Hi IQ folks,

I've been studying reality creation for about 10 years. I've had many ups and downs. Over the past year or so, it has become clear to me that I have actually spent most of my life vibrating in a very low frequency, around powerlessness. What I mostly did with my LOA work was, I now see, fake feeling better, fake empowerment, fake optimism. Underneath, I don't think I really understood (and still don't, really) how to make myself feel authentically better.

In the past handful of months, after realizing what was really underneath all of the positive thinking and effort, I've been experiencing a lot of fear/anxiety/dread. It's been rough. Because my other faux skills clearly didn't work, I did what I could to just surrender to these feelings. I was out of other ideas, basically. So I think I sort of stopped resisting my resistance, and really admitted what was there. There was a kind of relief in that.

In the past couple of weeks, I've noticed that hey, the anxiety/fear/dread isn't the main backdrop of my sensation of existing anymore. But what has replaced it is depression, sadness, despair. Where I previously found myself receiving anxiety thoughts like "doom is coming for me", now I find myself receiving thoughts like "Nothing matters", or "I'm probably going to die young" or "I didn't get anything I wanted, and I never will, all I can do is accept my failure". I don't feel this way all the time - typically the day starts out fine, and by mid-morning I'll be having maximum gloom.

I'm confused. I have a vague belief that depression is a lower vibration than anxiety. So this feels alarmingly like I'm "going backward". But in a practical way, in some ways, this feeling of gloom isn't as bad as the feeling of terror and dread.

Does this make any sense? I'm feeling so confused right now! I'm really feeling like everything I thought I understood turns out to be the fake veneer, and really I don't know anything. Sometimes I think that relaxing into resistance must always be an okay choice, at least you aren't feeding the resistance more, but then when I'm feeling really low, I get the confusion about going backwards again.

Can you shine your light on this? Thank you!

asked 30 May '18, 13:13

corduroypower's gravatar image

corduroypower
2.6k124


"I did what I could to just surrender to these feelings. I was out of other ideas, basically." "So I think I sort of stopped resisting my resistance, and really admitted what was there. There was a kind of relief in that."

This is start of the Letting Go process. You realised that you can't 'try' your way out of bad feelings or happy-face-sticker over your true (negative) feelings on the subjects that matter to you.

When you first Let Go or release, and relax into letting the Universe just have its way with you, all sorts of deep-buried feelings can come up. They are coming up to be released for good. Not, as previously, where you were "trying" to "fix" them. But, instead of clearing them and rising up the emotional scale, you were sort of numbing yourself to the reality of your actual (emotional) vibration.

@Stingray mentions this in a post using an example about a fire raging and a fire alarm going off and you just put in ear plugs. Your 'trying' with LOA was just putting in the ear plugs, and the fire and fire alarm (your feelings of powerlessness) were still raging. I will see if I can find that post and edit it in to this answer later for you

EDIT

If you find yourself dissociating from the pain, just be aware that even though you may not be allowing yourself to feel it, it will still be responsible for attracting and manifesting in your life. It's like hearing a fire alarm going off in the building you are in and putting in ear plugs to block the noise. Just because you're not allowing yourself to hear the alarm, it doesn't mean that the building is not burning down around you :) If you really want to change for good, you've got to let the "blockage" surface for a short time so it can be cleared out. The relief of finally letting it go will be well worth the small period of discomfort.

Quote from: http://www.inwardquest.com/questions/15009/manifesting-experiment-4-the-resistance-release-method-get-what-you-want-by-clearing-whats-in-the-way-part-2-of-2

I would also read the post on here called the 30 Day Vortex Challenge. There are lots of insights there that will help you to keep relaxing into this process. (Learning to feel better just for the emotional relief.)

The 30-Day Vortex Challenge: http://www.inwardquest.com/questions/93202/the-30-day-vortex-challenge

Once you stop efforting and start allowing, EVERYTHING gets better. This is the start of a new change in vibration and, therefore, a change in physical circumstances - eventually.

Just let the Universe have its way with you. Just keep thinking, "I trust, I trust, I trust". Say to yourself: The Universe and my Inner Being will guide me through this contrast as long as I relax and surrender.

link

answered 30 May '18, 13:59

Yes's gravatar image

Yes
4.6k417

edited 30 May '18, 14:09

Thank you. I think I see some of the value of stopping the effort and allowing the energy flow to have its way with you. (Maybe the only real honest value I sense right now is, hey, at least you're admitting where you are!) Can I ask a followup Q? I notice that as I sink into really feeling how I feel, thoughts and feelings keep coming up that feel quite bad. If I continue to relax into that, do those feelings naturally shift? (1)

(18 Jun '18, 22:50) corduroypower

I'm so unused to a model of being where I'm not actively managing things with effort! It feels weird. Like if I think "I feel old and ugly", my old habit is to try to "be positive" and change those thoughts. But I guess I wasn't really changing them, just avoiding them or shoving them away. So now I'm doing my best to just experience those thoughts and feelings. Are you eventually naturally led to a different thought or approach presenting itself? (2)

(18 Jun '18, 22:52) corduroypower

My old habit would have been to do a bunch of effort around talking myself into something like "I'm no actually old, I'm not actually ugly, besides, who gets to say what beauty even is", but now I understand that those were all good-sounding things I learned like a parrot, not thoughts or statements that expressed my real emotion. I feel total bafflement about how I can actually change how I feel in any real way. Huh. (3)

(18 Jun '18, 22:54) corduroypower
1

I think what you are finding is that covering up specific negative thoughts with "positive" thoughts doesn't permanently shift your emotion. It's a bit like a plant pot that is full of weeds, the weed roots are entrenched in the earth, beneath the surface, and multiplying, and every time a weed pops up through the soil you cut the top off and place a cut flower where the weed popped up. The cut flower has no roots so it can't multiply and grow.......

(22 Jun '18, 06:06) Yes
1

and the weed roots are still there waiting to pop up new weeds through the soil again. You have turned a corner by beginning to accept where you are. That is a good first step. By going General you will let the negative momentum slow. When you fight to cover negative thoughts with positive thoughts you add momentum to the negative thoughts. You need to let the general relief feeling dissolve some of those negative thoughts. So, the "weed roots" can recede and reduce. I would try...

(22 Jun '18, 06:10) Yes
1

Manifesting Experiment 5. By allowing the negative to surface you can clear it - what you are doing is pushing it down so it just gathers more momentum. Vent and let those negative streams of thought up and out. Once you get to relief and the negative momentum starts to clear. (The weed roots are dissolved) It's then that you can add the flowers (the positive thoughts). In fact, once you clear the negative momentum, the positive thoughts will think themselves. It will be effortless. You will....

(22 Jun '18, 06:13) Yes
1

not have to "try" to think them. The perfect emotional space to be in to create what you desire is 'satisfied where you are' & 'eager for more'. In order to focus on the 'eager for more' (the positive thoughts of what you want to create) you need to get to the 'satisfied where you are' stance first. Clearing the negative momentum by trusting, going general and venting about the negatives in your life so you can clear them (kill all those weed roots) for good and then positive thoughts will shift

(22 Jun '18, 06:15) Yes
1

into positive circumstances and events in your life. Go general, trust, let go and CLEAR with Manifesting Experiment 5. Let that take as long as it takes. Don't TRY to add positives until you are ready for that. Let your inner being guide you. Say to your inner being. "I am ready to let all this negative momentum go. I trust you. I surrender. I am looking for neutral thoughts/emotions (not positive yet) guide me. I let go into the relief" Keep us posted :) When you "give up" things shift fast...

(22 Jun '18, 06:19) Yes
1

Thank you! I will try ME5. I had just been playing with ME4 and experiencing amazement at how many deeply uncomfortable beliefs (weed roots, in your metaphor) are underneath everything. This sounds good.

(22 Jun '18, 10:48) corduroypower
1

@corduroypower You will be off and running in no time. Good luck :)

(22 Jun '18, 15:36) Yes
showing 2 of 11 show 9 more comments

Sounds like you are doing a great job unraveling beliefs. There is no fixed order- it's different for anyone. Any change is good. Unravel that layer too the same way you did the last. You'll get there. Unravel the vague belief that your progress is not progress first.

The optimism was not fake, you're just not used to it. Keep going with it. That idea is just another negative belief. Keep imagining things you like, and observing what you believe.

link

answered 02 Jun '18, 05:27

cmc's gravatar image

cmc
3.7k6

1

"The optimism was not fake, you're just not used to it." Yes! For a long time as I was adjusting to more consistent levels of ease and good feeling, the arguments of "it was a fluke" or "my happiness was fake" or "I am just pretending" were common and strong for me. But those feelings are very, very real. Because they aren't dominant yet, it's easy to rationalise them away for whatever reason. Keep going. You've nearly hit the jackpot.

(08 Jun '18, 00:10) Nikulas
1

Again, I must say please read this: "The optimism was not fake, you're just not used to it." There is so much wisdom in this sentence that I do not wish to play down.

Understanding that single phrase, and everything contained in it can answer about 70% of the questions on Inward Quest. And I believe it is why so many Law of Attraction enthusiasts give up so easily when they start. I am so appreciative I did not give up with LOA and properly understood it, although it took me a few years.

(08 Jun '18, 22:31) Nikulas

Thank you! I'm not sure I understand your point about the optimism. I was trying to express that I've developed quite a bit of skill in seeming positive on the outside. "Ouch, a paper cut! Well, things are always working out for me, so that's just fine." (While actually feeling very upset about the paper cut.) Can you clarify more of what you meant?

(18 Jun '18, 22:47) corduroypower

On optimism. Sometimes people think self-manufactured optimism, in the heat of a bad situation, is akin to burying your head in the sand or ignoring issues. Looking around, there is all this physical evidence and stuff/reasons to feel bad. So hence when doing LOA work of feeling good despite negative outcomes, there may be the tendency to label this self-generated good feelings as "fake optimism" or "naivety." And it is not. Optimism, whether self-imposed or environmentally imposed, is valid.

(25 Jun '18, 05:33) Nikulas

Ah, I think I see what you're saying now. I think my issue is that my "optimism" was typically totally fake and just looked good from the outside, on the inside I definitely didn't/don't feel good in these situations, eg I didn't actually feel hopeful when I said "maybe it will all work out", I felt fearful and worried. I'm very in favor of authentically feeling good no matter the temporary external circumstance, though! I hope to get to that place myself at some point.

(25 Jun '18, 13:17) corduroypower
2

Yes, your external mask wont have much affect. From experience, trying to appear happy when I am not just makes me feel (yes FEEL) worse about myself, so I am glad I completely devoured that 'Nice Guy habit' of mine years ago and favoured from now on to just wear my real face. If I am happy, I look happy. If angry, I look angry and communicate it to people I'm in an off mood and need be. Be as real and genuine to yourself as you possibly can be. From experience, sometimes just by labelling...

(25 Jun '18, 20:34) Nikulas
2

...an emotion and being honest with myself (right now I feel sad/lonely/angry/confused) is a big step in moving to better feelings. Why? Because in 'being real' with how you feel, you are honouring yourself and saying yes my experience and how I feel right now is welcomed and valid. Never push anything down. Never suppress anything. Be raw and gritty with how you feel. Then you will be in a better position to reach for a neutral or genuine feel good mood.

(25 Jun '18, 20:36) Nikulas

@corduroypower Your optimism was not fake.

Before, you were depressed, and spoke depressed.

With the "fake it til you make it" optimism, you were depressed, but spoke optimistic. This is much better then being depressed and speaking depressed.

Now, you weren't all-the-way-there yet, because you still had negative beliefs counteracting the optimism, but they were no longer locked in by your conscious cooperation with them.

It's the first step. Keep faking it, and uncover negative beliefs.

(28 Jun '18, 02:47) cmc

@cmc - I don't see it that way. My optimism was definitely a fake mask. We may be talking about different things, IDK. I'm talking about good-sounding words of empowerment and hope over emotions of fear, where the fear doesn't shift because it's too far from the pretty words. In Abraham's metaphor, I was totally putting a sticker over my gas gauge so I didn't have to see that I was running out of gas.

(28 Jun '18, 10:49) corduroypower

@corduroypower The words are still gas in the tank as long as you also deal with negative beliefs as they come up. That's my point- you did well. Now do more.

(01 Jul '18, 17:01) cmc
showing 2 of 10 show 8 more comments

I sympathize with you on many levels.

Recently, I had a period where nothing was really working out anymore and I was desperate, because I thought, "I am supposed to be better at reality creation, now that I know all the things that I know! What am I doing wrong? I suck at this!". So I really feel with you.

What I have learned during this time was two things: I have asked for a lot of things in a very strong and precise way - but I was not letting it in by ignoring my emotional guidance system aka my emotions. I was pushing the universe, constantly asking for improvement, complaining and being impatient without realizing that I am not allowing my desires to flow and so, of course, there were nowhere to be seen!

I didn't even realize the huge amount of negative emotions because I just assumed, I know enough about reality creation and things just need to work out - even if I contradicted myself all the time.

Thereore what happenend was that I was being pulled into two opposite directions - my desire and my resistance/contradiction - and it almost pulled me apart.

The stronger your desires are, the more important is the allowing part, the more important is the the alignment with your inner being - otherwise you suffer a lot and life gets really painful and totally unpleasant.

So anything that gives you relief is you going into the right direction. I would start with accepting and forgiving yourself first. Say to yourself: "I am doing fine, I am exactly where I am supposed to be. There are no mistakes, just endless opportunities for me to better define what I want in life and I am doing just this. I am now improving my manifesting skills in this period and when I am going to look back, I will realize how this has helped my on my path. It's definitely going to be alright. I am safe. I am good enough and the universe has my back all the times. I am now realising that all things will always work out for me."

Your negative emotions are not wrong or bad, you didn't fail. The negative feeling is just a message of your inner being saying it disagrees with your beliefs about you and your life. Your depression, fear or sadness is your bigger part telling your smaller part:

  • I disagree with your expectation that doom is coming - all I am seeing is the glorious future that is available to you right now
  • I disagreee with the statement that you are a failure and will never get anything you want - all I am seeing is the clear path to all your desires and the sureness of your dreams coming true
  • I disagree with your belief that you are going backwards - all I see is the enormous potential and beauty of this current situation

"Always remember deep in your heart that all is well and everything is unfolding as it should. There are no mistakes anywhere, at anytime. What appears to be wrong is your own false imagination. Perfection knows nothing about wrong or right, good and bad, happy and sad. It knows only itself as Perfection. And you are That." Robert Adams

All that happening is that you are focussing on things you don't want. Yes, it really is that simple, but I am learning it again as well. Seems for some it might take some time and a lot of repeating :)

link

answered 02 Jun '18, 11:56

spacemetalfantasy's gravatar image

spacemetalfantasy
2.0k138

edited 02 Jun '18, 12:00

I really relate to realizing that you've focused in a very strong and precise way! It appears to me that (I gave up on a handful of strong, longterm desires that had become very precise and specific over time over the past year or two) giving up did create some relief, in the midst of the sadness. It's become clear to me that I really do not, at this point, know how to focus on what I want without actually focusing on what I don't want. I feel like a LOA moron a lot of the time, LOL!

(18 Jun '18, 22:56) corduroypower

I am going through exactly the same thing at the moment. I was working through my resistance and thinking that I was doing really well. I moved from depression to a massive anger release. Then super frustrated. Then sort of numb, but feeling OK. And then I crashed. And I realised that the problem was that I was releasing resistance from a space of lying to myself. I dissociated massively as a child and I still don't have any memories, but I started seeing a few glimpses and realised that the resistance I was working on was just the top layer of 'story' I had created to hide the truth from myself.

I still don't know how to fully engage with my subconscious and I don't know if I ever will, but now at least I am engaging with what is really there, not the story I made up. When this happened, all hell started breaking loose in my life. My job is awful, my body hurts, I am emotional - one minute angry and then depressed and then suddenly massively anxious. Like you, I sometimes feel like I am going backwards and I am really angry that I worked so hard to release and now have to do it again, but I guess it is all layers and it is not going backward and it is what we can face at that time. And we do get stronger through the process.

I don't yet know all the answers, or even any of them, to be honest. But I wanted you to know that you are not alone on this journey and that I don't believe you are going backwards. You are getting real. Let the anxiousness in and sit with it. Fully feel it (advice to myself as much as to you). I am also finding that Internal Family Systems offers very interesting ways of working with your inner world, so that might be worth looking at.

Mostly, love and strength to you!

link

answered 11 Jun '18, 16:22

Antheia's gravatar image

Antheia
770122

2

Thanks for this. It's funny, I think a year or two ago I would have felt that people shouldn't say "My job is awful, my body hurts", etc, we should all say "positive" things like "Well, this job does pay my rent" or whatever. And now I feel like it seems so much more clear and relatively aligned to just be really real about where you are. How else can you move, if you don't know where you're starting? (But I am also realizing that I don't know how you move for real.) (1)

(18 Jun '18, 22:58) corduroypower
1

I relate to what you're saying about the subconscious, childhood dissociation, etc. I feel like this isn't a LOA-approved thing to say, but it has become clear to me that my childhood trained me to numb out my emotions and preferences to survive, so in adulthood, it's only pretty recently that I've been able to start to identify in a real, true way what I feel and what I want and don't want. (2)

(18 Jun '18, 23:00) corduroypower

"I've been studying reality creation for about 10 years. I've had many ups and downs. Over the past year or so, it has become clear to me that I have actually spent most of my life vibrating in a very low frequency, around powerlessness. What I mostly did with my LOA work was, I now see, fake feeling better, fake empowerment, fake optimism. Underneath, I don't think I really understood (and still don't, really) how to make myself feel authentically better."

the short answer is - it is really ok. relax.

longer answer:

sadness and deppresion are about the same frequency levels. but what you're describing (by the thoughts you wrote) you are not deppresed. you are the one to tell, but i think you are more pessimistic (accepting reality but in a negative way), which is going up the emotional scale.

the same thing has happened to me over and over again. until i went out of this cycle (after years too. when most people are being introduced for the first time to the LOA this is what they do - ignore themselves and think positivly only. and a huge gap between what they want and what they get is being created. so there are ups and downs. until you learn to get to know who you are for real and not ignore it - nogative and positive (not positive only) , maintain positive anergy (not forcing it, but going up the emotional scale by your rhythm, being conscious and forgive your self, not blaming).

"how to make myself feel authentically better" - by your experiences. dont force yourself to get there. but learn every day what you like and what you dont and live by it. it is a life procces. and even when you get there , somthing new will surprise you. so just relax. my biggest leson was to relax. and in any situation i can relax even more.

link

answered 25 Jun '18, 03:55

myself's gravatar image

myself
2.4k117

Hi corduroypower,

I've also been there, what helps me is not to take my mind that serious unless I am above hopeful on the emotional scale. Abraham Hicks mentioned that Ester sometime says to her "Shut up Ester".

You could just notice your thought and if they are not hopeful just acknowledge that it can't be of any benefit to think about that now because you don't have access to the solution, just say I will think about that later. (I actually saw this long time ago in the movie "Gone with the Wind " and was appealing to me... Scarlet was always saying that)

What helps me most in this situation is to try to be aware of what's going on inside me and ask myself very often, where do I feel that in my body. The bad emotions sometimes feel bad in my solar plexus area and sometimes in my chest. I try to acknowledge the physical sensation.

If I acknowledge them, the bad feelings subside because I become conscious of it.

This works very well for me to get out of a bad feeling place.

This will pass for sure, your inner being is also trying to inspire you to a better feeling place, just notice the good feeling thoughts you get from time to time :)

link

answered 20 Jun '18, 11:31

White%20Elf's gravatar image

White Elf
5878

edited 20 Jun '18, 13:22

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