I recently realized what is most likely the source to basically all of my problems: I don't feel justified in anything unless someone else justifies it; that is to say that I don't feel I can have my own opinions unless others accept/agree with them.

As to dating, I have a terminal fear of rejection because, I realized, I'm afraid that if I'm rejected it makes me worth less as a human being.

How do I get over this belief? How do I throw it off once and for all?

asked 29 Jan '13, 19:01

ExistentiaLux's gravatar image



ExistentiaLux , here's a link that I know beyond a shadow of doubt will help you see things differently . There are 13 x vids of mostly 9 min duration, some a little shorter , follow through you won't be disappointed , I certainly wasn't . Bashar ...Brick Walls Beliefs


(29 Jan '13, 19:43) Starlight

Try reading The Fountainhead.

(31 Jan '13, 04:57) flowsurfer
showing 0 of 2 show 2 more comments

Your general belief sounds like unworthiness to me like you already stated. I can honestly say that it took me a long time to clear my own unworthiness beliefs. But it was worth it. Most of it is now gone for good i believe. Sometimes i can detect still little layers of unworthiness but i can clear them instantly and they never come back.

So this is just my experience but expect to encounter many layers of it, especially if it's a problem that comes from childhood and it bothers you for a long time. I can just give you tips to make the clearing process much much faster.

There are many belief change methods or clearing techniques that can help with that. To really make a lasting change you should first identify your unworthiness feelings/beliefs and its different forms. Here are some forms that bothered me for a long time. I have a long list of it on my PC. Just a few examples:

  • Unworthy because parents said so
  • Unworthy when you don't know more than other people
  • Unworthy when you don't look the best and you aren't the most talented in social groups
  • Unworthy because others said so
  • Unworthy because others can determine by verbal communication how much you are worth
  • Unworthy because there will always be people that are more intelligent, better looking, better at your most enjoyable hobby etc. You must be the best to feel worthy!
  • ...

The list goes on and on. Here is just my personal experience. It could help you move forward much quicker than i did. Because i had to figure this all out first. And it was not always pleasant to do so.

  1. First identify what your requirements are for you to allow yourself to feel worthy. What must be happen first for you to feel worthy or more worthy than all other people on this planet? Make a huge list of requirements.
  2. Identify what that requirements mean. What could be the core belief behind this requirement? For example let's say one of your requirements is "I must be the wealthiest person on earth first to feel worthy" The core belief would be "the amount of money determines how much a person is worth. The more money one has, the worthier he is."
  3. Manifesting Experiment 4
  4. Try to detect unworthiness throughout the day. Then clear it instantly using clearing techniques and using ME 4 in the evening additionally.

If you do this constantly you will notice that your life changes. You feel much better. You speak differently. You act differently. It feels freeing to not seek approval first before doing something. So it's very worth it!


answered 29 Jan '13, 19:39

releaser99's gravatar image


@releaser99 I sometimes think that when someone writes questions and or answers and uses the small letter "i" to describe oneself.It also is a subtle and maybe subconscious sign of worthiness issues. or perhaps a lack of english grammatical knowledge... or both http://goo.gl/5ZEGb

(30 Jan '13, 03:38) ursixx

Or even simpler @ursixx, they forgot to hold the CapLock down ;-)xx

(30 Jan '13, 07:00) Starlight

@ursixx Definitely it's just the second reason in my case. I use german and turkish grammar for my english lol. Another reason could be that someone is a huge apple fan :D

(30 Jan '13, 07:17) releaser99

@Starlight true... but even so is there something subconscious that lets us believe that using the small "i" is ok and we are not that important. @releaser99 btw your Awesome ! and I bet your're wearing a black turtle neck shirt too

(30 Jan '13, 16:45) ursixx

@ursixx Yes, and i'm "channeling" Steve Jobs through my iPod all day :). Oh i mean "I'm":)

(31 Jan '13, 04:55) releaser99

I found this answer while searching for 'how I can stop needing approval' on Inward Quest. I basically had come to realise that I was spending all the time in anxiety wondering about what this person or another was thinking about me - mostly related to work, but also in personal relationships. I just sat down and did as you said @releaser99 .

(02 Oct '18, 10:10) Inner Beauty

I made a list of all the things I had to be to consider myself worthy and the list was very long, ranging from needing to look perfectly beautiful all the time to needing to be the very best at my work with everyone looking up to me.... and lots of other things I needed to be before thinking that I was even remotely acceptable. As I was doing this, I started to feel that my test was getting very tight and I had to take many deep breaths in order to get the tightness out.

(02 Oct '18, 10:11) Inner Beauty

It was as if a lifetime of weight on my shoulders was gradually releasing by just making the list. So first off - thank you! I didn't realise I was carrying such a heavy burden around with me! Now I will try to work through each and identify the beliefs behind each requirement, but I already feel having made the list has done me a world of good.

(02 Oct '18, 10:13) Inner Beauty
showing 2 of 8 show 6 more comments

I have the same problem.

I find myself constantly asking, "Is everything okay? Did I do that right?" and so on.

What helped me the most, interestingly enough, has been participating here on Inward Quest. Writing for Inward Quest has opened doors for me. I now write for HubPages, and have started writing my second book. It is very validating to be told that your answer helped someone. It seems simple enough, but for me, it goes deep into my soul, and heals something there. It has taken 3 and 1/2 years, but I suddenly am starting to feel worthwhile; I feel that I have some value.

The moral is this: Act as if you already have value, and you will get it.

I do not know why this works, but it does. "Fake it 'til you make it!"

Hang in there!



answered 29 Jan '13, 20:02

Jaianniah's gravatar image



@Jaianniah "Act as if you already have value, and you will get it." This is a very important point that i didn't mention in my answer! Thanks! This works because you live in a reality, where you are already worthy. And law of attraction gives you proof in physical reality that this is your new you now.

(29 Jan '13, 20:07) releaser99

@Jaianniah you should put your HubPages profile link in your IQ profile...

(30 Jan '13, 03:20) ursixx

The problem is not that you share with other or that they accept or do not accept.Sometime they can help you or give you advice according to their experience and that is all fine.The real problem is that you doubt your self and do not know your self inside then how can you know other? Then you doubt them also. If you doubt mean that you still need to be aware,concentrate,focus, seek,do your work of faith and find your own inner wisdom and your own life force(Pistis/Sophia/Zoe).

As for dating be your self,be the light that you can be,if they reject you it is their choice they do not know what they are missing.And it might be better that way they might not deserve you,and you might have escape alot of problem that you do not need in your life.But to believe that you need someone to be happy even someone that reject you,you only hurt your self and keep your self in darkness.Many in this world are in darkness storing treasure where moths and worm come to destroy,seeking only things from the outside money,material desire,power,popularity.And they will be like by people that are wanting the same thing for them self.Then are they truly looking to love someone like they would like to be loved? if you find someone that as not alot of material things but love you and it can work between you will you want to go with that one? Or will you go for the one that does not love you that it does not work to much between you and that as material stuff,money,power,popularity and seek the same stuff from you?

you that call your self: @Existentialux remember those word:fiat lux יְהִי אוֹר
γενηθήτω φῶς lux sit

So let there be light,Be the light that you can be,experience and enjoy.


answered 29 Jan '13, 19:25

white%20tiger's gravatar image

white tiger

edited 29 Jan '13, 19:35

If we look at experience of existence as frequency, where two or more agree the amplification of the original frequency happens. However if we have two or more disagreeing with the original frequency then there is a dampening effect that happens.

Even plants that experience love do well and those that experience hate do poorly.

So what verification from others achieves is that amplification, while those that disagree dampen the original frequency.

Example: I feel wonderful, oh what a beautiful day! You happen along someone all chipper I exclaim, "Hello, good day to you, it is such a beautiful day! " the person exclaims "Goody two shoes what is your problem, you are blinded by rosy glasses! It's a miserable day!" I say, "Oh sorry to bother you" to which I hear, "Go on, get lost tinker bell!" So I find someone else, I say, "Hello, how are you today?" The person responds, "Ah, I'm not doing so well, what a lousy day this is!"

Now do I still have this happiness that everything is right in the world, that it is a beautiful day? No, because I was just meant with two opposing view points, one was even nasty!

So now we come to what frequency do we accept from others? Also can we reject frequencies that are diminishing to us? We can say, this is this person's experience of reality, my experience of reality is real to me, strong and unaffected by this person.

Another thing to think, there are many that would agree with me, there are many that would disagree with me, to each his own experience of what is right.

No one lifts me up, no one puts me down, I am flexible, independent and strong depending on my choice.


answered 01 Jan '19, 13:36

Wade%20Casaldi's gravatar image

Wade Casaldi

edited 01 Jan '19, 13:41

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