Hello, I am 23 years old. I've always been an anxious and moody person, but never to this extreme and never this unconscious. I used to be able to read the Stoics and other philosophy and calm my mind, but the words now don't have any affect. I'm starting to question the possibility that maybe I like feeling miserable. But why?

I recently read The Four Agreements and have tried to subscribe to the idea of loving everyone and everything. I started practicing self-love; became aware of all the negativity that I aimed towards myself. It's true, we really are what we think, but it's so hard when you're functioning on autopilot and flushed with emotion.

I feel like I don't have the will to concentrate. I procrastinate all the time. It's hard to prioritize. I feel like a nub when I used to be so sharp and cognitive, ready to snipe any false impression. But what happened? I don't exactly know.

I've let myself down and I don't know how to build myself back up.

Lately too I've been shying away from people, preferring to stay in, but still I go out because I know it's the right thing to do. Or mostly I only see very certain people. But with all the fear and uncertainty I somehow manage to be myself (social, funny) when I'm out--no one can tell I'm going through this pain and confusion.

I almost don't want to admit it, but even though I'm respectful and mentally and practically helpful to my friends and the people around I meet, deep down and in private I'm selfish; I compare myself, am envious, am aware of people's limitations. I sometimes want to cause people emotional pain when I feel (even when I know I've misinterpreted something) like they've wronged me or disrespected me. I feel this is more prevalent when dealing with the women that I sleep with.

I know I have issues--and I know it's probably counterintuitive to say it like that.

I want to learn how to love. I want to be free of these negative emotions. I don't want to judge. I want to be a good person.

asked 24 Apr '17, 20:49

nahum's gravatar image


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(25 Apr '17, 04:24) IQ Moderator ♦♦

It seems like you need to quiet your mind (meditate) for a couple of days. I am sure you will feel a big improvement after the first two days. Meanwhile try not to take your mind(thoughts) so seriously.

If meditating is dificult, due to the fact that your mind is currently very active, counting your breath might help. Also walking and counting your steps. I hope this helps


answered 30 Apr '17, 19:32

White%20Elf's gravatar image

White Elf

edited 30 Apr '17, 19:57

I recommend using your time in to watch a couple of Bashar tapes- they worked great for me to kick-start myself. Darryl has a very intense style in letting Bashar's direct and intense energy get through, and that might just work to blow through a couple of initial layers of kind-of-sort-of-not-the-type-you-would-prefer energy to get some positive momentum going. I liked the European video very much for its content.

Actually, that you would be hanging around at home a lot isn't such a bad thing- it's quite normal to want to be alone in order to make changes in yourself, and then reemerge later a new person. So just let all of this run its course, while also looking for a positive perspective. Here is Bashar's complete method- the tapes are mainly elaborating on it and responding to people's questions in its context, and giving more of a background on the nature of the universe, and I found it very worthwhile because it's so simple.

Follow your highest excitement, to the best of your ability, without an insistence on a particular outcome.

Eventually you will run into an emotional snag, and then you let yourself feel the emotion clearly, and ask yourself: What would I have to believe in order to feel this? Once you get a clear answer, poof, the belief will be gone- negativity doesn't survive well in the open where it can be examined, it depends on being unquestioned and hidden to do anything at all.

To give you a practical example of following your highest excitement: So you get up in the morning and probably feel so-so, and feel so-so about whatever might happen in your day, so you just let your attention drift randomly around and decide not to do much aside of necessities, and see where your attention is drawn. You might feel like going on-line, or going to another part of the room, or maybe even call someone or go outside to get some coffee somewhere, or go to the park, the library... just let your attention drift to all kinds of things that you may be doing. As long as you're not sure what you feel excited about there's not much else to do anyway, and that should relax you quite a bit: All the possibilities that aren't exciting, you don't have to worry about those at all, and before you put effort into something that's not exciting you might as well stay at home, unwashed, and eat the cold leftover pizza from the night before.

Sooner or later you are probably going to find something that is the tiniest bit more exciting than eating the leftover cold pizza form the night before in an unwashed state- and it might be a simple as brushing your teeth or walking to another part of the room to sit in a chair you haven't used for a while, or opening a window because the sun is shining through the curtains. You should consider something like calling someone or going out a big step in terms of finding your excitement- when you are feeling unexcited, you are looking for the small steps. Browsing books on your shelf. Random internet surfing. Thinking certain thoughts that are vaguely interesting, somehow.

The main point is that it's good to be doing whatever you are doing right now, because it will allow you to figure out which part of right is every-so-slightly more exciting than the others, and that will tell you were to start ramping up your activity every so slightly.

So for example your coat may be attractive to you- well, you might want to put it on, and then it would make sense to go outside, so I recommend to do that if it's slightly exciting, even if you have no idea yet where you might end up. Once you're outside, just stand somewhere and enjoy whatever weather is happening- and see which part of outside you are inclined to have a look at. Bring a book if you feel like it. Wander. Now the point is, nothing obviously earth-shattering is most likely going to happen, but it doesn't have to- you might end up in a bookstore you didn't know, or in a coffee place you haven't been to in ages. Just keep going with whatever is a tiny bit more exciting that the rest of things. The whole idea of this is practicing to look for things that excite you.

When you get the knack of this a little bit, you can also sit down occasionally and work on specific beliefs that you don't enjoy having very much. So you experience fully something you don't like feeling, and ask yourself: What would I have to believe to feel this? And once you get your answer, that one's gone too.

Keep up these to practices, and you are rather sure to be in a much better place in, say, a couple months, but the slight energy improvement will feel amazing right now.

Enjoy! It's all yours, and there for good reason, even if that reason simply is to decide to let it go and so something more exciting.

All the best!


answered 05 May '17, 06:47

cmc's gravatar image


Maybe it's not about calming your mind right now, maybe you should be listening to your unconscious self instead.

It doesn't necessarily have to be thought of as taking steps back in your maturity. Knowing is half the battle (I'm referring to your issues). There are plenty of beliefs out there that our life comes at us in a cyclical spiraling pattern. So issues not dealt with or left incomplete, will come back to us.

Maturity takes time. And work. And support. So take the time to work through issues, and your emotions, and take the time to find a proper support group that can help you grow.

Stay on your path to be good and loving. Wanting to be 'better' is a good sign. You'll get there!


answered 12 Jun '17, 00:41

ZenMama's gravatar image


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