Hello everyone.

So... I was wondering if anyone can give any advice on whether life would like that I be single or not.

The problem is this, I'm a guy and is it just my lust talking to me trying to convince me that I should ask this girl out? ... Now, I won't lie and say I don't think about sex. But I hope you can trust me when I say I'm genuinely interested in any conversation.

I am friendly and I can crack jokes to anyone sometimes. However, I've never been in a relationship before. Now I have tried asking girls out, but rejected. Yet... I really felt like she was going to be special one.

And now it's here yet again. That annoying voice. However before I meet this girl.... I did ask the universe for a girlfriend. I didn't really have anything specific, just the usual "be confident, beautiful and smart" which this girl has.

AND PLEASE DO NOT GIVE ME TIPS ON DATING GIRLS. OR SOME KIND OF PICK UP ARTIST ADVICE. I would have posted in some other forum for that. I am focused on my decision rather than on the girl.

I'm just wondering when you decide whether you truly desire a partner, genuinely and not out of pure lust.

I can play the pros and cons game, but each side have their ups and downs.... Hard to decide

Ah... don't know.. maybe I'm scared after those ejections... so here I am questioning and all. But I might as well learn from this.

Thanks for reading and I look forward to your responses =) Thanks

asked 03 May '11, 19:20

Junwen's gravatar image


Thank you guys.

And I also want to apologize too. I will explain why.

So just today... I realized a pattern about all this... Reflecting back, it seems like I have this "lust vs genuine love " problem when Im near a girl I THINK might like me back. But Really, I already said I can be a nice guy, and this inner "nice guy" is making me feel guilty that I can't help make a girl feel even more happier in life. Or just guilt of lust like you said Michaela.

Suddenly this spirals into me asking whether Im being authentic or not. Even more distractions. Not so much a "inner nice guy" anymore is it? So I apologize for using up time.

Hope that makes sense. Sorry if it doesn't.

Actually, reading back my post, I dont even understand what I wrote... or maybe it's 3:30am over here.

So anyways, in the end, I'll just relax. Just like you said OM. If the universe would like to bring me together with someone, sure. If not, sure. However, I won't be so tormented anymore.

(04 May '11, 09:06) Junwen

well junwen to help you out of your guilt. you know there is alot more guy around that are not nice guy and women believe their lie and seam to like it. so stop being guilty be who you are listen to your heart and mind and eventually you should find the right one. if their is no right one for you well at least you will not have all the problems that the other guys have. divorce,parental issue, drama, lie, cheating etc. the list is long.

(21 Jan '12, 14:16) white tiger
showing 1 of 2 show 1 more comments

All you have to do is ....


Be honest about who you are, do not try to be anybody else. Do not try to impress her. BE the qualities you wanted in her (confident , smart).

see what happens

You can't force anything, we do not chose who we fall in love with.

Have a good time!


answered 03 May '11, 20:36

you's gravatar image


Fantastic answer You

(21 Jan '12, 13:49) Satori

Junwen,do you desire a partner? simple question.

If you do then a partners just the thing for you.

If not then being alone will be fine.

Be honest and answer the question for yourself.

Desire means its for you...dont fight it.Desires good, natural and Gods way.



answered 03 May '11, 21:14

Monty%20Riviera's gravatar image

Monty Riviera

Was I meant to be single?

Only you can answer that.

I detect a little guilt around the issue of your sexual desires. As Graham (Monty) pointed out desire is perfectly natural so I think first you have to let go of any hangups you're associating with that. Secondly, I'd suggest asking her out, take it slow and see where it goes. Don't listen to the analytical voice ( fear will always try to hold the upper hand )... try going with the flow and see what happens. Good luck :)


answered 03 May '11, 21:59

Michaela's gravatar image


yes but don't let lust clutter your mind either....

(04 May '11, 00:36) Back2Basics

You may not be able to separate the love for the lust and desire. If you a man and young with a lot of drives just take it one experience at a time.

(21 Jan '12, 16:11) Tom

even at my age (69) I get caught in lust. It's healthy and normal

(21 Jan '12, 16:12) Tom

with out lust no sex. with no sex no fun and no children. i agree with you tom.

(21 Jan '12, 16:19) white tiger
showing 2 of 4 show 2 more comments

I'm just wondering when you decide whether you truly desire a partner, genuinely and not out of pure lust.

When you start to think differently and see life from a different perspective than when you were younger. For some people that age can be very different

it seems to me that most life situations (at least in the US) i.e. - college, getting a job, getting "older" lead to making the decision to have a genuine partner.

Truly, it is different from person to person. Some people end up in different life-styles.

To break it down, you will not be single but what "type" of relationship you will or will not have is the question that I see. Take your time don't get stuck in the loop of the question. Hope I didn't confuse you more!

(Please see my updated profile for a new tool)


answered 03 May '11, 20:54

Back2Basics's gravatar image


well for women rejecting you! they often do that they don't know what is a good partner anny way! and most of them run after stupid things that will get them no where money, material stuff, fame ,popularity,sweet talker that make them believe lie! so don't worry they just don't know what they are missing! and they will probably come running back to you in the future! or you will see them bad mouting the bf or husband but they chose him! so they can only blame them self!eventually you will meet the right one!you are not the only men having this problem! be your self and stop running after them let them run after you!eventually one will wake up somewhere! also take your time to not get stuck with aload of problem!


answered 05 May '11, 00:09

white%20tiger's gravatar image

white tiger

Funny thing, I asked the universe for a girlfriend too, and nothing happened. I think it's because the universe hates me. Being short, fat and not very good looking doesn't help matters any. Can't change my height. Haven't been able to lose the weight. A face transplant would help, but unfortunately they don't just give out things like that.

I would like to have a girlfriend and would like to be in a relationship, although it doesn't look like this is ever going to happen for me. I know I'm not the only one in this situation, so yes, I think it's safe to say some are just meant to be single, even though they don't want to be.

So I'm giving up the quest for a girlfriend. If I had been meant to find someone, I would have found her by now.


answered 26 Mar '14, 19:03

Zipzapasaurus's gravatar image


edited 26 Mar '14, 19:07

no one is meant to be alone in this world we all came here to experience this world and to grow from it. know this in this world many are divided from them self and seek only there own desire. if they are divided from them self how can they ever expect to find someone else and have a long lasting relation with out any division? many in this world seek money and power. where is the money and the power? money is man made and power is illusion of being better then someone else. Also if one is-

(27 Mar '14, 17:11) white tiger

divided from him self can he truly love him self properly? then how can you expect that person to love you properly? use the time imparted to you wisely, know thy self, love the neighbor as your self. on the last day you do not bring money from this world or power from this world with you. is it that you should have find her by now or is it that she should have find you by now? or is it that you should have found each other? Who hates you? Your concern is at the wrong place. Why do you-

(27 Mar '14, 17:17) white tiger

Judge your self and other like this? I know that some are like this but you are not responsible of their choice. only of your own choice. What is the measure you use? Every one is learning in this world and many I tell you will make error.

(27 Mar '14, 17:23) white tiger
showing 2 of 3 show 1 more comments

You ask for a girlfriend and a potential girlfriend appeared. Do you want to be with her? Express your feelings for her then.

Make sure it is not just lust, but that you also like her body and her personality, because if not, you may not have anything to do or talk about except that one thing lol


answered 31 Mar '14, 11:52

arpgme's gravatar image


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