Well the title pretty much says it.

I have a huge desire ever since last year to completely change my Life but so far it seems very little has changed. I find it very challenging.

I am 27 years old, and I don't have any friends or people I can talk to (I'm the only child, no siblings), well it's always been like this ever since my freshmen year at college.

As far as relationships goes, just getting a date seems very hard for me. How do I get a date if I don't know anyone? Or how do I even get a date in the first place?

Well, a huge problem is that the lack of social interaction seems to have affected, and is affecting other areas in my Life. I can't never seem to focus on the task at hand. Or a lot of people say that they will just focus on their careers instead and I find it hard to do that. I've taken a couple of tests last year for a programming job and I failed miserably, simply because I couldn't focus and prepare. I really wanted to prepare and do well of course but inside me I did feel very frustrated and lost as to why...things are the way they are. Yes I know I attracted this situation to myself but I definitely didn't do it on purpose, that's for sure.

So basically my primary desire is to make some friends, get some dates and just hangout and have a good time. But because I don't know how to make it happen, and the fact that nothing happens, it makes it hard for me to focus on other things in my Life.

And as far as LOA goes, for the past few months I really wanted to manifest a friend or something (in real life, not internet). So for every month I would set a desire to meet a new person who is a kind enough person to be a good friend. Well so far there has been nothing, I haven't met anyone, I would visualize and feel good, and write new stories and stuff but it hasn't happened yet. So I pretty much just surrendered and gave up. However it's still affecting my ability to focus on more important job-tasks it seems, actually it's more like I could care less about my job-related stuff. I guess being isolated can make a person more and more apathetic.

I would appreciate any advice to make my life match more of what I desire.

Yes I know I have to make peace with where I am, I am trying to do that for the moment as well.

asked 06 Jan '13, 12:56

Evolutionary%20High's gravatar image

Evolutionary High

edited 06 Jan '13, 16:28

Barry%20Allen's gravatar image

Barry Allen ♦♦

@EvolutionaryHigh, I am familiar with this one issue affecting everything in your life, I am looking forward to the answers to this question. Thanks for asking the question.

(06 Jan '13, 13:26) dreamersmiles

well every one is on the net so trying to find someone not on it might be hard. why you fail in this world it is very simple money and lie. this world is based on competition. so people do annything to achive lie kill cheat etc.. but does it make them happy? you want a date do like every one else is doing lie make people believe that you have money and are succesfull. that is the fast and easy way of this world. or you can take the other way that very fee enter and be in truth.

(06 Jan '13, 14:07) white tiger

I know that my words might seams hard to accept but men as fallen in bondage to is own creation in this world. the fact is that he can still enjoy all is creation and what is good about it. but men need to solve is problem by being able to see the truth. only when men will see the truth can he take the right decision to solve the problem. I am amazed at how this great wealth has made its home in this poverty." but i will be even more amazed when men will know them self and will not be poverty.

(06 Jan '13, 18:26) white tiger

@White tiger - "For we all seem to give our lives away, searching for things that we think we must own"...but when you see through lies, trinkets and needless ties,.. we're all just trying to find our way home. :)

(07 Jan '13, 05:10) CalonLan

@White Tiger - I'm sorry but I do not understand your answer. I'm just asking for simple advice regarding how to have more social friends and stuff. I'm not out there to kill and lie to people.

(07 Jan '13, 14:39) Evolutionary High

What exactly prevents you from having a social life? Have you tried online dating (as a simple way to get dates)? Are you friendly with people in general? Do you smile at strangers? Do you have interests that are shared by others? Are you any fun?

(08 Jan '13, 12:43) flowsurfer


I have a hard time knowing what to do or where to go. I live in a city but when I go outside I feel extremely lonely, everywhere I go I only go by myself. I don't know anyone so I can't call people to go with me. I will look into volunteer or meetup groups but they don't feel right to me for some reason. I just wanna people on the streets or just naturally, you know what I mean. I would say I'm friendly with people, and good at conversations.

(13 Jan '13, 16:56) Evolutionary High

You have to be somewhere people go TO socialize. Online dating sites may help with that because they allow you to find other people who want to meet people, not necessarily a romantic partner. Besides that, there are other "forced socialization" environments. Most people don't meet anyone outside of an environment where they are forced to, such as work or school or by introduction from a circle of friends. If you don't have a circle you can expand from, you have to build one yourself.

(13 Jan '13, 17:12) flowsurfer

@Evolutionary High : Hows your Facebook life? It is a good way to meet people, find old friends. And friends of friends or relatives. and there are groups that you might like and people that have similar interests that you could start a casual relationship with and so on.. just a thought

(14 Jan '13, 01:57) ursixx
showing 0 of 9 show 9 more comments

Helping others helps yourself
Volunteer get out and be of assistance to a youth group, food kitchen, maybe something environmental or an animal rescue . See what feels good to you. The first benefit is you are out in circulation, you increase your network. You then are in company of like minded people if you choose something that "feels right" .
When you are in such a giving position. Remember you are doing this for yourself I know this sounds selfish. But it's not. If you are doing something because it is forced upon you. The results will be as negative as your thoughts . But if your doing it because it feels good then the results will be as positive as the thoughts.
Practice random kindness . A smile goes a long way in someones life. and the more you smile the better you will feel. Feeling good attracts those that feel good. As A-H says change your story ,get out be among other IRL.
You say you write new stories but is the belief there? These things you write about are for the moment big things for you,and maybe hard for you to get the vibration right. When you are telling a new story it must vibrate right with you for it to be true. Work on small things to get the feeling/vibration right when you are telling a new story.Ex: I always get up early so that when I start my great new job it will be natural to me. Getting up early is really not that hard and you connect it to that great new job. Sorry for the randomness of this answer I hope you find some things that ring true with you


answered 07 Jan '13, 04:38

ursixx's gravatar image




(07 Jan '13, 12:14) Dollar Bill

Thanks. I will try to look for volunteer activities.

(07 Jan '13, 14:42) Evolutionary High

When I write new stories the belief is there. But it does not last. After I forget about it I have to start from step one again.

(07 Jan '13, 14:46) Evolutionary High

@Evolutionary High It's always easier to start with a short story that's easy to follow than a epic novel. As @Grace has said K.I.S.S. Keep It Simple Sweetie.. and this is a good read http://www.inwardquest.com/questions/11744/is-determination-the-cure-for-depression-if-so-how-does-one-get-to-that-point/11748

(07 Jan '13, 18:41) ursixx

@ursixx Perfect answer! :)

(10 Jan '13, 02:08) mastermind2

Thanks for the praise smiles

(11 Jan '13, 18:59) ursixx
showing 2 of 6 show 4 more comments

Hello Evolutionary High

I have lived through what you are living, in fact things got to a point where i was totally alone, living in a foreign country, no job no future, at this point i turned to stealing just to stay alive ... why? because i felt rejected, i rejected everyone, i felt angry and fearful. In what way did this situation give me pleasure? ... it made me feel strong and fearless ... for me all this is now assimilated.

We all function on the principle of pleasure, whatever we do we always do because it's the best way to feeling alright in a particular situation at a particular point in time ... once you have realized how being lonely, isolated and more and more apathetic serves you, then will have taken the first step in moving onto something better ... so my answer to you is in the form of a question " in what way does this unresponsive attitude give you pleasure ? " ... blu


answered 06 Jan '13, 14:42

blubird%20two's gravatar image

blubird two

edited 08 Jan '13, 10:10


Good logic, but you can't know the pleasure of yin if you are not familiar with yang. When you had enough of social life, you may see past the mask and lies will become clear. As @white tiger said.

(06 Jan '13, 15:29) CalonLan

@CalanLan- yin and yang go hand in hand, the pleasure of one is the mirror of the other ...

(07 Jan '13, 01:16) blubird two

@blubird two, right, just wondering how one would answer your questions, if the pleasures of the opposites are his longing, and pleasures of the current thus unknown. ;P

(07 Jan '13, 01:52) CalonLan

@CalonLan and @blubird two - are you saying that pleasure is the difference, or the blending of two opposites?

(07 Jan '13, 12:18) Dollar Bill

@Dollar Bill, I meant, that if you don't know how great social life can be, you won't know how great being alone is.

(07 Jan '13, 14:59) CalonLan

Well I just want a balanced life, where I can have a good time with good people and friends, because I've been isolated for a long time now without really knowing a single person. As far as being alone, it has its benefits of course but I want to experience what a good social life is as well. I don't think I have ever experienced that before.

(07 Jan '13, 15:08) Evolutionary High

@Evolutionary High - If your living situation allows it, get a dog. Great for meeting poeple and a good friend who won't expect much.

(07 Jan '13, 17:11) Dollar Bill

@CalonLan - Either can be great, depending on your viewpoint. For me, it is not the yin nor the yang, nor the combination, nor the differential that me make feel good. It is how I allow and connect. When I focus on that connection, the weather does not matter and everything is good.

(07 Jan '13, 17:15) Dollar Bill

@Evolutionary High- your reply to me is essentially a simple repetition of your original question ... my question to you "in what way does this unresponsive attitude give you pleasure?" remains unanswered ... :)

(08 Jan '13, 00:47) blubird two

@Dollar Bill- for me two opposites cannot be blended, i can feel happy or sad alternately, but not both at the same time :)

(08 Jan '13, 10:15) blubird two

@blubird two, can't you feel happy about your sadness? Nor sad about your happiness? :P

(08 Jan '13, 12:02) CalonLan

@CalanLan- to do that i would need to split my personality :)

(09 Jan '13, 03:26) blubird two

@blubird two it is something that you might work on then.since everyone is 2 opposite i can feel happy for the good that someone does and feel sad for the bad that someone does. yet that person is the same one. so if a person does booth good and bad in is life at different level. can you determinate the good and the bad and at what level it is being done? if not how can someone expect to do good? he will hate the tree and love the fruit or love the tree and hate the fruit.

(09 Jan '13, 04:26) white tiger

@white tiger

That makes perfect sense to me. It's a more balanced approach. I can feel both at the same time.

(09 Jan '13, 04:50) ele

@white tiger- ok, i'll work on it :)

(09 Jan '13, 08:32) blubird two

@bluebird two

I don't know what pleasure it gives me. I guess I have an illusion of being 'safe' in being apathetic.

(09 Jan '13, 18:43) Evolutionary High

@Evolutionary High- the fact that you reply feels like a great victory for me ... i feel understood. As for feeling 'safe' in being apathetic, the inner mirror image of apathetic is emotional, concerned ... i would guess that you're a very sensitive person that needs to clad himself in a coat of armor(apathy) that protects and conseals a hyper sensitivity ... blu

(10 Jan '13, 05:32) blubird two
showing 2 of 17 show 15 more comments

So you don't like to go outside much? You could stay in your room the whole day? You can quickly point out mistakes in other people? You have a serious issue with Luck and God? Do you feel you are not worthy? How do you sleep at night? How many hours?

Write to me back my friend, I can help you to get over the issue permanently.


answered 07 Jan '13, 15:24

mastermind2's gravatar image


edited 07 Jan '13, 15:25

Thanks for the reply.

I don't really go out much other than to the weightroom, or sometimes I will go watch a movie by myself, I don't have much money right now and I don't have anyone to go out with. I can definitely spend a whole day in my room doing my own things. I don't judge other people or point out their mistakes, but I would like to be around good positive people that I am comfortable with. I do not have an issue with God. I definitely do not think that I'm unworthy.

(07 Jan '13, 16:18) Evolutionary High

Can I please ask you, why do you think you have less friends? I would like to hear your opinion. (I'm a counselor now and in my childhood, I grew up without my father, and passed a long friendless phase myself). So, please don't feel unconformable with my questions.

(08 Jan '13, 00:50) mastermind2

I would also like to hear a childhood memory, the earliest one you can remember. And I would love to know, How your parents were to you.

(08 Jan '13, 00:54) mastermind2

"it's always been like this ever since my freshmen year at college" I want to ask you, before this were you, like one of the best students in your class with high grades?

(08 Jan '13, 00:55) mastermind2

@mastermind- you certainly seem to understand my friend ... i too have experienced what Evolutionary High is living, it feels like walking around dressed in protective iron clothing, and it's stifling ...

(08 Jan '13, 01:37) blubird two

@blue bird Sadly this experience is common to most people in spiritual studies! But it is just, just, just the beginning of a GREAT life and happiness that is waiting to be unfolded! Thank you for sharing your experience, friend :)

(09 Jan '13, 09:24) mastermind2


Thank you for your questions. They made me think about this in a different way.

But to make a long story short, I had friends during my freshman year in college because I had roommates who were good people and I was very happy in general. I guess attracted other like-minded people.

But for some reason, after Freshman year, I became extremely depressed because of stress. I didn't remain in contact with anyone and they all drifted away. I was never able to recover from that.

(10 Jan '13, 23:02) Evolutionary High
showing 2 of 7 show 5 more comments
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