Possible Duplicate: What do you do when you are lonely? How do you dispel it?

I hate being alone. I never really know what to do with myself.

Oddly enough, though, I would call myself a "loner", as I get overwhelmed by groups of people.

I have never discussed this with anyone; I just realized this fact today.

What is your advice?


asked 02 Sep '12, 20:54

Jaianniah's gravatar image


edited 06 Jan '13, 16:17

Barry%20Allen's gravatar image

Barry Allen ♦♦

I, too, am overwhelmed and drained after spending too much time with others. I enjoy many activities and enjoy being with others, but if my time becomes too unbalanced, I will usually crave some time alone and I seem to need that regularly....perhaps more than most do.

I don't fight the feeling, don't feel guilty about it at all, and don't feel any need to structure my alone-time. You mentioned that you don't know what to do with yourself when alone. Why not do things that put you into the vortex; things you enjoy? And why not just be led by those desires?

When alone, I might watch some TV shows or movies I like (and perhaps my husband doesn't enjoy as much...so there is my chance!) I may listen to my favorite music, read, or take a walk. A few days ago I walked alone on the beach, picking up fossils and interesting rocks just because I felt like enjoying the shoreline on a lovely day. Recently I also spent the afternoon re-loading my I-Pod with music that I love. It was a lot of fun and I loved being uninterrupted for a couple of hours. Just be led by your spirit and celebrate YOU and the things you love. Don't think of it negatively for even a moment and hopefully you will come to enjoy it much more!

Best wishes!


answered 03 Sep '12, 00:20

LeeAnn%201's gravatar image

LeeAnn 1

edited 03 Sep '12, 00:27

@LeeAnn- Great answer, dear! Thanks for the tips...I needed every one of them. Jai

(04 Sep '12, 17:18) Jaianniah

Just like LeeAnn1, I enjoy being by myself. Actually, it has come to the point, where I feel it as a hindrance to be with someone else most of the time. Though it's very dependent on reality of other people.

But generally speaking, I like being alone. For I can do whatever I want to do. I just feel so free. Freed of opinions of others, of compromises, from "outer noise" so I can reside in "inner quiet".

When I think about it, all the activities I enjoy can be done both alone and in group. When I go out, it has to be on my terms. I've been living most of my life just "being passenger" of whatever was happening. And it's so much nicer to be your own driver.


answered 03 Sep '12, 03:10

CalonLan's gravatar image


I use to have a roomate years ago. He was the most narcissistic %#@& you could ever meet. He constantly "HAD" to have people at the apartment.

"I like to have my friends over man! What's your problem!?"....was the usual response from him when I would object to his inviting 1/2 the bar home at 3am on a work night.

Then one day I couldn't take it any more and exploded and I think I ripped the cupboards off the wall and he finally listened to me......So he spaced out the visitations to once every couple of days.

One day one of his friends came over and my roommate was in his room "Smashing and Banging and Cursing" about something.....and the friend said "What's the matter with him?"

I said "He's enjoying his own company!"

He couldn't handle being alone with himself because he "NEEDED" people to entertain him, distract him, make him laugh, give him answers.

Personally, I really look forward to 3 day weekends because that's 3 whole days where I can be alone and do anything I want to do with total freedom.....and I don't have cable so I don't watch TV.

I use the term, "Are you a Cat person or Dog person?" either one is fine.

Just observing people, I've noticed "cat people" usually own cats and like to be by themselves just like the cat does. When ready, cat people will make an appearance and can be very entertaining and talkative....just like their furry friend. Independence and freedom are a must!

Dog people, of course usually own a dog and are always out and about and very social and don't like being alone.....and the reaction is usually the same when a dog person is going to a social event as their dog is when going for a walk.

Cat people don't understand dog People and Dog People don't understand Cat People

If you are a dog person you have to get the leash and get out more! Cat people are very happy just staying at home entertaining themselves.


answered 03 Sep '12, 16:11

Eldavo's gravatar image



What if you have both dogs and cats? LOL!

(04 Sep '12, 15:48) LeeAnn 1

@LeeAnn- Yeah, this explains bipolar people- once side of you is going, "Bark, Bark, Bark!" and the other is spitting, "Hisssss! Hisssss!" LOL!

(04 Sep '12, 17:10) Jaianniah

That would be what goes on in my household from time to time!

(05 Sep '12, 22:27) LeeAnn 1
showing 2 of 3 show 1 more comments

Hi Jai, you sound like a bundle of contradictions - just like me. :)

I love meeting people, chatting with strangers. I love putting them at ease, finding out what goes on in their minds, how they view life. When people are feeling stiff, self-conscious and "less than", in settings that are dressy or formal, they tend to look to me because I'm as comfortable, relaxed, and happy as I am at a backyard BBQ. (What I do ends up being hilarious and it's never failed: I'll whisper slightly wicked things that only they can hear. This is especially easy and effective if there are snobs around actually trying to make people feel bad. I'll quietly get progressively more and more outrageous until they can't help but laugh out loud. They can see then, that I'm only human, and a goofball, whatever my appearance is, and invariably have a wonderful time after that.)

I am also painfully shy and tongue-tied at times, my foot never far from my mouth. I have some major struggles with self-image and self-worth. It's difficult for me to imagine that someone may want me around, or when people have feelings for me - I think they must be kidding or something. An anvil has to fall on my head for me to understand when I'm wanted, which confuses the heck out of people, because they think I am so confident. Being around people too much can sap my energy, leave me feeling drained and exhausted, even a bit shakey and depressed.

My mind is always full, which gives me plenty to do when it seems nothing is happpening. I love reading, silence or quiet nature or music. Love tranquility. I am almost always on my own, and most of the time, I am not at all lonely. I have only begun, earlier this year, to think that the things I enjoy in life may be more enjoyable with a lover by my side. Just for more contradiction now, that has actually caused me to feel loneliness for the first time in years.

I am a loner, and I am the life of the party. It's incomprehensible - I'm incomprehensible. Infuriating, even. :) @Eldavo - I love cats and dogs! LOL! I do!

Anyway, sorry for going on, I just wanted to share what I am about, and that I get confused about this, too, but here's something that helped: I read somewhere years ago, that it can all be broken down to how you get your batteries recharged. "Introverts", no matter how people-loving and fun-loving, get their batteries recharged by spending time alone. "Extroverts" get that charge from being around people, and feel strained and depressed with too much time alone, even though they may truely enjoy quiet and solitude.

Sorry, this doesn't answer your question regarding your fear, I know, but understanding this helped me understand my own contradictions (I am a fun-loving introvert), and for some reason, it makes it easier to accept myself as I am in this regard. I hope it helps you a bit, too. :)


answered 04 Sep '12, 01:41

Grace's gravatar image


There are introverts, extroverts and then there are balanced people. Both introverts and extroverts are driven by their attachments. They don't even have freedom of choice.

Why do introverts shy away from people. And why do extroverts run away from being alone? That should give a clue as to what are they trying compensate. All these wants and desires we have, and according to which we act, exists only because we live unfulfilled life.

(04 Sep '12, 02:55) CalonLan

@CalonLan, I do understand what you mean, but what I was bringing up here is that there is another way to define what makes people "introverted" or "extroverted": The way in which they get they recharge their energy. Everyone has some mixure of both, and I agree, of course, the more balanced the better.

(04 Sep '12, 09:44) Grace

@Grace- You nailed it! I am an introverted extrovert...I get my batteries charged by being alone, but I never seem to know what to do exactly...but being "with people" all the time wears me out. Thanks for your answer! Jai

(04 Sep '12, 17:17) Jaianniah
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