No matter how much you tell someone or how often you communicate with them , i feel like its impossible to know them as much as youd like, and im sure the other person feels the same way. so does a relationship just work? how do i mature to the level of communication where "we" just know each other and can solve problems with each other , i feel like we expect too much of the ones we love.. and that's why were often let down.. im not saying they cant do it

asked 19 Aug '10, 05:34

AAQfox's gravatar image


The best communication in a relationship comes when the two partners feel that they can be "safe" with each other. In practice I think this means a number of things.

  1. Practice respect.
  2. Do not prejudge your partner's communications, or make assumptions.
  3. Don't sweat the small stuff.
  4. Be mindful of your partner's cultural and gender biases.
  5. Ask thoughtful questions.
  6. Reflect your partner's communications. "So you are saying that [what they just said, but in your own words]?"

Communicate from a good feeling place. Don't communicate while you are angry or frustrated. Calm down first, and then express your feelings clearly and politely, with a suggestion about how you would like your partner to change their behavior, if that is applicable (how will they know if you don't tell them?).

Don't assume that the other person just "gets" your communications. None of us are evolved enough to be mind readers. Women fundamentally think differently than men do, and everyone has different personalities and beliefs.

Over time, you will find that, if you nurture your communications, you will develop rapport with your partner (knowing how they think, understanding their motivations, being able to predict their responses, and so on). Before you know it, you will be finishing their sentences, and vice versa.

But it all starts with developing a feeling of safety and an environment of trust, where each partner feels free to express their feelings without being judged.


answered 19 Aug '10, 17:49

Vesuvius's gravatar image


edited 19 Aug '10, 18:06

It's true, no two people think exactly alike. And it's also true that we sometimes expect too much of others...sometimes even more than we ask of ourselves. But we can still "be of one accord" on certain subjects and work together to manifest our joint desires. In that case, we are of one mind for at least the things we desire together, and that is powerful. We don't have to be "of one accord" on everything, and life would be pretty dull if we were!


answered 20 Aug '10, 20:34

LeeAnn%201's gravatar image

LeeAnn 1

Im no expert here and anyone who knows anything about my past relationships would Amen that.But is it not possible to enjoy a relationship and gain from it without knowing all there is to know about the other person.I know many people who i feel rather blessed to be with and gravitate towards thwm because of it.I hardly know these people. My wifes not at all " on my wavelength" and we have very little in common spiritualy,or so it would seem.However we rub along just fine and enjoy our relationship. Ive never felt the need to dig in and find out more about her,when i ask her about her spiritual beliefs( very nosey ) she tells me in a very kind way to mind my own business. Which i do,most of the time anyway. Graham


answered 06 Sep '10, 14:26

Monty%20Riviera's gravatar image

Monty Riviera

gotta love your approach Graham! namaste

(24 Sep '10, 16:09) daniele
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