my problem is people believe what they want to believe even before they get your side of the story, and that angers me. How do I put this aggression on a leash?
asked 23 Apr '10, 18:27
Barry Allen ♦♦
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You don't need to put the aggression on a leash but rather look more closely at the real reason you are angry. The people you are referring to are merely acting as triggers and if it wasn't them it would be someone else triggering your anger and until you accept that it is something you are doing to attract these triggers into your life, you won't be able to surpass it. You'll probably find that the anger itself is rooted in something deeper, if you're willing to take the time to look within and spend some time in self-contemplation.
It sounds like there is maybe a lack of communication on both sides or an unwillingness to listen and maybe as Vesuvius pointed out a need to be right. I totally get that from your perspective you are right and they will justify that from their perspective they are right but I think if you are able to let go of this need to be right, you'll find that the confrontations will change dramatically.
answered 23 Apr '10, 19:46
By accepting that this is how people are.
Do you feel that you need to have some measure of control? You can't have that with other people; they have their own minds and make their own decisions, and you won't always agree with some of those decisions, including the ones where they have already made up their own mind.
What are you trying to hold on to? Your need to be right?
answered 23 Apr '10, 18:34
I really get where you're coming from. We all want to feel understood, and we are deeply wounded when other people don't recognize that we only want them to hear us. It is reasonable that you feel angry when your views are brushed aside in this way. Yet, there is a difference between being hurt and being offended. Becoming offended is a choice, whereas having your feelings hurt is a natural human response to painful words and experiences. If you really think about it, how did you feel the last time you took offence to someone's disrespectful behavior towards you? Besides being angry, you might have felt like getting back at them for treating you in such a manner. Maybe you judged them in your mind, or you complained about them to other people. The thing is, that everyone is living in their own private world. We cannot know another person's heart or mind completely. We are all on different levels of maturity and wisdom, and that's OK! Upon realizing this, it becomes easier to not take things personally. After you begin to understand that their behavior is not about you; that they just haven't learned how to set their own egos aside yet, then you allow yourself the freedom to forgive and to feel compassion towards them.
This is a difficult thing to do, because it requires a lot of personal security. If you experience this, then I would recommend that you begin with yourself first. You cannot control what other people do or say, but you can control how you react to them. Once you take responsibility for your choices, your past, and your life; you will plant the seeds of genuine inner strength.
If you want more information on this I would recommend these books to you, since they helped me grow in this respect: The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, The Traveler's Gift by Andy Andrews, and The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families by Stephen R. Covey.
answered 24 Apr '10, 19:07
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I would answer this question but I'm afraid I would be believing what I want to believe without hearing your side of the story.