I find that it's easy for people to yell at me or even attempt to say embarassing things to me. I am a very calm and caring person, I am very soft with people but for some reason I feel as if people sometimes don't take me seriousely. I am not one to react in a confrontation, instead I walk away - I know most would say that this is the right thing to do but i am disagreeing with that because I think that its important to speak up for yourself. However I become speechless when confronted. I would really like to know others thoughts on this.

asked 26 May '12, 19:24

MoonWillow's gravatar image


edited 26 Jun '12, 14:57

Barry%20Allen's gravatar image

Barry Allen ♦♦


When you become 'speechless', focus on your breathing. This will do wonders for you. Pausing has great power.

(27 May '12, 08:04) Dollar Bill

i agree with you Dollar Bill:motion and rest. experience and enjoy.

(19 Nov '12, 20:40) white tiger

moon willow those people that you describe are trap in darkness,they see only the outside of the cup,so be mercifull,and let them be. it is not the one that scream the most,that are the more popular or that try to win their point of view that win something. you feel it in you even if you did not understand why yet,that is why you do not loose time with someone seeking confrontation. you all ready know that it is a waste of time annything you say,will not be accepted or heard.-

(20 Nov '12, 19:25) white tiger

so what do people like that win?they do not learn annything since only what they say is worth something. and they do not accept that they make error,so what will they learn to improve them self? is that not self rightenous right in your face? when they act like this.walking away is a good choice,or just listen see if they have some valid point but do not tell them their error or what they do not want to ear. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pY7vamVg99E and now that you see better have faith.

(20 Nov '12, 19:33) white tiger

@white tiger, thank you - I have been provided with so many different angles to my question... and you are all right!!!

(21 Nov '12, 09:02) MoonWillow
showing 1 of 5 show 4 more comments

You need to deal with the fear you have inside, cause thats what it sounds like to me that you have alot of fear that is getting in your way of being yourself. of being able to say what you want to say to people instead of shutting down due to some kind of fear of something or from someone in your past growing up. First you need to decide your not gonna let anything stop you from saying or doing what you want too!!! you need to stop caring so much what people think of you, thats a fear that can hold you back from being happier, and being yourself. Also you need to really get to know yourself better, what i mean is if you really dont know who you are and what you stand for, you might not have much confidence in yourself, and therefore you put out that energy and if people realize it or not...people pick it up . if you want to be tougher tell yourself your gonna be tougher for now on, that your not gonna allow others to make you feel like you have to shut down and not be yourself. I ve had to get to that point in my life and say 'no more"!! Im tired of feeling this way around people. I just stopped caring so much about what people think about me, and that doesnt mean to not care for people just means Im not gonna forget to care about myself either!! Hope this helps.


answered 16 Nov '12, 01:21

Crystal%20Lee%20Ouellette's gravatar image

Crystal Lee Ouellette

@Barry :this does not seem as a wiki answer

(16 Nov '12, 02:11) ursixx

@Crystal Lee Ouellette - you just hit a spot there, your answer left me with butterflies in my stomach. First of all I am amazed that my question got revisited since I asked it all the way in May but I haven't been able to yet find a complete solution to the problem. When you talked about "shutting down" - I've done that for years and you would not believe how bad relationships have been allowed to fester with no resolve. I'm talking about relationships with the people that are closet to me..

(16 Nov '12, 08:11) MoonWillow

...family members to be exact. I am very different from my family and they've always ganged up on me and bullied me, now my brothers are married and together with their wives-they are so strong. It's horrible and it cuts me deep down to my soul. I only go back because I need to see my dad-even he doesn't defend me when he should. I have reached very far in life but I haven't been able to shake this problem... no resolve whatsoever, just pain

(16 Nov '12, 08:17) MoonWillow

I enjoyed this answer very much also.

(16 Nov '12, 09:12) clearheart
showing 2 of 4 show 2 more comments

I would like to answer your question from a reality-creation perspective.

If it is the case (and it is!) that we create every aspect of our own physical realities, then it must also be the case that you are creating a reality where people are yelling at you or attempting to say embarrassing things to you.

In order for those events to be physical manifesting, you must be emitting a vibration within you (caused by thoughts you are thinking) that is attracting those events (through the operations of the Law of Attraction).

In other words, these uncomfortable situations are reflecting an aspect of you back to yourself

It doesn't mean that you are thinking thoughts about people yelling at you, it just means that you are holding an emotional state regarding something in your life (could be completely unrelated) that is being matched through this yelling. See How can I stop manifesting frustration? to understand how this process works.

This can be a tough message to hear - that you are really doing it to yourself - and I quite understand if you don't want to hear it at this time. Some people choose to never hear that message...it took me years and years to hear it myself :)

When someone is yelling at you, they are simply complying with a vibrational attitude you are holding within yourself and attracting to you. Those people you perceive as "doing something" to you are actually pointing out to you through their actions that you are holding this vibrational attitude...otherwise they simply could not enter your physical reality to do it.

That's why I say that the people who we often classify as our enemies are often our greatest friends. They have taken it upon themselves to reflect our vibrational offerings back to us so we can see more clearly what we are doing to ourselves.

They are providing opportunities for us to release judgements (often about ourselves) about what is appropriate or not appropriate.

Take a look at What do you do when you live with someone who blames you for all their problems? for more information.

The solution then is not become tougher (that will just attract even tougher enemies to comply with your more-focused uncomfortable vibration) but instead to "release" this aspect of your vibrational offering.

You do that by finding ways to feel better about the situation. And, as highlighted within the previous link above, this is something you cannot really do when you are in the midst of being yelled at (unless you have considerable experience with these ideas).

It is best to sit somewhere quiet and alone and gradually refocus your thoughts regarding the situation into better-feeling places. You might want to investigate EFT or Chinese Energetics if you want to do this vibrational work in more public situations, like at work.

When you reach the point that you no longer have a negative emotional reaction if any such event occurs, you will find that the events magically stop happening and never recur...because you are no longer attracting them.


answered 01 Jun '12, 05:38

Stingray's gravatar image


Stingray, I certainly appreciate the fact that you chose to answer my question. As always your answers are both uplifting and enlightening at the same time. Thank you!!.

(05 Jun '12, 18:51) MoonWillow

stingray, some ridiculous drama occured to me on one nite, then I eneded up laughing about it since I know I created it. I do hope I have released the resistance on this and it will go away now.

(15 Nov '12, 08:50) clearheart

@clearheart, I certainly hope you released the resistance and I'm good you had a good laugh... life is so much better when we can laugh... all my love

(16 Nov '12, 08:57) MoonWillow

moonwillow, I still feel good. I have some bit of conversation to do this weekend, and now I know I will be aligned with it. This forum helped me at the perfect time too..I love it.

(16 Nov '12, 09:22) clearheart

@Stingray 's answer that you are creating your own reality is spot on. However answers like this used to frustrate me mightily! Since we live in an inclusive universe, trying to stop creating these negative realities only makes them worse. Becoming tougher simply does not work because you then create tougher situations!

The only answer for me was to find something else that I liked and focus on that. And as Stingray pointed out, something magical happens and these situations no longer happen!

(19 Nov '12, 17:56) Dollar Bill
showing 2 of 5 show 3 more comments

These people in your reality are really only the messengers. We dont get anywhere by shooting the messenger. The universe had an endless supply of them. Most of us carry an emotional charge, usually an unintegrated part of our childhood. This emotional charge manifests in various ways in our reality by creating uncomfortable situations like your example here.

The situations are not important. How do you feel when this is happening to you? It's the feelings in these situations that is attracting the circumstances.These UP-SETS (set-ups) are just highlighting this long held emotional charge and giving you a chance to deal with the emotion by being with it unconditionally.

May I recommend a book that will help you.I have done the process in this book and highly recommend it. THE PRESENCE PROCESS.



answered 01 Jun '12, 10:09

Satori's gravatar image


edited 15 Nov '12, 09:28

Thank you Satori, all my love to you

(05 Jun '12, 18:52) MoonWillow

@moonwillow-your very welcome:)

(05 Jun '12, 19:30) Satori

Such a great answer, @Satori. Many thanks for your wisdom!

(15 Nov '12, 08:54) Bedazzled

@Bedazzled - Thank you very much. Im mostly just paraphrasing Michael Brown Author of The Presence Process in this answer:)

(15 Nov '12, 09:19) Satori
showing 2 of 4 show 2 more comments

I had a lady at work who bothered me all the time with her horrid personal stories of woe, and she really got into the whole act of it too. Then she would put on this little "arn't I brave" vibe and face. I fell for it for a long time and she never got her stuff together. Finally I had to say I want out of this and I made that happen. I had to tell her again and I'm hoping this time it will stick since I am more educated in how to take care of myself.

So I did get tougher in a way, I realized I'm not responsible for her and now I'm happier that she found another person to do this with.


answered 15 Nov '12, 09:02

clearheart's gravatar image


clearheart, yes, it is up to us to choose who we let feed on us. is that toughness or right thinking

(15 Nov '12, 20:18) fred

fred, I agree it would be right thinking, yes.

(15 Nov '12, 20:40) clearheart

something has been in the works with me and I'm so happy to say that I trust this time it is done.I changed my vibration from wanting challenging relationships to wanting peaceful easy relationships..

(19 Nov '12, 00:19) clearheart
showing 2 of 3 show 1 more comments

Hi, I don't think you have to become tougher, but more assertive. Possibly, people are taking you for a pushover, this is why they are treating you mean. I used to be that way for many years. I always had a hard time speaking up for myself and still nowadays, rather walk away from an argument.

But I have learned to stand up for myself in a quiet way, without arguing necessarily.I speak up to let someone know I am not a doormat for anybody. I started coming out of my shell when I had a job where I was required to approach customers in the store and offer them samples. Took me a long time to get the nerve up to do this. Now I have no problem approaching a stranger and also no problem asserting myself when someone tries to get me to do something I really don't want to do. I also question any kind of authority, like public offices or doctors or such and don't just blindly accept anything anymore what others are telling me.

Our local college was offering assertiveness classes in connection with training you to get ready to enter or re-enter the world of employment again, so that helped, too.

Alternatively, some self-hypnosis recordings along the lines of more self confidence probably would work too.

Also, confront the person(s) who are saying those things to you and ask them if they are getting pleasure out of embarrassing you and/or belittling you. If you do that, they will think twice before they do this again.

Always remember, you are a child of God, you are valuable and nobody has the right to put you down. Stand up for yourself. If you do this a few times, people will take notice and treat you with the respect you deserve.


answered 26 May '12, 21:00

PurpleRose's gravatar image


I love this purplerose, and I agree. Standing up for myself feels good, and only because I cared more about her sadness than my own feelings did she come back. Now I am happy to nip it in the bud sooner.

(15 Nov '12, 09:07) clearheart

I was recently involved in a program with Christian teens. (Let me parenthetically add that I respect all Religions and Paths, this could be about any group of people). The young men and women were raised and infused with certain moral value that would seem out-of-touch with today's more open standards.

To this discussion, I don't think it necessary to go into what, where and with whom. Suffice to say that these teens had the self-confidence to live to certain values they thought important.

I asked what do you do when peer pressure goes against your beliefs? Your standards? That you may be ostracized for refusing to join certain activities? One replied, "I know what I want. I know how I want to live. I hold decisions about this up to my standards. If it doesn't match, I walk away."

I asked, "What happens when you do this?" The person replied, "At first there may be some dislocation. They may say things about my being "Old fashioned," they may jeer. But I do not respond to this attempted embarrassment. I know who I am and I know what I want. I don't try to change their behaviors, I just do my own thing.

"After a while, I find that people are attracted to me for the things I believe, my calm responses and self-confidence attract them to me. They want to know more about what I believe."

So, is it important for you to "speak up for yourself"? Not really. The less energy you put into this, the better. Personally, I like to find something about anyone - something that I like, and comment only upon that.


answered 27 May '12, 07:56

Dollar%20Bill's gravatar image

Dollar Bill

I like the gist of this Dollar Bill - there is power is just being yourself and ultimately you can't please everyone as it just is too complicated. I love the bit at the end about not putting too much energy into the fight. Well earned vote!

(06 Jun '12, 11:42) English Rose

it may be that actions speak
differently than your opinion of self,
maybe something that they see

that you are not consciously aware of,
either a future threat or a past reminder


answered 02 Jun '12, 20:17

fred's gravatar image


One becomes tougher by understanding their role during every interaction with someone else.

You´re giving yourself too little time to understand your role consciously, since your emotion takes control of your reaction in a snap, before you get to know what is happening.

When you´re confronted, your reaction is to either not react or walk away, so you can 'save' yourself. But your don´t get to learn much from that scenario, because you gave yourself no time to learn.

How to address this ? Give yourself time. Breath and take courage to listen and understand the situation, exchange a few words, give a little faith.

Every attack has a 'heart' of a request for help... you can choose to 'fight back', to 'run away' or to stay and facilitate an understanding.

Is what that person saying true ? Is he or she being reasonable ? Can you help ?

Put your focus on the matter (objective) instead of discussing about people involved (subjective).

You might even decide to leave the discussion, but you will do that in a more balanced and stable condition than just avoiding the other person.

It takes time (yes, time and time again), and it takes practice, but it is worthwhile.

Be kind, be brave... and the others will recognize your strenght because you didn´t left them when they asked for your attention. There is a chance they will take you more seriously, also.

Start now. Good luck. Samadohn


answered 15 Nov '12, 09:33

Samadohn's gravatar image


@Samadohn :"Be kind ,be brave" great advice!

(16 Nov '12, 02:16) ursixx

@Samadohn-thank you for your answer. I like your idea of "staying to facilitate an understanding", "be kind, be brave", I love this. I have accepted that these people will not back down, there is nothing i could do to please them, all I want is to co-exist with them in a civil way... after all, they are my own family and I only go back because I need to see my dad. The situation just keeps getting worse and worse...

(16 Nov '12, 08:42) MoonWillow

... I never expected to find an answer to this 'very old' question this morning, I guess the Universe sent you guys to let me know that I need to face the problem and find a solution to it... thank you

(16 Nov '12, 08:44) MoonWillow
showing 2 of 3 show 1 more comments

You show people how you want to be treated. Sometimes walking away or non confrontation doesn't work sometimes. Heres a good technique I use to heal the scenario of someone either lashing out at you or being inconsiderate of your emotions ( It actually makes you appear the more powerful person)

Person: "You are too sensitive!"

You: "I can see that you are angry and are needing something. What is it you are needing?"

This brings the focus back to the persons reactions and personal pain rather than you taking ownership for "being sensitive" which is not your truth at all- that is something they are projecting onto you.

If you can stand in your power and realize that all other people are throwing onto you is their own pain- you become painless and like a shield- and additionally it is an oppourtunity to turn around and heal the other person. It takes some practice to stand in your power but you will come to find disarming the other person a very powerful experience and often they will realize how much they hurt you and apologize and come to see you in a more powerful, confident light- they will also heal and you get the benefit of being the impetus for healing that person. It can happen very quickly.

For another example of a powerful clearing conversation that is posted on another recent question: http://www.inwardquest.com/questions/7060/how-to-let-go-of-someone-who-has-mostly-hurt-you-how-to-let-go-of-the-anger-you-have-against-such-person/63746


answered 19 Nov '12, 10:14

Kanda's gravatar image


@Kanda, you've shared some very enlightening advice with me in your answer, thank you

(20 Nov '12, 13:23) MoonWillow

In Trebs latest video these three keys to happiness was playing as I read the question and answers. In so called troubling situations I remember that I am love and light. ( this could be the pause that @Dollar Bill talks of in his comment) and know that this is abundantly in me.


answered 16 Nov '12, 02:23

ursixx's gravatar image


edited 19 Nov '12, 23:32

Moon Willow,

Your moniker says it all; in the dark there is sufficient light in which to learn to flow and float on the breeze...

Does toughness have to do with you or others?

It's a paradox in that we get strong when we lighten up; literally retaining our sense of humor and inhabiting the dynamic but constant state of gratitude.

I've learned (the hard way of course) that it is unproductive to waste time worrying about what others think; it was momentarily crushing to realize how little time others actually do think spend thinking about me, and devastating how little we mere mortals critically think about what really matters. Care when those you love have the courage to loving let you know 'what's up', and you will realize that it isn't about 'tough' love; its just Loving.

Sunshine to you Moon Willow!


answered 16 Nov '12, 10:20

clarity33's gravatar image


Moon Willow etal, my apologies for the glitches in the 'thought' and thinking expressed.... it's Friday.

(16 Nov '12, 10:23) clarity33

@clarity33 - thank you for a most wonderful answer... and much sunshine to you to my dear

(16 Nov '12, 12:14) MoonWillow
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