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I have had a lousy holiday season... and it was my own fault.

My family of origin pretends I do not exist... and it hurts. I pouted all December, made Wade's and my own life miserable, and all because these b****es treat me so badly.

I more. I just suddenly realized that I do not want to spend even five minutes more thinking about these... creatures. So I just used a trick of Wade's, and "let them go".

I feel immense relief, and now, they feel like "shadows" to me. Indeed, that is what they are.... I haven't seen them in years. It is such a waste of time worrying about these people who obviously don't worry about me.

So I just "blew them off", and I felt like I had re-made myself. And it feels grand!

Have you ever done this? I mean, have you ever just "steered your canoe" into a different river?

I cannot exactly describe what happened, but I know that I feel completely different.., reborn, almost. I would rather be an orphan than be related to these people whose whole focus is about showing off to each other what they possess.

But I also realized that I "re-created" a new me. Have you ever done this? How did it feel?


asked 06 Jan '17, 10:45

Jaianniah's gravatar image


perhaps, every morning
after the brain wakes up
memory of who 'i' was
before sleep is built again


answered 07 Jan '17, 08:35

fred's gravatar image


Wow! You have really gotten good at these "little" answers of yours! Thanks!

(09 Jan '17, 04:53) Jaianniah

I read an answer on here where someone spoke the "obvious" truth that it is our own expectation of peoples behaviour towards ourselves that determine and create their actual behaviour- we have a certain belief about ourselves- and what we tend to believe we actually vibrate- so we send out certain vibrations and people respond to them- you dont have to say a word- the human nervous system picks on on everyones vibration in a near proximity- or people that you just know and can picture in your mind- this is why you need 00000.0001 second to know if you like someone or not- is is how you KNOW someone is desperate or in contrary- a narcist and so in effect you are still vibrating at your own level- which they in their turn respond to- and the way you phrased your question- it seems to me you gave actually did not completely let go of them, there is much codemnatiom and the feeling that you believe they should change or be different, which is not the way the world works- its so without as within- you cannot change circumstances but you can change your inner world- and by doing so the conditions will change- because YOU are the one determining what happens- and nobody else. I also see you quite heavily judge them as you think they are acting a certain way that is in your eyes not the "correct" way. We mus try not to judge others because by doing so we actually are judging ourselves, let them be all that they are in their own right, this does not mean let them control or bully you, but more - let them go and wish them well, we all make mistakes and no one is in any way free of faults, understanding is such an important word here, understanding that even though they hurt you or did you wrong they are still people, and that makes them sometimes wrong but it also always makes them worthy of understanding, forgiveness and happiness. I believe you will set yourself free when you try to see it this way.

As for your question, my answer is yes, i have- completely transformed myself, my views, my attitude, my whole life basically- and it was only through understanding that only I have the responsibility over my own life- no one outside of me has the power to control what happens- i also had to forgive quit a lot of people but looking back and renembering the pain i had and the confusion how anyone can treat another human like that- and the truth is- they cannot- but the human can allow themselves to be treated like that. I wish that wll those people will be happy and that their lives be good and amazing, they do not deserve misery for anything, even if they hurt me- how am i then different different than them? If they hurt me and i want them hurt in return than we are the same in our cruelness and i will let no man pull me low enough to hate him (Ghandis quote seems well placed here) try to focus on your own happiness, wish them the best and see the past as a wonderful teacher that made you into the person you are right now, i personally wouldnt want to change anything and i pride myself for so courageously and with integrity handeling such terryfing conditions! God bless!


answered 06 Jan '17, 11:53

Januaryfeelings's gravatar image


edited 07 Jan '17, 00:39

This is a wonderful answer! You are right about so much... But- You have not met my family... and their intention is to hurt me. My mother had me when she was only 19, and "blamed" me for everything that went wrong with her life- and let me know it. As a small child, hearing that you are/were a "mistake" really messed with my head. It got into my subconscious. I always felt that there was something "wrong" with me. There was; I was autistic, and my poor mother had no idea how to deal with her

(09 Jan '17, 04:44) Jaianniah

weird little child. It wasn't until I met Wade that I began to see that everything that I told my mom was going to be "filtered" and passed on to my sisters. It doesn't help that we all live all over the United States- from Illinois to Texas to Arizona- and not seeing one another in person has, over the years, led to a lot of misunderstandings, especially about me.

(09 Jan '17, 04:46) Jaianniah

But you are right about the vibrations that I have been sending out- mostly anger and frustration. I had thousands of "imaginary" conversations in my head with my family... And that stuff gets out into the quantum level. As I pointed out in my post about the Mind of God, every thought we have goes out into the Mind of God (call it what you will) and influences everything, and everyone else out there.

(09 Jan '17, 04:50) Jaianniah

I am re-reading The Secret and that will help me really nail down what I have been doing wrong.

Thanks for your answer!


(09 Jan '17, 04:51) Jaianniah

Actually, my mom had me at 19 too- and although i am sure it was a mistake because she was still in uni and i got shipped off to my grandmothers at 2 months old- because she is a narcist she does not "make mistakes" you see- so she never even admitted- and claims she does love me which i can tell you now- when you see someone that treats you terribly, like your worthless and not important at all- but at the same time SAYS that she does love you and she is such a great mother- and your making...

(09 Jan '17, 14:30) Januaryfeelings all up and YOURE terrible and awful for even suggesting that she made you feel bad or treated you wrong- well now i can trust myself and my feelings- but as a child i didnt understand that it wasnt me overreacting or making mistakes in judgement- i grew up thinking there was something wrong with ME being upset when someone treated me bad! If anything that screwed me up the most- i still deal with this every day- oh what a blessing it would be to have a mother that at least was honest...

(09 Jan '17, 14:33) Januaryfeelings

be proud of yourself and think of it this way- if she thinks of you her child this way- what truly miserable woman she is and how low must she see herself- because you are a copy of her- a reproduction- everything stated about you she must think of herself as well- AND this is my tip- instead of holding anger and resentment just be cool about it- like it doesbt bother you what she says or said or did- show her how much you love yourself and how little her opinion matters- THAT will enrage HER

(09 Jan '17, 14:38) Januaryfeelings

And then you will have yourself happy and her enraged- think thats a far better situation than now- and you dont care- be honest- do you really care what these clearly mean and stupid people think of you? If they can act in this way to any human being than i wouldnt even want to stand next to them waiting in line for the bathroom at mcdonalds (no disrespect to mcdonalds here)

(09 Jan '17, 14:40) Januaryfeelings

You have facebook? Well post LOADS of photos of you happy, show them what kind of amazing life you have!Work on being happier , have loads of fun read books travel have romantic dates you know about the loa now manifest everyhting you want omg life is amazing and we have the secret code into making our lives just as freakin golden as we want- use it! Its like i understand its been hard- but you have all you need, like legit ALL you will ever need- to create your dream world! God bless you!

(09 Jan '17, 14:51) Januaryfeelings

Thank you soooooo much!!! Wow! You have done so well.... Yeah, I have gotten there... They just aren't worth my time or thought anymore. If they don't want to see what a great lady I have become... Too bad!!!

(10 Jan '17, 06:47) Jaianniah

@Jaianniah It seems like you have come a long way Jaianniah. It made me happy today to read your answers :)

(10 Jan '17, 16:32) Bluebell

@January feelings thanks at the wonderful bravery answer- that applicable not only to mother Jaianniah but to all.

(12 Jan '17, 04:36) PERFECT GOOD

@Bluebell- Thank you for the "thumbs up"! I have worked really, really hard at letting all of that pain go- and, like the old Alka-Seltzer ad, "oh, what a relief it is"!!!! <3 LOL!!! Love, Jai

(12 Jan '17, 09:47) Jaianniah
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