I was led to write this by the Karmic Effects post, then Grace's "do other people make you feel guilty , etc " and hoping I can get some feedback . Yesterday I attended a funeral service for the husband of a friend whom I have know for many many years , she also became my daughters mother inlaw 10 yrs ago .

I was reluctant to attend , not because I don't care or love her , but something just didn't sit right , felt it physically at my heart . However due to my daughters, mmm , lets say puzzlement , at my reluctance to explain reason , I went . I got there to find a wreath I had helped organise was very poorly put together , and my daughter and son-inlaw ,most upset , I rang the florist , put daughter on phone , the florist ended up hanging up on my daughter.

An hour later there was a huge verbal fight , between her and her mother-in-laws younger sister , over something unrelated.

I thought that I had calmly distanced myself from this and later left to go buy some shoes , the mall very crowded with people all doing their xmas shopping thing

Anyhow I didn't find shoes and ended back driving my car and spent the next 15 mins with tears streaming down my face .

I still feel kind of stunned by it

Is this a consequence of ignoring the uneasiness and why was I overwhelmed by this ,when what happened actually didn't involve me personally , at least not from my perspective ?

asked 18 Dec '12, 20:15

Starlight's gravatar image


converted to question 19 Dec '12, 05:28


@Starlight - I'm sorry to hear what a difficult time you had. May I suggest you convert this to a question? You will allow more people the opportunity to read it, and have a better shot at getting some helpful perspectives. Big, warm hug ((((((Starlight))))).

(19 Dec '12, 00:00) Grace

Thanks Grace I do appreciate your thoughts , tis just a weird ~ ~ ~ feeling almost like being sedated,very heavy (after tears) if that makes sense , probably doesn't, coz I still feel that way

(19 Dec '12, 05:34) Starlight

It is the consequence of creating world of attachments.

(19 Dec '12, 06:11) CalonLan

I find it hard to understand how anyone , if they were truely honest with themselves , can be in this world and be detached from Everything. A mothers bond to her child for instance, and if one has no children then I am sorry but if you , not you personally , has no experience of such , would not understand ....

(19 Dec '12, 18:06) Starlight

The love and care shown in tending to our pets or gardens for that matter , hasnt it been shown that plants thrive when loving thoughts are extended to them , I don't think there's much point in being on the planet if one lives in a land of total neutral emotive state , even the Dalai Lama, laughs & smiles , if he had no reaction to anything would he do that , I think not :-)

(19 Dec '12, 18:08) Starlight

I think the Universe/Source/God , gave us feelings for a reason and I don't consider I have the right to question whether my creator got it right or not , I just want to understand the trigger/switch behind an event

(19 Dec '12, 18:14) Starlight

You're talking about indifference, I'm talking about attachment.

(20 Dec '12, 02:09) CalonLan

@Calonlan "For now , we can agree, to disagree "

(20 Dec '12, 06:23) Starlight

@Starlight, yes indeed ;-)

(20 Dec '12, 07:02) CalonLan
showing 0 of 9 show 9 more comments

Being empathic as I am, I sometimes will not feel like attending a function. It's not the same situation as yours, but in my case I will stay away in order to not be drained. I simply say, "You know, I apologize, but I am not feeling up to it." When I say that, others assume I a have a cold, or some other minor thing. They seldom bother me for further information. I also say it in a way that it is not up for question. You could try this when you have your intuitions about avoiding situations. The others are correct, you need to follow your feelings. So just bow out next time as you know you should. Best wishes!


answered 19 Dec '12, 20:18

LeeAnn%201's gravatar image

LeeAnn 1


Thanks LeeAnn, I did an online assessment for Empaths(always been sensitive) fitted right in, I guess I had forgotten that,silly me. Friend's don't understand when I say I need to leave a shopping mall there are too many people , they say just ignore,they don't really understand my discomfort , I do love people but feel swamped when there are many milling around.I was unsure about posting this question, but you have all been very generous and insights enormously appreciated :-) ♥♥

(19 Dec '12, 21:13) Starlight

You are very welcome. Being in crowds or in situations where there will be a lot of emotion (funerals, weddings, graduations, etc)can be very draining to those who are empathic, that is for sure. Sometimes it's best to leave early or even not go at all if you are not feeling 100%. If you are able to respect and honor your gift...and it is a gift....rather than feeling it's a liablity you will do just great!

(19 Dec '12, 22:39) LeeAnn 1
(11 Mar '13, 03:31) ursixx

my score You are: The Troubled Empath Your Total Score: 46 out of 80 Your Out of Control Healer Score: 8 out of 10 Your Protection Tools Score: 12 out of 25 How Much You Mirror Others Unconsciously Score: 6 out of 15 Your Appreciation for Nature Score: 9 out of 10 You scored toward the middle of the scale on the overall results. It is possible you have some empathic abilities, which could be further developed with practice and commitment. ....

(11 Mar '13, 03:34) ursixx

you are highly logical person. You don't need to be near water which means your second chakra is probably doing well. You prefer to be in nature and this is another very good indicator of being empathic! You have a deep love and appreciation for nature. You recognize the sacred expression of all beings. You are truly wise. But you have a wonderful ability to sway and change the moods, energies, atmospheres, and environments around you. ...

(11 Mar '13, 03:35) ursixx

You are not effected by other people's emotions. For the most part you are strong and grounded and don't let others influence who you are.

You know how to protect yourself psychically. Great job! Wow, sounds like you need to slow down and give to yourself before you heal the world! You would benefit from an energy healing yourself!

That was fun !

(11 Mar '13, 03:36) ursixx

I don't think so @ursixx , but I'll go check it out and I am glad you had fun :-)

(11 Mar '13, 06:52) Starlight

So welcome to the empaths "club" Ursixx!

(11 Mar '13, 20:40) LeeAnn 1

@ursixx , checked it out and , no , twas a differnt site , but never the less was , enlightening , ThankQ :-)

(11 Mar '13, 21:16) Starlight

@ursixx - that was cool! I am The Moon Goddess Empath, and apparently, I need some work. ;)

(11 Mar '13, 22:31) Grace

Your Total Score: 74 out of 80 Your Out of Control Healer Score: 9 out of 10 Your Protection Tools Score: 25 out of 25 How Much You Mirror Others Unconsciously Score: 14 out of 15 Your Appreciation for Nature Score: 10 out of 10

You scored extremely high on the overall results. You are definitely an empath.

(11 Mar '13, 22:35) Grace

You are pretty intuitive and can usually tell when people are lying. You may want to look into getting energy work and healing done on your second chakra. Usually people that prefer to be around water have blocks in their second chakras. You love nature and unconsciously understand its healing effects -- which is a general, but strong indicator that you are an empath.

(11 Mar '13, 22:37) Grace

You have a deep love and appreciation for nature. You recognize the sacred expression of all beings. You are truly wise. But you have a gift for influencing the moods, energies, atmospheres, and environments around you. The rest pretty much says I have more love than sense, and need to learn to protect myself. Out of control for sure! :)

Just what is cord cutting, btw? Oh I mean cord removal...

(11 Mar '13, 22:39) Grace
showing 2 of 13 show 11 more comments

The answer, in a nutshell, is,"Yes!". That "uneasy feeling" was telling you something. I can understand you ignoring it- wakes and funerals make us all uneasy- but your gut told you more. Always follow your gut, and make no excuses for doing so! If someone questions you, all you have to say is this "I just could not go." No explanations are necessary. Sometimes, we act as if Emily Post is God. Says who? We can pay tribute to others in our own way, at our own time.

{{{{{{Big hugs from me to you. I am sorry you went through this.}}}}}}




answered 19 Dec '12, 07:10

Jaianniah's gravatar image


Was trying to get my head around this Jai and guess trying to keep my daughter happy over rode my instinct :-). Funnily enough , only the day before I had a conversation with someone about what happens when we ignore the little voice within.

Thanks for your kind thoughts, tis a large learning curve, and if there were no contrasts , how could we appreciate the UP's of life :-)

(19 Dec '12, 17:54) Starlight

I forgot to add- from a grief counseling point of view, this wake and funeral were a train wreck! Grief brings out tempers and LOTS of BAD vibes and many, many relationships get damaged by this kind of grief. Take heart that you did your best, and were very kind to go. Next time, though, listen to your gut. We empaths cannot tolerate these "ceremonies" too well. :P Love ya....Jai

(21 Dec '12, 22:01) Jaianniah

Thanks Jai ♥♥♥

(21 Dec '12, 22:19) Starlight

You are most welcome...{{{hugs}}}

(21 Dec '12, 22:34) Jaianniah
showing 2 of 4 show 2 more comments

All feelings of anger, imbalance, worry , and sadness, come from fear. There are only two emotions, Love, and fear. All other emotions are direct, or indirect results of these two. Now seeing this you must also understand that when we feel love, it is because we are directly connected to the true us. Our soul is made from love and therefore our natural state. Fear is an emotions caused from separation form our souls energy. The only way we can feel this is when we choose to go against what our soul knows. That's all these negative emotions are. They are warning systems to show us that we are thinking, somthing that we are doing, or somthing within our beliefs are not aligned with who and what our souls truly are. You must know this to understand what is going to be said now.

The reason you had a bad feeling is because of your fear of loss. This fear of loss, is somthing the soul knows not to be true, this is why when people die, we become sad, fearful, angry, and all other negative emotions. Our soul knows that there is no loss. Death is a part of the natural experience and no loss is had. you haven't lost anything, except your comfort level with how you experience that person. This is the direct issue in your situation, nothing more nothing less. What I am saying is this, you shouldn't have dismissed your uneasy feeling, and the outcome was only the way it was, because all parities evolved where in a fearful state. They where upset about death, and this alone is what caused the uneasy feeling. As you believed that something would go wrong, and you went into the situation with imbalance of the soul, then you manifested the exact situation you believed would happen. Now, i am not trying to be insensitive, or rude, i am only trying to explain. Believe me, when i loose someone, well not loses, but when someone passes, believe me, I am in same state. Most do, I am only trying to show you why you felt this feeling, and why it manifested into such a bad experience.

The next time you get this uneasy feeling, remember, do not suppress it, do not ignore it, only understand it is there for a reason. It is there because whatever you are doing, thinking, or a belief you have about somthing, does not match with the soul knows to be true, and therefore not aligned with who and what you truly are. I hope that this helped.

love and light


for vid about dealing with loved ones passing. look Here


answered 20 Dec '12, 08:04

TReb%20Bor%20yit-NE's gravatar image

TReb Bor yit-NE

Glad u enjoyed the answer here. LOVE

(20 Dec '12, 17:19) TReb Bor yit-NE

@TReb thank you for your answer , however I have to say there was no fear of loss , anger, worry or even sadness over this chap's death , I know that it is only the physical body that has expired and was glad for him that he has moved out of the physical prison he has endured for the last 21 yrs due to numerous strokes.....

(20 Dec '12, 19:31) Starlight

My unease related purely to the service that was planned and in that respect you are right that it went pear shaped, though never would I have dreamt like that. I accept that on a higher level I must have agreed to participate as an observer and will now , pay greater attention to "the little voice" inside me :-)

(20 Dec '12, 19:31) Starlight

@TReb - "there are only two emotions love and fear" yes i love your explanation :)

(10 Mar '13, 01:58) ru bis

@Starlight yes, i understand, thank u for this. @ru bis Thank u for the love

(10 Mar '13, 13:19) TReb Bor yit-NE

@ursixx "the big electron" yes thanks love it, a great philosophy of life :)

(11 Mar '13, 04:07) ru bis
showing 2 of 7 show 5 more comments

This is like the disappearing wall. Imagine a wall that is moving in towards you. You brace yourself and apply all your strength to hold this wall back! You lean into this and use everything that you have to keep this wall from crushing you!

As you are really pushing and leaning into the wall the wall vanishes! You fall hard to the ground because of all the effort you put into stopping it from moving.

Now you are not hurt from the wall crushing you, you are hurt from your fall to the ground!

We do this mentally, we prepare for the worst. We may put up a big shield, and say "I'm not going to let this bother me no matter what!" We mentally brace ourselves, we take a stance and push hard! We may even get angry preparing ourselves. We might practice, if he says this, I'll tell him off! Just wait for him to start, man I'll let him have it good! Go ahead and push me I'm ready for you!

But we find nothing happens! He doesn't confront us, we have our guns loaded and pointed with no excuse to shoot our mouths off. Where is the resistance, where is my target? I'm ready for this, where is it?

So we go though the situation on high alert, waiting for that moment when we can fight back! But it never comes, our nerves are on high alert, it could be any moment now! But still nothing.

We go home now able to release and relax, but we can't calm down. Where was the big fight we were preparing for? What happened? We try to relax saying, "It is all over now, but what is over nothing happened!" Our nerves are still on survival mode, finely everything releases at once. All these emotions pour through us, from, "What happened, I was ready!" to "It's over now." These conflicting emotions overwhelming the senses cause a breakdown of loss of control. It is like our guns are now firing releasing all of this on no one. But we feel like we can't control it, it is out of control.

When the resistance disappears we fall as hard as we were ready to resist ourselves.


answered 10 Mar '13, 01:01

Wade%20Casaldi's gravatar image

Wade Casaldi

edited 10 Mar '13, 01:12


Thanks Wade... interesting where you say that about not being able to calm down ,trivial situ other afternoon out with GF for coffee, was still churning in chest that evening , calmed down by bedtime , it still echo'd in the next days events , but I was aware that could happen . Sometimes it can be hard to shake feeling off , must practice the lil bit better thought more , lol :-)

(10 Mar '13, 04:47) Starlight

When I have these "doubts/resistance" about a situation ... a "I don't want to"
There is something that rob/treb brought to my awareness
Love and Light
We are Love and Light. and that is unlimited! It is when we choose to be limited we become that. I know when I am in situations that can be stressful or have apprehensive feeling about. I just remember that I am Love and Light. In those situations when it gets complicated (SHTF), just a pause to remember Love and Light. You have an abundance of Love and Light. An unlimited abundance.
The same works also for me when having to deal one on one with people that some would call Energy Vampires. When you realize that you are unlimited. Even the hungriest vampire has a point where they're full. An other tip that I picked up from The Traveler in a comment he talked about focusing on the persons third eye. I use this too. It looks like you are looking at them in the eyes but when you focus your intentions on the persons third eye the energy crosses over... try it sometime!


answered 11 Mar '13, 04:05

ursixx's gravatar image



Oh I really LIKE the 3rd eye tool , thanks @ursixx and our friend @The Traveller . The opportunity to try is due on my doorstep momentarily ;-) and just in case I haven't told you lately , Luv Ya ! ♥♥♥

(11 Mar '13, 21:57) Starlight
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