I have been dealing with a breakup for almost a year now. It was probably the hardest thing in my life so far. I have been able to somewhat detach myself from the love and memories but it is still very hard. We continue to be in each others lives and are very good friends.

I wouldn't want to lose his friendship, since it's very important to me. I'm not in love with him anyone but I still suffer with the fact that we aren't together romantically. I suffer knowing that he doesn't see my like that anyone and thinking of him being with someone else breaks my heart. I would like to get over him emotionally in a healthy way instead of just taking this energy into my next relationship. Any advices?

asked 23 Nov '12, 09:50

valentina1223's gravatar image


edited 23 Nov '12, 09:55

Barry%20Allen's gravatar image

Barry Allen ♦♦

I actually went through a very similar thing, very recently. There is a 26 mile (41.8km) stretch of land along the river starting at the sound end of my hometown, spanning along the river front until a little convenience store, which I collectively call "South" because it's to the south of my home.

Anyway, it reminds me very much of a girl I have never properly gotten over, because that is where she lives, and thus, everything we did together, was in one of the three towns down there. I love the region, and have all kinds of good memories Associated with that place, but it can be difficult to go down there. I've tried to get over her, or at least break the Associations, but I've only had moderate success.

I tried repressing the feelings for her, I tried not going down there, I even at one point resorted to demonizing her in my journals. But ultimately, I found that the best, and most Aligned thing to do was to just have my feelings for her, to just love her regardless. We still talk, and I love every second of it. I also try to remind myself that the universe isn't about to implode, the United States isn't dissolving into civil war, and I'm not going to die.

Eventually, after consulting the Guidance Of The Holy Spirit, I determined that South was beginning to feel warn-out and the Associations were just too tiring to be worth trying to preserve, and I wanted to turn my attention (I love traveling and just got my first car) to the metropolitan area to the southeast instead, which, after spending the day in after visiting a Unitarian church, felt wonderfully fresh and lively.

If you have feelings for him--and this is only my advice, you need to consult Guidance yourself to be sure--then I would say just acknowledge them. If you still have good Associations with you and his relationship, then find a way to enjoy them. Maybe it's best right now to instead just have a quiet, peaceful interim period, emotionally. Just do whatever feels best and most joyful and positive; and when it ceases to feel as such, let it go, put it down and move on.


answered 23 Nov '12, 21:41

ExistentiaLux's gravatar image



i went through same thing few days back..,

what i did- i just kept myself busy for the whole day.., either in my work or with family.

i wrote gratitude n i still write it daily..because it is something which reminds u have .."u have lot many people to love u in ur life.., u don't need to feel bad/lack if u don;t have that one..", ofcose there must be far better somewhere "ur real prince"...just made for u ..on the way to you..,just go with the flow..,

remember everything happens for the reason.., u cannot force anyone to love u.

.so,if he is just ur friend ,be ok with it..,be greatful that he is atleast ur friend..,he has not vanished completely from ur life.

i meditated thrice a day..after my breakup.,for 20 min each time.., it realy helps a lot to overcome those hard feelings. it acts like a medicine.., try it n see day-by-day..u l also overcome all of those feelings n u l also start fresh.

don't carry any sort of emotional bagages on ur head, it will not harm anyone but,just u..,cos the other one has chosen to move on n u cannot force them to change.,n past relationship emotional bagages acts as resistance for the new relationship.,

so i would suggest..., go aheaad..,move on dearo..life is indeed damn-damn beautiful..,its super-awesome..do all the things that gives u happiness...,be happy all the time..,

after all...."happiness is journey n not a destination.."..,

be happy now n show ur ex that ur happiness completely depends on urself.., show him tht u hav taken charge of u n ur happiness. ur completely happy,cheerful,joyous..

even,if u don't have him as a life partner. ,these things will help u to start ur new life n new relationship..

so.. start fresh.. be prepared for ur next joyful..happy,fulfilling n everlasting love relationship.

love,light n blessings..ur way...

supergirl.. :)))


answered 24 Nov '12, 01:15

supergirl's gravatar image


@supergirl - There so much good advice here. Love your answer, and your sparkling spirit. :) Thank you for sharing.

(24 Nov '12, 02:52) Grace

@grace- i am glad that u liked it.. :)))

(24 Nov '12, 09:49) supergirl

After a recent breakup, I went into a fit of painting, writing and comedies. Laughter was a really great medicine. And moving. I didn't go far, but making the physical shift and re-creating my location helped.

Being alone for about 10 months has been so rewarding. It allowed me time of deep and honest reflection. I played connect the dots in terms of patterns of behaviors of many relationships. This lead me to realizations of dysfunctions in behavior stemming to early childhood.

Be mindful of your wants and needs. I realize we all have different wants, but really ask yourself if a relationship is necessary. Are you looking to fill voids you feel you lack? Do you look to fill those missing bits from another human? Don't discredit your own insights of yourself, for yourself. Your soul is for sharing and letting spirit move through you. But you don't ever have to fill someone else's basket with your life-force.


answered 24 Nov '12, 11:52

pdbooch's gravatar image


@pdbooch - Welcome to IQ! Excellent answer. :)

(24 Nov '12, 12:57) Grace

I agree with @supergirl and @pdbooch. I just want to add that I am experiencing exponential personal and spiritual growth, all on my own, and I think that some time on your own would be helpful for you, too. I'm not only finding out more and more about who I am, and what is important to me, I'm also finding out about what is just plain fun to me, which is something I had forgotten. :)

You really can't share what you don't have, so if you feel you want to be in a relationship, you do need to know and truly love yourself first. It sounds to me like you may be a little lost at the moment, in the memories of the love that once was.

The funny thing is, the more you know and love yourself, the less you will find you need that relationship. :) So you really can't lose, by loving yourself first.



answered 24 Nov '12, 12:56

Grace's gravatar image


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