I am a fifty year old who recently had a 6 month relationship with a borderline personality disorder (BPD) woman of 57 years of age. This is a question for people who know what this illness is. The hell that these people put you through. Brief summary, when we met it was out of this world, felt right and it felt good. Really was not my type of woman but her intensity and our conversation led to me falling in love with her. Again this question is for people who know about BPD. Towards the end of our relationship which was every other week i realized i was not going crazy as i really thought i was. But happened to google some of the symptoms of her behaviour, low and behold there it was, she fitted every criteria 100%, she had borderline Personality Disorder.
My question to you readers is i truly fell in love with this woman, and can't believe what this illness does to them, it kills me. It hurts to know what these people have suffered in their childhood. They will never know what the feelings of true love feel like. Its the essence of life and it was taken from them. I feel so helpless that i can't help her, she will not seek treatment like most BPD people and will not admit she has a problem which is also typical. She left again this time its been 40 days.
How can i incorporate her into my vortex in a positive way, how can i help her to get help through the law of attraction. I guess what i'm asking for here is a miracle. The bottom line is i want her to experience love and how it truly feels before she dies or ends up in a mental institution like most of them do as they get older. Is there a way that i can send her my positive energy to seek help . I hope you readers know what i'm trying to ask. Or is it time to move on and quit trying to fix things that you can't fix.
Thanks Chuck Please be honest with me. Thanks Ch
In this kind of situation, in fact in any kind of situation, when to move on, is a personal decision ... no one can decide for you. The guide lines are; to follow soul based rather than ego based relationships. As Margot Zaher and Jafree Ozwald write "the biggest difference between soul based and ego based relationship is to surrender and let go. When you are relating to your partner on a soul level, you deeply realize that everything that happens is perfect in it's own way."
Here is the complete article that i feel sure you will find useful
love at work :)
BPD is a specific diagnosis as you mention, a very specific set of symptoms.
It is not "on the border" it is 'way over the top. Many people with this diagnosis have tremendous personal magnetism/charisma and often make outstanding lovers (when they are in that mood), but they can be "unflushable", ie, hard to get away from!
AND, the baggage they can bring is often overwhelming.
It is time to move on when you recognize the value of this experience. You can't fight the disorder, you can't cure her, you can't help her, you can't change her!
Do I need to say this again? YOU CAN'T CHANGE HER!!!! And as long as you try, you will attach yourself to her symptoms.
Think about what you did (and still do) like about her. Focus on those characteristics. Ignore the rest, sometimes this is easier when she is not physically present. Then recognize those characteristics exist in other people. You are looking for a good feeling, not a particular person. You do not need this individual to feel the good.
Change your focus and you will change yourself. It works that way. It is the Law!
Once I recognized this, I was able to find a stable woman who has the characteristics I enjoy.
The world, in which we exist is NOT a place! It IS a state of consciousness!
answered 03 Feb '13, 08:08
There is nothing you can do for those people they try to destroy them self and other people around them. They self pity them self they will play with your emotion and play with their emotion saying i will kill myself i will suicide my self and make many attemp taking pills,slashing their wrist etc... They will have many other problem alcool,drugs, gambling. It all start in them self and they do not want to see that they are the cause of their own problem. So the first thing is to not get caught by them and let them manipulate you,if so you will be caught in the ride and will suffer also. The best thing you can do is try to help them but you will have to have no attachement to them as soon as you attache your self to them they will try to manipulate you and take you along for the ride. So there is not many thing that you can do for them it as to come from them in the first place. And they lie to them self and do not want to see the truth. It is never their fault never their responsability. So what can you do? What kind of relationship can you have with someone that try to manipulte and destroy people that have a relationship with her around her? Tell her the truth and she will probably leave by her self because she does not want to fix her problem and she will blame you for it.
With those person it is a mind and emotion game to seek control and if you do not comply to their game you are against them and they blame you for it and want to make you suffer because they are not able to manipulate you,they are blind and do not see what hell they make for them self and for other.They have fall in a black hole and are trying to pull you down with them.That is reassuring them that you are not better then them because they think they are superior because they manipulate you and make you fall and comply to what they want and they think you are not able to see through their lie and manipulation. But they do not understand that they are the one being manipulated by their own darkness(ego) in to making that hell.
to explain bpd person to someone that as never know one i would say that they are like the person in the elevator but not only inside it goes out to the outside because they lack control on them self and on their dark side. so they swing between light and dark constantly seeking control on them self and on other. one minute they can be very sweet and the next they are trying to hurt people or hurting them self,manipulating people with mind and emotion and the physical(doing suicide attemp to seek sympathy and blame other that they do not understand them). And when they are not able to manipulate you they change tactic switch the conversation to say something that you will agree with to get you back on their side. And slowly it will return to the victimization and self pity(no one understand them,they have been abuse and have faced bad stuff in the past that made them that way,and they want retribution and justice.)But is it really true? they manipulate and lie so much that you cannot tell.And that it is true or not,they will have to let the past be the past and live in the present and built them self a future.
It's commendable that you want her to experience love, but this is not something you can "force" upon someone when they are not ready. Perhaps you wanting this for her is your ego, and the best thing you can do is to send her love and light from afar. It is time to move on when you are no longer willing to sacrifice your self for her sake. I know what it feels like to want to "help", "save", "fix". Part of that is altruistic, but part of that is ego, too. I was in a situation with someone who I knew had no one else to "show" him that there are much healthier ways to cope. I had to let go of him. He had to experience the "absence of me." He reached out wanting to be friends, saying what I've told him are things he had been thinking about and is trying to work on. Oddly enough, the magnetic attraction has dissipated. I see that as a sign that the lesson we both needed to learn is over. If you still feel "compelled" to be in this woman's life. . .ask yourself why. In my opinion, trusting that Source will bring you back together if it is for your highest good is one of the best things you can do for both of you. If and when you let go, I think it's helpful to tell her that it is her behavior you are separating from, and not her as a person. Love & Light :-)
answered 07 Feb '13, 05:48
you wish to help her the way
your care seems to be for what
the choice, the timing is yours
answered 01 Feb '13, 15:12
Where did you get the diagnosis of BPD? I am curious because I am wondering, if she has been through so much as you say, if another diagnosis might be more correct? You said she has not seen a doctor...All of this makes me wonder if she has been diagnosed correctly, if she diagnosed herself, or what...I am really curious about this. I most want to know how she got that label. She could have schizo-affective disorder, which could also be her diagnosis, for example.
We have to be real careful how we tread here...The woman clinically has a disability, and as such, has a right to be treated equally under the law. You did not sense from the beginning that this woman was "off"? If you did, why did you keep seeing her? I am curious about this whole situation, for you have labelled her so easily. What are your labels? Think about it; nobody is perfect.
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