My problem is that each time I fall in love I literally lose myself. The person I love becomes a number one amongst my thoughts and I have a hard time focusing on anything else. I am so emotionally affected that my whole life is turned upside down. I cannot concentrate on fulfilling my long term goals, and even every day duties! Even the physical feelings are affected - there is this sensation in my stomach resembling hunger. I just want the time to flow faster because I want to see my lover and ideally never let her go off my embrace. And when we are hugged tightly, I feel such immense peace that you can only achieve with meditation.

Is this normal? Maybe I should not wish for a soulmate if I am going to be mentally and emotionally devastated as a result? Maybe I am too sensitive to experience love without being lost? Or maybe my feelings were like that because I never really turned the romance into a real relationship?

asked 06 Jul '11, 01:37

Asklepios's gravatar image


When you "love" another person, all that really means is that the other person is reflecting back to you something that you "love" within yourself.

It's a case of using the projection of that other person as a connection back to your broader self, your Higher self.

That's why it feels so good because that "connection to self" is as good as it gets...the good feeling comes about because we are aligned with that self.

Using another person to regain that connection is fine in the short term. It's like taking a medicine to feel better temporarily while you restructure your life. But eventually you may come to resent that dependency because you know at some level within yourself that you are giving your power away to another, to be so dependent on an external condition.

You may eventually resent that another is also living their own physical life and following their own desires, and may not be able to keep the fullness of their focus upon you in a way that keeps you aligned in that connection. When that happens, it's easy to then blame the other for you now not feeling good. And that's often when intense relationships like this can get a bit rocky. But the truth is that it was never about the other person, it was always about you.

So what I'm saying is that, right now (or the next time you become involved), if it feels good for you then it is good for you. Enjoy it as much as you possibly can because the pull of the strong desire is indicating that there is some experience there which you wish to explore.

But just be aware that things may not always feel like this so don't fall into the trap of thinking that the external dependency is a permanent solution...because external conditions always change.

So I would consider it an opportunity to discover within yourself just how much of a connection you can have to yourself (even though it is established through focusing on another) and use that as a benchmark to aim at when the time comes to try to establish that connection for yourself.

When actually in the midst of an intense relationship, I would just go with the flow and not worry about it. Your intuition and synchronistic life circumstances will give you a nudge when it's time to take more control for yourself :)


answered 06 Jul '11, 09:18

Stingray's gravatar image


edited 06 Jul '11, 09:27

I agree with Stinray on this one based on the current experience I am having. I too am 'in love' currently with a person who is bringing out the real me which I had lost connection to for quite sometime. I realize that the only reason I'm so obssessive about him right now is because I'm actually obssessive about myself. I like what he is bringing out in me which is why this feeling exists. Once this relationship moves forward who knows what will turn up. So if it makes you happy having your life turned upside down - go with it have fun. Just remember don't start thinking this is it - its this person or no one else. I tell myself at this point in time I am in love with this person, but times change.


answered 06 Jul '11, 12:09

I%20Think%20Therefore%20I%20Am's gravatar image

I Think Therefore I Am

Yes I believe you are right, I know my life changed and my weekly routine became lost somewhere along the line. When you are in love it is a distraction of your attention. I believe there comes a balance point eventually or no one would be able to function in society.


answered 06 Jul '11, 03:08

Wade%20Casaldi's gravatar image

Wade Casaldi

the feeling are right maybe the problem is the balence you are not one with someone you are 2 maybe the balence is not right that is why you lose yourself. you might give to much and the other person not enuff. or go to much the way of the other person and not enuff your way that is why you lose yourself. learn to mesure the balence of yourself and other more. be true to yourself. experiance and enjoy.


answered 07 Jul '11, 03:10

white%20tiger's gravatar image

white tiger

edited 11 Jul '11, 04:06

There is a saying that once the Honeymoon period is over, that things will get back to normal!


answered 07 Jul '11, 04:56

Inactive%20User's gravatar image

Inactive User ♦♦

This is going on for me right now!

To be honest, it feels wonderful, and I would not have it any other way. But Vee hit the nail on the head...There IS a Honeymoon Period, a "Getting to Know You" time, when all your mind seems to be programmed to do is wrap itself around the other person. It is that time which, when all is laid down properly, that actually fuels and moves along the entire relationship "til Death Do You Part".

This part is crucial. You find out if you are compatible. (Check.)

You find out if you like the same things, like like same music, eat the same times, and so on. (Check.)

You find out if you are really sexually attracted to this person (very important)! (Double Check.)

You find out that s/he makes you laugh like nobody else- if this is missing, run like the hills, sucker! (Double check).

You have your first fight, and survive. (Check)

I could list more, but I think I have made my point. This time lays down the foundation for everything that comes after.

Check Mate!

Love and Blessings, Jai


answered 07 Jul '11, 05:39

Jaianniah's gravatar image


The key is to not compromise too much of yourself. In a serious relationship compromises are constantly being made and adjustments to how you do things. That is necessary and normal....and worth it! But if you are always the one to compromise, always the one to adjust, you will end up feeling like a doormat and actually you are giving pieces of your authentic self, and most of your preferences away. In the end, this could never feel good. Love, and give, but stay true to yourself. Be balanced for a healthy relationship and a healthy you.


answered 07 Jul '11, 14:26

LeeAnn%201's gravatar image

LeeAnn 1

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