Basically my question is what vibrationally causes someone to end up alone and how can they progress from this?

To elaborate, I am a 22 year old male. I feel the dominate lesson thus far has been dealing with aloneness. However, for the most part I've never felt negative about this, but I feel a real urge to move on from this at the moment and experience intimacy and closeness.

Something I've noticed from a young age is people coming to me for help and advice, even people older than me. To the point where I often feel a paternal responsibility to others.

In terms of self development, I feel like I have a steep earning curve but I like my sense of direction. I know the people in my life are meant to be a reflection of me at the moment but sometimes I feel like something is missing in terms of friendship and companionship. All the interactions in my life seem a bit one dimensional at the moment, meaning I give advice and help to help to friends and family, get them smiling and laughing etc. But it seems most people in my life are negative in terms of their focus and thought, but they actually have alot to be grateful. I feel like I give off positivity but it doesn't seem to attract positive people in my life thus far.

While I feel a greats sense of positive energy, on a personal level in terms of intimacy, I've always felt a bit abandoned. What I am saying basically is that I am glad I can be there for people, but I always feel very vibrationally afar from the people around me. Am I meant to be alone? How can I move progress to experiencing relationships where my company is enjoyed for its own sake?

I don't feel like I've articulated this perfectly, so feel free to interpret this through your own knowledge and thoughts and whichever away this hits you intuitvely. Thanks.

asked 18 May '14, 11:50

transmitter91's gravatar image


edited 18 May '14, 11:52

the urge to fulfill the
maleness of your form sends
impulses to your mind and
you question how this be

perhaps for each the lesson
is of different design,
yet holds the question of what
has me decide my choice


answered 19 May '14, 20:52

fred's gravatar image


So I'm the one who is really doing this?

(20 May '14, 19:27) transmitter91

transmitter91, we choose what we do unless some one owns us, we also have lessons to learn on self-centeredness. do we consciously use will to decide and to get to knowing

(20 May '14, 20:51) fred

ok, what do you suggest I do?

(20 May '14, 20:57) transmitter91

learn about who you are, you may wish to search out what has been written as guideposts by elder brothers. remembe, that it took more than a day to learn to walk from the time you decided that you wanted to

(21 May '14, 05:44) fred
showing 2 of 4 show 2 more comments

are they really a reflection of you if you are positive and they are negative? if there is to much darkness go to the desert close the window of your house and clean up the house. what question comes back the most often and strongly to you try to observe this and understand the truth about this when it is really solved for you it will not come back. often people ignore or try to put the though away and it will come back. no one is meant to be alone but in this world it happens. people run after money, fame, power etc...... and they often follow people selling them dream like make belief rich, make belief famous, make belief powerful until they awake from that illusion they got very far from what is really important that they did not notice when it was around because they where under their ego desire. you want the good news you are not alone there are many like you and many that are waking up also like you.

You say: how can you grow from the lesson of aloneness? I will say to you: What can you do when you are alone that you cannot do when you are with other people? Get to know yourself better. take time to reflect on your self and other to know the truth. people run after their ego desire in this world where they sell you dream illusion and make belief. if you would know the truth that many lie to them self and other to get their ego desire they lie, steal, kill for it and other will do the same to them. Is that what you want for your self? You have free will use the time imparted to you wisely.

here is the example of someone that was alone.

Let there be light, be the light that you can be , experience and enjoy.


answered 19 May '14, 01:26

white%20tiger's gravatar image

white tiger

edited 19 May '14, 08:33

Of course, as a young man I have numerous lessons to learn about myself and the world. But in terms of getting to know myself better, I think I've done incredible amounts of that, I've been to the desert back numerous times. I definetly respect what solitude can teach oneself. When you say 'when the problem is really solved for you it will not come back'. Do you mean that I still have to experience this without resistance, until it changes?

(20 May '14, 19:49) transmitter91

What is important ? So are ego and desire in the external world, completely negative or do they have a usefulness? So what do people who experience a lot of healthy intimacy in terms of friendships and relationships have in terms of their energy make up ? I once read a book on sound and vibration related to sufism, which said that you can tell how spiritually evolved a person is by how many friends they have, I don't know what to think about this, but it makes me wonder?

(20 May '14, 20:03) transmitter91

@transmitter91 you said:When you say 'when the problem is really solved for you it will not come back'. Do you mean that I still have to experience this without resistance, until it changes? to explain this to you when something is totally solved you do not have to try to figure it out example: putting your shoe you can do it with out thinking about it the first time you put your shoe it was not that easy.

(21 May '14, 14:07) white tiger

if you would have ignore that you need to put shoe then you would not wear shoe or someone would have to put your shoe on for you. and it would come back every day until it is solved for you. in meditation it is the same if you ignore matter of the mind or heart it is not totally solved for you so eventually it will come back. you cannot stop a though you can ignore it or put it on the side eventually it will come back or face it learn from it and solve it so it does not come back.

(21 May '14, 14:15) white tiger

those though that come and make ripple to the surface of the water are what stop you from seeing your reflection on the surface of the water and knowing the living one that you are. Born of water. when the living one as come to know him self in truth with no inequity with out fear he can cross the last narrow door and go above. born of spirit.

(21 May '14, 14:22) white tiger

Sorry my level of understanding isn't very high. So basically I haven't faced the lessons which is why the issue persist?

(25 May '14, 20:12) transmitter91

transmitter91, you do not know yourself on this matter and until you do it persists, if not a preference

(27 May '14, 18:38) fred

@transmitter91 if you already know that your level of understanding is not very high then you all ready have find something to improve in your self. there is no worse blind then someone that does not want to see. in the place where you do not want to look is where the answer is. this is one of the greatest lesson you will learn. until you look for the true answer the total answer with out ignoring some part you deceive your self. you make choice based only on what is the more easy and disturb-

(27 May '14, 20:02) white tiger

you the less then are you surprise when thing do not go as you add anticipated? simple example would be a puzzle. if you ignore some piece of the puzzle can you get the total image of the puzzle? of course you cannot then why ignore some part and deceive your self? you ask: How can I move progress to experiencing relationships where my company is enjoyed for its own sake? be your self, know yourself and you will know other. that other do not enjoy your company for the right reason is not your-

(27 May '14, 20:09) white tiger

choice. if they would know them self better would they make different choice? let the children grow.

(27 May '14, 20:17) white tiger
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A young man at the age of 22 is a confused individual. I was once in your position. You have been out of high school approximately 3-4 yrs? Your whole world was your high school and friends and whether you live at home, or you left for college or work, you are still surrounded by the people of that time. From what you described, you are going through what anyone your age goes through. "You are changing!" You're not relating to your "high school world" any more. Your spirit is trying to push you in another direction....a new life! Yes, stay in contact with the people....but it's time to move on, you can feel it inside but you're still hanging on to the old and that's why your experiencing the feeling of not relating to people and feeling lonely. The old world is fading away, it's not you anymore, the signs are there. Allow your spirit to take you where you are headed. Listen to your spirit, it's trying to talk to you with feelings and images.


answered 20 May '14, 12:02

Eldavo's gravatar image


How to grow from the lesson of aloneness?

The following text written by Stingray in his answer to "What do you do when you are lonely? How do you dispel it?" just about sums up what I would like to say ...

"I lived alone for many, many years. And during a lot of that time I didn't want to live alone...which is probably the worst kind of "living alone" you can do. :)

One of the things that worked for me in dispelling feelings of loneliness was simply to get out into nature and just be. I used to enjoy finding parts of woodland that were rarely visited and just sit there quietly, hidden away, just letting whatever thoughts were running through my mind, just run.

I still vividly remember a hidden tree hollow I once found intuitively on a forest hillside that I used to sit inside for hours on end (for years) watching the world far down below and just contemplating life. I found that any feelings of loneliness would just evaporate during those periods and I found some big insights about life coming to me in their place. You can get in touch with some very deep parts of yourself when you positively utilize these opportunities for solitude.

Eventually, I came to a point in my life where I stopped fighting the loneliness and accepted being alone. I reached a place within myself where being alone no longer felt like it was a form of lack in my life...instead, I saw it as a blessing.

And that's when everything changed...the relationships and friendships I had always wanted started flooding into my life.

I didn't realize it at the time but it was my honest and sincere acceptance of being comfortable with being alone that had changed everything. It was only my own judgement of myself that there was something wrong in being alone that kept me locked into that isolation.

I learned the value of self-reliance and self-direction during those dark days and now I look back at those times with immense appreciation for the experience.

Even though these days I'm no longer alone and instead I lead quite a hectic, busy, even extreme at times, lifestyle, I still enjoy my moments of solitude when I can get them...and I still manage to occasionally find (on my mountain bike) those off-the-beaten-track bits of woodland to hide in for a while for a bit of spiritual contemplation :) Stingray"

alt text

the singing tree rooted in the energy of the universe


answered 31 May '14, 02:30

jaz's gravatar image


edited 01 Jun '14, 03:15

Thanks, so the idea key is to have no resistance to aloneness, do you have to completely eliminate wanting from the equation, to live without lacking energy?

(31 May '14, 21:02) transmitter91

the only way I can really be alone @transmitter91 is to include everything as a part of myself so that I only exist, then I am alone ... instead of resisting people as if they are a problem I just include them as part of myself

(01 Jun '14, 03:15) jaz

When contemplating this or any of the many questions that will arise throughout your life, you will discover that there is rarely just one correct answer. The conclusions that you reach are not necessarily right or wrong, good or bad in and of themselves. The conclusions we make, the answers we accept, and the values we assign them are all outcomes based on their alignment with our perspective at that time and how we define whatever it is we are questioning.

I find that the best answers to questions that concern the nature of reality, existence, the "meanings" and "purposes" for various circumstances in life, and soul growth, are often found when I am able to create a temporary state of objectivity that allows me to look at an issue from different perspectives. To do this, it helps to find and practice a method that enables you to "step outside of yourself" temporarily. It is not essential for exploring issues. It is simply a way to aid you to see beyond the limits of your own perception.

Every perspective will have its own "right" answer as it applies to that individual's definition "aloneness". At the moment, you are defining aloneness as not being involved in an intimate relation with someone you can relate to, has similar interests and any other traits that you think might be in sync with who you are. It does not require much knowledge or intuition to interpret what you are saying as "I am a 22 yr. old guy and I would really like to have a girlfriend (I assume) with a positive personality and one who isn't looking for a father figure to fill some emotional void."

On possible underlying reason for this period of aloneness is because you are trying to discover the direction you want your life to take. You may consider these very important decisions requiring your undivided attention. You may not want to be distracted during this path finding phase, even going to the extent of arranging to have a loyal group of negative thinking people that will shield you from any outside influences that might affect your choices. The person you seek will likely appear on the path you choose to follow. Once you are on that path, there is less chance of being diverted from it. This is just one of the many possible perspectives that might be wholly or partially playing a part in your experience of aloneness.

There are however, a couple things you should consider. One is that it is not necessary to view everything in life as some kind of lesson. It would be more accurate to say that you have already learned certain lessons from previous lives and due to the spontaneous nature of free will; you might find yourself in any number of unforeseen situations or circumstances. How you respond to these events will reflect on how well you learned from lessons past. This does not mean there are no new lessons for you to learn, but even those are learned through the process of reviewing how you chose to respond to a new set of circumstances. The only "dominant" lesson in life is one that is before us at any given moment.

If someone is holding on to a belief that life consists of a series of lessons, and also believes that there is one main lesson that is more important than all others, then that lesson is likely to continue presenting itself until he/she believes it has been learned. These may be limiting beliefs, however, in that they are not essential to progress.

The second thing has to do with a sort of unintended yet humorous irony inherent in your question " how can we grow from the lesson of aloneness?" I can assure you that aloneness is more like spring break or schools out for summer. It is when you are no longer alone that the real "lessons" begin.


answered 30 May '14, 13:24

i4cim2b's gravatar image


edited 16 Jun '15, 10:28

@I4cim2b if you are light darkness will leave you alone and will dissolve of its own did you ever see a shadow that could stand in the light? it is also true that if you are darkness you cannot stand with the light so yes you can also end up alone because not every one want a friend to use and abuse them and to steal from them and to lie to them and do all kind of wrong to them.

(30 May '14, 21:27) white tiger

as for the rest I would say that they just follow the dream of the world they are being deceive and lie to and will eventually see that the dream and the truth are two different things. and because they are under their ego desire they will end up with other people that are deceive and will deceive other. in this world of change and growth is it so surprising? and is it surprising that many end up alone? if you end up alone I would say it is the perfect time to find out the truth for you.

(30 May '14, 21:35) white tiger

we come into this life alone, we leave this life alone, many experiences alone or together inbetween

(31 May '14, 20:02) fred

@i4cim2b thanks for taking the time to write that. Also, I say thank you to everyone who responded to the question. So I have to work on my beliefs and maybe looking at things as a 'lesson' has been a coping mechanism. Is the essence of what you are saying i4cim2b is that I control my beliefs rather than letting them control me. Also, it seems that to not acknowledge any lack, then humans in general must feel loved and accepted regardless of circumstances?


(31 May '14, 20:41) transmitter91
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