Emotions are a reflection of the relationship between our values and our (REAL) beliefs. The gap in my case is so deep that it is causing me a lot of pain. As in, I think of suicide several times a day and will break into tears at random times during the day because my beliefs tell me that my values are outside my reach, that my life essentially no longer has any value.

I will see people giving advice which attempts to bridge this gap by modifying values; please don't, what that feels to me is like you are siding with the beliefs and trying to force me into submission, sort of like being raped. I have struggled a lot to get a different set of beliefs to stick and to the degree that they do, I feel absolutely wonderful. That feeling fades (sometimes faster than others) as evidence keeps piling up to contradict it.

I'm heartbroken everytime I see people living much fuller lives while I struggle to even keep myself together emotionally. What I mean by that is, I feel great for a while and then I compare my actual life to that of other people and I think "I'm just lying to myself, this is not the life I want for myself and I'm not truly happy". I feel like I have wasted my youth and this has created an immense time pressure to get things done.

Yes, I have read the material, you don't have to repeat it to me. I just can't get it to stick and there are some ideas in them (particularly Bashar's material) that actually make me feel worse. Listening to Abraham has taken me out of the vortex as often as it has moved me in. I have tried doing focus blocks and my mind literally goes blank because I can't find any "better feeling thoughts" which feel believable. I have tried distracting myself with whatever I can and even if I manage to do that, once I'm done with it (and quite often the distraction itself triggers awareness of lack) I am back in the exact same, if not worse place.

I don't know how to handle my existence anymore. I wake up and I go to sleep. Then I wake up again and this isn't my life, I don't belong in it. There is a sense that I can't change my beliefs because they are simply the truth and it is hurting me.

EDIT: So the answers I have received so far are basically this: you can't, just abandon all your values. Not that anyone really cares, I'm not going to say this to get some kind of sympathy just to make myself understood. It is not the pain that makes me seriously consider suicide, it's the meaninglessness and futility of life. I don't need a process to "not feel bad" because when I am considering suicide, I am NOT feeling bad, I'm in a serene state of acceptance, you could say I am emotionally exhausted. I need a process to feel good, which from my experience happens when I align my beliefs with my values.

asked 17 Jan '13, 18:25

flowsurfer's gravatar image


edited 23 Jan '13, 16:13

Barry%20Allen's gravatar image

Barry Allen ♦♦

you have received far more answer then that but you do not see it yet.Emotions are a reflection of the relationship between our values and our (REAL) beliefs. so you annoy your self and find that you are meaningless. because you do not know your self. and are dictated by this world and you believe it.does it serve you?and you believe that suiciding your self will solve it?if i tell you that suiciding your self will not solve annything and that you have your chance right now to solve it.

(18 Jan '13, 16:15) white tiger

I cannot understand what you are trying to say. I am not even able to say I disagree with you because I don't understand the meaning of your words. You are too vague.

(18 Jan '13, 16:25) flowsurfer

when the fire is on do you cook your food or do you wait till it goes down to start to cook? right now something is bothering you so the fire is on meditate be aware know your self see what is bothering you and solve it. or are you waiting for someone to come cook your meal for you?the answer is in you but you do not seam to want to find it. make the choice to find your own answer. and stop to look outside for the answer that belongs to you in you.

(18 Jan '13, 16:36) white tiger

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kWVWNri4IFM are you the one that will know him self? or do you want a cookie?or maybe you would have like to take the other pill and eat steak? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFhn_GUAhGU

(18 Jan '13, 16:56) white tiger

I feel you are too confused with many beliefs (bashar's material and Abraham stuff). Also you compare with others, will never make you happy @ any cost. Just keep away from all these mind or spritual and metaphysical stuff. Indulge in any activity which you like except alcohol, drugs. Just do 15 minutes of simple medidation and irrespective of your age just walk briskly greeneary space in open this will surely impact you for a better sustainable living...

(20 Jan '13, 03:28) marathisend

@marathisend Your advice is not in any way helpful.

(20 Jan '13, 04:10) flowsurfer
showing 0 of 6 show 6 more comments

I hear your feelings of deep desperation and powerlessness speaking. But understand that this is not you. This is just your emotion speaking (writing). I don't want you to do anything or be obedient or whatever. I'm just a person who was there where you are right now. I'm not better than you and you are not better than me.

I just know how it feels when it seems if there is no way out. So i know that this is just the fog of emotion keeping you under control right now. You will find the best answer yourself anyway. You are your own teacher...always! You don't need any advice!

But i will give you one tool to loosen that grip of emotion so you can make better decisions for yourself. If we want to make any changes for the better at all we have to first come out of deep desperation.

Give it 15 minutes if you are at least 1% willing to change anything. Or just ignore it if you don't and you only want to justify yourself. And always remember: You don't have to justify anything at all. People here really, really, really............really don't care about your life and about you. It can sometimes seem as if they do. But they only care about themselves... including me, which is not a bad thing at all. Because everything every human being does is for his own benefit...everything. That's the nature of this thing called earth. You are your own master, teacher and judge. You are responsible for everything. Nobody will pity or dry-nurse you.

Just a tip here. Watch this video and do this technique for your feelings of desperation and powerlessness. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=y2nBjyTPvTI

If it helps, good for you. If not, you won't loose anything and you won't have to justify anything. And in both possible cases just remember that nobody cares at all what you say, do or think. Oh, and if you ignore this whole answer... nobody will care either. And nobody cares what you will get from this tip. Nobody knows you. You are just a nickname with 10 letters in here.


answered 17 Jan '13, 19:41

releaser99's gravatar image


Except this is not just the fog of emotion making it seem like there is no way out. No matter how good I feel, I don't see a way out and that chips away at me. I have gone in and out of desperation for years and the basic thing I learned is that I get out of desperation by taking an emotional leap of faith but then gravity brings me back to earth and I am back in desperation. This is why the whole "just the get in the vortex!" stuff sounds hollow to me.

(17 Jan '13, 20:09) flowsurfer

Thanks for the justification about this "fog of emotion" thing. I can just say: find a technique that works for you every day and makes that feeling of desperation and powerlessness go away. Then apply it every day till a better answer appears on the next level. The one tool that i gave you worked for me the best in those suicidal times. Forget about the vortex. You are far far away from that. But you seem to know better why and how things work now, worked in the past and will work in future.

(17 Jan '13, 20:22) releaser99

I have followed this sort of process of allowing myself to feel a negative emotion until it dissipates. It has not helped me in any way, other than as a short term release. I imagine it is sort of like flexing your muscles in order to get them to relax.

(17 Jan '13, 20:26) flowsurfer

If it was just a short term release there are 2 reasons for that: 1.You haven't felt the whole emotion, just the surface... and then cowardly chickened out and begun justifying why you don't want to walk through the whole emotion. You haven't zoomed in completely to those energies in your body 2. There are many layers to your desperation/powerlessness such as with an onion.That's why i said: find a tool that works and apply it EVERY DAY.All other answers to life will magically appear afterwards.

(17 Jan '13, 20:38) releaser99

I'm not sure I even understand what you are saying. Yes, I have gone through the process until there was no emotional charge. I'm not sure if this is a wise thing to do but I have done it. Are there many layers? Yes, there are, but I'm not dealing with different emotional triggers everytime, it's always the same basic things. As far as doing this consistently, I don't think deliberately feeling as bad as possible every day is going to make things better; I have gone through that phase.

(17 Jan '13, 21:06) flowsurfer

Ask a new question about this topic and i will answer it tomorrow in detail. I don't have enough time now.

(17 Jan '13, 21:34) releaser99

"find a technique that works for you every day and makes that feeling of desperation and powerlessness go away"... Reason for depressions is this. You live in lies, that there is value, there is meaning, you have power and control. But life is showing you, sometimes less, sometimes more, than it isn't so. That it is your delusion. How do you get out of it if you will be lying to yourself even more with some technique.

There's nothing bad about powerlessness, no choice, no free will, emptiness

(18 Jan '13, 03:56) CalonLan

Surrender is always a good idea. But telling this a depressed person doesn't help at all imo. It just sounds fancy at most. The technique i've mentioned just tricks your active mind to surrender actively.

(18 Jan '13, 06:30) releaser99

@releaser99, in that you are right. Defeated have to go conquer the world first, before they realize that to conquer is to become defeated. And to become victorious you must surrender.

(18 Jan '13, 06:50) CalonLan

Well said!

(18 Jan '13, 07:00) releaser99

Thank you for making clear that your advice is bs and I should ignore it.

(18 Jan '13, 10:04) flowsurfer

@flowsurfer i will give 1 advice that will help you if you feel bad emotion or though it is because something is bothering you and you did not solve it yet. why do you supress it or wait till it go away. it is right in your face meditate be aware and you will see it and be able to solve it. if a bug is bugging you will you wait till it goes away or take the bug repellent and solve it?

(18 Jan '13, 16:31) white tiger

If meditating and being aware allow me to see and be able to solve things then I don't know what meditation and being aware is.

(18 Jan '13, 18:02) flowsurfer

In the height thread, (not the only thing bothering but regardless), you gave some "advice", I'm not even sure if it was serious or not. There are a lot of people who have attempted to grow taller by stretching the legs somehow, hanging, putting weights on it and etc; it does not work, at all. You spoke as if I was unwilling to do what it takes. I am not, I just don't know what it takes.

(18 Jan '13, 18:22) flowsurfer

look for the height thing you have gravitationnal force and atmoshperic pressure putting a weight on your head and crushing you. so it is logical that if you hang with weight streching you you will grow taller. the guy with the rack garanty 2 inch. in 6 month. you need 6 inch so 18 month. and even if it gives you only 2 inch. it is 1/3 of the way there is it not?and if they reject you find another place or something that suit you better.you always have the choice.but if you want to let this-

(18 Jan '13, 20:36) white tiger

world dictate you it is your choice is it not? then stop pitying your self. there is lots of better thing that you could do then that first thing would be to get to know your self.if you do not know your self then you live in poverty and you are that poverty. and this poverty is not only material or wealth,it is poverty from the self.

(18 Jan '13, 20:40) white tiger

OMGosh, next thing someone will be recommending is hanging weights on your penis to lengthen it. Please don't try this. Physicians do not recommend this practice; being both dangerous as well as painful. If you are overweight, Dr Oz says you can get an extra inch by losing belly fat. flow has excepted his height limitations. @flowsurfer don't despair, in a parallel universe, you are 6'2", a model & living your best life right NOW. I hope this gives you some comfort.

(19 Jan '13, 21:17) ele

@ele What is the difference between a parallel universe me which I am not aware of and other people?

(19 Jan '13, 22:02) flowsurfer
showing 2 of 18 show 16 more comments

I found this from Abraham quotes in my emai just now, and it made me think of you.

I think this is about how you do it, this is is how you start: Dare to dream a dream, and don't lose sight of it. Think, wouldn't it be wonderful if.... And run with it.

*Abraham giving the empowered version of the story of Martin Luther King to a mother to give to her 7 year old son: "So, the empowered version goes like this, the story through the eyes of Source goes like this: All of us are born into this environment of contrast, and some of us really hit the ground running. And there was a man that you will hear a lot about. His name was Martin Luther King, and he was such a man. He was born understanding that things could be so much better than they were. And he, rather early in age, after a lot of struggle and living with things that were injust, which I don't want to go into, HE DISCOVERED in all of that an IDEA that was so much BIGGER and so much BRIGHTER that he gave his undivided attention to that dream. In fact, he became FAMOUS for that dream. He gave SPEECHES about that dream. And people gathered from far and wide because they SO LOVED hearing him talk about what was coming because in his talking about what was coming, he distracted them from what was. And EVERYONE felt uplifted about it.

But (pause for audience applause) he practiced it for a while, and as long as he was telling the story to himself and to those who were close, to those that really believed the dream with him, he held himself in vibrational alignment with the dream. I practice that every day, son, say to your child. I practice that every day. It is my quest to stay in vibrational alignment with my dream and not let the reality of what-is bind me. I want to be progressive and continue to move beyond. And then, this dear man - I suspect that what happened was that as he got out there with so many others looking at him, that somehow, someway, he lost sight of his dream momentarily. His stream moved faster and faster and faster and faster but he was surrounded by those that he began, even though it was never his plan to do it, to begin to push against. And when one pushes against in a very fast-moving stream, abrupt things happen. He was shot, say to your son, he was shot by those who did not understand him and by those who did not even WANT to understand him.

And in one fell swoop this man, who had conjured and given birth to this magnificent dream re-emerged POWERFULLY into the Nonphysical, where he lives it fully. Say to your child: I believe that he still speaks to you from his broader, Nonphysical perspective. I believe that his dream still LIVES. And I believe that NO ONE needs to get shot over it if NONE of us PUSH IT in the FACES of those who do not understand. It's trying to get others to AGREE with us about out dreams that causes BACKLASH. But when we just DREAM them ourselves, when we come into alignment with who we are, the RESOURCES OF THE UNIVERSE come into alignment with us, and ALL DREAMS are answered from ALL PERSPECTIVES, no matter who is asking. THAT'S the story of this man that I want you always to remember, because there are a lot of versions going on.

There are those who are still dreaming the dream, and I KNOW with every fiber of my being that that's the way HE would want you to hear this story. THAT was his dream."*

("OK," and "Thank you," from guest (the mother), and lots of wild audience applause, cheering, whistling.) From the Abraham-Hicks Mexican Well-Being Cruise, 1/20/08"



answered 18 Jan '13, 22:15

Grace's gravatar image


edited 18 Jan '13, 22:23


Maybe, just maybe, if you're open to this: look into vitamin deficiencies and how they affect our thinking. I am not a medical doctor, yet it's something I wish I could have discovered decades ago. Just maybe you can look into it, or simply drop this suggestion altogether :)

Google "Niacin and Depression". Read testimonials and watch this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7K2tqxKf2EE. It's quite encouraging. Niacin is 100% natural, yet reacts like an anti-depressant in larger doses. I am not assuming you are depressed, yet from your post, I sense a deep level of sadness, and felt moved to share what transformed my long-term depressed state. For I totally understand when depressed (or profoundly sad for long periods of time--which is medically titled depression), it's beyond challenging to see the "light" and feel good or even open and receptive about any-thing! It's an uphill battle. I know first hand, as I have had huge, massive challenges with clinical depression since adolescence--a long, long time. Vitamin therapy (Niacin) has done wonders for my life and created space to feel better, which led to the ability to focus more on what I want, and even the ability to grasp and apply concepts of Law of Attraction.


answered 23 Jan '13, 11:09

figure8shape's gravatar image


@figure8shape Good advice. Couldn't agree more. Thanks!

(23 Jan '13, 20:17) ele

@figure8shape I am not depressed because I lack some vitamin; the sadness is a result of actual objective core aspects of my life which to me seem out of my control; and I have seen many people, including people in the "metaphysical" community confirm that doubt to me. It is not even the aspects themselves because when I manage to align my beliefs into a sense of control, the depression instantly goes away.

(24 Jan '13, 00:10) flowsurfer

@flowsurfer, Everything begins with a thought. Everything. Have you ever questioned your thoughts? They're less impactful when you do. Thoughts are ONLY thoughts, you can choose to listen to them, or not. It's really up to you.

Maybe I don't have the answer to your question, just wanted to present a possible solution, as you conveyed yourself (to me) to be depressed, and depression is something that I know quite well.

Anyway :) May your life be happy and joyful. I wish you all the best!

(24 Jan '13, 10:06) figure8shape

@ele, Thanks! Have a great day! :)

(24 Jan '13, 10:09) figure8shape

@figure8shape I have thought of taking supplements for various reasons, including improving the function of my mind. The problem is that where I live, they don't sell supplements in "larger doses" or as isolated vitamins (except for vitamin C). I looked for Niacin in particular before and there is none for sale except as a prescription medicine for I am not sure what. I would need to import them, which makes them very expensive. As you may have noticed from what I post, I'm pretty much broke.

(24 Jan '13, 14:10) flowsurfer
(24 Jan '13, 17:09) ursixx

@ursixx I don't think by "in larger doses" he means 10% of the RDI from a portion of fruits and vegetables. I can get more than that at a lower cost from an energy drink.

(24 Jan '13, 17:39) flowsurfer

@flowsurfer true ... then again how is your daily intake of these? Depressed people aren't really known for have extraordinary diet habits....Just sayin it don't hurt to start by eating right bro.

(24 Jan '13, 17:49) ursixx

@flowsurfer I'm glad you can't find mega doses of select vitamins in your area. I don't think it is ever prudent to take massive amts of any dietary supplement w/o extensive research first. Nearly anything in excess can have side effects. I didn't mean to imply otherwise & apologize for any misunderstanding; research 1st. Like ursixx said, start with diet changes first & try a high B vitamin supplement. When I think of you, I never think of you as broke; my impression is quite the opposite.

(24 Jan '13, 19:39) ele
showing 2 of 9 show 7 more comments

life as always value it is what you make of the time imparted to you that makes the difference. if you have reach the bottum of the barrel and decide that you have experience it enuff and tortured your self enuff,you can make the first step on your journey of a thousand step,start by knowing your self meditate. if you do not know your self how can you know others?

It is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you will not be imperiled in a hundred battles; if you do not know your enemies but do know yourself, you will win one and lose one; if you do not know your enemies nor yourself, you will be imperiled in every single battle.

how long did you live only on the outside trying to conform to the patern of this world? is this world you? why do you take the wide gate of destruction? take the narrow gate and know your self. if you do not know your self you live in poverty and you are that poverty.why do you let the world dictate who you are? many in this world are in darkness and they do not know them self and they are that poverty in this world they cause war,famine,sickness,judgement,hate,discrimination,etc... all for their ego that want money,power,success,popularity,etc... if you lose your self to gain annything of this world is it worth it? but if you know your self then you will be your own light and will help your self and your brother and sister. the truth will set you free.


so let there be light,Be the light that you can be,experience and enjoy.


answered 18 Jan '13, 07:54

white%20tiger's gravatar image

white tiger

You know nothing about me. You are judging me based on a completely false and superficial idea of who I am or how I think or why I think it. You blab in a meaningless way as if you were coping and pasting quotes at random. I think you are the most annoying person here, only CalonLan comes even close.

(18 Jan '13, 10:07) flowsurfer

Damn and I was hoping for the first place. Well, congrats @white tiger! You got me this time.

(18 Jan '13, 10:18) CalonLan

@flowsurfer i am telling you the truth. why do you lie to your self? who said i must be tall or it is immeadite rejection is that not you? then are you not letting the world dictate who you are? do you really thing that what i say is meaningless? i think it is time for you to know your self.you judge me as being meaningless and annoying, by human standard.i am glad to be annoying to you but i am far from being meaningless.you do not see it yet under your heart of stone but it will come.

(18 Jan '13, 10:30) white tiger

@calonlan i do not hope for the first or the last place. in truth i tell you: some will be first and be last and some will be last and be first.i think you got your self calonlan.from your own choice.smile.

(18 Jan '13, 10:41) white tiger

@white tiger Within the particular field I would like to work in, not being tall enough is an automatic rejection; that matters because I would like to actually make a living from it. But the height thing is not simply about that; I only mention that because it makes it feel more urgent due to financial considerations.

(18 Jan '13, 11:08) flowsurfer

@white tiger " some will be first and be last and some will be last and be first.i think you got your self calonlan.from your own choice." love that & I am smiling.

(19 Jan '13, 21:29) ele

@flowsurfer How vertically challenged are you? I have a friend who was a male model. It was hard work & long hours. He ended up going in a different direction; but could have made it to the top if he had chosen to. I also did some fashion modeling years ago (local). It was fun. I could never have been a top model due to my height limitations & I didn't want to be. You don't seem to be the ambitious type, no offense, it's hard work & long hours & you have to love working out & eating right.

(19 Jan '13, 21:37) ele

@ele I am aware of what the profession entails. I'm not willing to work long hours as a computer programmer, taxi driver or politician; because I don't want to BE any of those things. That doesn't mean I'm not willing to work long hours. I'm 5'6 and a half right after sleep (usually less, but that's the highest I measured), an inch lower before. I'm 27 years old.

(19 Jan '13, 22:09) flowsurfer

@flowsurfer well if you are 27 years old you will not grow physically anny more the best you can hope for is 2 inch. onless you wear 4 inch. high heels. the best thing for you would be to accept your self like you are and go with who you are. if they reject you for heigh find another place. of you do not find another place change job.

(19 Jan '13, 22:39) white tiger

@white tiger If I fail to grow to my desired height and cannot bring myself to keep trying I will kill this body, period. There is no plan b or consolation prize I'm willing to take. If I can't have what I want that means God doesn't love me and if God doesn't love me life is pointless.

(19 Jan '13, 22:53) flowsurfer

@flowsurfer it is not that God does not love you it is that you do not love your self and accept your self like you are.and that is the samething from those that reject you for heigh why do you let them dictate who you are you have free will. maybe that you are taking the counselation prize right now by accepting to be dictated by this world and that is the plan b.

(19 Jan '13, 23:03) white tiger

@white tiger That's just a rationalization you are using to justify failure. I'm not "letting them dictate" things, I just want to play that game. God gives what I want to some, so why not me? There is nothing you could ever tell me that would make it ok for me not to get what I want out of life. They just sound like hollow excuses to me.

(19 Jan '13, 23:13) flowsurfer

God does not give them job men do.job is creation of men not of God. men as free will in this world and is responsible of it. well stop complaining then and go get what you want why do you let this world dictate who you are ? you have free will like every one else here. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6et2ZSodS0g

(19 Jan '13, 23:24) white tiger

You are just hurting me @white tiger. Do you not trust in God's power and love enough to simply believe I will have what I want?

(19 Jan '13, 23:34) flowsurfer

@flowsurfer i am not hurting you you are hurting you your self. out of your own free will. because you let this world dictate who you are,how tall you will and most be,what is the only job that you can have,what is popular,what is good for you,what brings you money and material pleasure,and you believe it.you believe it so much that you are ready to destroy your self.why are you blaming me i am not the one doing this to you. you are the one letting the world do this to you and you are doing it-

(19 Jan '13, 23:45) white tiger
(19 Jan '13, 23:47) white tiger

You are hurting me because you are denying God's love and making empty excuses to justify it; and since nothing can come to me except through God, it feels like God is telling me he doesn't love me and making empty excuses to justify it.

(19 Jan '13, 23:49) flowsurfer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xh7WxiUqIUc&NR=1 listen to this you are like him in the elevator that want to take is life. and you believe that he is you. it is not about God it is all about you. but you do not want to know your self and be your self. again self pity and you said i did not know you. it seams to me that you do not know your self.

(19 Jan '13, 23:54) white tiger

if you do not know your self you live in poverty and you are the poverty.Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil.i have come to you like a thief in the night and your deeds are exposed.now keep watch and know your self.

(20 Jan '13, 00:42) white tiger

@flowsurfer I wasn't sure where to leave this comment - it's in response to your edit & convo with wt. Please make sure your Donor card is dated & signed - just in case.

(24 Jan '13, 00:38) ele

@flowsurfer Why are you upset? Read your edit above. Heartless? oO contraire - not at all. No, not at all.

(24 Jan '13, 01:18) ele

@ele so the problem is solved he now know the truth.all of you also.so no more need to believe.jesus was telling the truth.the word is truth.it is pretty easy to understand.jesus message was the way back to God,born of water and spirit.pur heart pur soul no more duality,and up you go to the kingdom.to meet God the truth.you can stay in the kingdom or come back here.that is why we testify about this. and men made a religion out of it.smile.

(24 Jan '13, 01:25) white tiger
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