my problem is that i feel less confident sometimes. i feel that the guy whom i love will reject me cos of my weight. i have tried a lot to love myself but, i can't do that constantly. i feel sometimes that he will reject me or hurt me cos of my over-weightness. i know its a limiting belief but, how should i overcome it???

yesss..i am lossing my weight by exercising these days..but, still i feel hard to do that. i want to see myself in beautiful black gown ..having 50 kgs weight.., but i feel its impossible to get reduced from 80 to 50 kgs. basically ,i feel m gud lukng and heighted too, but my only problem is my weight. i feel shy n reserved cos of it.

i want to accept myself as i am but, i am finding it hard to do... , i want many guys to like me..whether i like them or not. i want attention ,everywhere i go. and when i get it i really feel happy n joyful but, when i don't get that attention i feel very irritated n bogged up. i want guys to love me and when they love me i feel loved and then,i strt liking myself more.

when a guy goes away from me..i want him and when he comes near me ..i strt doubting him., i strt taking second thoughts like whether he is genuine or not or he just wanna use me..again its a fear of getting hurt again. how shld i overcome this also???

i am not getting what's going on with me. something has went wrong with me. all i know is right now i am very upset and i need ur help friends. i want to overcome my all these fears ,no matter what. and i l do anything to overcome this. please help....

i am really thankful to all of you..to answer me and help me in advance..

love,light n blessings ur wayy..


asked 16 Mar '13, 13:17

supergirl's gravatar image


edited 16 Mar '13, 13:36

Barry%20Allen's gravatar image

Barry Allen ♦♦

@barry allen- thank u fr editing..

(16 Mar '13, 13:56) supergirl

.... Wait.... What??? @supergirl, I feel for you, and I know anyone can struggle with self image, and you will get great advice here so I will skip that because there is something I just have to make clear to you here... You are flat-out blowing my mind with this... I have seen pictures of you, and you are physically gorgeous by any standard. Seriously, anyone who hasn't seen @supergirl, believe me... Sweetheart, I love you, but seriously, did you fall and hit your head??? WTF???

(16 Mar '13, 16:16) Grace

@Grace - This doesn't sound like the usual optimistic full-of-life @supergirl that we've come to know on IQ. I believe indeed that the real @supergirl was struck over the head in a dark alleyway and taken hostage (while doing her nightly super-good-deeds) and replaced by a dastardly imposter. How will the real @supergirl escape from this impossible predicament?... "Tune in next week, boys and girls, for the next thrilling installment of Supergirl Returns! " :)

(16 Mar '13, 17:22) Stingray

@supergirl - But seriously...we only want others to love us when we can't find that love already within ourselves. And the great paradox of relationships is that when we find that love within ourselves without the need for others to provide it, we suddenly then become incredibly attractive to others regardless of how we look :)

(16 Mar '13, 17:31) Stingray

@Grace Is she very tall? 80kgs is more than most women can pull off. She may be gorgeous and the weight may not be as big an issue as she sees it to be but it doesn't sound to me like it's just something that is "in her head".

(16 Mar '13, 17:32) flowsurfer

@Stingray - By gosh, you're right! Or perhaps @Supergirl is in the clutches of a lunatic who has bamboozled our herione into believing she is somehow unworthy! Gasp! ... @flowsurfer - Thought is the cause of physical manifestation. All existence is "in her head". She is gorgeous.

(16 Mar '13, 18:01) Grace

I agree. Where is the @supergirl that we know from IQ and who is born with the gift to be optimistic and lively? I hope she comes back soon!

(16 Mar '13, 19:27) releaser99

@supergirl - I think this will help bring you back into the light. I have decided to share my secret with you. This has added life to me, and taken pounds off me since I joined IQ... Memorize and cast this magical spell, at least 3 times a day, at the top of your lungs: (wait, turn your speakers up... ok go): http://youtu.be/-07_2DWfEmQ

(16 Mar '13, 20:05) Grace

@Grace-i am sorry for behaving in this way. but, really something happened to me last night. i something went wrong. but, i am back today..,thank u darling for loving me. i am feeling good now. thank u.. :))

(17 Mar '13, 06:33) supergirl

@stingray- yahh!!! the supergirl has returned just in a dayy.., really i don't know what went wrong with me last night. i was lost somewhere ..n the only thing i saw at tht dark moment was to post this question on IQ. but, i am really glad tht i have beautiful friends like u all ,who are there to uplift me. thank u..guysss..thank u so muchh. i needed these comments.:))

(17 Mar '13, 06:36) supergirl

@stingray- i noticed that i was very negative yesterday night n thts y i was upset fr the whole time. but, now i am controlling myself. u know ..sometimes i feel hard to understand myself. i myself don't know..my limiting beliefs. u knw ..wen i chat with ursixx on fb. he points out my limiting beliefs n thn, come to know.."yahh !!! he is right n i should get rid of this. " ,yesterday i was pondering too much..i took myself too seriously n so, was bogged up. please help me in this regards..

(17 Mar '13, 06:42) supergirl

@releaser99- i came back.. :)))

(17 Mar '13, 06:44) supergirl

@Grace-thank u darling fr sharing the videos. thank u fr appreciating me. it happens sometimes,u knw..,i hope u understand. but, i am not getting how should i love myself..more,so tht i cld not depend on others for that love? how should i fill that gap..,i am not getting? i know i am too good..but,still i need proofs sometimes.

(17 Mar '13, 06:53) supergirl

@supergirl You posted this for a reason. This will help very many people I believe. Do not be hard on your self, neither to post this or because you posted it. Because of this you may have given many help. Glad you are back to your happy self now. :-)

(17 Mar '13, 07:02) Wade Casaldi

@supergirl just accept and love yourself as you are my friend, and others will do so too :)

(17 Mar '13, 07:21) ru bis

You don't need me to tell you your weight's not ok, if you yourself feel it's not ok.

In the end, you either overcome your fear or overcome the weight. If I were you, I'd choose the latter, for its the root of the fear in the first place.

(17 Mar '13, 08:27) CalonLan

@wade- thank u so much..ur words are acting like medicine to me..

(17 Mar '13, 12:50) supergirl

@ru bis-yup..i will..

(17 Mar '13, 12:51) supergirl

@calonLan- thank u fr the reply..,i l choose the same..

(17 Mar '13, 12:51) supergirl

@supergirl When we suffer and seek help and not confine the help to just ourselves, we become the angels to others as much as we seek others help. Even moments of weakness can ultimately lead to our greatest strength.

Through our own seeking of help we not only gain but many gain and this that seeking has elevated us in our own journeys. We inevitably become the compassion to others that we ourselves were trying to find.

(17 Mar '13, 17:20) Wade Casaldi

@supergirl - Don't be sorry. I'm very glad you expressed yourself here. You just shocked me so much! You are so beautiful, inside and out, that when I read this, my jaw dropped, my head spun, and I just had to yell WTF??? LOL!!! It sounds like you have risen above a tough experience, and I agree with @Wade, you came here for a reason. You helped me at least to reaffirm what I think of myself and why, and goodness knows how many others will be reminded, too. Nice work, @supergirl! :)

(17 Mar '13, 23:10) Grace

... and ya, a chat with @ursixx can fix almost anything, I love him. The guy is amazing. :D

(17 Mar '13, 23:32) Grace

@Grace- thank u dear..:)) n true..@ursixx is amazing..he helps me a lot to knw myself..

(17 Mar '13, 23:51) supergirl

@wade- true..

(17 Mar '13, 23:57) supergirl

@Grace : with a name like Grace how could you be anything but perfect! @supergirl :Just one thing to say, Hey good lookin' ;) @Wade Casaldi & @ru bis wise words my friends !

(18 Mar '13, 04:42) ursixx

@ursixx- thank u dear..:)))

(18 Mar '13, 13:04) supergirl

I am glad you are feeling better. I NEVER would have guessed this was your question. I have seen pictures of you, and you are very beautiful!

(18 Mar '13, 13:22) Fairy Princess
showing 0 of 27 show 27 more comments

The simple answer:

Understand that if they reject you then they are not the right one for you anyway. Your higher self will orchestrate the most romantic story line to happen in your life when you meet the guy you will love...

If you are a bit 'bigger' in weight. That serves a purpose. Everything is serving a purpose or it would not be.

If you get skinny, then that big weight still served its purpose at it's time.

All is perfect and being orchestrated by your higher self to give you the best joyous life experience.


answered 16 Mar '13, 14:29

arpgme's gravatar image


@arpgme- thank u fr the wonderful answer..:))-love,light n blessings ur wayy

(17 Mar '13, 06:58) supergirl

Spot on, whoever rejects overweight people, is not right for overweight people. Just like whoever rejects ugly designed cars, is not right for ugly designed cars. As in they're worthy of better.

(17 Mar '13, 08:28) CalonLan

@arpgme - great answer.

(18 Mar '13, 12:05) figure8shape
showing 2 of 3 show 1 more comments

I could give you some bullshit about how you should just love your body and should be comfortable with that and not seek men's approval but the honest truth is that men care about that a lot and it is normal and healthy to want the opposite sex to find us attractive, it is a human need. I myself lost 30 kilos and it made me feel a million times better to know I was no longer so fat and see a different person in the mirror.

Who do you feel better being? If you are overweight, that means at some point you started to consistently decide that overeating is more important to you than self-image. That is not a wrong decision, only you can decide which person you want to be. You have to ask yourself if that is a decision you want to keep making. I know I used to make that decision because I wasn't aware of what I was doing and I was lonely, I was completely paranoid about looking in the mirror for many years (I was ashamed of caring about how I look, so I would avoid looking even when I was alone) and so I was in complete denial about how fat I was.

That feeling of shame also kept me from exercising and dieting when I felt I should because I didn't want anyone to see that I cared. I had to overcome that by being aware that people would judge me anyway and I would rather be judged for caring than be judged for not caring. You cannot hide from being someone by avoiding being who you want to be. I say all this because people will try to sabotage your weight loss. I remember being told "You are losing too much weight! You are eating too little!" and then being told by the very same person "Wow, you look so much better!" only to be told again "Now you should stop", to be followed by another "You look better" once I lost more weight. You have to stick to your own standards and not let others control you.

If you are overweight, all eating that is beyond what your body needs to survive, which is very little as it has access to energy from your own fat, is overeating. That is difficult to tell people because of the whole anorexia thing but you really don't need that much food when you are losing weight. Once you focus on the pleasure of being someone who is not overweight, the desire to eat will start fading and with time it will be easier to eat less.

In the meanwhile, the simple fact that you are choosing to be someone else will help you identify yourself as that someone else and give you a boost of confidence, even before you see that other person in the mirror. See it in your mind often enough and believe yourself to be it and that fear will fade away.


answered 16 Mar '13, 17:17

flowsurfer's gravatar image


edited 16 Mar '13, 17:23

@flowsurfer Wow what an answer! I am not over weight but I read this any way and I believe this answer may help a lot of people! Very good. +1 from me. :-)

(16 Mar '13, 18:01) Wade Casaldi

@flowsurfer- i loved ur answer..n yess!!! i l follow ur each n every advice. thank u so much for this wonderful an answer.. :))

(17 Mar '13, 07:03) supergirl

I use swimming for recreation and weight control as well. It is a great, whole-body exercise and easy on the joints since as White Tiger mentioned you are weightless in the water. It also feels easy!


answered 17 Mar '13, 10:56

LeeAnn%201's gravatar image

LeeAnn 1

@LeenAnn1- ok..thank u so much fr the answer..:)

(17 Mar '13, 12:52) supergirl

Well it seams that you have answer your own question: exercising,not Eating to much, doing activity that you like,example: swimming,walking,biking etc... swimming is a Good one if you have lots of weight to loose because it is a low impact activity,you become weightless in water so if you have lots of weight you will be able to move alot longuer. walking is also a easy activity that you can do almost anny where just go take a walk explore your surounding you might meet other people,To walk with you. after ward if you have fat accumulated in specific zone you could make some exercise to work on that specific body part.If you enjoy doing it you will achive.You are much more then just a flesh body you are a living being,so confidence should not be a problem.


answered 16 Mar '13, 14:41

white%20tiger's gravatar image

white tiger


@white tiger-up..true..,thank u fr the wonderful answer..:))

(16 Mar '13, 14:53) supergirl

Know that not all men are superficial;, and if they are, then it is not the right person. Understand we create everything we do and feel. please watch this for me, I know it will help u.


love n light



answered 17 Mar '13, 17:33

TReb%20Bor%20yit-NE's gravatar image

TReb Bor yit-NE

The desire for beauty is not "superficial". If she wants to be appreciated for her beauty and her concept of beauty involves being reasonably thin, men that appreciate that are exactly the right people for her. That doesn't mean that has to be the only thing they appreciate in her. But she clearly likes the other aspects of her and does not like this aspect. She is not worried men will reject her for what she feels are her qualities, even though some men will.

(17 Mar '13, 20:08) flowsurfer

@treb-thank u fr the video..loved it..:))

(18 Mar '13, 13:39) supergirl

Thank you for this beautiful question.

Allow me to share a personal story. When I was 27, I hit rock bottom when it came to relationship. I felt like nothing I do or say gets me the kind of person I would like to be with. I shared this feeling of emptiness brought about by rejection to a dear friend of mine. This friend of mine seemed to have it all when it came to relationships. He has the pretty ones, the intelligent ones, the savvy ones, what have you. His only response to my frustration in love was, "It's just a numbers game."

"What the heck could you possibly mean by this, Shallow Hal?" I asked. "I don't want to come across as cheap or too eager."

"See, that's your problem." He said. "You LABEL yourself too much, but you do little. You sit right there thinking too much of what others would think of you and not doing what you want to do. Me...ha! I ask the girl I want out. If she said no, I ask her again, this time with a different approach. If she said no again, I'll ask again this time with more passion. The third time, should she say no, I stop. I tell myself, 'That was good practice.' Then I move on."

"That's fine for you to say, you're a guy. I'm a girl and girls never make the first move." Said I.

"Here you go again...LABELS." He said then we both laughed.

The resolution to this matter was reached when I understood in practice what he said, i.e.: 1. True love is a numbers game. 2. Live your life without putting LABELS on yourself.

The result of these mantras was that I became more relaxed when dealing with men. Because I was relaxed and at ease, I expressed myself clearly. Because I was clear, the guys I was dating saw the real me. The ones who didn't like what they saw, I didn't have to go out on to sooo many useless dates with. They just dropped like flies sprayed with potent pesticide. The one whom I married, stuck through mood swings what have you. But do I tell myself that this is it? No! Why? Because at the end of the day, as long as there's life, there are numbers. Odds could swing either way. But the solace of knowing that True Love is a numbers game ensures that like a lottery winner, you just have to try your luck...you gotta be in it, to win it.


answered 08 Apr '13, 10:59

Lakshimisiddhi%20Saraswati's gravatar image

Lakshimisiddhi Saraswati

superbbb...,loved it..,thank u so much fr sharing ur story. i agree with u totally n completely.. :))

(10 Apr '13, 01:12) supergirl
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