In Lousie Hay's cult classic, "You Can Heal your Life" her self-help motive is learning self-acceptance, and that her message is that the mainstream problems in people's lives has a large majority of the blame going towards people not accepting themselves.

Likewise, it is impossible to attract a romantic/loving relationship according to Abraham if one is not content with themselves (that does translate as "being happy being single." It means a person not being happy with their personal ego, regardless if they are in a relationship or not).

I know already from Louise Hay's book that I do not accept myself- I have never been in a relationship. Another worthy evident sample is having acne- in the book, acne is labelled as simply the outward physical illness of one disliking themselves via inward belief patterns.

How can I accept myself, and is it a difficult thing to do (from what I have heard from other people face-to-face, yes, it is a lengthly activity that takes patience and some painful digging up of old memories)

asked 10 Jul '11, 12:31

Nikulas's gravatar image


@Nikulas a couple of good books to read they are a bit old but hold many truths. One is Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" and Napoleon Hill's "Think and Grow Rich" and there is many good books to be found at

(12 Jul '11, 08:31) ursixx

much appreciated. Think and Grow Rich, a timeless classic- pretty much the book of life.

(25 Jul '11, 10:14) Nikulas
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Dude, you're 18 years old and you've never had a relationship, who cares? You've got a bit of acne on your face, so what? Begin by observing the action of your mind at every opportunity; meaning each and every time you remember to do so. As thoughts of self-devaluation or unworthiness arise, simply be aware of them and let them go. Practice the art of forgiveness of self and over time you can extend this to others.

Change your story about how things are for you now, into a story of how your ideal life actually is. Bring your wanted reality into your now. Relax your mind and visualize or imagine the end result of what's wanted. Imbue as much feeling as possible into what's wanted as if it is your 'now' reality. Then relax and have faith that you're creating your new reality. Do this daily or whenever you feel like it. That's how we shift the focus of our awareness to a new reality of our own choosing.

Start by re-writing your profile on IQ. Never repeat the story of how it is for you, unless you're happy with that story. The reason people stay sick is due to their incessant repeating of their story of how it is for them, to themselves and to whoever else will listen. Change your story to change your life.

it is a lengthly activity that takes patience and some painful digging up of old memories

This is merely someone's belief system; it has no validity or meaning in and of itself. However, be aware that if you buy into this story, then yes, painful digging up of old memories will be your reality. There's nothing that you have to go digging for. As you become more aware of your thought process, any memories that naturally surface within you can be cleared and released simply by acknowledging and thanking them. Never buy into other people’s belief systems unless they sound right and feel good to you.

You can and will create your preferred reality. Believe it :)


answered 11 Jul '11, 04:17

Eddie's gravatar image



eddie, best answer ever. You always answer my questions and always with meaning. I respect you so much arigato.

(11 Jul '11, 10:18) Nikulas

You're very welcome. Peace :)

(11 Jul '11, 11:27) Eddie

I read the answer this morning and was like wow that is so on the money. Eddie you are a Kahuna.

(11 Jul '11, 20:48) ursixx

@ Nikulas great profile

(11 Jul '11, 20:51) ursixx

@ ursixx. Appreciation to you :)

(11 Jul '11, 23:51) Nikulas
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Okay.. Do you believe in god?.. Yeah well I do, and I do believe he created us all for a reason,to accept who we are, and what we are, people don't understand what we are here for. We are here to do what the heck we want, its no game, it's life. Hunni you're 18 from what I've heard. You need to realize you're beautiful in everyway, and you deserve to accept yourself like anybody else,you have plenty of time. While I sit here in bed tired is when I pass your question. I stop and think... you don't need to accept your self because you're you, it's not like your accepting a a date, it's your deal to love it, because everybody is perfect. You will realize soon enough. Lifes great when you smile, just try it, may not seem like a lot, but it does help a lot, more than you think .. Just smile :) thanks.


answered 22 Jul '11, 14:50

Kahly's gravatar image


edited 22 Jul '11, 21:38

Michaela's gravatar image


I agree. The lack of acceptance is the results of buying into what society dictates that we should be.

(22 Jul '11, 16:02) Fairy Princess

I love sincerity...welcome to IQ :)

(22 Jul '11, 21:34) Michaela

Kahly a different answer from what I would expect to get- but yours is tear-breaking (seriously). Had a 'bad day' today, came here onto inward quest, read this, you sunshined my blue day. Thankyou for your contribution, and i would love to hear some other answers of yours to my questions because you're coming in from a different angle that i love :)

(25 Jul '11, 10:18) Nikulas
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This require a deep dark journey to places no one likes to go.

Try being totally honest with your self. Find and accept your wrongful ways, accept them for what they are and they will dissolve.

It is way to easy to focus on the good stuff.


answered 22 Jul '11, 18:07

you's gravatar image


..............Wow....In what way can I start this journey to reveal my past? Meditation? Ask the subconscious?

(25 Jul '11, 10:22) Nikulas

Start with what it is you fear. Fear is usually the biggest hindrance of love (self). Lay down in a quiet place and ponder what you really fear. The things you deny fearing. It will show up trust me. After you discover what you are afraid of it will manifest as a feeling in your body. Now look where it is you feel it in your body. Do not deny it or fight it. Just look at it and accept it for a bit. As you let it be, you will come to terms with it and the uneasy feeling will dissolve

(27 Jul '11, 02:40) you

Acne can sometimes be cleared up by washing your pillow case every week and washing your face every day with Dr. Bronner's soap and avoiding sugar.

As far as accepting yourself, I didn't read the book you reference here, so I am not sure what they mean. If you have things you don't like about yourself, learn EFT and tap away all the negative emotions you hold about yourself and the limiting beliefs, fears and phobias, obsessive thoughts, etc... Once you have tapped out all the negative, then you can tap in good things you want to see in yourself. You can use Stingray's Manifesting Experiment 4 for this and go with the issues example, using your own issues and feelings. I hope this helps and you can learn to love yourself.


answered 10 Jul '11, 13:21

Fairy%20Princess's gravatar image

Fairy Princess

edited 10 Jul '11, 18:21

thanks. I disagree with your acne statement- LOA holds that all diseases and accidents in life or not actually accidents- they are ramifications of thoughts over a period of time.

(10 Jul '11, 22:56) Nikulas

It worked for me and another person who finally tried my advice. Maybe if we were both in a higher vibration, we would have the clear skin without ever washing our face or our pillowcases.

(11 Jul '11, 01:29) Fairy Princess

Hello guys. Remember that any tool you're attracted to will work for you; that's why you attracted it to you. On the other hand, if you're not feeling it, it will not work for you because you don't really believe that it will. Belief is the over-riding factor of any tool :)

(11 Jul '11, 03:45) Eddie

agree with both Nikulas and FP By doing and believing as FP says your are changing your thoughts ,thus a changed outcome.Another path to follow

(12 Jul '11, 08:36) ursixx
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Know that you are all versions of people. Acceptance means ALL versions of your self. You are the good and the bad. Accept the differences and the similarities of who you are. You are a co-creator still learning the rules.


answered 11 Jul '11, 03:12

The%20Knights%20Alchemy's gravatar image

The Knights Alchemy

Such wisdom. Not sure what movies you're into, but the hangover pt 2, not funny, but i found a little philosophical quote/moment in there towards the end of the film, where the dentist says, after being the most paranoid person of the whole film, "Guess what...I have a dark side. And that's a part of who I am. And if you're not happy with that, fine." Pretty much the greatest lesson that cannot really be taught easily, but can be learned through experience- acceptance.

(11 Jul '11, 12:17) Nikulas

how can you not accept yourself? would be the appropriate answer to that question look at yourself in the mirroir morning and night and ask yourself that question if there is something you don't like make that change. and accept yourself you are who you are. see the positive things that you are. is it not a reason to accept yourself? well experiance and enjoy.


answered 11 Jul '11, 03:57

white%20tiger's gravatar image

white tiger

Dont worry about your acne for over 90% of young people have it. The acne is due to hormonal changes young people go through and of course the hormones are rageing when one is young. Did you know that those that have acne are more virile than those that don't have it? It's true so the next time you feel inferior due to acne just remind yourself you a a virile young person.

As for acepting yourself that can be done only through loving yourself just the way you are with faults, warts, pimples and all. When I say love yourself I simply mean you must respect, appreciate and be kind to yourself. Thats right respect, appreciate and be kind to yourself. Thats all it takes.

Have you ever done something good for someone else? If you have good for there is a reason to respect, appreciate and be kind to yoursef and if not don't despair for all you have to do is show some kindness or give help to someone else and you will make yourself feel good and your self esteem will be on the rise. Do good or help your friends or family or a stranger and that will give you ample reason to accept yourself for a young virile human being that you are.

If you have done something wrong in the past please forgive yourself by compesating and doing good. You dont have to feel guilty for the past is the past so forgive yourself and move on and by doing good instead you will learn to respect, appreciate and be kind to yourself.


answered 22 Jul '11, 16:10

Paulina%201's gravatar image

Paulina 1

Great advice :)

(22 Jul '11, 21:40) Michaela

golden answer. Thankyou so much you dont know how much this means to me. Could you answer how i can forgive myself? (or a link)

(25 Jul '11, 10:20) Nikulas

We are all human beings and all sometimes make mistakes that we wish we havent. That is normal and it happens to all. Later a lot of us feel guilty or feel self hatred and wish we could do something to forget or wish we could have done it diferently. Most especially yonger people are vurnerable and their self esteem suffers as a result. To forgive yourself for something that happened in the past it is best to live in the present. By living in the present you dont think of the past. There are many good books out there like Eckhardt Tolle "The power of now". (See second coment)

(27 Jul '11, 21:00) Paulina 1

If you find that you truly cn't stop thinking about it and it negatively affects your life than I sugest you talk to someone older and wiser. Maybe a gidence teacher or church elder or psychologist could posibly help. If you feel that you can't posibly talk to anyone about it than go back to the memory in your mind and change it to have a more desired outcome. Remember the mind does not know what is real or what is imagined so you can change anything that happened to have a different ending. Allways imagine a positive outcome for yourself. In otherwords make the wrong right in your mind.

(27 Jul '11, 21:11) Paulina 1

I wish you luck and happiness and will do more reaserch and get back to you on this. Let me know how you are doing.

(27 Jul '11, 21:13) Paulina 1
showing 2 of 5 show 3 more comments

Look at the bright side of your character and become aware that you could not have the virtues of the character you are so proud of if it were not for the accompanying vices. Character traits always go in pairs.

You can even make a list of the positive qualities you have to truly accept yourself and become motivated to continue working on what is limiting you. I have two lists made in that fashion, one listing my vices, another listing my virtues. I look at the first one to get to know what I should fix, and I look at the latter to remind myself that there are things about me that I am really proud of, and that my work is worthwhile. Everyone has qualities like that.

When working on the character, it is good to know exactly what you are dealing with. When you "catch" your demons, you get the feeling of control, opposed to the helplessness we experienced when we were assaulted by all our problems at the same time.

Go out and look at the couples holding each other hands. Or think about your acquaintances that are in a romantic relationship. They are not better than you. They simply have another set of character qualities, which make some areas of life more accessible, and naturally, some less accessible (apparently those which you might know well). Maybe you did not have many successes in the area of life called "relationship", but when you find your lover, your connection will be so much more special. Also, ponder upon why do you have the character you have. Maybe there is a reason for that? In any case, you can always work on which lack you perceive, remembering that sometimes balance between physical action and manifesting is an optimal choice.


answered 11 Jul '11, 14:52

Asklepios's gravatar image


edited 11 Jul '11, 14:58

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