No matter what I do to try to put the laws into action and feel positive, I still have a deep feeling of underlying regret at things that have happened in my life (or rather I have brought on myself) and which for many of these there is no turning back the clock. The most obvious one is never getting married and having children of my own, despite wanting to all my life at least at some level. I have other things I regret too e.g. spending most of my life in a career I didn't like and now feeling incapable to learn the new things required for a change, not having saved any money or having any assets despite working hard all my life (spent on things like further education, rent, and poor money management) etc. and now living with my parents!
When I hear people talking about 'you can have everything you want', well frankly it's not possible for me to have everything I want. I think often that this belief might be true for a man, but definitely not for a woman in my circumstance... With things like job, money etc there are always possibilities for the unexpected, but I will never be able to turn back the clock on having my own (biological) family. And specially now that I have returned to my hometown after many years and see how everyone's life has moved on except mine, I feel so much regret about my life and 'what's happened to me'. And try as I might I can't see any wisdom in it, except maybe learning some spiritual lessons, but I'm not sure it has really made me a better person. It just seems like a lot of very sad and pointless circumstances and decisions conspiring together to make my life end up like this. How can I get rid of this deep sense of regret? How can I believe that everything that has happened (or rather hasn't happened) has been for a reason? I'm trying my real best to be happy in the now and with my present circumstances and I can tell you that I am doing so much better than I would have expected and I'm proud of myself for being spiritually strong. But still I can't see any sense in it at all. I guess I can never answer the question "why?" as in why did I need these particular lessons that are so painful. I guess I'm waiting for 'God' 'the Universe' to show me something that will tell me the answer.... e.g. you didn't get married and have children because you have a greater purpose to do this...... or you were meant to meet this person who you really love.... but that 'compensation' never seems to come....
I will just keep pushing on and believing that it will get better, but if anyone can help me to see how I can live my life without (or with less) regret I would really be grateful.
P.S Before anyone suggests things like egg donation, adopting while single, marrying someone with a ready-made family, well these are not things that I 'want'. Perhaps they may make me happy I don't know but they are certainly not things that I desire.
EDIT - Thank you to all who commented. You have all have given very different perspectives but all have been helpful. Just as a note for anyone reading this later, I've just been trying Colin Tippings "Radical Self-forgiveness" Worksheet - can find it on google search. I think it's helpful.
As an example of how it's helped I was feeling that I was quite "bad, stupid, incompetent" for not saving money over the years or buying a property, but after the process it suddenly occurred to me that my motivations were in fact good - I had prioritised learning, knowledge and spiritual values over money and property and that doesn't make me a bad person (even though it means that my life is more difficult than perhaps it might have been). I don't have to hate myself for how things have turned out. Just learn and understand more and be less judgemental of myself. I have yet to work on the other issues!
Well, you could always line up with it all by croaking and experience all that you've asked for here now, today. I'm only joking about croaking! I'm just trying to demonstrate that you have powerfully asked by experiencing contrast on these subjects and it's all lined up for you, reserved for you, can't go anywhere, booked, it's all yours. All that you've asked for you will experience at some point.
It's your choice whether you align with it and go with it now or in non-physical. You've developed some strong beliefs towards the negative on a lot of subjects quoted here so it will take a little work but nothing huge. Abraham always say we can turn things around, even 'big' things in 30 days.
You have major limiting beliefs around women and childbirth handed down to you by society that I won't attempt to work with here. I did read somewhere that the only difference between men's ability to always have children and women's is just that women evolved out of doing it at some point. I can't remember the reason now. But it was certainly not natures intention for women to be limited in this way.
But, as I've said you're probably not quite ready to hear such fanciful talk if you're residing lower down the scale. You only have access to thoughts that are around about the same (limited?) setpoint as you. You would need to experience some 'impossible' manifestations first maybe and that will come as you climb up the scale.
There is an Abe video called 'Why did I choose such a painful life experience' out there, google for it. It's a gentleman experiencing similar sort of feelings as you regarding his abusive and difficult life start in Afghanistan. Abraham's response on that could help to soothe you.
I would also say that we all have to remember that in our 'real' reality in the non-physical, we are unlimited, drowning in assets, health, youth etc. It's only here in physical reality that we can brainwash ourselves into forgetting that we always have access to all that we want.
By finding IQ you are one of very few people in the world that understands deliberate creation, coming to know again our powerful ability to be, do or have anything and so you are perfectly placed to one day be able to climb the scale enter the vortex and experience that unlimitedness in your physical form.
Are you friends back in your home town able to say the same? I know who I would rather be. You!
Abraham often says that you can't go back now you know too much. You're on your way back now to remembering your unlimitedness so try to enjoy the ride a little more. Conjuring up all those memories of regrets won't feel good to you because your IB won't agree with you on any of it and as you separate from your IB to ponder those memories you will have to feel negative emotion whilst doing it, because of that separated state.
Good luck climbing the scale on those tricky subjects. And, remember, that the only way that you can ever feel limited is because you are unlimited. You are so unlimited and powerful that you can even spend hours, days and weeks forgetting that you are unlimited. How cool is that?
That's how amazing it is in physical. We can pretend that we can't do certain things and we love having those self-imposed limits for awhile, and it feels super amazing when we shrug them off and remember our POWER again too! :)
EDIT: Abraham VIDEO: Why did I choose such a painful experience? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9SVJkJToOs
Hi Inner Beauty-
I don't know if this will be of any use, particularly for "regrets" that are ongoing and not just something back in the past, but a year or two ago I had some success releasing stuff that was dragging me down from my teenage years by deciding to pretend that I'd had a different past in those areas. It was surprisingly helpful for me. Instead of my dumb teenage boyfriend, I decided that I'd had a great one. I listened to music I listened to when I was a teenager and imagined new events to remember. It felt very silly at first, but right away some heaviness lifted from me, so I kept going.
It's not that now I go around telling people about that new past, but I do still feel that it lightened things up for me. After all, the past isn't happening now, but in my continual repeating of old stories to myself whenever I thought about the past, I was keeping certain things active in myself. So the imagining a different past trick was helpful for me in getting over that hump!
answered 02 Jun '15, 14:31
I can relate to you. Ironically, I had my first child at 23 and I sometimes think about how my life would have turned out if I had waited longer to be a mother. I think about "all the possibilities that I've had missed", about all the chic holidays on my own that I never had, etc. But you know what? I just hurt myself with those thoughts. Because they are not true. My mind tries to kid me into believing that "I made a mistake", that "I am not good enough", that "I did something wrong", etc. There is a subconscious programming inside me from my childhood that wants me believe all those lies. Just try ignore it, please.
I know it's so hard sometimes, but if have learned something in the last weeks (where I experienced a lot of contrast) there are ALWAYS two sides of a coin. Always.
I don't know if it helps you, but what if you think about the following:
What if you, despite your strong desire for a family, are not made for something like having children? For example, I've heard of many women that wanted to have children and when they were born they realized that they "were better off without them". Sounds hard but children are very demanding (that's perfectly normal) and need lots of time and attention 24/7. This is not for everyone. I confess that I struggle with that sometimes too. Maybe you think well, sure not me, I would have loved to have children, but perhaps you can see it from another perspective.
Maybe you can ask yourself, why do I want to have children so bad? Is it because society tells us that a woman without children is incomplete? Or because you feel lonely sometimes? Or do you need more purpose in your life? What would be different from your view? Do you crave a family that gives you love and "a save haven" (that's fine, by the way)? Perhaps you had a difficult childhood and you think that you need your own family so you can compensate that? Or does your environment put you under pressure?
I hope you find some relief.
Hi Inner Beauty,
Are you interested in reading? Sometimes it helps to read about other people who have overcome such huge odds and have gone on to make the best of their lives. If you read far and wide, your own regrets will start to feel smaller, or you will feel inspired to go forward with courage.
I'll never forget the story of a man whose wife and two daughters were out having a picnic, while he had chosen to spend the day playing golf. On that quiet day in that quiet community his family were shot and killed. He will live with regrets for the rest of his life, wishing he was there with them on that day. But at the same time he has been able to go on and find some meaning in his life. Look it up if you like, look at those little girls faces and what he lost that day. I'm not sure about you, but reading about people like that gives me strength to overcome my own battles and keep my chin up. Sometimes these things don't make sense to our limited minds, but the important thing is that we go forward somehow, one tiny baby step at a time.
answered 30 May '15, 23:53
It begins with self love and forgiveness, forgiveness to yourself first and foremost, as living in constant regret is like living in self imprisonment, but there is a way out and it starts with acceptance and finding things about yourself that you appreciate, this is a process, because it involves uncovering what hidden beliefs are causing the regrets. What can make the process much smoother and easier is to begin loving yourself unconditionally despite the circumstances, because your inner being already knows what you really want despite how aware or unaware you may be about the cause of your regret. I healed myself very quickly this way, by looking at myself from the perspective of my higher self, then all self judgment and past regrets seemed to dissolve on their own. If you could see yourself from the eyes of your authentic self your whole perspective on life would shift, as nothing is conspiring against you and there are no lessons. Everything that's happening is an opportunity to turn it all around, it's just your authentic self's way of saying it's time for healing and it starts with loving yourself unconditionally despite the outside circumstances, past or present regrets, and coming from personal experience it can seem like a big leap when nothing seems to be going well but learning to be in a place of self love, self forgiveness, and non-judgment is life transforming. I'm a rough and tumble kind of guy and have had a kind of stubborn, self pride thing going on so I'm one of the last people that could pull this self-love and self forgiveness thing off, but it really was easier than I thought and it scared the hell out of me digging deep and finding this side of myself, and believe me when I say this, I could write quite a few best selling novels on regrets. Find things to appreciate about your life as it is in the present, ask your authentic self to show and assist you, put everything ''outside'' on hold and focus on YOU inside, reach back into that inner child and re-capture the non-judgment, self loving, you, from the eyes of source energy. Make this your first and number one priority as you are guaranteed to have full support from the Universe, and once you are successful doorways will open up in your life in ways you could never have imagined and that will include people, circumstances, as well as above and beyond manifestations, it all begins with loving and forgiving yourself first, the regret will dissolve on it's own. Godspeed!
answered 31 May '15, 22:56
Dear Inner Beauty, I have thought about your question since you first posted it. As I read your words much of what you were saying resonated deep within me. I have copied and pasted from your post every thought that you expressed and that I share with you and have thought myself at one time or another. I hope my conclusion will help you to resolve this issue once and for all.
Things that have happened in my life I have brought on myself.
For many of these there is no turning back the clock.
Never getting married and having children of my own.
Spending most of my life in a career, (or lack there of in may case) I did not like and now feeling incapable to learn new things required for a change.
Not having saved any money or having any assets despite working hard all my life.
It's not possible for me to have everything I want. (When I ponder what it is I want anymore, absolutely nothing comes to mind).
With things like job, money etc there are always possibilities for the unexpected.
I will never be able to turn back the clock on having my own (biological) family.
I can't see any wisdom in it, except maybe learning some spiritual lessons but I'm not sure it has really made me a better person.
It just seems like a lot of pointless circumstances and decisions.
I believe that everything that has happened (or rather hasn't happened) has been for a reason?
I am trying to be happy in the now and with my present circumstances.
I am proud of myself for being spiritually strong.
I can't see any sense in it at all. I can't answer the question, why did I need these particular lessons.
I am waiting for something that will tell me the answer.
I had prioritized learning, knowledge and spiritual values over money and property even though my life is more difficult than perhaps it might have been.
I don't hate myself for how things have turned out.
I have learned and now understand more (than I ever could have had I followed any other path).
I can say, however, that I have no regrets. We make choices each day. Over a lifetime, we will have made thousands of them. For each choice we make there are a hundred or more alternative choices we did not make!
Out of all the "pointless things" we deal with in this life, having regrets about the hundreds of thousands of choices we did not make is the most pointless of all.
We can only exist in this moment (I Am Now). What we think of as The Past and The Future are only figments of our imagination.
I sincerely wish you the best in all your endeavors!
1.) "Today is the first day of the rest of your life". Learn from this. Make sure that from now on, you do not continue to live without thinking deeply about what you are doing. For example, you sound unhappy now. If your living arrangements are depressing you, then make a plan for the rest of your life, and implement it. I really understand about the trap you are in. Try to look at your life from all angles. Yes, you live with your parents. But how much time are you actually directly with them? If you sleep eight hours, work eight hours, commute an hour- for a total of 17 hours that you are not really with them. Fill up the seven hours you are with them with as much "fun stuff" as you can. Try to see the glass as half full, rather then half empty.
2.) Like attracts like. Be a smiley person. Smile even when you don't feel like it. I have found that when I smile, it seems to change my mood. Maybe smiles trigger something in the brain that makes the brain feel better.
3.) It is not too late to have an influence on a child's life. Figure out where you can spend time with kids. Volunteer at someplace that helps children. All the kids of this planet belong to all of us here, not just the parents. "It takes a village to raise a child" these days. Kids often spend more time with their teachers than with their moms. Kids need more than just their parents to learn how to survive on the planet- so become part of the village.
answered 05 Jun '15, 22:34
is life really only about outside things? you see outside things are created by human in this world money, job, etc.... you probably just did not find the right person for you and you know what many are just like you in this world so start to go out meet other people or do things that you like to do and eventually you should meet someone that will match with you and is probably align in the same way that you are not that this person will be all like you he could be the opposite of you but align in the same way with some common point to you. as for saving money and spending less it is something you need to learn. there is a saying that say to do math equate the job. but to do only the job gives you nothing. so spend less then you get, and take your time to make proper choice. in doing this you will have some money saved. but if you don't and do only the job and spend money on desire when there is no job any more and a new desire comes along there is no money to do that desire. also you should ask your self is my desire a good desire or is it just something that when I have it will it loose interest and go in my closet to forget about it? or is it something that I will use and enjoy every day?
Let there be light, be the light that you can be, experience and enjoy
answered 30 May '15, 16:20
Hi @inner_beauty, Exactly why your higher self chose this particular path for you in this lifetime - you will never know. All you can do is to play the hand you were dealt.
At the end of the day you have to come up with your own paradigm of how things work. The paradigm - in your own mind - must have solid empirical backing to give you enough faith that this IS the paradigm for you. Once you have that, all you need to do is to apply the paradigm day in, day out.
My paradigm (which is unlikely to be yours - you have to come up with your own):
With these basics firmly in place, I now have no reason to fear and regret anything. I will gladly go wherever my higher self takes me and play whatever hand I am dealt.
Finally, your paradigm must also say what practical things you will do on encountering discomfort. This is where clearing comes in. I have recently started practising the techniques published by Arnold Patent and Robert Scheinfeld (although they don't call it 'clearing'). The technique involves the following steps:
I find this exercise deeply satisfying (both mentally and physically) - quite perversely so.
So that was all about playing. The other option is to refuse to play, end this life, and start afresh, but then you will start at exactly the same point in your next life, and therefore that's not going to solve anything.
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