This question is marked "community wiki".

Most here have known my wife Jaianniah on here. She has at times posted the most wonderful messages about me and has asked you to say something when I needed uplifting. She has been my wife since 2015 to Thursday April 18th 2024.

As of Thursday April 18th she will never again have to know physical pain she has crossed over the beautiful rainbow bridge, someday I'll meet her again on the other side. She has endured massive pain in her back and from her back for decades, I have done everything to care for her 24 - 7 since we met in person and through the years.

She has been the light of my life to me even with all the suffering we had many good times, the love lasted through everything. We never had big arguments just mostly bickering that always quickly resolved back to our love for each other.

She was just speaking about Inward Quest the other day, how happy she was with her medals going higher and how much she enjoyed it on here.

I lost my baby sweetheart,Inward Quest lost a treasure.

asked 19 Apr, 16:20

Wade%20Casaldi's gravatar image

Wade Casaldi

edited 27 Apr, 01:47

My most voted answer was to a question posted by Jaianniah and selected as the accepted one by her. She finished her comment like this "Boy, you all really have helped me today". I felt very happy that somebody, far away, could found healing in the powerful message contained in the answer which, was a Seth excerpt.


answered 09 May, 07:20

T%20A's gravatar image


I'm very sorry for your loss @Wade and the emotional pain you must be going through.

Obviously, you and @Jaianniah are two titans of Inward Quest and it still amazes me that simple words typed on a computer screen expressing different points of view were enough to bring the two of you together and share your lives with each other. The Universe works in mysterious ways.

As another long-timer on this site, I interacted a lot with @Jaianniah over the years. We didn't always agree with each other's perspectives on life, the Universe and everything. In fact, thinking back, we probably didn't agree on much at all :)

But interacting with her certainly helped me considerably in sharpening up my own skills in expressing my own points of view more clearly.

Also, she asked so many questions here over the years that stirred up so many insightful answers from others that I think it would be safe to say that she played a major part in making Inward Quest a valuable digital resource for others.

Her own words, preserved here on this website, are in some ways a tribute to the person she was. And I would argue (from my perspective) that she still is that person right now even if not in physical form.

I wish you well in navigating through this difficult time without her.


answered 19 Apr, 17:18

Stingray's gravatar image


Thank you so much Stingray, yes I am trying very hard to get through this. There are clam times like she is holding me in thought, but other times I fall apart easily.

(19 Apr, 17:56) Wade Casaldi


I can hardly imagine Inward Quest without her.

I am so very sorry for your painful loss Wade, what a blow this must be for you after all these years. The way you met and how you both shared your story here, the profound impact it had on your lives has in a way become part of my story, because I was "there". I witnessed something beautiful develop and endure. When I think of @Jaianniah here, of her search for answers, the experiences she shared, they are inseparable in my mind from your unwavering support and love for her. I've always been touched by your devotion to each other. I remember chuckling over this sweet Community Wiki she posted :)

You asked how she helped me, and I think overall the answer is by contributing so many questions here, which sparked a great number of discussions over the years. Whether we agreed or not, she made me think, and shape my own views.

More specifically though, only a week or so ago I was sharing the advice she gave me over a decade ago on balancing my chakras by picturing each of them as flowers. I use that to this day. I've always loved how it makes me feel and I love passing it along to others who nearly always express surprise and delight and take it on into their own practice as well.

Wade I am sending tons of love and light, it's there for you when you need it. I believe she is still with you, whenever you reach out, and always will be.

Your journey together is unforgettable. Jai was and is a force of nature. She will be missed.

Love, Grace.


answered 20 Apr, 03:23

Grace's gravatar image



Thank you so much Grace I forgot that one, I am crying my baby wrote that for me. I really need her, I don't know how I'll live without her.

(21 Apr, 01:21) Wade Casaldi

Hi Wade

You are an incredible soul

You dedicated your life to this incredible and special journey where you brought joy and purpose to another soul with selfless love and strength.

You willingly dedicated your purpose towards bringing comfort, companionship and love to and incredible person that we, the participants of Inward Quest truly love and will temporarily miss until our own special day of graduation upon this physical plane of 3rd density reality.

How did Jai Help or Make my life better?

She helped me in so many ways that I couldn't express in the middle of replying her questions.

That sentence above may sound confusing at first, but it is exactly what is was like when answering Jai's questions.

Before I explain, let me first point out that Jai probably asked the most questions of any participant here.

573 Questions!

That's an incredible achievement!

One does not realize how important her contribution to this site is until you recognize that this site completely runs on questions!

No answer can be given until somebody actually asks a question!

Jai did that for all of us and for this incredible site.

I was secretly jealous of her ability and willingness to keep on asking questions, that kept this place buzzing with so much activity.

I knew that I was not willing to put that much effort on the question side of things.

So again and again I was so thankful for Jai's willingness to ask the questions that brought so much out of me in answering them.

I loved answering Jai's questions for they brought out the opportunity to share a certain side of me that I kept hidden from the world.

I struggled with all kinds of shortcomings that I truly believed I would never overcome for the rest of my life.
I had given up on myself long time ago and only lived for the purpose of pleasing others

I didn't know how to love myself. there was nothing there worth loving. nothing left but utter despair. only death was being wished for but I even lacked the courage to end my life as I discovered again and again.

In this hopelessness a miracle happened and the philosophy of self envisioning or the law of attraction/reflection...... law of "this is "I AM" Right Now.... etc etc began to slowly step by step change my hopelessness to hopefulness..

it took years and years of tiny steps of change of self belief and hopefulness.

When I joined inward quest I was on this inner change journey on my 18th year since the last time I tried to commit suicide.

When I started answering Jai's questions I already had 18-19years of experience of changing inner hopelessness to hopefulness.

I knew from experience that this change was like a drug addiction where one could fall off the proverbial cart at any moment on any day just with one thought of despair and loveless pity.

I stumbled on a very silly but very profound truth. My Opinion of "What is" is all that the universe could be towards me physically.

It worked both ways.

what is physically real is sustained by something going on inside of myself. What the hell am I doing inside me that this physical side of life is so unfortunate?

As wrong as it felt, even now as I am saying it, I had to force myself to first step into the opinion that, what is physically and circumstantially real is a decision and choice at my own soul level and spiritual level of choice making on a constant basis.

It hurts me even now to say that, when saying it that way, it sounds so wrong in so many levels that I dare not say this to someone else, for it was hard to say this to myself.

That at the core of it, I was the only choice making factor within the flow of creation that flowed through my point of reference as ME.

The re-arrangement of this attitude took years and years of work.

Jai gave me a chance to begin to share this change in response to so many of her questions.

But I felt bad sharing my answers, at the point of what they had become, after 19years of inner work.

I felt like I was attacking Jai in an Un-caring way and from time to time White tiger put me in my place when I had stepped, perhaps, too far over the line.

But again and again, Jai came to my rescue and assured me that her questions were meant to help everyone and that my answers came forth from a genuine place of wanting to help and share and that she didn't feel personally singled out.

This was incredible on her part. She was able to feel the spiritual intention behind the various participants on this forum.

She could sense a genuine intention to help, vs. trolling for the purpose of creating a heated argument.

She handled both ends of this so well on this forum, and we all enjoyed the energetic output of activity it created.

Would you believe, that I really through that "White Tiger" was actually an alternate account created by Jai to share another version of her personality that she could safely do without the backlash that would otherwise be directed towards her?

I wanted to ask Jai about this White Tiger thing many times, but this would not be an inward quest question for the benefit of the rest of the group, and besides, I didn't want to ruin the surprise, if it was so.

There was a moment, when Jai was posting some difficult emotional moments here and I was on the verge of taking a week off and driving over to where Jai and Wade lived and wanted to spend a few days in up lifting them in positivity and prayer in the hopes that it would provide some relief.

I then decided to help by providing some answers rooted in the idea of self empowerment.

Jai brought out the best answers I ever posted here.

She brought out a caring side out of all of us.

You can say that she willingly took a difficult path so that so much love can come out of others that came to know her.

and here in this special gathering place we all understand that death is not the end of existence. It is but the return to the spirit state of one's experience.

I know that Jai is fine at a spirit level, or even say that she is now in a place wanting to desperately give an answer on this forum to assure all of us that she is still present and now free from all the physical ailments and enjoying the heavenly gift of graduation and freedom from pain and suffering.

I know this is so from my own experience of near death that I have shared here in the past.

Everything gets better at the end of this physical journey and the continuity of one's own existence after death is the greatest gift of all.

Wade, if you genuinely want to connect with Jai, you can do so by giving yourself you ability to do so every night when you go to sleep.

your decision that this is possible is what will open that doorway.

Don't ask for it, ..will it into existence as a given that is effortless and natural.

Connect to your most positive experiences you have with Jai as you drift into sleep every day. live it in the moment of it's happening as you drift into sleep.

you will naturally connect with Jai within your dream reality and it would not occur to you that she is gone until you wake up the next morning.

Time now is different for her.

She will only be apart from you for just a day or two before you eventually meet her on the other side upon your own day of graduation.

It is harder for you to traverse the passage of time. but like I said, you can connect to her or for that matter anyone who has passed over through your dream reality.

What's actually happening is too technical to properly explain here. but If you are really invested in the mechanics of this experience, you are connecting to your version of Jai in the dream reality through your own energy of creation in the same way that you are connecting to everybody right now that is part of your "real" physical reality through your own connection to creation within your power to create your physical reality as you.

the above sentence at first glance takes the magic away from the emotion filled wanting of "But I really miss her and want to have a way to connect to her again"

and yet understanding the mechanics within that same sentence will actually return the power back into your own command and ability to connect to the spirit side of life. are connecting to your version of what is.

so first define your version of what is.

Give yourself the effortless ability to connect to the spirit side before you attempt it.

If you want to reach somebody on the other side, you have already made it impossible by defining it as something you want.....which implies that right now you can't .... which is why you "Want"

Stop wanting it.
You already can.....effortlessly
As it is.....So it becomes.
So it is .....I already can (instead of I want to...)
So before you do it... .start by "I am glad I already Can connect to anybody on the spirit side....and so I am going to say Hi to Jai in my dream reality.

It can only become what You already can....
What is this "IT" that becomes this ability?
That "IT" is the power of creation.
But you know this same "IT" substance as the sensation of our own self as existence
That is why it works (or it doesn't)
You decide to give yourself the ability by deciding to be that which you want to become and then the "how to" methodology shows up functioning as the permission slip
but I think you already know this.
Just like my answers to Jai, at some level I know that you already posses these powers due to your experience and knowledge it other areas of interest that you have shared in your profile and this forum.

So while this answer is for you Wade, I already know that this answer is really for everyone here who has lost someone that is dear to their heart and is working through their loss and heartbreak.

I believe that you already possess the ability to make this type of connection effortlessly and perhaps you already do.

We all enjoyed Jai's interaction here and the legacy she left is kept alive here through the 573 questions and 883 answers she posted here.

What a legacy..

Her presence here was only surpassed by one other prolific and incredible participant here that we all lovingly know as Stingray.

Who by the way was the first to acknowledge the great legacy left behind by Jai

Good on you Stingray, thank you for being our voice as well.

I happened to see your post right after Stingrays comforting words, but couldn't muster up the nerve to send you words of comfort.

I wanted to honor Jai's spirit and your feelings of loss and still remain truthful in my spirit in my response.

I didn't know how to do that. I let it simmer without putting it down in words.

Jai moved me at a deeply spiritual level whenever I posted an answer here. I never knew what would come out as the answer, other than to wait until I was ready to answer at an unconsciousness knowingness level.

That's what I was waiting for and I am now trusting the feeling that is guiding this answer to honor her incredible contribution and legacy.

But most of all to honor Jai's spirit which as far as I am concerned is still very much alive and probably guiding me right now in this answer so that I am not withholding out of fear of disrespect.

Jai... You are an incredible soul spirit and your contribution here was and is being enjoyed by all of us in the past, for now and forever to come.

Thank you ....

You will remain in our hearts every time we visit here.

Wade...Thank you for the difference you make in this universe...

I know that this is Jai's Moment and legacy.

But Wade, your existence and purpose is intertwined with hers.

And thank god that you decided to exist....

Your purpose is still not finished.

Something tells me that much more is waiting to happen through you that will make a difference in this universe.

I think in certain ways you are just getting started....

Let's remember the amazing things that happened here through all of us because of Jai.. and let's use that in each of our lives as a starting point for leaping into the 4th density awakening that is sweeping all of us forward..

Thank you Jai for making such a difference in all our lives.


answered 13 May, 03:23

The%20Traveller's gravatar image

The Traveller

edited 13 May, 04:05

Thank you so very much Traveller, no White Tiger has nothing to do with Jai, other than his answers or questions. You gave such a wonderful answer. I was just desperately trying for a half hour to send a message back in time to myself to TAKE HER TO THE HOSPITAL! It doesn't matter she seems to be doing better than she has in a while that me in the past must take her to the hospital to get her heart checked maybe admitted. Maybe I can save her in that timeline at least. Thank you so much.

(26 May, 01:55) Wade Casaldi

your feelings are a reflection of the strength of your Love for Jai. You would have felt this loss/guilt in every and all parallel circumstances, because you cared. I can promise you that she also wants to reach across from the other side to comfort you so you know that she is OK and feeling better than she has ever felt before. Ask yourself what she would say to you from the other side. Choose to hear her comforting words so that she can speak them to you.

(26 May, 02:51) The Traveller

There are times when I have a spiritual experience. I was meditating and swear she came to me, I saw her in my mind she was like an angel intensely bright I saw in my mind and she kissed me. Then other times I find myself saying over and over I need you, I need you, I can't live without you.The angel thing happened once at least so far.The need you thing happens a lot more maybe a few times a week.

(26 May, 13:02) Wade Casaldi

Wade, You're strong enough and spiritually awake enough to make it through this grief in ways that's going to surprise you. About saying "I need you"... Understand that she can't connect to you within "I need you" because "I need you" can only be experienced in her absence. Change it to "I can feel your presence in my consciousness". "I am open to any symbol or coincidence that you give me so that I know that you are fine until we eventually meet again". "Thank you for reaching out to me"

(27 May, 02:48) The Traveller

Don't amplify the sensation of loss again and again because that in-itself becomes the having of the experience, the one of loss and your sadness. I know there is an element of showing that you love someone by the feeling of loss. But you are among the leading edge of human beings who are waking up to the 4th density. You can feel the loss but open up your visionary capacity to help her connect to you with her presence rather than her absence.

(27 May, 02:48) The Traveller

One way to connect to a person on the other side is to ask a mundane question about something that you and Jai did everyday like some breakfast ritual. maybe she wanted her tea or toast or something in a particular way. so go through that ritual while talking to her in your consciousness and something will change that will cause you to ask, Hey did you just make that happen? something physical will catch your attention. There is a way to reach past the physical/non-physical barrier.

(27 May, 03:08) The Traveller

It's a very subtle state of awareness. It's an allowing awareness. It's an open awareness. Not forceful.
Grief is a very forceful state where the loss is the most important experience. You don't want to remain in the loss for ever. You want to connect to the presence of your loved one, not the absence of your loved one. Let the memories of her presence awaken in your mind's eye when you miss her.

(27 May, 03:23) The Traveller

Thank you Traveller yes there are lots of times I get messages from her, through songs that pop in my head or show up in my FB feed. Coincidences that she used to call God-incidences happen that I know is her. It is so hard when I want to know physically but I do think spiritually I am aware more than most would be. That is helping.

(27 May, 15:50) Wade Casaldi

I also found out from my brother a friend of his had a bad heart his doctors said nothing could be done for, so this showed me, even if I had taken her to the hospital when she had all that energy and seemed to be doing well, she would have probably died there in the hospital. Like all the if only stuff would not have made a difference. My brother told me, when someone is getting ready to die they have a great burst of energy and will seem better than ever. That was her that day.

(27 May, 15:54) Wade Casaldi

Since Jai was very interested in the beyond & heaven, she is probably aware of where she is at. However, Neville Goddard speaks of those he met on the other side (in a meditative state) to be quite un-aware of their own passing. Even when he pointed out "No you passed on, because I buried you", they insisted "No I'm still here, how is that possible?". Supposing this were the case, then Jai would be interacting with you as if nothing has happened, while you sense it non physically.

(28 May, 01:10) The Traveller

Now you may come back with, wait...I'm still here, How can she interact with me over there? For this you have to take a deep dive into understanding Bashar's explanation. (or Seth) We create everything we experience as reality with our own energy. So you can say that the infinite potential of Creation is the database while the experience is through your own energy and the arena has rules like gravity, life & death, and parallel simultaneous realities of existence.

(28 May, 01:33) The Traveller

Yes she has seen the Mind of God and felt the Heart of God so I do believe she would be more aware of where she is and more awake there. I have been working on my mind trying to awaken myself that if others can see feel and hear people on the other side I should be able to as well. After all I've studied and contemplated this stuff for many years.

(28 May, 02:43) Wade Casaldi
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