For the past month or so I haven't been able to feel any sexual emotion. My husband touches me and what would normally have me wanting more - just leaves me numb. Even when we try to have sex I am numb. I normally can think my way into it without being touched and I am numb there too.

I can't figure out what's happening with me. I am 35 years old and this shouldn't be happening. It's like a switch got turned off in me. I want that feeling back, I could normally feel this just by thinking of being touched.

asked 05 Jul '12, 08:51

MoonWillow's gravatar image


edited 05 Jul '12, 10:19

Dollar%20Bill's gravatar image

Dollar Bill

@Moonwillow - you say it happened suddenly so maybe someone will know more about the psychology of that than I do. However, you say in a previous posting that you are trying for a baby - trying for a baby can be quite a passion killer.

(05 Jul '12, 09:39) Catherine

Would you please tell us more about your situation? Has there been any "event" in your life that might relate? How does your husband feel about this.

(05 Jul '12, 10:22) Dollar Bill

Thank you for responding Catherine and Dollar Bill.

Dollar Bill - to anser your question, some time ago we were told that the only way to get pregnant is IVF, this was pretty bad new for us. Doctors say my husband has a low sperm count. I'm telling you this because it is the only thing that has happened out of the ordinary. Prior to this we had a very healthy sex life. All of a sudden i seem to be in a different world.

(05 Jul '12, 13:54) MoonWillow

This is a continuation of my comment above:

I do believe that we will have kids, I believe that the universe will allow us to have babies, basically i am not conciously stressing over it. I really want to get back to being the person I used to be

(05 Jul '12, 13:55) MoonWillow

Thanks everyone for answering my question, Catherine, Dollarbill, Stingray, Grace, Xoomaville - I thank the Universe everyday for bringing me to InwardQuest

(10 Jul '12, 14:59) MoonWillow
showing 0 of 5 show 5 more comments

Since no-one else appears to be willing to put forward an answer, I'll risk it :)

I don't think this is going to be a particularly helpful practical answer to your current situation but I'll put it here anyway in case it gives someone else some insights in their own lives.

According to the Pleiadians - the ones who correctly predicted the Solar Flares earlier this year - during the past year or so, it seems that much of humanity has been especially involved with integrating issues relating to the First/Root Chakra.

So issues especially relating to sex, sexuality, survival, security etc are coming up for integration.

It's part of the general vibrational transition that's going on worldwide right now so you may see many of these issues highlighted among your friends, in the media, or just generally in your life.

I can't really comment on your exact personal situation but, generally, these natural opportunities for integration are nothing to be concerned about. Just find ways to accept the current situation and reach for the best feeling thoughts you can.

So if it makes you feel any better, it's not just you, it's everyone :) ...just to differing degrees.


answered 06 Jul '12, 09:07

Stingray's gravatar image


@Stingray- This has been the only answer of yours I've read where I felt LESS powerful....I'm certain I've interpreted this small segment correctly, but have you just suggested to some angle we aren't really completely in control of our lives? This 2012 "global vibrational stimulation" thing is now starting to really scare me, especially with your expansive wikipedia of knowledge. (I'm not having a go at you at all, and I never would, but I feel so uneasy with this answer...)

(07 Jul '12, 21:18) Nikulas

@Nikulas - We are always in control. If you stay Vortex-aligned, it's always a fun ride regardless of what's going on. These are just what are termed "collective agreements"'s part of the platform of focus that we play out our physical experiences within. It's no different, for example, than being at the "mercy" of gravity. I presume you don't feel your life is out of control if you jump off a chair and land on the floor because of gravity? :)

(08 Jul '12, 01:03) Stingray

@Stingray- Ah ok, I'm on track again and can see it better now, thanks.

(08 Jul '12, 06:47) Nikulas

No problem, @Nikulas :) You are absolutely right to question anything that doesn't feel right no matter who or where it comes from. I tend to be of the view that non-questioning blind faith in people/ideas is one of the most self-destructive, self-disempowering behaviors that anyone can subject themselves to. If anyone ever tells you to stop questioning and just accept what they say, then it's time to question even more :)

(08 Jul '12, 08:49) Stingray

@Stingray, This is probably the single best piece of advice I've ever read on IQ. You are so right, that is where all the wisdom stems from - The questioning. If you ever stop, that will be where it ends.

(08 Jul '12, 11:19) Grace

@Grace - I guess that's why I carry on participating in IQ. The format makes it easy to keep on questioning existing beliefs and ideas. And if anyone posts anything imprecise or sloppy (like I probably did in my answer above, which @Nikulas pointed out) then there will always be someone to pick up on it. It keeps you on your toes and keeps you questioning why you believe what you are telling others that you believe...if you see what I mean :)

(08 Jul '12, 16:14) Stingray

An opinion, when tested can become a belief.

(08 Jul '12, 17:35) Dollar Bill

@Stingray...I know issues relating to survival,security,tribal issues etc. are related to First/Root chakra but aren't issues relating to sex/sexuality related to Second/Sacral chakra?

(08 Jul '12, 17:58) Michaela

I'm not Stingray, but they are similar and the root chakra also has relations to sexuality. They approach it from a different angle though. Sacral chakra relates to sex more as a means of obtaining pleasure, whereas the root chakra relates to it more in the sense of having some sense of belonging and security - such as being secure enough to "surrender" to another in sex, or creating a family etc.

(08 Jul '12, 18:15) Liam

@Michaela - Long time, no speak. Nice to see you here again :) Yeah, it's kind of confusing :) As Liam says, I think both chakras are sex related. Perhaps this explains it: "A man's sexual organs are located primarily in his first chakra, so male sexual energy is usually experienced primarily as physical. A women's sexual organs are located primarily in her second chakra, so female sexual energy is usually experienced primarily as emotional. Both chakras are associated with sexual energy"

(08 Jul '12, 18:20) Stingray

@Stingray, Yes I do see. When you say anything here, you are so responsible for it, aren't you? I mean, I've always felt like its just fine to say whoops, or I've changed my thinking on this, or oh boy do I ever have a lot to learn. People here are gracious, but they are smart and aware, and also aware of how smart you are, and they hold you to it! I think I grow here by leaps and bounds just by what is expected of me.. and look I've just done it again... thought I was just chatting...

(08 Jul '12, 18:38) Grace

...and had another aha moment. I think that I just now fully digested what you were saying to Wade and Jai, by applying it to myself. I am often at my best in this place over all others, bc that is what you and the other folks expect from me.... my eyes are puddling up, I hope I'm making sense...

(08 Jul '12, 18:42) Grace

@Grace - Beautifully said :) Yes, it's the expectation of the participants here that draws insightful answers out of people. Someone asks a question here, expects a useful answer and someone then vibrationally matches that expectation and allows it to flow through them so that even they (the writer) benefit from the information flow. Without that expectation to draw out an answer, it can be quite hard to clarify thinking. That's why I often say that I'm writing answers for myself :)

(08 Jul '12, 18:53) Stingray

Yes, I've noticed that about my own answers, too. That was so much fun, my head is spinning. Thank you Stingray.

(08 Jul '12, 19:05) Grace

@Liam thanks for clarifying. @ Stingray thanks for the clarification too. And I hadn't really gone anywhere...just creating experiences that have given me greater opportunity for self introspection, which we both know is the only real route to freedom, but it's nice to be missed :) And I think the right people are always here at the right time asking and answering as you well know :)

(08 Jul '12, 20:07) Michaela
showing 2 of 16 show 14 more comments

Now that Stingray has put in his words, I feel I can risk putting in my assessment here:)

@MoonWillow, please bear in mind, my intention here is to be helpful with my assessment and it is purely my assessment of the situation. Obviously there is some speculating concerning what both of you must be feeling...

I am sure you've heard that the emotional stimulation prior to/during/and after sex happens between your ears (Brain) and not between the legs. Even the experience of orgasm happens in your brain. The anticipation of sex and the end result of sex is the reward sought by the brain after it being triggered by some stimulant.

The central neurochemical thingy in the brain is called Dopamine. Dopamine is the principal neurochemical that activates your reward circuitry, the centerpiece of the limbic system.

Pregnancy - what otherwise would have been a positive milestone in both of your lives, especially, your individual lives together, (please read it again, its important to understand how your individual lives are inter-dependent on each other for pregnancy. This goes without saying for all couples who want to conceive)since that milestone has not only not happened, but it has been found that one of you is the reason as opposed to age related or too risky for certain age etc.

Now, this has tremendous emotional weight-age for both of you. Men usually do not verbalize their problems easily and especially a problem this sensitive and private (I am not suggesting your husband doesn't express himself, I am speaking generally). He is probably feeling a double-whammy, add to that the limited to none people he can discuss this with and he is left with internalizing it (I am guessing).

You may not be "... consciously stressing over it", but on certain level you are probably feeling some confusing thoughts. It's natural. So is he. Individually, there is some complex psychological 'coming to terms' going on without verbalizing it. Maybe, even trying to not show it so that the other may feel better or get upset, maybe trying to overcompensate for it somehow...initiating the touching, but it just doesn't have those feelings as you remember from earlier. Individually you both are feeling sort of lost with each other, especially in bed, but unable to express it, discuss it.

Since the news is out of ordinary for both of you, your sex life sort of needs to start from zero mileage...(neither of you are probably saying it) it's sort of like Jump-starting the car battery may take several attempts but...

...the GOOD NEWS IS, you are not unique or exception here, lots of couples have to do that -jump start the relationship that is- for various reasons. You are not alone. Most couples do okay, You both are okay. You will be okay. IVF is now a very well researched and executed treatment (Worldwide) with great success rate. As your doctor must have suggested, there are several treatments to boost low sperm count. This is not a minority issue. This happens to lots of men. It is increasing in occurrences due to our lifestyles. If you are, stop asking 'why us?'. Keep your faith, as you mention, you do have faith in the Universe, so that's good, in the meantime start with... There is no issue in a relationship that cannot be resolved with love. Forget all the Dopamine S$#t I mentioned, that's all clinical stuff, the love I am suggesting is the romantic kind of love, don't focus on sex, it'll come. It'll happen and it'll be as beautiful as you remember or better. Obstacles usually bring people closer, use this to reinvent yourself (in your approach) Approach him with that 'Swept off the feet' love, I would suggest the same to him. If you think back, most likely you'll recognize that you married this guy for more than 'I want to have his kids''s not a deal-breaker...let every other aspect of your lives flourish. This may make you more intimate eventually.

Focus on how good you are together, it will take time or not, but with this approach, you'll both 'not analyze' sex occurrence as much and focus on 'I believe the Universe will bless me with babies'..that will expand.

Over-all, keep a combination of spiritual, practical, loving, patient approach and soon you'll be at it again...and soon there after...

..babies to follow! :)

Best wishes & God Bless ~


answered 06 Jul '12, 10:18

Xoomaville's gravatar image


edited 07 Jul '12, 02:22

Well said, @Xoomaville! And if a couple relies on IVF, or even adopts a baby, the mother usually begins to have babies, naturally, on their own!

(07 Jul '12, 07:20) Dollar Bill

@Dollar Bill, thanks, I just hope the OP doesn't feel discouraged and realizes there's lots of goodness and wishes flowing to her on this thread from all of us

(07 Jul '12, 13:58) Xoomaville

There are multiple possibilities as to this situation. Physically, performance anxiety can be a factor. It might seem that your body is reacting to the doctors' opinion that you must go the IVF route may make a part of you say, "If your focus is to have a baby, and this can only happen with IVF, Why have sex?"

If this occurred in the aproximate time frame as your lack of desire, it could be a factor. But I think there is something deeper, but still easily fixable. There is Something that is working hard to protect you, a part of you, a part of you that wants you to be happy -- but a part of you that has limited options.

You may feel that part arising within you, right now. Take a moment, now, and love that part. It wants you to be happy. Its sole purpose for being, is to help you enjoy. You are not in direct contact with that part, but we are -- right this very moment -- going to work with it in a way that both of you will enjoy.

Be open and relaxed. This is good, very good. As that part arises, in our consciousness, I want to assure it that we appreciate its good intentions. We appreciate its desire to help, to make you happy. Allow that realization. It is there to make you joyful.


We are working together. Say the word "together" several times. It is a very powerful switchword that helps you integrate your Selves. You can use it as a mantra. Say, "Together", and sigh out a deep breath. Stay with me, here. Stay in the Now.

Keep breathing.

Allow that part of you to do its good and helpful work, in whatever way it feels is best for you. Do not try to give that part instructions with your conscious mind. Don't tell it what to do or not do.

We are merely going to give this part of you permission and a little guidance while it does its good and perfect work through you. It is, right now, waiting for your help. It is a little nervous because you have been telling it what to do. You have been telling it to stop blocking your sexuality.

Neither you, nor I know the exact mechanism as to why it is manifesting this way, but I assure it and you that we are not here to limit its behavior. When it feels best to limit your sexuality, it has permission to do so, now or in the future. It is operating in your best interest.

Let's work with it, right now, Focus on your breath, in and out. You have a powerful "creative department". I suggest that you allow the part we have been speaking of, to, right now, go, alone to that creative part of you and find five more options to fulfil that good intention it has for you.

These new options are to remain in your subconscious, and to be deployed when that part of you feels one of them is appropriate. Breathe. You need no conscious understanding of this. It IS happening right now.

Isn't this fun?! Feels good, doesn't it?

Take about five deep breaths. See and feel the refreshing air entering your lungs, right now.

It is an established fact that the part has five new options to integrate in your life.

Now, let's integrate with the other parts of you. You are a conglomeration of parts. We ask our part with the new-found options to communicate with the rest of you, asking if any of these new options could interfere with their behaviors the other parts enjoy to help you be happy.

I sense there is possible confusion in one area. So let's ask that original part and the other part(s) to trot back to your "creative department" and find mutually agreeable solutions. ALL you have to do, while this is going on, is to take five deep breaths. Let them do their thing.


OK, we are about done. We are now going to ask that original part -- and any other parts who happen to be listening -- to take responsibility for integrating their new, delightful options in your life. I stress it is their decision and responsibility to implement the particular option that part feels best for you real happiness.

Your part now knows where your "Creative Department" is and it knows it has your permission to access that part of you whenever it wants to do so.


It knows how to implement its new options, to integrate these new options with the rest of you. It knows how to find more options, when it feels this is a good idea. It will do this at a subconscious level and you will feel these new behaviors, these new responses as normal and right, resonating as though you have been doing them for a long time.

Allow this to soak into your being, now!


Now get up, shake yourself and go enjoy your day. An alignment has taken place within you, @Moonflower, and an alignment for my situations has taken place within me, and an alignment has taken place within everyone reading these words.

You may feel a lightness of being. You may feel urges arising within you. You may feel them later. Remember that part of you is finding the best options for you to make you happy.

Do not question -- allow. Breathe. It is unfolding. Now. It may be dramatic, it may be subtle. Usually it is subtle, but somehow profound as it integrates. You may look back on past behaviors as strange memories and wonder how you could have reacted that way.

Anytime you feel you want to repeat this process, for any behavior, all you need do is to say the word "Together" and take five deep breaths and let each breath out with a sigh.

Breathe. Experience. Enjoy.

Breathe, and say "together" every once in a while, amyhow!


answered 07 Jul '12, 06:45

Dollar%20Bill's gravatar image

Dollar Bill

edited 07 Jul '12, 07:16

MoonWillow, you are reminding me of myself in the way you seem to be looking at what is going on. I've been getting wonderful guidance here, so I want to share with you some things that have been pointed out to me that have helped enormously.

First, I agree with what has been said to you here already. I just wanted to offer you my perspective. These guys know what they are talking about, and @Catherine put it perfectly in my opinion; what a passion killer! ;) But it doesn't have to be, there is a better way.

I think the key lies in thinking that something is wrong. It may be different for the time being, but not wrong. Thinking, this shouldn't be happening to me, this is abnormal, I've got to fight it, figure it out and fix it! I've been in your shoes, I do understand. And talk about a passion killer! :) All that pressure won't make you feel amorous, most likely. That's resistance; that's you trying to fight off what you see as bad. I don't blame you, but it won't work, because what you resist persists, and what you focus on, grows.

I would suggest that it is perfectly normal for your sexual feelings to ebb and flow with the tide of the circumstances in your life. Relax. :) If you let go of those thoughts and trust yourself, trust and respect and love your body, all that richness of desire will come flooding back.

It isn't about fighting off what you don't want, its about focusing on and allowing the flow of what is natural and good, and what do you want.

Focus on your loving relationship, remember why you married this man in the first place. Bring your attention to your wonderful, fertile female self in all your glory. Concentrate on luxuriating in all of the beauty and treasure there is in just being a woman. We are gorgeous creations!

Enjoy it, revel in it within yourself, allow that goddess within to flow and to grow. Then you will have something you will want to share with your husband. ;)


answered 07 Jul '12, 16:38

Grace's gravatar image


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