I would love to hear your experiences in helping your kids retain their innate guidance into adulthood. Not to "teach" them anything of course, since children are naturals, and I agree that if left to themselves would follow their excitement and lead happy lives. Is there a way to avoid the societal conditioning? What did you do when you heard your parent's voice come out of your mouth, for example (or is that just me)? :D

I suspect the answer is "just feel good," and I am! (Doing the 30-day challenge now.) I tend to be hands-off in general but am wondering if I'm missing something. I know approx. zero people who parent the way I do or who would frequent this site, so thank you for any insight.

Or set me straight - is part of the reason they incarnated to lose that through conditioning and make their way back to it in a conscious way (or not)? I would love to hear your thoughts.

P.S. I am a "long-time listener, first-time caller" on IQ, and appreciate this site and all of your contributions so very much! Thank you and love

asked 10 Jul '19, 17:34

Swann's gravatar image



Hi @Swann yes children naturally mirror their parents, they copy gestures, words, movements, actions, thoughts, ways of doing things ... so if you want to help your kids retain their innate guidance practice following your own inner guidance ... have a great day :)

(14 Jul '19, 04:30) jaz

You’re so right @jaz, thank you!

(15 Jul '19, 11:14) Swann
showing 0 of 2 show 2 more comments

Welcome to IQ :)

Is there a way to avoid the societal conditioning?

Not that I know of.

And it doesn't matter anyway because the "limitations" imposed by society and others are part of the desire-generating process...and the unfolding adventure of life...in fact, it's the reason for incarnating.

Your role as parent, as you've implied, is just stay out of the way as much as possible.

If you view your children as fully-formed consciously-thinking adults who just happen to inhabit not-yet-fully-formed physical bodies, it can help sometimes in treating them as self-empowered self-governing entities.

A useful Abraham quote on the subject...

Child of mine, I will never do for you that which I know you can do for yourself. I will never rob you of an opportunity to show yourself your ability and talent. I will see you at all times as the capable, effective, powerful creator that you’ve come forth to be. And I will stand back as your most avid cheerleading section.

But I will not do for you that which you have intended to do for yourself. Anything you need from me, ask. I’m always here to compliment or assist. I am here to encourage your growth, not to justify my experience through you.

Abraham-Hicks, Seattle, WA on 7/4/99

Regarding children and their behavior - I'm sure this is a subject that has never been an issue for most parents ;) - an immensely valuable approach is to only give attention to behavior that pleases you and completely ignore (or, at least, as much as possible) behavior that doesn't please you (i.e. don't push against it).

In that way, Law of Attraction naturally brings more of the pleasing behavior out of them. It's guidance without direct control.

As for how they behave with other adults... well, they'll probably be viewed as hell-raisers...and that's just fine ;)


answered 11 Jul '19, 06:20

Stingray's gravatar image


Thank you @Stingray (and family) for the knowledge of experience! Pleased to see you’re still around. Now back to facing my resistance to toddlerhood lol

(11 Jul '19, 20:36) Swann

@Swann - You're welcome. I'm usually lurking around in the background somewhere even if sometimes too busy to post here much

(12 Jul '19, 03:47) Stingray

Welcome, "lurker" Swann! You have asked such a great question... I raised four children, and was a stay at home mom, and I stayed home because I wanted my children to have perhaps a unique experience as such. On our block, I was the only parent who was home; the exodus of cars in the morning was unreal. After the school bus dropped the kids off after school, they would walk down the block, and if I happened to be outside, weeding or just sitting on the stoop, I would inevitably end up with a cluster of kids, eager to chat with an adult who was interested in their day at school.

It is so easy to lead children- perhaps too easy, but to have a totally hands off approach isn't so good, either. Kids need to know that someone is interested in what they have to share, and they also need to know when they have crossed the line. It's not good for children to lack structure. Rules make kids feel safe! Those children gathered around me after school were hungry to know that they mattered, and that their experiences and ideas are appreciated at an adult level. I wouldn't call that conditioning. Universal approval feels to me like my father, buried behind his evening newspaper, saying,"Uh, huh," to me, even if I said the sky was orange and elephants were floating above his chair!

Toddlers are zesty with life, free and unbelievably loving, assuming their little lives haven't been ruptured by abuse or starvation and the like. But I wouldn't call saying "No!" when they want to open up the oven while it's on "conditioning". My children never wanted to go to bed- ever. So I prevented the battle of bedtime by routine. Bath, teeth brushing, followed by one (and only one!) storybook read to them...then we said goodnight, and I went out and that was it. If they played Jack in the box, and got up, they were brought back to bed. Some nights, it was ten times. This "boundary" and small others like it helped to create a safe reality for them, a framework within which they were entirely free to explore through play.

We set up the fence, but what they do inside our love is up to them. Our son, John, started drawing cars and rocketships at age two. Paper was expensive, so his Dad started bringing home some of the reams of computer paper set out at work for recycling. The back of the paper was clean and white, and John was free to do his drawing. He's quite an artist today, but mostly we just supplied the paper. He loved Legos; to this day, he invents the most amazing designs in Legos. In other words, we took the hints our kids gave us, but let them run with their joy.

In more esoteric matters, too, we just talked and talked. Star Trek reruns were a great source of conversation. So was Dr. Who, and later, Terry Pratchett, for that matter. We had a ton of books, especially reference books. Our National Geographic Atlas was practically in shreds by the time our kids left home. People think I am kidding when I tell them we came home from the library each week with forty books, but we did- ten per kid. Summer was more, partly because of boredom, partly because it was so wonderfully air conditioned!

If our children had leaned in other ways, I suppose we would have leaned, too. I raised four geeks, and our oldest granddaughter is following in the family geek-rich tradition. I guess, in the end, we must account for our genes.

I hope this helps!!

Lots of love,



answered 26 Jul '19, 12:36

Jaianniah's gravatar image


Thank you @Jaianniah for sharing about your lovely family! You’re right, and I should have been more specific about what I meant by “conditioning.” It sounds like your kids had the space to be who they are, which is so valuable! Love :)

(28 Jul '19, 11:53) Swann
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