting a solid "wall" inside you

As I said, practice with little things first. The car alarm, the dog barking, the children screaming, the traffic jam. Instead of having a wall of resistance inside you that gets constantly and painfully hit by things that "should not be happening," let everything pass through you

Somebody says something to you that is rude or designed to hurt. Instead of going into unconscious reaction and negativity, such as attack, defense, or withdrawal, you let it pass right through you

Offer no resistance. It is as if there is nobody there to get hurt anymore. That is forgiveness. In this way, you become invulnerable. You can still tell that person that his or her behavior is unacceptable, if that is what you choose to do.

But that person no longer has the power to control your inner state. You are then in your power - not in someone else's, nor are you run by your mind. Whether it is a car alarm, a rude person, a flood, an earthquake, or the loss of all your possessions, the resistance mechanism is the same.

The Power of Now

This answer is marked "community wiki".

answered 29 Oct '12, 14:24

Satori's gravatar image


edited 29 Oct '12, 14:25


@Grace- I just happened to be reading this and thought it might be useful here. Hope it helps Grace, thank you ;)

(29 Oct '12, 14:30) Satori

@Satori - Wow, thank you. And thanks for the extra effort to get this to me, I appreciate it.

Feel yourself becoming transparent, as it were, without the solidity of a material body. Now allow the noise, or whatever causes a negative reaction, to pass right through you. It is no longer hitting a solid "wall" inside you. That feels wonderful. I have always tried to hold up a shield to protect myself from these things, with varying result. But of course that is resistance, I never...

(29 Oct '12, 14:30) Grace

... saw it that way before. That just gives it more energy. I did try to "resist nothing" in this situation, but that made me feel like a doormat and a victim, so I didn't know where to turn, to be honest.

...Instead of going into unconscious reaction and negativity, such as attack, defense, or withdrawal... I'm an expert at withdrawal. This feels a lot better. I probably won't have very long to wait to try this out... :) Thanks again.

(29 Oct '12, 14:34) Grace

@Grace - Your very welcome Grace, I hope it's works for you, thanks:)

(29 Oct '12, 14:41) Satori

@Satori It seems like almost every page in this book has a nugget of gold in it. Thanks for sharing.

(29 Oct '12, 15:45) Cory

@Cory - Thanks. Yes, I agree, Its excellent and is worth a few re-reads. I'm reading this book again for the second time:)

(29 Oct '12, 16:43) Satori

@Satori "As an alternative to dropping a negative reaction, you can make it disappear by imagining yourself becoming transparent to the external cause of the reaction." this is pure gold! i do this sometimes unconsciously and it works! thanks for always sharing these great "techniques".

(29 Oct '12, 16:58) releaser99

@releaser99 - Thank you. Your welcome :)

(29 Oct '12, 17:03) Satori

@Satori - I have been using this - feeling myself becoming transparent - for the past few days. It really works well for me, thanks again. :)

(05 Nov '12, 18:31) Grace

Thanks Satori and appreciation given to Eckhart for this great gift

(18 Dec '12, 23:49) Starlight
showing 2 of 10 show 8 more comments

Since we create our reality with our beliefs, and we see ourselves reflected in others, then this person is revealing to you that you have beliefs that you are lazy, self indulgent, etc... and feel guilt for taking care of yourself. People reflect back at us our own beliefs. So if we don't like the reflection, or echo that we are getting back, then we need to change the original message that is being sent out, our beliefs. Eliminate your own guilt and it will no longer be reflected back to you in others.


answered 29 Oct '12, 14:29

Fairy%20Princess's gravatar image

Fairy Princess


Thank you, @Fairy Princess. I know this to be true, but I have not been successful at preventing this ugly reflection yet. It runs deep, but I'm working on it. :)

(29 Oct '12, 14:37) Grace

@Grace I wouldn't necessarily label the reflection of your life as ugly. You have every right to see it how you want to see it but I would look at it more as signpost letting you know which road in life you are choosing. The reflection is there to guide you and it is allowing you the choice of free will. You just have to make the choice that you prefer.

(29 Oct '12, 15:43) Cory

@Cory - Thank you, I know this is good advice. Things like that just stick out like a sore thumb on this site, don't they? I don't intend to do it, but putting myself down, or seeing myself in the worst possible light is another thing that runs deep. I'm reading The Presence Process at the moment, and I have high hopes of making progress on this low self-esteem thing very soon.

Thank you for calling me out on it. :) It is not ugly, it's a sign that there is something I want to change.

(29 Oct '12, 16:06) Grace

@Fairy Princess agreed. as they say "if you can spot it, you got it!" :)

(29 Oct '12, 16:51) releaser99

@Grace Have you tried EZ Deletion Sequence for it?

(03 Feb '13, 10:04) Fairy Princess
showing 2 of 5 show 3 more comments

This is probably a less-spiritual answer, but for years when dealing with situations like these, I have been using the "bum on the street" analogy.

Simply put, when somebody says something "insulting" or rude to me, I imagine how I would feel if the same things were said to me by a strange, mangy bum who approached me on the street.

"You are lazy."

"What is that thing you are wearing?"

"You are such a jerk..."


The answer is usually, that I would either laugh it off, or arch my eyebrow at this strange creature, turn and go about my business without giving their words a second thought.

It helps remind me that it is my relationship with the person, not the words themselves, that are complicating things in my mind and causing any sense of irritation or desire to "defend" against something.

Using the bum analogy usually puts things in perspective in my own mind, and dissolves any feelings of upset pretty quickly.


answered 30 Oct '12, 10:49

lozenge123's gravatar image


edited 30 Oct '12, 10:50

@lozenge123 - Love it :)

(30 Oct '12, 11:23) Stingray

@lozenge123 - I love having these tools in my pocket for emergencies, so to speak. :) You pointed out that it is the relationship, not the words, that are causing this, and that helps. You are right, it is. Thank you very much.

(30 Oct '12, 13:03) Grace

@lozenge123 This is great lozenge - just be warned, this side of the pond a bum is something altogether different but we know what you mean!

(31 Oct '12, 15:16) Catherine

@Stingray, @Grace - Glad I could be of service. :) @Catherine - Thanks for the heads up...I will be a little more conscious of my "lingo" and try to think internationally next time :)

(31 Oct '12, 15:31) lozenge123

@Catherine - LOL! Thanks for the mental picture stuck in my head.... This is going to be hard to forget now.

(05 Nov '12, 16:22) Grace
showing 2 of 5 show 3 more comments

Many people, due to their own deep-seated unhappiness and lack of satisfaction, criticize others just to try getting the feeling....just for a moment....of elevation over you. Some are just contrary by nature and don't even realize most of the time that they are being that way. The world is full of all sorts of people, each with their own set of problems. Her comments have nothing to do with you and everything to do with her. I guess I would like to remind you not to take it personally and to just let it go. Believe me, I know that is easier said than done, but take a deep breath and remind yourself that person is very unhappy and just keep going with your day. Dwelling on it at all gives it power over you. Best wishes!


answered 05 Nov '12, 18:01

LeeAnn%201's gravatar image

LeeAnn 1


Thanks, @LeeAnn 1. I do know you are right. I feel for her. There is so much hard, heavy energy being thrown at me in these onslaughts, it is difficult during the moment to know what to do with it. It's pretty constant, so it does wear me down. I'm hoping to prevent them entirely soon. :)

(05 Nov '12, 18:24) Grace

they have free will and are responsable for their choice. it is not new eventually they will understand to not judge and stay in truth with discernement. often people will judge and accuse you yet when it is them it is not the same the same word and judgement they cast at you or other when cast at them they will not agree to it. so when they will have no choice to learn the truth how much will they have to bear. if you know that there is nothing to do,because it is the person free will and that person is not ready to change yet and admit is error,just let them be until the last day.you are not responsible for their choice only for your choice. so let there be light,be the light that you can be, experience and enjoy.


answered 29 Oct '12, 23:58

white%20tiger's gravatar image

white tiger


Thank you, @white tiger. I know you are right, it is very much my choice, always. I lose sight of what I know to be right when my feelings are hurt, or when someone launches a sudden attack like this.

(30 Oct '12, 02:03) Grace

white tiger~This hit the spot for me, as I have a coworker who made a special effort to befriend me, however his sarcastic responses to everyone including me,has really created a lot of uncomfortable feelings for me, toward him. I'm becoming more aware of the subtleness of judgement in my life......fear of it toward myself & also seeing where I still have pockets of resistant judgement toward others. Great stuff to see and let go.thankyou.

(18 Dec '12, 21:37) clearheart

Grace, that is the issue with me. Sarcastic people are using words like weapons, it's sudden and they get to do it because it's not seen as offensive, simply sarcastic "humor".hmmm...I recall a time when I used sarcasm to protect myself-now I desire for them to leave me out of it. :)

(18 Dec '12, 21:40) clearheart
showing 2 of 3 show 1 more comments

I think people lash out like that because they can take things such as you have said and reflect it upon themselves and find their life somehow lacking.

I don't think anyone likes having faults pointed out, even if it is in this round-about way. And this is entirely not your fault or your responsibilty.

Perhaps you saying those things to them is a pointer that maybe THEY should be focusing attention on these issues in their lives, much like sometimes when someone else says something to you and it somehow bothers you. I think sometimes we forget that we can also be vehicles for messages for other people.

I think the best thing we can do is try to be understanding of the other person because it's about the only way to cope with it. I find this hard myself, but usually after the issue arises and I have some time to think on it, I do realize that the other person must be in some sort of pain or have some worry that they are bouncing off of you. It's just them reacting to themselves. Maybe they go home later and regret what they have said to you, but don't have the gumption to apologize properly. (My mom does this).

When I bump heads with people like this, I have to take a step back and retreat to mull over it and then sort of "wash" away what happened. Depending how what happened, this may take a few minutes to even an hour or so. Imagine yourself like a fluffy sheep. People's stuff can get caught in your fleece, so you have to take time to brush it out.

I just realize a lot of my answers use weird analogies! I hope this has helped you. I think you are a very sweet and loving person.


answered 06 Nov '12, 11:29

Halcyon's gravatar image


@Halcyon - Thank you. :) I do try to see this lady's pain. Actually, it's one of those things that's easy to see. It comes out as anger and outrage, but it's a very sad way to live, so I always feel compassion for her situation. When all that anger comes blasting at me, it feels like I'm opening a furnace- this example was very mild. I know I must be seeing my own reflection....

(06 Nov '12, 13:11) Grace

...So hard to understand until now, because I don't have that anger toward anyone. I don't hate anyone. I can't even stay mad very long, even when I want to! But its me. I get angry at me, I don't think well of me, I disappoint me, etc... It's all me. So now, having taken all this great advice, this is my new frontier. Somehow, I have to walk around with the idea that I'm wonderful....

(06 Nov '12, 13:11) Grace

...and people are happy to see me, happy to be with me, happy to hear what I say... or at least, I guess, if they aren't...um.... that I am valuable... Still a bit foggy on that LOL but I'm a work in progress!

Your weird analogies are great! Right now, tho, I'm a fluffy sheep giving off sparks, which may be hazardous...(kidding). Thanks for your kindness. I am trying to internalize compliments, for the reasons I mentioned, but it is so against my grain, I'm breaking out in hives. :)

(06 Nov '12, 13:12) Grace

I love the fluffy sheep analogy :).

(18 Dec '12, 21:25) clearheart

@halycon I like that washing it off idea. I have carried my own embarrassment for my mean mouth days and maybe attract this to pay a due somehow. I desire to know I have no dues to pay, all I need to do is yes, wash it off and let them be where they are. thankyou for this helpful insight into this lingering resistance to my wellbeing.

(18 Dec '12, 22:05) clearheart
showing 2 of 5 show 3 more comments

LOL. I know exactly what that is all about. It is a person who is projecting their own imbalances onto you. And they are doing this because it has to be mirrored back onto you. It is a very simple idea, but still so frustrating. This vid explains how and why it is done. Hope it helped.

Love n light




answered 20 Dec '12, 08:07

TReb%20Bor%20yit-NE's gravatar image

TReb Bor yit-NE

@Rob, good morning to you mate!

(20 Dec '12, 08:12) CalonLan

@CalonLan. srry i missed u this morning brother.. perhaps next morning we will connect..

(20 Dec '12, 17:16) TReb Bor yit-NE

@Treb - A seriously overdue thank you! It is so true, I see now, that it did have to be mirrored back onto me. So I started again within me, rather than keep trying to clean that mirror. Love you Rob. Come back soon. :)

(08 Jun '14, 18:37) Grace
showing 2 of 3 show 1 more comments

Yesterday I became very aware of this idea, where yes, people often rather kick someone when they are up than down. Someone can be causing their own demise and the caretakers and enablers are there to lift them up and build them up. And to protect them.

When someone is doing well they are often seen as unworthy of perks, so yea, it's up to us to feel and vibrate to that end, where the perks just find us.


answered 11 Nov '12, 13:37

clearheart's gravatar image


edited 11 Nov '12, 13:41

@clearheart - Thank you, sooo belatedly, for your answer. It is certainly all up to us, that is it in a nutshell.

(08 Jun '14, 18:41) Grace

I don't play nice in such situations.

I will most likely say something like "Well I'm glad that I am not as miserable as you are, compared to your life, my life definitely seems to be much better".

But then I'll usually come back with something like, I only wish that my life was as fantastic as you describe.

I have found over time that people who complain have a compulsive habit of complaining about everything and the best thing to do is not join their pity party by showing empathy.

This sounds cold and harsh, but we are just as responsible for enabling their misery by thinking that they are too emotionally fragile to be slapped into reality.

You can also try any variation of the following response of reversing their statement back to them.

You can ask "Now what were you trying to accomplish by telling me this? were you trying to make me feel good or were you trying to make yourself feel bad?"

When I am caught off guard by something that sounds like an insult, my favorite response is "Now why did you say that to me, just now, because it felt like an insult"

And I keep on hammering at it until they run out of explanations.

This, by the way, is exactly what they were doing to you moments ago.


answered 19 Dec '12, 22:46

The%20Traveller's gravatar image

The Traveller

@The Traveller - I can't imagine why I didn't thank you for your answer long ago. Thank you. I do (or did) have a lot of issues with enabling obnoxious behavior with empathy. I just don't think I loved and respected myself enough to keep my self as first priority in my life. I do now. :) And you were one of the beautiful Wise Ones who helped me get here. Thank you again.

(08 Jun '14, 18:30) Grace

BTW - To update, the person described in my question "clattered" noisily and permanently out of my life less than a year afterward. :)

(08 Jun '14, 18:31) Grace

When someone treats us as such as you had been treated, we need to not feel down. When someone says "It must be nice being YOU" this is telling you something. Where you hear this appreciate it as a message from God telling you to count yourself blessed and recognize this blessing. You don't need to openly respond but think to yourself "Thank you God I get the message. It sure is nice being me!" "Please bless this friend with the same blessing you give me."


answered 20 Dec '12, 01:45

Wade%20Casaldi's gravatar image

Wade Casaldi


@Wade - A very belated thank you! Yes, you are right - it sure is nice being me. :)

(08 Jun '14, 18:33) Grace
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