Why do we become so attached to people and have a hard time letting them go when the relationship is over? I have searched for many videos and insights on why we fall so hard for some people but I haven't found anything helpful so far. I have been in love with the same person for four years. Out of three of those years, I have only seen this person twice. I have always thought that time would heal the pain and help me get over it, but it still has never fully diminished. I have tried many things. I do go out, I have met some new people, and I do find enjoyable things to do. This helps keep my general mood pretty good most of the time. But that desire is still there and is still strong. I still long for this person's companionship and I long for those loving moments that were between us.

I have seen many people go through this and I wonder what it is that makes us stay stuck like this. I do believe in law of attraction, but I am trying to understand how this relates to this and what I am doing wrong. If we create our own reality, why do we so easily get swallowed in these types of things? It puzzles me, because I believe in my heart that I could really find someone that is amazing and perfect to me, and I have even seen multiple people in my life do this, but I still long for this specific person. I don't understand. It's like denying a part of myself when I try to push this person from my mind.

I hope that you all can help. Thanks for reading

asked 06 Jun '14, 22:35

-Mo-'s gravatar image


edited 07 Jun '14, 05:03

IQ%20Moderator's gravatar image

IQ Moderator ♦♦

I was in the same situation for years. I felt so strongly he was the one and saw signs everywhere. I finally let go when I got deeply involved with someone else. I now understand that it was my continued FOCUS on this person that attracted more thoughts about him, and more "signs". I now create a distraction subject for an unwanted focus, such as planning my dream home. When a thought pops up on an unwanted focus, or simply a focal point that does not FEEL good when I look at it, I go to my pre-designed "flip-switch" subject. Sometimes in the beginning I have to use my flip-switch a dozen times a day, but the more you use it the less you have to use it. Sometimes, before I flip-switch I say, "Peace be with you in all ways. You are free and I am free and all is well." If you are good at having complete faith and believing 100% in LOA, and really want to try to get this person back, I recommend reading The Science Of Getting Rich as well as the success stories on thesecret.tv. That will allow you to keep your hope for the relationship while attracting the best relationship to you in a way you eill be thrilled with...even if it turns out he wasn't The One after all.


answered 07 Jun '14, 12:51

sunshine11's gravatar image


Thanks. Could you tell me more about "flip-switches"? Or maybe some examples of what you use? TY again, this was helpful

(10 Jun '14, 18:33) -Mo-

This is very helpful from Abraham and may offer a new perspective for you:

"You teach each other your respective responsive vibrations. In other words, you don't feel any way about anyone without their helping you to feel that way. It's really co-creation. We'll even go further, and bolder, and louder, and blunter. If there's somebody you don't like, they don't like you either!

We have never seen it otherwise. We have never one time, ever, known someone to adore someone... that the one that they were adoring, didn't adore them back!

Now, some are thinking... 'Oh, wait a minute. There was that man that I loved with all my heart and he didn't love me back.' And we say, you were offering him insecurity. You were offering him worry. It wasn't that pure vibration of love.

When you are tuned in, tapped in, turned on - when you are connected to your Source and holding someone as your object of attention and you are genuinely offering that feeling of love and appreciation - they can't offer you anything else!"

Ask yourself what vibration are you offering on this subject? Pure love and reveling in the joy of him/her, or a 'need' for him/her to respond to you, to love you, to desire YOU. If you're looking for a response from him/her then what's really happening, vibrationally, is you are not aligned with your inner being and that 'empty' feeling that you want him/her to fill, that LOVE you want from them is just a signpost, a call to you to align with YOU, the source part of you.

That's what this experience, this person, this feeling, this attachment is calling you towards. :)


answered 11 Jun '14, 18:53

Yes's gravatar image


Thank you for sharing this! I've been looking for something from Abraham with no luck. I am so glad you shared this. It really makes me feel a lot better. :)

(11 Jun '14, 21:14) -Mo-

Feeling better, feeling relief is the key to everything. :)

(12 Jun '14, 06:01) Yes

I know how you feel, but you are loving what you were projecting onto that person and not the real person. Try to find those qualities and nurture them within yourself, then you won't put that person up on a pedestal.


answered 08 Jun '14, 16:15

Inner%20Beauty's gravatar image

Inner Beauty

I think I know what you mean. But I'm not sure how I can nurture those qualities within myself? I've thought about it a lot since reading your answer. Thanks for helping

(10 Jun '14, 18:34) -Mo-

I'm no expert myself. But I realised for example that I would really put very intelligent men up on a pedestal until I learnt to own my own intelligence. In other words own that I was as or smarter than some of them, but somehow I had seen myself as stupid. Now I'm less likely to be in awe of a very smart of man. Going through the shadow process if you know about it or can look it up helps to identify your shadows.

(11 Jun '14, 15:55) Inner Beauty

Thanks! That is helpful. One thing that pops into my mind is that he is a VERY confident person, and I am not so much. I am much more timid and quiet, while he is loud and confident. Maybe that is a reason, because I have been trying to be more open and communicate with others.

(11 Jun '14, 21:10) -Mo-

When you observe someone and something about them makes you feel insecure or less-than or if something about them really irritates you. What's happening is you're using that person as a mirror to show you yourself, highlighting the parts of you that you need to shine a light on, to address, to heal. Inner Beauty is correct, it's all shadow play.

(12 Jun '14, 06:11) Yes
showing 2 of 4 show 2 more comments

Real sweetness is based on truth.

Real sweetness is living on the line of truth, where we are able to see what is really happening away from the show of words or action. These are all peripheral, not really truth. Truth is that which does not change. What we derive from the matter and persons remains for some time, then disappears, leaving a craving behind. Hence such things can't become the valid object of your love.

Now try something different, go to the core of your personality--you are a spirit being in the costume called body. When you close your eyes, you know you are a being of consciousness, a spirit; hence a child of God, you are an exact representation of His very Being, endowed with His qualities such as wisdom, purity, peace, love, happiness, bliss and power. The very realization that you can radiate those qualities make you positive-minded. A positive mind transmits powerful and pious thought-vibrations. The positive thought-vibrations purify the atmosphere and also give activation of Ultra-dean rhythms of the body releasing very powerful rejuvenating hormones from Encephalin, endorphin ....to Melatonin that gives sound and recharging sleep. Thus you HEAL THYself, that is what healthy means: body-wise and mind-wise! You become whole (healthy, no disabilities). Let the spirit within you that created your body work! In meditation, this spirit within you get linked to the Supreme Spirit also. You begin to experience the supersensuous joy that comes from company of God. This all other joys you have experienced so far from this material world too INSIGNIFICANT. Start work on this inner sweetness.


answered 07 Jun '14, 05:14

T%20D%20Joseph's gravatar image

T D Joseph

@Td Joseph you say: In meditation, this spirit within you get linked to the Supreme Spirit also. verily verily I tell you the spirit is never disconnected from God or the supreme spirit. the ego the false self the carnal mind that look with out is divided and in iniquity with is own spirit self, in meditation one solve is division and iniquity in truth until the two become one. then with out fear he can cross the last narrow gate go out and find the kingdom of God above.

(07 Jun '14, 11:37) white tiger


God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth."

You are going to have the light just a little while longer. Walk while you have the light, before darkness overtakes you. Whoever walks in the dark does not know where they are going.

(07 Jun '14, 11:41) white tiger
showing 1 of 2 show 1 more comments

it may be an override
on will, giving the belief
the authority to be true
the way chosen to see it


answered 09 Jun '14, 19:49

fred's gravatar image


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